Page 19 of The Handyman and The Drama Queen (Myths, Legends, and Southern Charm #1)

Stone

“Gotcha.” It should not have been that hard to track down a fucking realtor. “Elizabeth? Did your husband finally clear up that…little problem?”

Ha.

After tripping over her humiliation and nearly swallowing her tongue, the problematic saleswoman in sheep’s clothing stopped in the frozen food aisle and slowly turned around. “ Stone .”

Sweetly dragging out my name, she tried to give me a smile and wave as she stepped back, but I walked faster and let her see the anger I was feeling. If I pushed a bit of that emotion toward her, well, sometimes it was hard to remember manners. “Is he still itching?”

It’d be all over town that her husband got something from a…well…I wouldn’t gossip…but everyone else would and they had better imaginations than I’d ever have.

Finally frowning, her expression quickly turned angry as her voice dropped to a harsh whisper. “Stop that. Fine. We’ll talk.”

It was about fucking time.

I shouldn’t have had to chase her down at the grocery store to get answers…and she shouldn’t have driven that flashy SUV that sparkled and stood out like a sore thumb. It made it entirely too hard to hide it out in public.

Pausing as I got closer, I ignored the chill of the freezers and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve made a list of people I’ll go visit after this if I don’t get good answers. Starting at the post office and then working my way through all the downtown businesses. I feel like coffee, cake, and buying scented candles.”

And I’d hit up all the best gossips in the whole parish in one round of smiles and did you knows .

Her mouth dropped open, but she caught it before she caught flies. “Really? I know your mother—”

I rolled my eyes and interrupted before she could say anything stupid. “Think about who my mother is before you finish that sentence.”

Yep, stopped her in her tracks.

Her next choice was to fall back on her own manners instead of mine, so she smiled wider and even batted her eyelashes at me. “How are the repairs coming along?”

Pretending to be surprised, she gave me a manipulative and fake as fuck frown. “I was expecting that to already be done, Stone. I’m surprised at your work ethic.”

“And I’m surprised you’re trying to kill your tenants.” If I said that a bit loudly, it was completely on accident. “As well as your buyers, of course. Have you come by to apologize to Ezra for getting him killed?”

She was doing a very good impression of a goldfish, so I decided to keep talking just to make sure she didn’t feel awkward with the silence. “Oh, and you know where his belongings are, right?”

I’d searched the whole house and had gone down to the Store-It-Right and hadn’t found them anywhere.

Elizabeth was still a very good goldfish.

“I’m sure once you had the house checked for spirits you put his belongings in storage like you were legally obligated to? Yes? Of course you did. But he hasn’t been given notice of where they are. Oh, and he’s wondering why you’d send repair people who couldn’t see him out to the house.” Giving her a confused expression, I cocked my head. “And there might’ve been a mix-up with the inspection guy. Frank said he was never asked to go see the house.”

Frank inspected everyone’s house because he had an affinity for that kind of thing that might’ve been magical but he’d never been tested for it. He had a long-winded explanation for that which just boiled down to it being a dumb as fuck idea…but it was definitely magical.

Her mouth finally closed and she swallowed, but her wide-eyed expression said she’d done something wrong. “I…”

Nothing.

But I was patient and waited, arms still crossed and still pissed off.

It took her a while to realize I wasn’t going anywhere and more time beyond that to swallow hard again and find her words, but since it was her project I was supposed to be working on, there was no rush.

“I was getting behind. I’ve had several sales lately and the rental business has picked up. I have a small apartment complex out near the highway and it’s taking up a lot of time lately.” So far nothing she confessed explained what she’d done, but it felt like we were finally getting closer. “So I hired a human property management company to help.”

For fuck’s sake.

“Let me see if I understand this right. You hired a human company to manage not only the inspections but also the repairs to the house that was so badly inspected the first time it killed someone.” That in itself would’ve been insane. “Then you had humans go out to a house that probably had a spirit of some sort and you what…donated his belongings?”

Gods. It just kept piling up.

“Do you know how many laws you’ve broken? Even human ones.” Because there was no way an investigation had been done into Ezra’s death. “You got my boyfriend killed.”

Ezra was right…we needed to treat death more seriously.

“Dead. He’s not just a shut-in or weird. He’s dead, woman.” Was I rude? Yes. Did I care? No. “We have laws for a reason. Fucking hell. The humans have laws for a reason.”

I’d kept telling myself that she’d have a good excuse for what had happened and that it would’ve been an unavoidable accident. Shit happened. People ended up ghosts. But everything she’d said was negligence and stupidity that had to be illegal.

“They’re not even good electricians and none of what you said was repaired was actually fixed right. There are a few half-assed patches that might’ve fooled a renter but you’re endangering anyone mortal who moves into that house.” I might’ve been dragging my feet but that was the least of her problems.

“You didn’t even bother to make sure Ezra knew his rights when his status was updated. As the new owner of the home, that should’ve been your top priority.” Oh. “And how did you end up owning that house? Ezra said it was supposed to have been donated to a charity.”

Her wide eyes that time were from surprise at getting caught.

I’d originally assumed she’s bought it so they wouldn’t have to deal with owning land in the middle of nowhere, but her reaction said that had been incorrect.

And probably na?ve.

“What have you been doing?” How had the town realtor turned into some kind of made for TV villain? “I’m going to…to everyone. This has to go in front of the joint councils. The full assembly. You got Ezra killed because you wanted a bigger business!”

There were a lot of weird reasons everyone would’ve accepted Ezra’s death and just moved on.

Capitalism wasn’t one of them.

I wasn’t sure there was anything we could explain to the human authorities, but they’d have been the least of her problems. She could’ve played dumb and innocent in front of a human judge but our system wasn’t that easy.

Especially once I told my mother.

****

“You look as guilty as I felt when I told your sister she was fucking weird.” Ezra’s dry delivery and cocked head as he glared at me made it hard to tell how guilty he’d really felt about that. “Who did you say something rude or stupid to?”

“Your landlord. Elizabeth.” That didn’t get a different reaction from him but he did sigh, a sentiment I heartily agreed with. “I also might’ve insinuated her husband had some kind of STD from a working girl and then proceeded to let everyone in the grocery store know she killed you from greed and stupidity.”

He blinked.

Well, it was a reaction.

“I.” He stopped again, either thinking hard or not thinking at all. It was hard to tell. “She.”

I waited as he paused for several long moments before letting out a slow, measured breath. He was definitely processing again but his brain didn’t rush to give a verbal response. It was actually impressively calm for Ezra.

“On one hand, I like capitalism and freedom and shit like that, but on the other, what the fuck, man.” Throwing his arms up, Ezra turned and made a dramatic exit right through the front door. “Your weird and stupid wins.”

Laughing was the only reasonable response under the circumstances.

Following him was another, so I headed up the stairs and let myself into the house. “You know, I can’t decide if the touch keypad lock is right for you or not. The guy at the electronics store…Matt…Mike…I can’t remember his name…he was very insistent that you’d have problems with electronics. I’m thinking we need to go back to a regular one.”

“I had trouble with electronics when I was alive too.” Ezra’s still dry tone was coming from the living room, so I followed the dramatic sighs to find him stretched out on the floor. “I don’t care about the lock, but thank you for thinking of me. At least I know you won’t try to kill me…for…for some kind of real estate scheme?”

He lifted his head and frowned at me as I walked over to sit down beside him. “That doesn’t sound right. This isn’t a weird Law & Order episode.”

“Feels like one.” I shrugged. “It’s mostly a mix of stupidity and greed.”

That had my drama queen putting his head back down on the floor and sighing again. “I’m not sure I want to know.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d want to?” That honest answer got a laugh from him. “But since it involves you and you hadn’t safeworded over that, I kind of felt like I had to start to tell you at the very least.”

“I don’t know what to say to that part, so I’m going to ignore it.” His words said ignore but his face scrunched up like it was filling his mind. “It wasn’t even some murder for hire plot where someone from my past wanted me dead?”

“No. Sorry. I wish it was.” That would’ve been more understandable. “She got busy and hired human help. Like, no understanding of our world and really bad at fixing shit humans. Not even good ones who know what they’re doing and could’ve fixed the house safely.”

“My realtor killed me by being cheap. Great.” His groan was so adorable, I air-kissed by his cheek, which just got more dramatic sounds from him. “Can we tell everyone a better story?”

“Sadly no. I had to report her to the assembly.” Hmm. “So each group has their own council, although sometimes they have different names for it. Then when all the councils in the region come together it’s called the assembly.”

“And now I have new politics to learn. Even better.” Ezra was incredible at finding new things to get dramatic about. It really was an underappreciated skill in life.

“One step at a time.” Because there were a lot of steps. “I’ll explain things as we go.”

“She’s really going to have to go up in front of people for hiring humans?” Ezra frowned as his eyes opened. “I’m missing something.”

“A lot of somethings.” Ticking them off on my fingers as I started, I knew I’d miss some but I did my best. “Hired a crew who cut corners. Kept the same humans employed when they fucked up the first time. Sent humans to a house where she knew there was a good chance you’d be a spirit of some kind. Didn’t check if there was a spirit. I could keep going. Oh, she also violated your rights in a variety of ways.”

I wasn’t going to let anyone forget that.

“There is a fucking bureaucracy for everything.” Ezra seemed to have decided drama was the best fix because he groaned again. “Greedy and stupid. You’re right.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t involve a hit man or a large inheritance.” Oh, that was something else I needed to mention. “And a bit of fraud because she did some sketchy paperwork and made it look like she paid your heirs.”

“I didn’t have heirs.” That time he sat up and glared at me. “That was part of how I ended up here.”

I was still piecing together the questionable life choices that led him to move to the middle of fucking nowhere because a new work from home job meant he needed to make a drastic change in his life, but yes, poor impulse control was part of how he’d ended up dead.

“She seems to have made them up.” Elizabeth was creative, if nothing else. “You evidently gave your house to an aunt who sold it back to Elizabeth because she couldn’t take the pain of your passing.”

“Great.” Ezra’s glare came back, earning him another air kiss. “Even my imaginary relatives are dramatic.”

Like him?

“At least she gave you a loving relative?” There wasn’t much of an upside but I tried. “So yeah, figuring out who handled your estate is important too. I should’ve thought of that sooner but you didn’t have any immediate relatives to inherit it.”

He’d been an only child of only children and his parents had died in an accident a few years earlier. There hadn’t been anyone to inherit things like the house or life insurance, so I’d assumed Elizabeth had followed the laws.

She hadn’t.

“Great. Ghosts have extra estate planning to do too.” His drama was cute but he wasn’t wrong.

“Yeah, unfortunately. You’ve got a lot longer…deathspan…to think about now and you need to be able to buy stuff like a radio and anything you want like that.” Just in case something happened to me, he needed to be taken care of. “There are rules she should’ve followed to make sure you were protected.”

“But she didn’t.” His dry delivery and deep sigh said he wasn’t as upset as he was trying to project. “She stole my house and wanted to make me live in it while she made money off renters and probably got them killed too.”

“I’m honestly not sure she really thought that part through, but basically yes.” The whole thing was insane and the assembly was going to what-the-fuck their way through the stupidity. “We’re going to get it all worked out, though, and make sure she can’t do anything this stupid again.”

“Stupidly greedy.” His adorable glare had me leaning down and giving him a kiss because with the frustration he was feeling, he was surprisingly solid. “Don’t be so cute. I can’t stay mad when you do that.”

That made me smile but I managed not to laugh. “I’m not going to agree with that. I like that you think I’m cute and I can distract you.”

His grumbles and huffs were tinged with something happier that time. “I’m pretty sure that’s rude somehow.”

I shrugged. “Then I’m lucky manners aren’t your strong suit.”

“Definitely rude.” Crossing his arms over his chest, his glare was back and utterly adorable. “I refuse to be happy. You can’t make me.”

He looked like an angry toddler but my bribe was definitely for an adult.

“I guess you don’t want an orgasm then.” Shrugging, I leaned back on my hands. “I wanted to talk about your day and maybe watch another episode of that British show we found. Then I was going to slowly tease you into naked fun, but that’s okay. We can just sit here and be dramatic.”

He was really cute when he wanted to strangle me.