Page 35 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman (The Marlow Family Secrets #3)

Rob had made himself a hypocrite. He could no longer condemn Harry’s behaviour.

At least Harry took his pleasure with the sort of woman who knew exactly where she stood.

Harry slept with women who wanted to be paid.

Rob had dishonoured a noblewoman, and a woman in the very heart of his family. His father would kill him if he knew.

He did intend to marry her, just not now. She had been a Marchioness, how could he offer her the hand of a gentleman who lived on a gifted income? He could not. It would damage what little pride he had in himself. Marriage must wait until he had an independent income.

He missed her, though, missed her quiet presence, her silent watching. His heartbeat throbbed a little quicker, whenever he thought of her.

He stayed with Mary and Drew to clear his mind and plan his future. He left with his thoughts tied up in knots.

Whatever he did now, he must make a living for himself to be able to afford a wife, as well as become a politician. He had behaved badly, and he could not shy away from the consequences.

Yet what if she did not agree to marry him? She had been married to a Marquis, she might never be willing to marry a mere gentleman, especially if he had no income of his own.

Rob jogged up the steps to the Duke of Pembroke’s town house, his half-brother, John’s, town residence.

The porter opened the door and bowed. ‘Sir.’ When he straightened, he held out a hand to take Rob’s hat.

He would live here alone. Most of the house was covered in dust sheets. But Rob had the use of his rooms, the family parlour on the first floor and the morning room to dine in – and John had left more servants here to manage the empty house than his father and Drew had in their full household.

Rob crossed the huge marble-lined hall and climbed the stairs.

The dust sheets covering the pictures, ornaments and furniture in the halls only made things more obvious to Rob that his life, as it stood, was not one he could invite Caro to join him in.

He and his friends had not joined White’s, the gentlemen’s club every man in his family belonged to.

They joined Brooks’s, at Rob’s urging. His brother and uncles spoke out for the Tories in the House of Lords.

White’s was full of men with that political view.

While he attended the college in Oxford, Rob’s leanings had shifted further and further towards the opposing political perspective.

When Rob sought his seat in the House of Commons he intended to stand for the Whig party, who were aligned to Brooks’s club.

Choosing Brooks’s was his first step towards establishing an independence from his family. He would not walk in the shadow of his half-brother or his noble uncles in Brooks’s. He could also develop a network to help him achieve his seat in Parliament .

It felt momentous when he walked up the steps and gave his name the first time . ‘Mr Robert Marlow.’ He recalled the moment the doorman stepped aside. It had felt like taking a final step into manhood. He had a place in London now, not as a son, brother or nephew, but as a man.

He glanced about John’s drawing room, his heart beating in a steady rhythm. He did not have that same feeling of being an independent man here.

‘Would you care for a drink, sir?’

Rob looked at the footman. ‘Yes, coffee, please.’ It was eleven at night. He had spent his evening with his friends in Brooks’s. With the seven of them in town, he had discovered that between them there was always one or more of his friends in Brooks’s.

A sudden desire changed Rob’s plans. ‘Bring it to the library. I want to write a letter so I will drink it there.’ Where there was ink, a quill and paper.

The library was shrouded in dust covers too, but he had lifted the sheet off the desk on the day he arrived, when he wrote a quick note to Mary to tell her, and Caro, he had arrived safely.

The top drawers on the left contained ledgers, but in a lower drawer he had discovered nude sketches of Kate.

He imagined Kate smacking her husband if she knew he kept such things in his desk.

Rob sat down, with the ink pot and quills in front of him, opened the top drawer on the right and took out a blank sheet of paper. He wrote to Mary, only in truth it was not Mary he was writing to.

He told her a little about his friends and said he was looking at some rooms tomorrow and hoped to find somewhere to live among the places he would view. Then he wrote for Caro .

I enjoyed my summer weeks with you. They were halcyon days that I will always remember and treasure.

He asked Mary to pass on his greetings and good wishes to Drew and Caro, and to kiss the children for him.

He thought of kissing Caro when he signed his name, and of all the times he, or she, had asked for forgiveness and the other had given it.

He had not realised how much forgiveness he would need.

He had not foreseen how much it would affect him.

‘I enjoyed my summer weeks with you. They were halcyon days that I will always remember and treasure. Please pass my greetings and good wishes on to Drew and Caro and kiss the children for me. Your loving brother and their loving uncle, Rob.’

Caro watched Mary and Drew share a smile as Mary refolded the letter. ‘It is kind of him to write and keep us informed of what he is up to. I must admit, I had not expected to hear from him so soon.’

Caro knew this second letter was for her sake, to tell her he was thinking of her.

Her heart pumped hard in her chest. ‘ Remember and treasure ’. She thought those words were particularly for her.

‘So, who shall we invite to dine with us?’ Drew asked, passing his smile on to Caro, and returning to the conversation he began before Mary had been handed Rob’s letter. ‘Who would you like to get to know, Caro? We must continue to expand your world.’

She swallowed. Fear was there, creeping up on her, but she knew if she refused to accept it she could do as she wished. ‘I would like to know other women who live locally… I would like friends beyond this house. ’

‘Well, then, I know two spinsters, sisters, who are similar to you in age. They live together. Should we invite them?’ Mary suggested. ‘We could also invite Mr Slade and Dr Palmer. We will need other men at the table too, I think, for Drew.’

‘I shall ask Mark. It would be better if there is someone you already know well, Caro.’

Mark was one of Drew’s friends. His friends had been a part of his life for so long they were like brothers to her.

‘Then, so Miss Pauline Emery and Miss Isabella Emery do not feel awkward, we should ask two couples, to round off the group, otherwise our guests may think we are matchmaking,’ Mary said.

‘The Martins then and the Baxters,’ Drew stated.

‘Our first dinner party is arranged, then. Will you come and help me write the invitations, Caro? We may choose the menu together too.’

And so an invitation to two women had become a large dinner party to test her nerves.

‘There is another letter from Robbie here, Mary.’ Drew tossed the letter across the table. Caro’s gaze followed the letter’s path. ‘One thing we may not accuse him of is not keeping us apprised of his affairs.’

He was joking.

Mary broke the seal and unfolded the letter as Caro’s heart skipped through a country dance.

Rob had kept his promise and written at least once a week, slipping comments for her into the letters Mary read aloud during breakfast.

He had moved into his own accommodation, invested some of the income he received from his brother so it would earn him money longer term, and beyond that spent much of his time with friends, boxing, fencing, shooting, looking over horses and dining at his club.

He had not written about his pursuit to find a seat in the House of Commons, though, but he had asked her not to speak of it, so she presumed he would not write about it to Mary.

To her, he would write things like, ‘ and then I remembered when Caro and I were caught by that storm ’, ensuring she knew he had not forgotten her.

She had not forgotten either and nor had she retreated into her glass gaol.

She continually pushed the boundaries wider, as he would have encouraged, socialising among the local community, making her own friends.

She had become a good friend of both Emery sisters; she was in the habit of taking luncheon with them twice a week now.

Which allowed Drew and Mary time alone with the children.

‘He says he has not seen John, even though John is in town…’ Mary looked at Drew.

‘I am sure he prefers the company of his friends over a brother.’

Caro smiled, because that would be Drew’s answer. His friends had been more brotherly to them than their half-brothers.

Mary read, ‘I am very much looking forward to you all coming to town. We shall have to take George to the park. I know John is here already, but I have not seen him. Yet it heralds your arrival and so I am now looking forward to it even more. I am reminded of the night we attended the assembly rooms, the first night Caro danced, and I am looking forward to challenging her to dance at some grand ball.’

Caro thought of their moments in the churchyard, not the dancing. She had thought he would forget her, yet his letters continued to speak to her, telling her he still wanted her to go to London.

‘I gather from your letters, Caro continues to recover from her fear and so I hope she will be happy to accept my challenge. Tell Drew I saw Mark Harper. He said he visited you recently and noticed the change in Caro. It was good to hear the children are well, and that little Iris is sitting up. They grow so fast, do they not? I am glad you are bringing the children to town so I will see them. Give them a kiss from me, and say my hello to Drew, and send my fond regards to Caro. Please tell her she must be prepared to dance. Your adoring brother, Rob.’ Mary folded the letter and smiled at Caro.

Drew smiled too.

Tears clutched at the back of her throat. She nodded and stood. ‘I must leave. Isabella wanted to show me something in their garden before we take luncheon.’

‘Enjoy your day,’ Drew said.

She nodded, then walked from the room, her heart racing as tears distorted her view of the hall.

Rob said something to show he remembered every time he wrote, yet she was still scared of seeing him again, because he may think of her now, but the longer this went on the more it would hurt when his feelings faded.

When she went to London, he might realise how foolish he had been.

After all, during their summer they were isolated here, and among others in town he might see her differently.

And reject me – she realised that was still her worst fear.

And… the tears rolled onto her cheeks. Even if he did not reject her, she should stop this. Where was it to go? She could not be a wife because she could not carry a child. It was an affair that must end.

She forced the thought away and wiped the tears from her cheeks with the cuff of her sleeve. She often forced the pain of a broken heart away since Rob’s departure.

The footman entered the hall.

‘Would you please have the stables prepare my trap?’ The trap was similar to Mary’s, a gift from Drew, along with her own pony.

She climbed the stairs, then, to fetch a bonnet.

There was no point in crying over spilt milk.

Her life was better thanks to knowing Rob, she would never regret that, and when they went to London in a fortnight, she would encourage him to forget her.

Then when she returned, she would continue to remember their summer with fondness and carry on with her new life.

She had said she expected nothing from him. She would honour her promise and cut the ties between them now, before it would be more painful.