Page 46 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman (The Marlow Family Secrets #3)

Rob had avoided John’s house for a day, even though he knew Caro must have endured more scrutiny. She had managed well enough the day before, and he could not suffer more condescending support from his family.

Instead, he had dined with his friends and faced a barrage of questions from them.

Tarquin persisted with his theory that Rob ‘has a woman’ , and when Rob said he would be attending another ball, a few of them had threatened to obtain invitations to discover ‘ who this woman is’ .

Fortunately, the chances of them acquiring invitations were nil.

Like him they were untitled, and the majority held no relationship to anyone in high society.

When he climbed the steps to the front door of John’s town house the following evening, it was with two equally balanced measures of guilt on his shoulders. Because yesterday he had left Caro alone and tonight Caro’s presence was making him distance himself from his friends.

Finch opened the door. ‘Master Robert, the family are dressing for dinner. I am not sure if anyone is in the drawing room. ’

He had come at five deliberately. The callers would have left, and Rob guessed his parents were here now, but he hoped if people were dressing for dinner, if Caro heard him arrive as she did the other day, he might capture a moment alone with her.

However, as it turned out, nearly everyone but Caro sat in the drawing room. His mother and father, Mary, Drew and John.

‘Rob!’ His mother stood up, quickly crossed the room and embraced him, her arms wrapping about his neck. He held her in return.

‘Rob.’ His father stood too.

He had not seen them since the beginning of the summer.

When his mother let him go, his father hugged him too and patted Rob’s back.

They were a large family, but he had never doubted he was loved. He had complained about his large family to Caro, but that had been crass. He could not compare his upbringing to Caro’s and Drew’s; Rob had wanted for nothing.

He sighed, recognising that it was a little absurd that he saw his friends as allies but his family as a nuisance. He should look for the positives in all his connections. If he could convert them to his philanthropist views, their influence would help him win more allies in the House of Commons.

‘How are you getting along, son?’

‘Very well, Papa.’

‘He is doing what young men do, when they finally have their freedom – enjoying himself and staying away from us,’ John said.

Rob gave his brother a tight-lipped smile.

‘John said you were coming,’ his mother said. ‘I am glad you arrived early because the girls will want to see you, Rob. They are eating in the nursery as we are going out after dinner. Will you go up?’

‘I shall go now.’ He hoped Caro would be there .

He bowed his head towards them all before he left the room.

He jogged up the stairs to the nursery floor.

A lively conversation spilled from the room, even though the door was closed. His younger brothers were boarding at school, so it was only the girls, and the pitch was always higher.

He knocked on the door. ‘Enter,’ Kate’s quieter tone called.

When he walked in, he was confronted with a melee. Paul and David were climbing over a pile of laughing girls, while Kate held her daughter, Hestia, and Caro, Iris, at a safe distance from the mayhem. He shared a brief smile with Caro.

‘Robbie!’ Jemima, his youngest sister, ran at him and clasped her arms about his waist in a bear hug.

‘Robbie!’ Georgiana, the next in age, hugged him from the other side.

Jenny rolled onto her back on the floor beside Helen, grinning up at him. They were sixteen and seventeen. ‘Hello,’ Jenny said as she hauled Paul onto her lap and sat up.

‘Hello.’ Helen sat up too. She could have had her come out this summer, but she chose to wait until she could share the experience with Jenny.

‘How are you, poppet?’ Rob tussled Jemima’s hair.

‘Hungry,’ she answered, lifting her arms to say, pick me up . ‘Have you seen the babies?’

He caught her up beneath her arms and lifted her to his hip. She was getting too big for this, but she was the baby of his family, so they all treated her as such.

Jemima’s long arms encircled his neck, and her long legs dangled.

‘Where is George?’

‘Asleep, he is exhausted,’ Caro said quietly as Iris was also asleep in her arms. ‘Drew and Mary took him to the park this afternoon with your mother and father. ’

‘You may see him tomorrow,’ Kate stated. ‘We have brought the picnic forward as your parents are here now and the weather was so warm and sunny for autumn today, we hope it will be good tomorrow. Are you able to join us? We are driving out to Windsor, to the meadows by the Thames.’

He nodded, wondering what his friends might say when he was busy for another day. ‘I have nothing planned I cannot cancel.’

Jemima played with his fringe, brushing it back from his forehead, and then watching it fall down again. It did not bother him. He was used to being petted by his sisters.

‘How are you?’

‘Have you been having fun?’

Helen and Jenny asked their questions simultaneously.

‘If you will excuse me, Rob, I shall ask for another place to be set for dinner for you.’ Kate stood and gave Hestia, who was a little older than Iris, to a nursery maid. ‘I presume you would like dinner?’

He nodded. ‘Yes, please. I came early to see Mother and Father, and these rapscallions.’

‘I’ll put Iris down too.’ Caro stood when Kate left the room and followed the maid to the children’s bedchamber.

Rob sat down, with Jemima on his lap, and told his older sisters a little about his life in town. He listened to himself and felt guilty again; they would never have an opportunity to live independently.

He thought of Caro. Of Caro calling herself a parasite.

She should have been angry with him for sulking, yet, she had not seemed angry.

When Caro returned, she had not only set Iris down but dressed for the evening. ‘Are you ready to come downstairs, Rob?’

‘Yes. You may say goodnight to me, girls. Off you get, Jemima. ’

‘Goodnight.’

‘Goodnight, Robbie.’ Helen kissed his cheek.

‘Goodnight.’ He received another kiss from Jenny, and then one from Georgiana. Jemima gave him another bear hug.

‘Goodnight, all,’ he said finally, and left the room with Caro, his hand cupping her elbow; a movement that he saw Helen notice. Her eyebrows lifted. Of course, they had not seen the change in Caro.

He threw Helen a smile, before closing the door.

Then his heart jumped joyfully, because he found himself alone with Caro in an empty hall.

His hand braced the back of Caro’s neck and drew her mouth to his.

The kiss became far more than he intended as her mouth opened and her tongue searched for his.

After what seemed like minutes but was probably seconds, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. ‘I am sorry I did not call yesterday or this afternoon. Were you upset with me? Did you have to endure many visitors?’

‘Not too many, but I missed you.’

‘You must forgive me for sulking the day before too. My family are not remotely comparable to yours. It was crass of me to say they were worse than having no family.’

‘I do not mind. I understand.’

‘Understand…’ He stepped back, frowning his confusion.

‘How you feel,’ Caro explained, turning to walk downstairs.

The steps were too narrow to walk two abreast, so he walked behind her. ‘How do I feel?’

‘Inferior.’

Inferior? The word cut him to the quick. His footsteps hesitated for a second.

She said nothing more until she reached the bottom of the flight, then she turned and faced him, smiling. ‘I understand because it is how I felt when I was younger, among my half-brothers and sisters, and sometimes with Drew and Mary too.’

He held her hands. ‘You have no need to feel like that now.’

‘Nor do you, yet you do.’

‘I have only ever thought of it as pride, yet… inferior is a bitter word. It sounds self-pitying. I have not thought of my emotions like that. That is not a good attitude.’

She smiled more broadly, humour glinting in her eyes. ‘I have burned with the sense of inferiority since the day your brother collected me from the little cottage Drew had hidden me in.’ She actually laughed. ‘But I have recovered.’

‘Do you think I must recover from the emotion too?’

‘I think you should be comfortable with who you are. You have great plans, and you should go ahead and fulfil them and be as idealistic as you wish, but do not do so because you feel inferior, do so because that is who you are.’

Her words struck him in the stomach, with a punch that knocked the air from his lungs.

She was right, he did feel inferior, because he had spent half his life comparing himself to John and his cousins.

Yet… Is that the reason I wish to make a difference, to make myself feel equal to them?

The uncertainty that question ignited settled heavily on his shoulders, and the only word that came from his mouth was, ‘Sorry,’ as he released her hands.

He was not sure he could let the feelings go.

Pride felt a just reason for his views – inferiority did not.

He opened the door on to the second-floor landing, her words flying around his head. She thought him uncomfortable with himself .

He led the way down the next flight of wide shallow steps, saying no more. The dinner gong rang as they reached the first floor, and as they continued down the next flight Caro caught up with him .

‘Have I made you angry?’ she whispered.

‘No, only thoughtful. I should not feel as you described, I lead a privileged life.’

Kate, John, Mary, Drew, his mother and father all stood waiting for them in the hall below.

‘Save a waltz for me tonight: two if you can,’ Rob whispered as they walked down the last few steps.

Over dinner Caro participated in the conversation as much as anyone, showing she did indeed feel comfortable, and no longer inferior.

Bloody word , Rob cursed in his thoughts.

After dinner, they waited for the carriage in the hall, as the footmen brought their outdoor clothes. Rob grasped the opportunity to take Caro’s cloak from a footman and rest it on her shoulders. Caro glanced across her shoulder and they shared a smile.

Rob caught his father’s gaze, and his father’s eyebrows lifted in comment, Caroline is letting you help her.

Rob nodded, still smiling. Yes . His father’s expression had been a little bemused as he watched Caro conversing during dinner.

‘The carriages are outside, Your Grace,’ Finch said.

When Caro accepted Rob’s arm, to walk out, it caught his mother’s attention.

Rob raised a hand, telling his parents to walk ahead of them. His parents were sharing John’s carriage. He and Caro were to ride in Drew’s.