Page 162 of The Illicit Play

I liked myself in this place.

And I have to get back there.

Jumping down, I grab the flashlight out of Wily’s glove compartment. My phone is still off, and the battery has probably died now anyway, so I won’t bother taking it.

Emptying my smallest bag, I throw a water bottle inthere and grab a protein bar from Wily’s stash. He’s always got supplies in the back of his truck, and I don’t hesitate to steal from them.

I’ll replace it when I get back.

I’m not planning on going far.

I’ll just hike to that first spot Grady and I found. It only took a few hours. I’ll head there, find a perch on that rock we jumped off, and lie back to watch the stars.

Grabbing my jacket out of the back, I tie it around my waist.

See. I’m being sensible.

Slamming the door shut with a huff, I pocket the keys in the zip-up pouch of my yoga pants and start my trek.

The trees loom around me, and despite the darkness, I feel an instant sense of peace. This is what I need. To be shrouded by nature. To walk in a place where no one can judge me or reject me.

I’m free out here.

“I’m free!” I shout, my voice getting swallowed by the dark forest.

I shiver but let out a laugh, sweeping my flashlight beam across the empty space.

“I! Am! Freeeee!”

My words fly into the sky, and I can’t help another giggle… that quickly dries up in my mouth.

Free to do what?

Become what?

Moving forward, I keep my pace steady, following my beam of light along the trail. I can’t remember exactly where we went last time because I was simply following Grady, but I’m hoping it’ll be instinctual.

The path is relatively clear before me, and when I getto a fork in the road, I feel good about heading left, so I follow my gut and start ascending the slope. My sneakers aren’t as good as my hiking boots, but I ignore the thought and keep pushing, welcoming the burn in my thighs as I continue to disappear into this wilderness.

The ground’s a little soft here, which I don’t remember, my sneakers sinking into the mud, but I keep pressing on.

It’s kind of weird that I’m wanting to get lost in order to find myself, but I just know that if I can make it to that perch on the rocks… if I can lie there staring up at the stars… answers will come to me.

I don’t have to say or do anything for anyone else in this moment.

There are zero expectations, and maybe from that place, I’ll finally figure out exactly what I want.

CHAPTER 57

GRADY

“I’m telling you, it’s all she wants.” I look between Teah’s parents.

Her mother’s face scrunches in disbelief. “But he’s so awful. All pierced and pale and rough around the edges.”

I shrug. “She loves him. And you raised her right, so she must love him for a reason.”

I can’t believe I’m advocating for this guy, but Teah needs him, and so I’ll do it for her.