Page 54 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman (The Marlow Family Secrets #3)

The frown that had not left his brow pinched a line above his nose, a line that would become a permanent feature when he was older. Instinctively her hand lifted and her fingertip touched it. His head pulled back, and he frowned more fiercely than before.

‘Was I?’

‘Why do you ask that?’ He looked hurt.

Caro touched his arm. ‘Drew told me he thinks you are, were, innocent.’

The wounded look in his eyes said it was true. Yet, he looked at her as though she were mad and breathed out a long breath that was not a sigh but an expression of frustration. He shook his head, as a blush turned his skin an odd colour in the firelight.

It is true. I have seduced this magnificent young man.

Shame, the feeling she had known for years and cast off because of him, brought a blush to her skin.

‘Then, don’t you see? Of course you will think you have fallen in love with me.

The act of making love may have confused you, and what will you feel in a year or two, when it is commonplace and not a novelty, and there is another woman who you prefer?—’

‘I will not want another woman. I love you. Are you saying you do not believe me?’

He looked and sounded so hurt and confused.

‘No. I believe you. I know what you think you feel now.’

‘I do not think I am in love with you, I love you. ’

‘But you cannot be certain it is not just shallow sexual emotions, you have nothing to compare it to. What if you stop loving me after we are married? You should be certain.’

A muscle flickered in his jaw. ‘I know my own mind. What I feel for you is neither shallow nor purely because I gave my virginity to you. Emotions grip in my chest, clasping about my heart, every time you are in a room, or if I even think of you.’

‘I am sorry, I know that is what you feel now. But I have been married, and his love was not real, it did not last the tests of marriage. I cannot face that again.’

‘I am not him!’

She touched his arm. ‘I know. I am not saying that?—’

‘Then what are you saying?’ His pitch sharpened, becoming deeper. ‘Because, before you danced with Kilbride you had agreed to marry me, even if we must wait, and since then you have changed towards me. Do you still love him? Were your emotions for me shallow?’

‘No, Rob,’ She shook her head and lifted her arms to hold him, but he stepped back.

‘I do not love him. I love you, and it is because I love you that I want you to walk away from me. If you still love me in two years’ time, we will speak of marriage.

But I will not be a shackle about your ankle and hold you back.

I want you to have chance to be a young man, and to be sure our marriage is what you want. ’

‘And what will you do in the meantime?’

Wait… and hope you come back to me. She did not answer, she could not speak any longer, the tears she fought to hold back were drowning her.

He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple falling and rising. ‘Is there nothing I might say or do to change your decision?’

She shook her head.

‘It is insulting that you think I need years to know what I feel. I know it now. So, then…’ His eyebrows lifted and he shook his head. ‘As you deem my love unworthy now, I shall not force it, or my presence, on you any longer.’ He turned away.

‘Rob.’ She caught his arm but he pulled it free.

‘Goodbye, Caro.’

He walked from the room with long swift strides and left the door open behind him.

She expected the tears to fall, but she had become cold and numb, afraid she had lost him for ever.

When she left the room, Rob was not in the hall, but Albert was. He was speaking to a footman. Caro walked on, ignoring him.

She was cured.

A smile touched her lips. This may not feel like her happy-ever-after, it was not, not yet, but she believed Rob would come back to her. This was not over.

‘Caro.’ Albert grasped her arm and glanced down at her throat, at the cleavage of her bosom, noting the absence of the cross he had given her, as he had noticed its presence the other day.

His gaze lifted.

The firm grip that wrapped fully about her arm said, you are mine , as strongly as it always had.

I am not any more. I am Robert Marlow’s.

‘Dance with me.’ It was not a question but a statement, as he steered her into a newly begun waltz.

Heart-sore and numb, she let herself be led.

The waltz was fast-paced, and he spun her aggressively into a turn. ‘What is that boy to you?’

‘It is none of your concern.’ Her pitch was as flat and as hollow as her heart.

‘Have your tastes turned to that of your sister’s now? ’

That was what Drew had accused her of too, of being like Elizabeth. Elizabeth who used young men like toys for her pleasure. No, she was not like Elizabeth, nor like Albert who had taken her youth and love and ruined her. Rob had helped her build her life, she would give him the time to build his.

Yet… she awakened. Why am I dancing with him? She stopped mid-turn, withdrawing her hand from his and breaking free from his arm, leaving him to stumble. ‘I will not dance with you.’

‘I suppose you would rather be with that child?’ he snarled.

A slight smile touched her lips as instead of seeing a monster she saw a bully.

She had told Rob his motivations may come from a sense of inferiority, but at least his feelings led to a desire to do good, because he was not inferior to anyone.

Albert threatened, beat and bullied others because he was afraid people would discover he was inferior to everyone in everything…

including, in her case, not being able to father a child.

She did not respond to him, bullies wanted attention. He used his aggression to feel powerful. If she did not give him any power, he gained nothing. She turned and walked to Drew, the air full of whispers, as people discussed the scenes she had played a part in this evening.

‘May we leave?’ she asked.

‘Now?’ Drew’s eyebrows lifted and his eyes widened.

‘Yes. I spoke to Rob and he has gone. I have no reason to stay.’

Drew’s eyes glistened with sympathy. ‘It was the right thing to do.’

‘I know. I do not want to go back to Pembroke House, Drew. May we go home? These people are his family, he should feel able to visit them and while he remains angry with me, if I am there he will not.’

‘We cannot leave London tonight, Caro, it is too late. ’

‘But in the morning, then. You and Mary do not have to leave, you can just take me.’

‘Very well, if that is what you want to do.’

‘Oh, Caro, I am sorry Lord Kilbride spoilt this for you.’ Mary joined them.

‘She wishes to go home to the estate,’ Drew told her.

‘Oh, Caro.’

‘Albert has not spoilt this,’ Caro answered firmly. ‘I just realised I do not want to be in London. I prefer the country, so why am I here?’

‘We will all leave first thing tomorrow morning,’ Drew said.

‘Come, we will tell John and Katherine.’ Mary’s arm looped about Caro’s.