Page 25 of The Handyman and The Drama Queen (Myths, Legends, and Southern Charm #1)

Stone

Somehow everything had gotten completely out of hand.

“It’s…it’s well planned out?” Ezra was grasping for polite things to say but his eyes just kept getting wider and wider. “Um…and I’m glad she realized our plumbing couldn’t handle this many people.”

Our plumbing.

Aww.

“Very good point.” We’d have to get that looked at…because I couldn’t be sure the idiots hadn’t fucked that up too. “Okay, we’re going to focus on the positives. We don’t have to feed any of these people and we’re not in charge. That means we get to step away if it gets overwhelming and we don’t have to feel guilty. They’re not our guests. They’re my mother’s guests.”

And if she forgot that at any point, I was going to remind her.

“She…” Ezra took a deep breath and stood straighter as his voice sounded more confident. “She’s having fun. All we have to do is say hi and introduce me to a lot of people. We can do that. We’ll get good information and sprinkle in some guilt about everything too.”

“That’s a good plan.” Moving behind him, I brushed my lips against his somewhat solid neck. “Let’s get you a little more solid so it’s easier to shake hands. This one lasted quite a while, though.”

He scoffed and probably rolled his eyes before he closed them. “Because you were the only one who came. That seems to make a big difference.”

I shrugged. “You were the one who wanted to suck my dick.”

The kitchen quicky hadn’t been my idea…but it had helped his stress levels.

“I’m really glad we did that earlier.” Ezra sighed as I kissed his neck and eased just enough of my will into him to make him fairly solid. “That…that’s…”

Very good.

“Such a good boy.” Nuzzling against him, I brushed my lips right under his ear. “And if you take breaks when you need to and don’t push yourself too hard, I’ll let you suck me off again later. I know you’d like that.”

His shiver said I was right, but he gave a distracted nod as well. “I…I can be good.”

As long as the definition was slightly flexible.

“I know and right now that means taking care of yourself.” So he wouldn’t be too crazy later. “We’re going to meet people for you to talk to and hear stories about ridiculous things. Then we’ll show them around the yard and feed everyone.”

“We can do it.” Nodding mostly to himself, Ezra took another fortifying breath. “We can do that. They’re not our guests.”

I’d have never thought of porta-potties, so I was not claiming the people.

“Open your eyes and give me a kiss.” When he obeyed, snuggling against my chest, I kissed his head. “You ready?”

“Yes, but you have to feed anyone who comments on my pajamas to Buttercup.” Ezra’s tone was right on the edge of dramatic and reasonable, so I took it seriously.

“Deal.” She’d like a snack if someone was that stupid. “But it’s going to be fine.”

My mother had definitely told everyone about his clothes, and he was actually wearing a clean-looking set of pajamas, so that was better than it could’ve been.

I was holding my breath as we finally made it out of the house, though.

But aside from the chaos of so many people and the smells already coming from all the random food options, first impressions went fairly well.

Smiles…okay, that was good.

Giggles…understandable because I’d leaned over and kissed Ezra’s head and they were teenage girls.

Oh…curiosity in a human-looking form…it was going to be interesting.

“Incoming.” Whispering low enough I was hoping no one with extra-special hearing could listen in, I squeezed Ezra’s hand gently. “Miss Emmie. Gossip extraordinaire and owns the tea shop in town.”

How we had enough people to keep her in business I’d never know….Mom always said the old bat was blackmailing people but I couldn’t decide how true that was.

Ezra’s head cocked for a split second and I knew he was going to have questions about her shop later, but they were gone by the time she walked up to us and did her best to look sweet and innocent. She was anywhere between eighty and a thousand and I had no memory of her ever being young. But her act was very believable, so I was hoping Ezra heeded my warning.

“Young love.” Clasping her hands to her hefty bosom, she smiled like we were the cutest things she’d ever seen. “I’m so glad you invited me. This is going to be so special.”

Huh?

Ezra’s hand twitched in mine but he smiled and gave a faint nod. “Thank you for coming. I’m very excited.”

For?

Did he know why a barbecue was special?

Was it the toilets?

Had Buttercup actually eaten someone she didn’t like?

Buttercup and I’d had a talk about that not being appropriate, but gators were stubborn fuckers.

“Oh, I bet.” She gently bounced forward and gave both of us careful hugs, smiling tenderly at Ezra. “Oh. So exciting.”

She was definitely not talking about my gator or the toilets.

“Thank you.” Ezra fell back on being grateful as she beamed at us again.

“It’s an honor. No thanks necessary, but I am going to bring some tea over next week and we’ll have a chat.” With that threat delivered sweetly, she hurried off, calling out the name of another unfortunate victim.

“Do you know what’s going on? There’s something going on, right?” Ezra kept his voice low and his expression as neutral as he could, but I could see something more frantic in his eyes. “No one told me there was a something and she went off before I could figure out how to ask what the fuck she was talking about.”

“There’s not supposed to be a something. Honest.” My mother had definitely done something, though. “We’re just going to keep walking and mingling and talking, and someone will eventually fill us in.”

They did not fill us in.

They smiled.

They fed me.

They fed me again.

I was told to keep my strength up.

Ezra was told to be brave and everything would be fine.

We were both congratulated several times.

No one explained what they were talking about, though.

“I just can’t figure out the right questions.” Ezra barely whispered the words as we finally made our way around the side of the house where we’d seen my mother heading at one point. “There has to be a good set of questions and comments that will get us information without having to admit we have no idea what’s going on. Everyone around here loves to talk.”

“I agree.” But it wasn’t happening and I didn’t think looking stupid was the best plan. “The closest we’ve gotten is when those girls tried to talk to you but kept giggling.”

They just hadn’t been able to do it and had eventually been chased off by one of their mothers. She’d given us a quick apology but no information.

“If we’d had more time with them, we could’ve gotten it.” Smoothing a frown off his face, Ezra let out a deep breath. “But they’re all excited to be here and they’ve said nice things. Confusing things…but nice things.”

They were definitely in fine form, that was for sure.

“I’m gonna be rude for a second. Just a little bit. But Stone, your mother did something .” Ezra gave a fairly well-done fake smile as we were waved at several more times, but no one stopped us on our hunt. “It’s just a little bit rude because I haven’t called her names or anything.”

“You’re doing very well and you’re being incredibly patient.” I’d already silently called my mother several unkind things. “And yes, she did something. There’s no doubt about it, so it’s not rude.”

It was just factual.

Ezra let out a breath and I could feel the tension in his body ease, but I could also feel it get slightly less substantial and I knew I’d need to keep an eye on that. “Okay, good. I didn’t want to point that out but there’s no way around it.”

“She planned for half the town to come over and do something, baby. She knew how many people would be showing up and there’s no way she didn’t give them a damned good reason.” It just seemed like no one had passed the information on to us.

“Does your sister look like she’s about to have a stroke?” Ezra’s words had me looking around again and he was right. “She’s…very worked up?”

They’d started hanging out more, so he was reading her right, but she was also radiating anger and looked like she was ready to pop.

“Oh yes.” I managed not to sigh but I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “My mother did something startling to get that look on her face.”

“Well, at least it’s not just us.” Ezra was doing his best to find the bright side of things but it was still kind of creepy.

“I should’ve learned how to do more magic when I was younger. This seems like a very good time to be able to go invisible.” I wasn’t sure if I was being honest or dramatic, but Ezra started coughing as he did his best to hold back his laughter.

“I didn’t do it, Stoney.” Stephanie’s wide-eyed panic was in full force but she kept her tone quiet as she called me by my childhood nickname. “I really didn’t. I knew she wanted this to be big so Ezra would be able to find friends, but not this.”

Did he need this many people to sort through because she thought he was a pain in the ass who couldn’t find friends easily or was she worried about everyone else?

“Someone needs to tell us what’s going on and it looks like you’re it.” Ezra reached over and poked her shoulder. “Tag.”

That got a laugh out of her and she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s funny now but not in a second.”

Huh?

She could see we were both confused and scrubbed her hands over her face. “Mom decided you needed…she wanted to…I’m sure she had good intentions.”

That was not an auspicious start.

“Like when she tried to set me up for the prom? With two girls?” Somehow she’d seen my awkwardness and confusion as trying to tell her I was poly.

I was not.

Ezra started coughing again and it only got worse when Stephanie nodded. “Yeah, kind of.”

Fuck it all.

“Please explain. No one else has and I have a feeling our time has run out.” Stupid was incoming quickly because the voices in the backyard were getting very excited.

“She’s got a bonding handfasting ceremony set up in your backyard and she’s got half the assembly here to get Ezra a…well…to make sure he stays solid no matter what.” Stephanie snickered and gave him a wink as Ezra’s mouth dropped open. “I hope you like watches?”

Closed.

Open.

Closed.

Open.

Stephanie decided to make the situation worse. “Gods only know who she’s been talking to because she also has a gold chain that seems to be made out of tiny handcuffs.”

I was pretty sure my expression matched Ezra’s but I was quicker to snap out of it.

Think.

Think.

“Thank you for explaining that.” There was something about her expression, though. Gods above and below. “You think there’s something else.”

“Yep.” It wasn’t a question but she nodded and her voice was more serious. “Half the assembly is in your backyard, Stone.”

That could mean a lot of things…hopefully at least one of them was good.

Leaning toward Ezra, I tuned out Stephanie for the moment and kissed his head. “Are we going back in the house or to the backyard?”

That finally had his brain coming back online and he turned to look at me, clearly thinking I’d lost my marbles. “Fucking hell, Stone. A handfasting is basically a wedding. I don’t know why I know that but I know that.”

We picked up knowledge in all kinds of places…learning was just fun like that.

“I’m the one who told you most people I knew met and married in six months.” I shrugged when he rolled his eyes and did my best to ignore Stephanie’s snickers. “I was working on your timeline because you started out as human.”

“You’re all so fucking weird.” Ezra’s head fell back and he closed his eyes. “I didn’t even get a proposal yet. We haven’t had our thirty-day talk. I was ready for that. Now my whole list has shifted and I’m going to have to start over.”

That didn’t sound like a no.

“At least you’ll be solid enough to hold a pencil and take notes without me being there to help.” We usually got distracted when he was solid and he still hadn’t gotten around to writing down his list. “I promise not to even look cute when you start making notes and I will keep my clothes on.”

Stephanie was going to die from a lack of oxygen if she kept trying to hold in her laughter, or it was entirely possible Ezra would kill us both once he got his body again.

“For fuck’s sake.” He’d shifted to glaring at me with his arms crossed over his chest, which I decided was progress. “I want something romantic that your mother didn’t plan.”

“Don’t hold your breath on that. She’s already planning your one-year anniversary party.” Stephanie stepped back and held up her hands when Ezra turned his insanity in her direction. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

She had to be guilty of something, but for the moment, Ezra shifted his anger back to me. “Well?”

Well what ?

I was smart enough not to say that, though.

Think.

Think.

Oh.

Romance.

They were all very lucky I was good in emergencies…like when the love of my life looked like he was going to stab me.