Page 53 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman (The Marlow Family Secrets #3)

Caro’s heart knocked against her ribs as Rob left the room. She had fought her desire to look at him. Her heart leapt when he walked in, but she did not want any of the nosey callers to recognise the emotions Drew had seen.

‘Robbie is a young man with high morals, he will feel obligated to marry you.’

Drew’s words had repeated in her thoughts constantly.

She avoided Rob yesterday, during the picnic, in case anyone else might notice his affection. Rob displayed his feelings in a ballroom full of people the night before, if he showed any further affection people would connect the same dots Drew had. Then there was the letter in her room…

‘He will feel obligated to marry you…’

Rob wanted to become engaged to defend her, not because he loved her and could not wait.

He had felt pressured to announce an engagement – because he felt obligated to defend her .

Her heart sank. She could not let him give her his youth.

She knew what it meant, she gave hers to Albert and their marriage had not lasted.

Drew was right, she should step back. If Rob loved her, they would have a future.

If this was infatuation, as it had been with Albert, then it was better it went no further.

In the evening, when she walked downstairs ready to leave for the Newcombs’s ball, Rob stood in the hall speaking with John. She had not known he was joining them. She had not dared to ask anyone in case it expressed too much interest in Rob.

His beauty was severe this evening, his posture and jaw stiff.

He wore his greatcoat, and he had not removed his hat and gloves.

Though his coat was unbuttoned, hanging open to reveal the black and white evening dress beneath.

If this was the first day she met him, as her old self, she would not have seen softness and not dared to trust him.

He looked up and smiled stiffly, uncertainly.

She smiled too, her heart bleeding love.

His eyes remained on her as he came to meet her at the bottom of the stairs.

‘Caro.’ Drew stepped forward before Rob could reach her, and his hand cupped her elbow.

She looked at Rob, apologising silently.

‘Are we ready to leave?’ John asked.

‘We are indeed,’ Edward answered.

Drew hung on to her elbow as they walked out to the carriages and held her hand as she climbed the step, while Rob stood on the pavement behind her. At least Drew sat beside Mary and let Rob sit next to her.

Rob’s hands rested on his thighs, his palms flat and fingers spread. His leg occasionally bumped against hers as they travelled over the London cobbles. She felt the tension in his muscles .

She could not look at his face. She knew he recognised something was wrong yesterday, and he had watched her walk downstairs with a need for explanation in his eyes.

Drew spoke to him about their day at the stock market, and Mary commented.

Caro remained silent and turned to look out of the window, into the blackness.

It would hurt to let Rob go, but it might hurt him more if she did not walk away for now.

It is only for now , she told herself. In a couple of years, when he was older, and had cut his path in life, things would be different.

When they reached the Newcombs’s house, Rob was the first to step out from the carriage. Drew climbed down next and immediately lifted a hand to take Caro’s, leaving Rob to help Mary and escort her into the house.

‘You do not need to keep me away from Rob,’ she whispered to Drew. ‘If you give me a chance to speak to him, I will tell him we should wait.’

He had no chance to reply as they were surrounded by other guests queuing to be introduced to their hosts. Rob and Mary were a dozen people ahead of them. They had not waited for them.

When Caro and Drew walked into the ballroom, Rob was joining a dance with one of his female cousins. A sharp pain pierced through her breast. He must have felt the same pain when she took Phillip’s hand and climbed into his carriage.

She had watched Rob play with the children yesterday and seen everything about him she loved.

‘Kilbride is across the room and looking this way,’ Drew stated in a low voice as she released his arm.

It did not matter; she no longer cared.

She opened her fan and looked across the room, fluttering it to cool her skin as she watched Rob dance. When the tune came to an end, he bowed to his cousin and she hoped he would come to her.

‘Would you dance with me, Caroline?’

She turned and faced Edward. It was kind of him to ask, and she did not feel able to refuse because Albert watched. ‘Thank you.’ She accepted his hand. She did not want Albert to think she was avoiding dancing because of his presence.

She was partnered for the next three dances, Rob danced the next two then stood out for the third and spoke with Ellen.

Caro’s gaze collided with his on three occasions as she turned in the pattern of the dance.

He stood with his arms folded over his chest, in a defensive position, talking to his mother but frequently looking at Albert.

She had danced the fourth dance with his Uncle Richard, who walked back to the family group with her as the first notes of a slow waltz stretched through the room.

‘Will you dance with me?’ Rob approached her before they reached the group, his gloved hand raised, waiting for her to accept.

Love was wonderful and cruel.

Her heart had chosen this precious young man, and yet too soon.

When she was young her heart had chosen an unsuitable older man, now she had fallen for a very suitable but inappropriately young man. He had a heart that was as precious as gold, open and kind, and she would bruise it. Yet she prayed there would still be a future for them.

The rush of love she felt in his company swirled about her as she took his hand. She could not help loving him. She would love him at whatever point in his life he came back to her.

His dark-blue eyes said, I have you at last .

As he led her towards the centre of the room, her heart skipped a beat then rushed into a strong rhythm.

‘Hello, Caro,’ he said, bringing a smile to her lips.

‘Hello, Rob.’

It was the strangest thing to say. They had been together for over two hours, they had travelled here together, and yet she understood why he said it. He said it because he was saying hello to the person only he knew, the person she became with him.

He took her hand, and rested his other hand at her back, as her other settled on his shoulder.

‘How are you? Are you holding up? Did you receive my letter?’ he asked as they began to turn.

She answered all three questions with a nod, then her teeth caught her lower lip as it began to tremble and tears threatened, gathering as pain in her throat and pressure in her eyes.

He turned her, guiding her with steady, strong hands.

‘Have you an answer for me?’ he asked. ‘Because your silence and expression are worrying me.’

‘I am sorry.’ She forced the words from her lips, but the explanation would not come.

‘For what?’

She swallowed and took a deep breath. She had to tell him this and say it in a way that convinced him it was the right choice. ‘I cannot marry you now. Not yet.’

‘Why?’ His forehead pinched into a frown as his eyes searched hers.

‘It is not the right time.’

‘Then we will wait. We need not announce our engagement now. It is just so hard to pretend I do not love you. I want everyone to know. I want to stand beside you and defend you.’

‘No, Rob. I mean, I cannot marry you like this. Not now.’

‘Pardon. I do not understand.’ His frown tightened, forming deeper creases in his brow as he turned her three or four times, faster than the music called for, the muscles in his jaw taut, forming an indent in his cheeks.

His movement progressed them to the edge of the floor, close to the door into the hall.

Then he stopped dancing, released her body but held on to her hand and led her through the crowd, walking with long strides and such determination people stepped out of his way – their gazes followed as Rob took her into the hall.

She breathed heavily, wanting to complain but not daring to with so many people able to hear.

In the hall, where three footmen stood, he released her hand, but instead held her by the elbow, steering her away from the watching eyes.

Rob led Caro towards the first door he saw, ignoring the servants as firmly as they ignored them.

It was a dining room. He shut the door. At least the only people who had seen them enter were the footmen.

There were no candles, but a fire burned in the hearth and the glow from it lit the room.

‘Cannot…?’ Rob stated when he let her go.

‘Rob, what have you done? People saw us leave the room together.’

‘I will spread the word that you felt sick.’

‘Thank you for intending on laying the blame on me…’ she snapped.

‘Quite frankly, my dear, I do not give a damn at this current moment. Why can you not marry me?’

She clasped her hands together, holding back her emotions, as she fought for the courage to say the words.

She did not want to be a coward in this, the least she could do for him was to speak to him openly and treat him fairly.

‘What we did was wrong, and I am sure you realise it. We should not have lain together. However, what will make it right is if we do not rush into any commitment. ’

‘Why?’ There was anger in his voice. ‘Do you not love me? Is that what you are saying?’

‘No. Because you are young, you cannot be sure this is what you want. You have barely begun your life, Rob, you need to experience more to be sure you want to marry me. What if we married then you discovered it was not love, it was only because…’ She held her breath for a moment.

‘Am I the first person you have lain with?’