Page 6 of The Handyman and The Drama Queen (Myths, Legends, and Southern Charm #1)

Ezra

“No, he was human. He had to be.” I could see the man who owned the grocery store being a little bit unique but not the guy at the gas station. “He was…”

A normal, boring redneck.

Okay, a possibly bi, normal, boring redneck and no one in the area had much of an accent, but that’d been the extent of him being unique.

“Nope. Mage. And he’s blown up that gas station twice practicing spells.” Stone rolled his eyes as he leaned back against the railing. “The local coven has gotten incredibly good at some series of spells that puts the whole thing back together, though. So one of them is opening one of those fix your house after murder and mayhem kind of businesses.”

Well, it wasn’t a bad idea.

“That’s…that’s not exactly subtle, though.” Right? “Um, how…how is this not getting out more?”

Stone sighed. “I don’t understand the magic behind it. I’ll be the first to admit I tune out when someone tries to explain shit. I’m very hands-on and most magic just feels too…”

He waved his hands around, but I thought I knew what he meant. It was too immaterial and not real enough.

“Yeah, I get that.” If I hadn’t been dead, I’d have probably been the same way. “But shouldn’t you guys have made more than a few headlines?”

Nodding, he stretched his legs out and looked like he wanted to poke my leg with his feet. “There’s some kind of guise that makes pictures fuzzy when they’re taken in town. That’s kept us under the radar for a long time, but being out in the middle of nowhere has helped too.”

He had a point there.

Being nearly forty-five minutes from the nearest city wasn’t technically bad, but when it involved all those crazy back roads and more than a few swampy areas, it probably chased off most of the casual humans who were just looking for cheap housing.

“Is that why the real estate agent kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to live so far out?” Looking back, she hadn’t been trying to sell me on moving here. Stubbornness and a habit of making bad decisions had been pushing me, not her.

“Probably.” Stone shrugged, not worried about it. “I know we don’t put houses that are for sale on the major…what do they call it…that MLS listing. We have a smaller private version that’s available to nonhumans. Well, humans who know what’s going on too.”

“Like people who’ve married in?” That had to happen on a regular basis. “Do some locals have human servants? Is that a thing?”

“Like vampire servants or something dirtier?” His snicker had me rolling my eyes. “I can take a guess about what kind of movies you’ve been watching.”

He was ridiculous.

“It’s a legitimate question.” But one I wouldn’t have asked anyone else but him, even if I had more visitors. “Nothing around here makes sense, at least from a human perspective.”

Once he’d started explaining things, though, a lot had fallen into place…how hard it had been to find real estate in the area…how hard it’d been to find anything…why people fought about weird shit in public places.

People were just as weird as I’d thought, but with the additional information, they looked slightly less nuts. “A human who didn’t know any of this was a thing perspective.”

“But now you know.” Stone’s smile said he was glad about that. “And that means once we’ve worked on your ability to interact with physical objects, you’ll have people to email and online groups to join.”

“Really?” It shouldn’t have surprised me. There were groups for everything, but I hadn’t connected the dots about what it would mean for me. “Wait. I can interact with physical objects?”

“Yep.” Grinning like a kid at Christmas, he jumped up. “Let me show you. I got something for you.”

As he headed back to his truck, I stood up and did my best not to laugh at how cute he looked. He was excited but he was also incredibly pleased with himself, and it was a side of him I hadn’t seen yet. “You’re going to love this, but it might take a while to figure it out.”

Swinging a white plastic bag that he could’ve picked up at any of the stores in town, he shut the door and hurried back to the porch with a spring in his step that made him look younger than I knew he had to be. “Let me show you. Come inside.”

Pretending to huff, I rolled my eyes. “It’s my house. I get to invite you inside.”

His snort said he didn’t agree with my logic. “At this point, I think you’re technically a trespasser to most people, but town law states that you can’t be evicted since your death predates the new owner’s purchase.”

“ There are laws for dead people ?” Every time I thought they couldn’t surprise me with anything else…they surprised me with something else. “Really?”

“That sounds a bit like you’re being controlled or something.” Cocking his head as he opened the front door, Stone looked thoughtful. “There are laws in place that spell out things like inheritance and real estate transactions. You’re a special case in that kind of legal stuff. But it’s not unique to ghosts. Our legal system has to take in a variety of nontraditional circumstances.”

He sounded like he was quoting from a textbook. “What—”

I had every intention of quizzing him to figure out more about the special circumstance people but he distracted me when he stopped at the table near the door and pulled out a new radio alarm clock. “Oh.”

“Check it out.” Stone was back to looking incredibly proud of himself as he held out the box to me and turned it around slowly so I could read the words on it. “It’s technically made for people with problems like arthritis. The big buttons are supposed to be easy to press and there aren’t any small parts to manipulate like on that tiny radio.”

As he held it still so I could read the front, his childlike excitement was almost contagious. “This is supposed to be easier for you to use because it’s less reactive than cell phones. The guy at the store made it sound like it’s something we all knew, but I don’t remember if anyone ever mentioned it before.”

Because he didn’t have a ghost in his family home growing up.

Yep, not having to deal with things on a regular basis meant we didn’t think about them.

And that included ghosts.

“It’s okay. This is amazing if it works.” I wasn’t sure it was going to work because I was dead and didn’t have a body any longer, but just the way he was trying made me feel incredible.

At the very least, it was the sweetest gift a guy had ever gotten me.

“It’ll work. You just need to be patient.” The way his face went carefully neutral said he was going to do it again. “And there’s no way you can electrocute yourself with it. Not enough electricity and you’re already dead.”

Eventually, he was going to get tired of that, right?

“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” My dry retort had him trying not to snicker. He was thoroughly enjoying driving me crazy.

“You’re welcome.” Shrugging and trying not to grin, he did his best to keep his casual tone. “I figured it’s a good first date kind of gift since I can’t take you out to a restaurant. Be—”

“Because I’m dead. Yeah, hadn’t forgotten that part.” Wait. He really thought it was a date?

Shoot.

His grin was back.

I was going to have to work on my poker face or he was going to enjoy fucking with me entirely too much.

“Hmm? Were you going to say something?” His teasing smirk had me imagining how much energy it would take to strangle him. “No? You’re dead, not broken. You can use your words.”

Ugh.

Oh.

Shit.

Somehow I managed to poke his arm hard enough for him to jump and nearly drop my present. “Hey, don’t break it.”

Barking out a laugh, his whole face lit up. “You did it. Ezra, that’s amazing.”

So we weren’t going to talk about my bad behavior?

“I…” Should apologize? “I’m sorry?”

“Don’t be.” Still looking adorably excited, he leaned in and put his lips near my face. “Kiss because I’m so proud of you.”

I wasn’t sure I could feel it that time, but before I could ask him to try again, he straightened and gave me a stern glare that would’ve made my knees weak if they still existed. “But are you supposed to be poking me?”

That question seemed to have several legitimate answers, but I tried to pick the best response given the situation. “I touched you, Sir.”

Bingo.

His lips turned up in a smirk but something about his body language changed to look more aggressive. “Already trying to manipulate your Dom, are you?”

“Only if it works.” Otherwise, I’d deny it. “Did it?”

Laughing, Stone nodded. “Just this once.”

I’d just have to try something different next time.

“Yes, Sir.” What else? What would a sub do? “I’ll be good, Sir.”

It was a bit generic but he liked it.

“Such a naughty boy.” His free hand made a show of reaching down and giving his cock a tug through his pants. “We’ll see if you can be good.”

What would I get if I was actually good?

Not quite sure what the right response was, I stuck with something simple. “Yes, Sir.”

It seemed to be a fairly all-purpose response and it got an even wider grin as Stone shook his head. “I knew you were going to be trouble.”

Really?

I mostly just annoyed people.

“But present first, date second, and punishment third…if it becomes necessary.” His stern expression was back and made me just nervous enough that I decided not to push my luck.

My silence had something wicked sparking in his eyes. “I thought so.”

Well, at least one of us thought I’d be good.

“Present time. Let’s see if it works.” Stone went back to looking like a kid at Christmas as he started unboxing the radio. “Once you work on your ability to manipulate physical objects, I’ll let you open the presents.”

I was going to get more?

“You really know ghosts who can touch things? Objects? All the time?” I’d thought that part of my existence was over.

“Yeah. The ghost from the library that I told you about does all kinds of research and handles a lot of the paperwork and organizational stuff for the library.” Stone didn’t seem to realize how strange the conversation was as he opened the box. “He’s been dead for a long time, so he’s been able to work up to those skills.”

His this is so normal tone might’ve been weirder than the actual conversation. “But you’re not trying to reshelve books or work on plans to teach preschoolers. You want to be able to push buttons.”

Preschoolers?

“How does he wrangle small children?” That sounded difficult even with a body. “How does everyone not know about the ghost managing the library? What do kids think about that?”

“They think he’s a pain in the ass with a lot of rules but he lets them pick out books and he has packs of gummy candies he’ll give out if you’re good.” Shrugging, Stone seemed to pout as he got the last of the packaging off. “We just got threats when I was a kid, but now it’s all gentle parenting this and be nice that .”

Ah.

“Figuring out the best way to handle kids is a process.” What else had people said to justify being nicer? “But you should be proud of him for making better decisions.”

Maybe?

I’d never wanted kids, so I was blindly reaching for a response that would make him feel better.

“You’re probably right.” Letting out a deep breath, he nodded as he leaned down and plugged the alarm into the socket under the table by the door. “We’ll put this upstairs in a bit. I just want to show you how it works now.”

And to possibly change the subject.

Hmm.

Bringing my face close to his, I did my best to brush my lips against his cheek without going through him. “Kisses.”

He chuckled as I pulled back, really not wanting to accidentally end up in him since I wasn’t sure what would happen. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for buying me a present for our date.” No one had ever done that before. “I appreciate it even if I get frustrated with the learning curve.”

Stone rolled his eyes. “You mean you appreciate it even if next time I come over you scream like a banshee that it’s driving you crazy and it’s all my fault?”

“Yes.” Clearly, he needed things spelled out more than I’d expected. “Do I tell you good boy too or is that just aimed one way?”

Hmm.

Should I keep the fact that he was sexy when he was frustrated to myself?

Someone needed to explain the rules for this kind of relationship better.