Page 45

BEFORE

July 1981

Sally

Hereford Gardens, Harrow, London

Sally held a pack of Birds Eye frozen peas against her cheek. The ice stung for a moment, but it was a welcome relief from the pain in her jaw. A gift from Ian before he’d left for work this morning.

She still struggled to understand how it had come to this.

She cocked her ear to listen for sounds from the nursery upstairs. No, all was quiet still. Her heart swelled, thinking about her baby boy taking his morning nap. So much had changed since his arrival six months ago. Her life was a continual contradiction of light and dark.

Light when it was her and the baby, every moment of being his mother a joy. Dark when Ian was home, sucking every inch of happiness from her with his mood swings and temper.

This morning, Ian was disappointed in a crease he’d found in his white shirt that she’d ironed the evening before. Sally was careful with his clothes, knowing he liked to be just so. He’d been in a mood since arriving home late the night before, grumbling that he had been overlooked for a promotion.

Sally returned to the freezer and replaced the frozen peas. She sighed as she pondered what she could do to change her situation. Over the past year, she’d tried everything to make their marriage work. She’d pleaded with Ian. She’d argued back and held her own when he attacked. She’d threatened to leave. She’d cried pitifully as he backed her into a corner. But no matter what reaction she gave him it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Ian would watch her with a half-grin as if he were enjoying her reactions.

Sally looked at the clock and decided it was time to wake Zach. She went upstairs to the nursery, smiling as she heard her son’s happy gurgles. ‘Hello, Mama’s special little boy.’

She reached down and picked him up, holding him close in her arms, nuzzling into his soft, downy blond curls. He smelled like baby powder and vanilla. Sally didn’t think there was a more addictive smell than his. She brought Zach to the changing unit, put a fresh nappy on him and dressed him in his outdoor Babygro. It was time for their morning walk.

This was her favourite part of the day and one that Ian encouraged. He liked Sally to keep her figure trim. Luckily for her, their home in Hereford Gardens had direct access to the Pinner Village Gardens park. As she walked towards the Rose Garden, her favourite spot in the parkland, she pointed out the trees and wildlife pond to Zach, who regarded his surroundings with interest. A group of teens flew kites on the green, and echoes of children’s happy squeals drifted towards them from the playground.

‘You’ll be old enough for the swings in no time, Zach,’ Sally promised, looking forward to the day she could take him there too. She sat on a bench in the Rose Garden and leaned back to let the warmth of the summer sun bathe her face.

‘Hello, Sally,’ a voice said as a shadow appeared from behind her.

Sally looked up in surprise. Elsie sat down beside her on the park bench. Sally’s heart ached at seeing her best friend for the first time in almost a year. She looked well. Her hair had changed colour and was now blonde and fell in long waves past her shoulders in a style almost identical to Sally’s.

Sally felt a flush of shame. She’d been a rubbish friend, and her guilt at disappearing from Elsie’s life weighed heavy on her.

‘I’m sorry . . .’ Sally began.

‘Hush now. I’m not here for you to apologise. I’m here to see this little one. Oh, Sally, he’s beautiful,’ Elsie said, her eyes hungrily taking in Zach.

‘Almost six months old now. And the sweetest boy. He’s my whole world.’

‘Can I give him a cuddle?’ Elsie asked.

‘Of course you can. I’ve told him all about his auntie Elsie.’

Sally watched her oldest friend pick up her son and hold him close. Elsie kissed both his cheeks tenderly, and her eyes glistened with emotion as she nestled him in close to her.

‘Hello, little man. I’m so happy to meet you. I’m sorry it’s taken so long.’

Zach reached a chubby hand upwards and touched Elsie’s face. Then he grabbed a handful of her blonde hair and gave it a yank.

Elsie’s laugh bellowed out, and Zach giggled along. ‘He’s a little belter!’

‘I can’t wear earrings any more or he’ll yank them out!’ Sally said.

‘I’m not sure I’ll be able to let him go. He’s perfect,’ Elsie said wistfully. ‘He reminds me of Bertie . . .’ She didn’t finish the sentence.

‘Bertie?’ Sally asked, in surprise. She’d never heard that name before.

‘A kid who used to live on our road . . . before I moved to the orphanage,’ Elsie said quickly. ‘But I don’t think I’ve seen a bonnier baby than this little man.’

Sally basked in the praise. She’d had visitors to their home since his birth, but they were all Ian’s friends. Nicola had been granted permission to come and had visited a couple of times each month. But Ian had refused to leave them alone for more than a moment. He was afraid Sally would confide in her friend about how unhappy she was. But he needn’t have worried. She didn’t think she was brave enough to tell anyone her shameful secret.

‘I called to the house a few times. Not sure you knew that,’ Elsie said softly, her eyes not leaving Zach’s even for a moment. ‘But Ian wouldn’t let me in.’

‘I didn’t know. I’m so sorry,’ Sally said. ‘I wanted to visit you too, so many times . . . but . . . it’s been difficult.’

Elsie bounced Zach on her lap and then swivelled round so that she faced Sally.

‘I’m worried about you,’ Elsie said.

Sally’s head went through half a dozen possible responses – all denials of trouble, with assurances that she was living a happy life. Instead, Sally replied simply, ‘I’m worried about me too.’

‘We used to tell each other everything. But now I feel like I don’t know you. Or your life.’

Sally understood. It was a fair comment. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Talk to me now. There’s nobody around to hear you.’

It was clear to Sally that Elsie had had suspicions about Ian for some time. Nicola too. But she wasn’t sure that either of her friends could ever understand what it was like for her behind closed doors.

Sally looked around her, ensuring nobody was nearby and could overhear them. Then, satisfied that they were alone, she began to speak. ‘Ian likes things done a certain way. And, if I stray from that, he gets angry.’

She glanced at Elsie and was relieved that her friend remained silent, allowing her to reveal her secrets at her own pace. She touched her cheek, still tender from this morning. She felt heat rise from her chest upwards towards her face.

Shame that she’d allowed herself to be in this situation.

Shame that she hadn’t found a way to stop the rising tide of abuse from her husband.

‘He hits you too,’ Elsie stated, her eyes resting on Sally’s swollen cheek.

Sally knew there was no point in denying it, so she nodded. ‘I’m in such a mess, Elsie. I don’t know what to do.’

‘It’s a good job I’m here to help you figure that out,’ Elsie replied, patting her hand. ‘You can’t go on like this. It’s not right for you or for little Zach. Because, trust me, growing up in an unhappy home isn’t what you want for this precious little boy.’

Not for the first time, Sally thought Elsie was hiding secrets from her childhood. ‘Like you had at your home?’

Elsie shrugged, tightening her arms round Zach, then she did what she always did when Sally brought up a subject she didn’t want to talk about – she diverted her.

‘Reggie and I split up. For good, this time.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Sally said. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I told you years ago that we ain’t no Romeo and Juliet. We gave it a good go, but we don’t love each other. Not how you’re supposed to. We’d become a habit. We were both lonely.’ She sighed, then admitted, ‘He’ll end up back in prison or found dead in an alleyway somewhere, someday. I don’t want to be here when that happens.’

Sally was surprised at how honest Elsie finally was about their relationship. ‘You’ve never wanted to talk about Reggie’s criminal past before.’

‘I know. But I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past couple of months. Looked at my life, square on. And I didn’t like a lot of what I saw,’ Elsie said firmly.

‘That takes great courage, Elsie,’ Sally said, her voice full of admiration.

‘Maybe. I’m glad that we’ve ended things amicably, all the same. Reggie was always good to me, but I can’t turn my back on his life choices any more. I’ve told him that I want more from my life.’

‘Good for you,’ Sally said, smiling her approval. ‘What’s next for Elsie Evans, then?’

‘Time to move on, Sally. It’s not possible to start afresh here. Too many ghosts from my past remind me of the bad times.’

Sally realised she was not the only one who had experienced a lot of change over the past year. But those changes had been good for Elsie. She seemed far more together than she’d ever been.

‘You sound so strong.’

‘I’m trying to be,’ Elsie said. ‘I’ve saved a bit of money up from my Avon work. I seem to have a knack for running my own business. When Reggie and I talked about leaving London, he suggested we go to Spain. He’s got contacts there. And it was tempting to go together, give it one more chance, but I’ve decided to go alone. Maybe manage a bar. Be my own boss.’ She sighed, then looked up shyly. ‘I’ve finished charring, said goodbye to Cyril and the girls.’ Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked them away. ‘But I couldn’t leave without seeing you again.’

Sally looked at her friend closely and was relieved to see excitement on her face as opposed to any lingering sadness.

‘I’m so proud of you. And I know you’ll get where you need to be, Elsie. I’m sure of it. Imagine what new things are in your future.’ Sally looked at her watch. ‘Crikey, I need to get back. Ian calls every day at one o’clock, once I’m back from my walk.’ She reached over and took Zach back into her arms.

Elsie’s eyes flashed with irritation, and she shook her head as she spluttered, ‘You know that’s not normal. Your husband checking in on you every couple of hours.’

‘I know,’ Sally replied softly, ‘but I can’t get into that right now.’

‘When? I told you I’m off soon, Sally. And before I leave I need to tell you something that’s been playing on my mind.’

Sally’s heart began to accelerate as she surmised what Elsie might want to tell her. ‘Go on, then.’

‘Have you ever wondered why Ian forbade you from seeing me?’ Elsie asked.

‘We know why. It’s because he’s a police officer, and his wife can’t be in the company of known criminals.’

Elsie rolled her eyes. ‘That’s not it. Ian was afraid that Reggie or I would spill the beans on who he is, more like.’

Sally frowned, ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Remember that night in the Grove when the four of us went on a double date?’

Sally nodded. It was early in their romance, and she’d been excited to introduce Ian to her friends. Also, it was their only double date. It hadn’t been a success.

‘Ian’s face when he clocked eyes on Reggie. I’ll never forget it. It was like he’d seen a ghost. I asked Reggie about it, later that night, but he told me to leave it.’

Sally exhaled, trying to understand where this was going.

‘When you guys got married, Reggie laughed when I told him he wasn’t invited. He said he wasn’t surprised, but wouldn’t tell me why, other than to say, “You wait and see. Baldwin will stop Sally seeing us both next.” Well, he was right about that, wasn’t he?’

Sally flushed, hating the fact that she was the topic of conversation with her friends. ‘Why are you telling me all of this now?’ She looked at her watch again, sweat prickling under her armpits.

‘Reggie finally told me last week why Ian was so hot and bothered about him.’ Elsie’s eyes narrowed. ‘Your Ian was worried that Reggie would out him.’

‘Out him for what?’ Sally asked.

‘Ian is on the payroll for Reggie’s boss. He’s corrupt.’

Sally’s heart began to race as she tried to compute Elsie’s words. ‘That doesn’t make sense. Ian always does things by the book.’

Elsie raised her eyebrows, then asked, ‘Have you ever wondered how he managed to buy that house of yours on a DS salary?’

Sally frowned. ‘He did what most people do. He got a mortgage from a bank.’

‘Or he paid for it in cash,’ Elsie said pointedly. ‘You ever see how much money he has in his bank account?’

Sally felt alarm bells ringing in her head. She’d given up asking Ian about their finances, because it invariably caused an argument.

‘Look, I know Reggie ain’t no angel. As I told you, that’s why I decided to move on from him. But he’s not a cruel man. I trust him.’ She breathed in deeply and her voice softened. ‘When I told him that I was worried about you, he said that I should be worried. That Baldwin is a nasty bugger. I believe him, and you should too.’

Sally pulled Zach into her arms again, taking comfort from his soft body as he nestled close to her. How could something so beautiful as Zach come from someone as horrible as Ian? Her head swam with it all. ‘Thank you for telling me this, but I’ve got to go, Elsie.’

‘Think about what I said, Sally. Be on your guard – that’s all I’m saying.’

Sally squeezed her friend’s hand quickly. ‘I’m happy I saw you today. More than you could know. I’ve missed you so much.’ Her mind began racing through possibilities of how she might see Elsie before she left for Spain. ‘I’m going to Nicola’s for a wash and blow-dry on Saturday. Ian and I are invited to a work dinner dance. Could you be at the salon for two o’clock? It would give us a chance to continue chatting. I’d like to say a proper goodbye before you leave.’

‘A great idea. It will be like old times, back in the salon with you and Nicola again.’

Sally stood up, clipping Zach into his pram, then rearranging the soft blue blanket over his legs, tucking it in tightly. He was forever kicking it off.

Sally turned to Elsie, a frown creasing her forehead. ‘I’ll try to get the bus, but Ian might insist on dropping me over. And if he sees you at the salon, he’ll come in and wait for me there. We won’t get to chat.’

‘No problem. I’ll hide in the back room until he’s gone.’

With one last hug, Sally hurried home. And she didn’t feel so alone any more. Elsie would find a way to help her.