Page 30 of The Handyman and The Drama Queen (Myths, Legends, and Southern Charm #1)

“Do…do you think it’s going to work?” Stone had already answered my ridiculous and slightly repetitive question three times, but I couldn’t help it. I was stuck where the property line used to be and I couldn’t get my feet to move forward.

Part of that was probably because it was in the middle of the fucking night and my new body was very confused about what the hell we were doing. Part of it was nerves. And part of it was because shit was poking me.

I could feel the grass again and it was rubbing against my ankles.

We needed to mow the fucking grass once Stone’s friend helped make it look nice again.

“Yes.” Still sounding remarkably patient, and like he could stand there all night without thinking it was insane, Stone squeezed my still-firm hand. That would’ve been weird enough in itself, but standing outside wearing slippers and new pajamas made it even weirder. “We had some of the best magic users in the entire country in our yard this afternoon. Some are more insane than others, but the vast majority of the Assembly leadership knows what they’re doing.”

His tone said most of the time to me, but that might’ve been me reading into the situation. After everything that had gone wrong with Elizabeth, I was slightly skeptical.

Not that I’d been super trusting to begin with.

“I guess the only way to know is to test it.” I simply had to step forward and we’d see what happened. “It doesn’t hurt even if it doesn’t work.”

It would just…

“I’m sorry I don’t know a way to test this for you, baby.” Stone leaned over and kissed my head. “It’s not a form of magic I’ve ever seen practiced.”

Stone was definitely frustrated about that but it wasn’t his fault. From the gossip we’d picked up after the ceremony, they’d brought someone in from Oregon to help reset the boundaries. They were evidently a magical practitioner of some kind and a lawyer, which seemed to be what helped make it work. The mix of skills was weird, but they were so confident it’d be fine they’d left the same day.

I wasn’t sure how we’d missed the whole thing until I’d realized when they’d gone to the vacant part of the property.

Yeah, we’d been busy at the time.

“You’re helping put my house back together so it won’t kill anyone. That’s a much more useful skill in the long run.” My cheeky response got a chuckle from him.

“You like saying that.” Laughing quietly as I blushed, he released my hand and moved behind me to wrap himself around me. “And I like hearing how happy it makes you.”

It was ridiculous but I couldn’t help it.

“I won’t have to share the house with anyone else.” Not quite right. “Anyone else but you, I mean.”

That got another laugh out of him, but he kissed my neck, sending a shiver through me. “I’m glad to hear that since I have no plans on leaving anytime soon.”

I was never going to stop blushing if he didn’t stop sounding so sappy and utterly delighted about that.

“Just planning on moving in and taking over, huh?” I couldn’t stop myself even though we both knew the answer.

“Yep.” Nuzzling against me, he held me tighter and made sure I could feel just how excited he was about that plan. “I’m your husband now. Don’t forget it because I won’t.”

I still wasn’t sure how he thought I was such a catch but I wasn’t going to argue with him about it.

There were plenty of other ways I would be a pain in the ass. But for the moment, I was going to behave and ignore that he was inching us forward. It definitely meant I was going to deserve a reward once we dragged ourselves back to bed.

“I won’t.” I gave a long-suffering sigh. “Especially since you’re going to start loading my house up with stuff and hanging pictures and making it yours too. All I’m going to see is you everywhere I turn.”

It was going to be amazing and insane.

Stone laughed, hugging me tighter as he nudged us forward again. “Yep. I’ve got a picture of a dog playing poker you’re going to love.”

The fact that I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not made me groan and I closed my eyes so I could lean into him. “No dogs.”

His snicker was evil…but his hug made up for it. “Aww, you told me you like animals.”

“Um, no. I said I like animals more than people.” There was a difference. “They don’t say stupid shit.”

Stone’s body was shaking, but he managed not to laugh. “You’re going to be such a wonderful host when we start having visitors.”

“Don’t put that out in the universe. People kept saying they were going to stop by.” Randomly. For no purpose. Just to talk.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve had enough peopling to last quite a while.” His words should’ve sounded sympathetic but he was still nearly giggling as he nibbled on my neck. “Some of them might be useful, though. Fixing up the house…the yard…things like that.”

Not with my luck.

“Your sister said your mother is going to be one of my first visitors and to prepare myself.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I knew it was going to be stressful. “Anything you need to warn me about? Are you actually part Bigfoot?”

Still snickering…but I got more kisses as he shook his head. “Nope. But pull a fictional character out of a fantasy book and we’re probably in it. I’m part gargoyle. Yep. Snicker. Stone.”

Okay, that was funny.

As I chuckled, he sighed and acted all dramatic. “I’m pretty sure my mother was high on all those birthing drugs and crazy hormone fluctuations when she named me. Why they let women do that I’ll never know.”

Because only an idiot would tell a woman no at that point?

“I’ve got relatives who are mages and some that are basically what you’d think of as elves. They’re long-lived and just as judgy as in the movies, so assume whatever you read about them is correct.” His sigh said he had some opinions on them. “But they’re love ’em and leave ’em types. I’ve got a few distant relatives like that but most are slightly nuts.”

Before I could admit to believing that, he chuckled. “My mother isn’t half as nuts as her parents were, so we’re actually moving toward normal.”

His entire family tree was insane…but at least he’d keep me entertained.

“You know that sounds kind of scary, right?” I couldn’t decide if I was serious or fucking with him, but he nodded and nearly giggled.

“Yep.” He shrugged against me but didn’t seem worried about it. “They just keep getting more and more interesting as we move up the family tree, though. Several generations ago, one of the other wandering sperm donors claimed to be a fucking dragon.”

Huh?

His family just kept getting more and more insane.

That thought might’ve shown up on my face because he laughed. “We think he was some kind of shifter but who knows. He might’ve just been a mage with a thing for fucking with everybody.”

Great.

But it explained where Stone must’ve got his sense of humor from.

“Every time you explain shit it just gets more confusing or weird. You know that, right?”

Snickering, because he definitely knew that, he swept me up in his arms bride-over-the-threshold style. “You should be wearing real shoes.”

“Just had to reinforce the whole not human thing, huh?” I wasn’t sure how the dead with a body physics worked, but I was pretty sure he shouldn’t be able to carry me so easily.

“It’s romantic.” His roll his eyes tone had me wanting to laugh. “Everyone knows that.”

He was such a dramatic pain in the butt.

“Who’s everyone? You’re making that up.” It was something he’d do just to drive me crazy. “I demand data to back up that claim.”

“I’ll give you some data, baby, but first, open your eyes.” There was just enough awe in his tone for me to suck in a breath. “Open them, baby.”

“Only…only because I trust you.” Even though his gene pool was questionable. “Bigfoot might have a more stable family tree, though. I’m not going to forget that anytime soon.”

Stone felt like he was holding his breath, not even a giggle escaping, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and forced my eyes open. “Fucking hell.”

It’d worked.

“I’m… We’re…” Fuck. Words. “Stone.”

Well, it was better than stunned silence or saying something truly stupid.

“Baby, you’ve got so much space now.” Nuzzling against me, Stone was in just as much awe as I was. “It’s acres to walk around in and plant trees or other buildings. Whatever you want to do to make it home.”

Plant trees.

That was definitely what he wanted to make it a home.

“We.” Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I kissed his cheek and let out a slightly shaky breath as he carefully set me down. “Whatever we want to. You’re my husband. I promised not to forget that part.”

And he was the one with the big ideas for fruit trees and alligators.

“But…” Trying not to sound like I was going to cry, I took a deep breath and tried again. “But yeah, some outbuildings to make it feel like I’m going places would be good.”

Eventually I’d start getting itchy feet and would want to do something different.

Right?

But I kind of liked my house…when it wasn’t trying to kill me…and I’d like it even more when it didn’t look like a shack in a haunted killed-by-an-ax-murder movie.

I also liked that I didn’t have to run errands or go do boring shit…so I was pretty sure it would take a while before going anywhere sounded remotely fun.

And the threats of everyone coming over to visit made dealing with the outside world even less enjoyable than it had when I’d been alive.

“Some outbuildings.” Nodding, Stone took my hand again and eased us deeper into the dark property. There was just enough light from the house for us to function, but not enough for me to trust going very far in. “Maybe we do a big garden? There were utilities here before the house burned down. We should be able to do anything we want.”

Stone definitely thought bigger than I did, but I liked the sound of it even if it was just to make him feel more connected to the property. I wanted both of us tied to it because we loved being there, not just because I was stuck there.

“You’d like an office. Maybe we could do something like that.” He’d been renting on the other side of town for the last couple of years and he said working out of his house had become a pain in the ass. “Then it would feel like you were actually going to work every day.”

He kept saying he was a homebody too, and for the most part I knew that was true, but he was used to going a lot more places on a daily basis. I wanted to make sure he never felt trapped or frustrated, so we were going to think about that right off the bat.

Even if he gave me not-so-subtle glares and rolled his eyes.

Drama queen.

“I think that’s a great idea.” Kissing my head, he gestured toward the area where he’d said the house used to be. “What if we—”

Something moved.

Fucking hell.

“Stone? Um, I can’t be eaten, right?” I should’ve asked more questions. Where the fuck was that goddamned alligator? “How far did you say Buttercup would come into the yard?”

“That’s not Buttercup.” He seemed very confident about that but he also shifted me closer and stepped in front of me as the bushes started to rustle again. “Okay, first of all, you were right. We should’ve waited until the morning to do this.”

Um, I was pretty sure it’d been my idea to see if it worked, but I was glad he’d take one for the team if we got eaten by something weird.

It’d be just my fucking luck if we had a fucking dragon back there and we got eaten just as I got a body again.

The universe had a terrible sense of humor.

“Fuck.” Something burst out of the undergrowth like a bat out of hell. My heart was doing its best to jump out of my new body, but just as Stone swept me up into his arms, the damned thing barked. “Fucking hell.”

Stone froze before letting out a sigh. “Was that—”

“A dog?” Ignoring that I interrupted him, I followed the excited sounds that were now coming from all around us as the damned thing made circles. “It’s a fucking dog.”

I was never wandering around the property at night again.

Ever.

For as long as Stone lived ever.

His slightly stressed-sounding chuckle said he was going to agree with my new rule. “You okay if I put you down?”

With my luck it was going to pee on me.

“Yes.” Mostly. “It doesn’t sound dangerous.”

Buttercup liked Stone enough to defend her buddy if it came down to it. I kept reminding my heart about that as I tried to get it to stop trying to escape, though.

“It sounds like it’s in desperate need of a walk and some attention.” Setting me down, Stone slowly lowered himself to the ground and rested on one knee. “Do you think it’ll come say hello? Do you think it’s lost?”

Yes.

No.

The way it ran toward Stone barking its head off said it was ready to say hello.

The way it ran right through him said it was not lost.

“Fucking hell.”

Stone just laughed and fell back on his ass. “It’s a beagle. Come here, girl.”

How did a gay man end up with so many women in his life?

“I always wanted a dog but my mom is allergic.” Looking around excitedly, Stone threw his arms out. “Come here. It’s okay, girl.”

Was he flirting with that dog?

She seemed to think so because she was wagging her tail like it was going to get her the best cuddles ever as she finally circled back around to us. Stone was in love. “Oh, you’re so sweet. Come closer. We’ll teach you not to run through your Daddies.”

For fuck’s sake.

How had I ended up with a husband, an alligator, and a dog?

“Good girl.” Stone’s happy lovey noises as he somehow managed to pet her had me trying to decide if I was going to be jealous of another ghost in his life. “Oh, look at that smile. Give Papa a smile, pretty girl. He’s going to love you. He was just saying how much he loves doggies.”

Yep…the universe had a ridiculous fucking sense of humor…and somehow it was all aimed at me.

“Baby, look.” But the way Stone smiled at me, ear-to-ear as he sat sprawled out on the ground said I was going to have to get used to it. “Isn’t she so cute?”

Yeah, the trade-off was worth it.

“Someone’s cute, that’s for sure.” My adorable dork of a husband. “The dog is questionable for the time being.”

She looked like trouble…and if Stone liked her this much at first glance, I knew I was right.

He’d fallen for me after all.