Page 179 of The Illicit Play

I hold her tight, wanting to promise that I’d never let that happen, but I can’t find my voice. For a split second there, I thought I’d lost her, and my heart is still trying to find its way back into my chest cavity. Cupping the back of her head, I close my eyes and fight the surge of emotion powering through me.

“I don’t want to die,” she rasps, her lips resting against my neck.

“You’re not allowed to, Bee.” I squeeze her tighter. “You have to stay with me.”

My words take a second to sink in, but I can tell the moment they do, because she eases away from me, hertearstained face coming into view as she takes me in with a surprised blink.

My fingers are dirty, but I touch her face anyway, resting my digits lightly on her pale skin and smiling at her. She’s so beautiful. I just want time to stand still for a minute so I can drink her in.

“You’re my cosmic…” My smile grows as I try to find the right words to erase that confused look on her face and explain what I mean. “You’re my… you’re…” Her frown only gets deeper, and I end up just saying it, because it’s what I fucking mean. “I love you, Blake.”

She jerks back a little farther, and I reach for her waist, worried she’s about to take off on me. She looks like a scared jackrabbit.

Shit. Does she not feel the same way?

That cosmic thing. I thought we were on the same page here.

Pain rockets through me before I can talk myself out of it, and I end up saying in a whisper, “Why did you take off? I was looking for you all night. I’ve been worried sick.”

“But…” She shakes her head, trying to speak past her chattering teeth. “Y-you didn’t want me at the h-hospital.”

“When did I say that?” I frown. “I came out to find you and?—”

“You’re s-still in love with Teah.” Her voice is so sure, so resigned as a shudder ripples through her. “There’s no r-room for me, so I-I left.”

“No, baby. No.” Reaching for her face again, I rush to clear the air between us. “I loveyou, and talking to Teah last night made me realize how much I do.”

Her lips part, her blue eyes wide with surprise as she gapes at me.

“She’s always gonna be part of my history. And yeah, she owns a little piece of my heart, but Bee… you own the biggest chunk by far. I’m gone for you, baby. I’m yours…”

Her expression crumples like she’s about to start crying.

And now the nerves are kicking in as I lamely mumble, “I mean, if you want me. I’m yours if you want me.” Shit, I hate this stab of insecurity.

Reaching for my face, she cups my cheeks, her smile warming with tender affection and cooling the spray of hot nerves firing through me. “Y-you love me?”

I nod, trailing my hands back to her hips and giving them a light squeeze. “You make it too easy.”

She shakes her head. “I’m a tr-tr…train wreck, Grady.”

I shrug. “You’re my train wreck.”

Her watery laugh is music to my ears, but not as sweet as the sound that follows. “I love you too.” She sucks in a breath, giving me a watery smile. “Since the second I s-saw you shirtless in that b-bathroom… I’ve been f-falling, and you’ve just kept m-making it h-h-harder and h-harder not to.”

I pull her closer, rubbing her arms and trying to warm her up.

“I thought if we j-j-just had a mindless fling, I could get you out of my s-system. But I c-can’t. And I don’t even w-want to.”

My heart relaxes, letting out a contented sigh and finally sinking back behind my rib cage where it belongs.

She loves me. She fucking loves me.

Thank God for that.

“C’mere.” I coax her against me, cupping the back of her neck and melding out mouths together.

She sinks into the kiss on a sweet sigh, and I brush our tongues together, reveling in her touch, letting that mind-numbing fear eke out of me.