Page 183 of The Illicit Play

Closing my eyes, I softly mumble, “I can’t think about it right now.”

“Okay.”

He lets me be after that, quietly murmuring to his girlfriend while Grady keeps running soothing lines overthe top of my head and brushing gentle kisses across my forehead.

I keep my eyes shut, my body drifting in and out as the medical staff tend to me and deal with my ankle.

Thankfully, it’s not broken, but it’s a bad sprain, so I’ll be sporting a walking boot for a week or two. And they want to keep me overnight to make sure I’m fully rehydrated and stable.

Shit. I really don’t want to spend my entire day and night in here, but sleep takes me out before I can complain.

I wake up alone a few hours later, my gut twisting as I gaze around the darkened space. The curtains have been drawn for me, and I don’t like it.

I don’t want to lie here in the dark.

All by myself.

My chest starts to rise and fall in rapid succession, and when the door opens, I actually let out a terrified squeak before I see that it’s my brother.

“You okay?” He limps toward the bed.

“Yeah, I just…” Looking around, I rest my hand on my forehead and force a breath. “Where’s Grady?”

“The guy was dead on his feet, so Satch took him home. He was complaining big-time, but he’s no use to anyone if he keels over. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” Wily’s forcing a smile. I can tell.

Eyeing him up, I watch him hobble around the bed, then plunk into a chair.

“Are you all right?” I quietly check.

“Yeah, I scored me some sleep when you were out of it. The nurse let me lie in one of the spare beds.”

I nod, gratitude pulsing through me. He didn’t leave me, which means maybe he doesn’t hate me.

My eyes dart back to his, and that fake smile he’s wearing turns a little sad.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have taken off like that. I shouldn’t have scared you. I shouldn’t have… lied to you.” I bite my lips together, my scratchy throat swelling as emotion takes me out. “I’ve been a horrible sister.”

“No, you haven’t. You just…” He shakes his head. “I’m not mad at you, Blakey. It just hurts to know you’re pulling away from me.”

“I didn’t mean to,” I rush out. “I guess I was just afraid to tell you the truth, because I wasn’t sure you’d understand. I thought you might judge me and… and…” My head starts shaking just the way his did. “I don’t know what I thought.”

“You didn’t think I’d understand?” He leans forward with a pained frown. “We grew up in the same house, sis. I know the pressure.”

“But you didn’t buckle under it. I did.”

“I wasn’t being forced to do things I wasn’t into. Ilovefootball, so the pressure didn’t matter so much to me. I felt supported. You obviously felt…” He waves his hand at me, letting me plug the gap.

“I felt…” I lick my bottom lip, wincing at the dried, peeling skin. “I felt trapped, like I was locked in a straitjacket and if I tried to get out, everyone would be so disappointed.”

“So you lost the plot.”

I swallow, nodding because that’s all I can do.

He lets out a heavy sigh, linking his fingers together and looking pained. “It kills me that I couldn’t be there for you. That Cleo bitch, I have some words for that chick. And those assholes who treated you like their personal sex toy? I wouldn’t mind breaking a few of their limbs for ya.”

I let out a dry laugh. “It’s not worth it.They’renot worth it.”

“But you are.” He looks at me, silently begging me to believe it. “And if you’d told me, I would have been there for you in a heartbeat.”