Page 51

BEFORE

July 1981

Sally

Elite, Wandsworth, London

‘Why you must insist on coming all the way over here when there are perfectly good hairdressing salons in Harrow, I’ll never understand,’ Ian grumbled as he parked in a spot a few feet from Nicola’s.

‘I know how important these work dinners are for you. As a detective sergeant, you have a standing. I want my hair to be just right. And Nicola knows how you like it, Ian,’ Sally replied meekly.

Like a proud peacock, he puffed his chest at Sally’s words.

‘You never let me down.’ He leaned over and kissed her cheek. ‘I am fond of Nicola, and I suppose it’s the decent thing to do. Support her little business.’

‘She’s ever so grateful,’ Sally said, smiling sweetly. She thanked the stars that Nicola had never rubbed Ian up the wrong way – not like Elsie, who had never hidden her disdain for him. Sally reached back to touch her son’s cheek. ‘He looks so handsome in green, doesn’t he?’ she said.

‘Like his daddy,’ Ian said with a wink.

Sally wished with all her heart that her sweet baby boy would never grow up to be anything like his father. As Ian looked back tenderly to their sleeping boy, she could see the man she fell in love with. A man who she admired and respected, who made her feel safe. He’d hidden his cruel nature from her, but now that it was out there was no escaping it.

Yet her fears for herself were nothing compared to those she felt for her child.

‘Off you go and pamper yourself. How long do you need? An hour?’ Ian asked, interrupting her thought.

‘Two hours I would think, Ian.’ Sally held her breath, hoping Ian would not question that.

His eyes narrowed. ‘For one hair style. I hope you’re not planning on running away on me.’

‘Of course not. Where would I go?’ Sally replied, desperately trying to keep her voice even and her face passive, because the truth was that all Sally thought about these days was how to escape the brute she’d married.

‘Okay. Look, I tell you what, I’ll go visit Dan. I’ll take Zach with me.’

Sally’s stomach clenched at the thought. How could she protect Zach from his father if she wasn’t there too? She would have to feign a headache and tell him to bring them both home, forget about her hair appointment. No matter how desperate she was to see Elsie and Nicola.

But then a sour stench filled the car as Zach dirtied his nappy. His timing had never been more perfect because Ian didn’t change nappies or feed bottles. That was women’s work, he always maintained. She watched Ian pull a face as he wrinkled his nose.

‘You know what? It’s best you take Zach with you. He’ll only fret and it’s not fair to inflict that racket on Dan.’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out a five-pound note from his wallet. ‘Get a taxi back home. I’ll see you there this afternoon.’

‘Whatever you want,’ Sally said, then kissed her husband on his cheek. She got out and took Zach and his changing bag from the back seat.

‘See you in a couple of hours.’

Sally stood on the path and waved her husband off, all the while thinking to herself what a fraud she was – playing the dutiful and happy wife when the truth was so much darker. She walked into Elite, where Nicola and Elsie were waiting for her.

‘I thought he’d never go,’ Elsie grumbled, and then her face broke into a warm smile as she took Zach into her arms. ‘Oh, he’s ripe! Give me that bag, and I’ll change him for you.’

‘I’ve tea made,’ Nicola said. ‘I’ve sent Andrea on her lunch break, and we’ve nobody booked in for an hour, so we’ve got the place to ourselves.’

Sally’s shoulders dropped in relief as she sank into one of the salon seats. She watched her two friends fuss over Zach as they changed his nappy. But her mind was on the previous evening.

‘How’s everything at home?’ Nicola asked, handing Sally a mug. ‘You’ve got dark circles under your eyes. Is Zach keeping you up at night?’

‘No. He’s a good boy. Sleeps right through now.’

That was a lie.

‘How’s his lordship?’ Elsie asked as she rocked Zach in her arms.

‘Fine,’ Sally said.

A second blatant lie. She was getting good at them.

Nicola stood up and put the CLOSED sign on the salon’s front door, then turned the key in the lock.

‘Nobody is going to bother us here. Think of the salon as a confessional. Come on, love, get it off your chest. Whatever it is, it’s weighing you down.’

Sally looked at the two women, whose faces were drawn tight with worry. She wished she could find the words to reassure them that they need not fret, but she’d gone beyond that.

‘I thought I could handle him. Handle his moods,’ Sally said quietly. Her eyes moved to Zach, who was playing with one of Elsie’s long curls. ‘But I’m scared for Zach.’

A sharp breath from Elsie made Zach start. She leaned down and kissed his soft downy head, murmuring soothing endearments.

‘I think he’s jealous of him,’ Sally admitted. ‘Ian doesn’t like me holding Zach when he’s home. He gets irritated if Zach cries, and I want to pick him up. At first, it was sighing and muttering under his breath about me spoiling Zach. But last night . . .’ She paused, unsure if she could say the words out loud.

‘What did he do?’ Elsie asked, her tone venomous.

‘Zach wouldn’t settle. And Ian wanted . . . he wanted me in bed with him.’ Sally blushed, unsure how to finish that statement.

‘Oh my days.’ Nicola said, understanding Sally’s embarrassment.

‘I could hear Zach’s cries getting louder, and his breathing sounded ragged like he couldn’t catch his breath between the sobs. I pushed Ian off me and ran to him, afraid that he was choking.’ Her eyes filled with tears, and she began to shake. ‘He wrenched Zach from my arms. Too hard. Too damn hard . . .’ Sally went on. ‘He threw Zach back into his crib. And he landed with such a thud. I thought . . . I thought . . .’ Sally couldn’t continue, the horror of the night before too much to articulate out loud.

Nicola pulled Sally into her arms as Elsie declared that she would kill Ian.

‘That’s not going to solve anything,’ Nicola said, glancing at Elsie, irritated. ‘What happened next?’

‘I screamed at Ian to get out, and I frantically checked Zach. He hadn’t a mark on him. I’ve looked dozens of times. I didn’t sleep for one second last night. I brought him down to the sitting room, and he slept in my arms on the couch. My eyes never left his, not for one second,’ Sally said, her eyes searching Nicola’s for absolution.

‘You did the right thing,’ Nicola said.

‘This cannot continue,’ Elsie said firmly. ‘He’ll not stop till he kills you. Or the baby. I told you, there’s a cruelty in that man.’

Sally took a breath, steadying herself. ‘I know. I thought about this all night, as I watched Zach. Ian will never leave, so that means that we’ll have to. I need to work out where and when.’

‘I’ve given notice on my flat. I’m supposed to leave in two weeks for Spain,’ Elsie said, frowning.

‘You can come to me,’ Nicola said. ‘I know the flat is small, but we’ll make it work. You and the little ’un can have my bedroom, and I’ll sleep on the couch. Until you get sorted.’

‘Thank you,’ Sally said, her lip trembling. ‘I hoped you might offer. I’ll go home and pack while Ian is at Dan’s, then I’ll tell him when he gets home that it’s over. I’ll get a taxi back here this evening.’

Elsie butted in. ‘Don’t wait to tell him it’s over. Pack up and come here straight away. Don’t give him a chance to try to worm his way out of this.’

Sally thought about this for a moment, but in the end decided against it. ‘There’s nothing he can say that will make me stay, but if I don’t tell him I’m going he’ll only come here to look for me.’ Sally stood up, pushing her shoulders back resolutely. ‘I’ve got to face him. Make sure he understands that we are over.’