Page 59 of The Illicit Play

I clear my throat, wishing I had something to say, but my tongue’s stopped working.

Because I know exactly what he’s saying. And I miss it. I don’t want to admit that, but shit… I really miss it. I thought it was just Teah I missed, but it’s more than that. I miss having a partner. A person who’s just for me.

“I’ve been trying to put myself out there a bit, because I know that’s what you’re about to say. Can’t meet nobody hanging out at Football Frat all the time. But… I can’t seem to meet one I really want, you know?” Tyrell looks down the pathway as we slowly veer left. “After a date or two, I’m not feeling it. I don’t want to lead them on, so I break it off.”

“Maybe you need to give it more than just a date or two. It can take time to get to know someone. Fall for them.”

“Nah, man. I want that cosmic chemistry thing. You know…” He taps his chest. “When you justknow.If I ain’t feeling that after a date or two, then it can’t be the real deal.”

I shrug, not sure I agree with him. It can’t all be instant. Sometimes love grows slowly.

And other times your attraction takes you out at the knees.

Blake flashes through my head again, and I wonder if that’s what Tyrell means. But it can’t be, because I’m not in love with Blake. She’s a pain in the ass! She might be agorgeouspain in the ass, but I will not be falling for a girl like her. She’s nothing but trouble, and I don’t need that shit.

Nah, I want me another Teah.

Do you? Really? A nice boring relationship?

I was the boring one. Not her.

She never wanted to do any of the same things you did.

The thought hits me like a sledgehammer, and my insides rebel against it. Teah and I were great together. We lasted for ten whole months. That’s not some bullshit thing—that was real. I loved her. I still love her.

Why?

My expression bunches into a frown as I wrestle for a swift answer. My thoughts should be flowing like honey as I list all the things I love about that strawberry blonde beauty, but my brain is fritzing out on me.

“Brah, you good?” Tyrell grabs my attention, and I quickly come up with an answer so I don’t have to analyze my internal meltdown with him.

“Maybe you should sign up for one of those comprehensive dating apps. Not Tinder or anything, but one of those really in-depth ones, you know? Where you answer a bunch of questions and they find you your perfect match?”

I’m being serious, and it takes him a second to figure that out. At first, he laughs like I’m ridiculous. Then he suddenly stops and frowns down at me. “You for real?”

“Yeah, man. You should try it. I can help you sign up.”

He cringes, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I kinda hate that idea.”

A weird-sounding snicker pops out of me, and I have to admit, “Me too.”

Shaking his head, Tyrell shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. “I just want to meet someone naturally, you know?”

“Yeah, definitely.” I scuff the concrete as I walk, then glance up at my buddy. “Although, that ain’t gonna happen unless you go out to social places, you feel me?”

“Shit.” Tyrell mutters some more, then looks up to the sky, squeezing his eyes shut. “God, help a brother out. Just make her magically appear in front of me.” His eyes pop open and he scans the grass either side of the engineering building…

And there’s not one chick in sight.

I have no idea how this is happening, but it’s only guys: a group kicking a soccer ball around, another guy rushing up the building steps, and three more coming around the corner.

A girl’s gonna come along any second now, I’m sure of it, but the fact that none were around when Tyrell opened his eyes is fucking hilarious.

I can’t help it. I crack up laughing as Tyrell flicks up his hands and mutters, “What the fuck?”

Lightly shoving me for still laughing, he then ends up snickering along with me.

“I am doomed, brah. Fuckin’ doomed.”