Page 12 of The Handyman and The Drama Queen (Myths, Legends, and Southern Charm #1)

Ezra

Oh, that couldn’t be good.

It was definitely bad.

Terrible.

Someone was coming up the driveway…someone who wasn’t Stone.

No one was supposed to be coming. Stone had work on the other side of the county he couldn’t put off and I was practicing with the radio. I’d managed to turn it off and then on again without him talking dirty to me, but I’d lost the erection I’d gotten while practicing.

Yeah, something about trying to touch things was giving me a hard-on but I wasn’t going to complain. There were worse things than getting an erection when I turned on the radio or eventually a laptop. Not weirder things, but at least it wasn’t the worst thing I could’ve done to myself.

I just kept hearing him whisper dirty things to me every time I reached for it.

It was definitely Stone’s fault…and so was the fact that two women were getting out of the car that’d just parked in front of the porch.

Who the fuck parked on the grass?

It was clear as day where the driveway ended, so if they were going to start off their visit showing up uninvited and tearing up my grass, I didn’t feel bad about eavesdropping as I lowered myself to the floor and barely stuck my head out the side of the second floor.

“Mom, we should wait for an invitation.” The younger woman clearly had the common sense of the two and actually seemed like she understood they were being rude.

They’d just shown up.

And parked on my grass.

“We’re not prejudiced against the unbodied, Steffy.” The mother…whoever she was…frowned at the frustrated younger woman. “Don’t be rude.”

I liked Steffy a lot more when she rolled her eyes and stuck her hands on her hips. “Don’t be daft. You’re not this stupid and no one is going to buy it.”

Ugh.

That didn’t sound good for me.

“I don’t know what you mean.” The mom tried to frown and look offended, but even from the second floor, I could tell she wasn’t good at the act. “He’s got to be lonely and it’s just not right for Stone to keep him so isolated from us. He’s family.”

Oh God.

Fuck.

Fuckity. Fuckity. Fuck.

It had to be his mother.

He’d mentioned he had one.

He’d also mentioned that she was kind of dramatic and a gossip, and he’d vaguely talked about a sister who…

She did something.

She…

Fuck.

They were moving again.

“I’m going to tattle. His boyfriend is definitely going to tattle.” Stone’s sister scoffed as his mother shrugged, and it looked like she might’ve rolled her eyes again but I couldn’t tell anymore. “You’re going to end up tattling on yourself too. So he’s going to be pissed.”

“He’s a wonderfully supportive son.” Stone’s mother even brought her hand up to her chest as her drama escalated. “He just doesn’t realize that hiding his partner is hurting me this much.”

Partner?

Weren’t we only dating?

And he hadn’t been hiding me.

Stone talked to the ghost at the library about me and probably the guy at the electronics store.

Shit.

Someone had tattled.

As I started to panic more, Steffy groaned. “God. You’re even more dramatic than Stone is.”

I was pretty sure I was going to like her…but we weren’t going to meet when I’d been ambushed in my pajamas.

Wait.

What was I wearing?

“Never mind that. Focus, moron.” I could do this. I could figure out how to hide from one nosy woman. “Shit.”

Stone hadn’t locked the front door.

Shit.

Damn it. Now I was at the front door.

Shit.

“You need to figure that shit out…but later…after I figure out how to defend my rundown castle from Stone’s mother.”

He and I were going to have a chat about her just showing up…and about the fact that I’d refused to talk to them.

Later.

Much later, after I figured out how to lock the door.

“It’s all in your head. You focus your will.” I could touch things when I wanted it bad enough. Want. Yes. Closing my eyes, I pictured Stone in my head. “It’s Stone coming up the driveway. He’s surprising me. He’s excited to see me. He’s…going to stay the night and I’ll get to watch him sleep after he drives me insane.”

Yes.

He was going to drive me insane by jerking off for me.

That was what I wanted and he knew it.

Yes.

That was why he’d shown up but I had to fuck with him first. I had to tease him. He liked that. He liked it when I showed off too. “He liked it when I poked him. This is going to be even better.”

Slowly reaching out my hand, I focused on making his image clear in my head. His smile. His laughter. His teasing threats about what he was going to do to me. His cock. His naked body. I could tease him. He’d think it was sexy somehow. Then he’d talk about spanking me.

Got it.

Fuck.

I’d done it.

I needed a drink.

Shit.

I hadn’t figured out how to flash somewhere when I actually wanted to, so I pressed myself against the wall by the door and did my best to remember I technically didn’t have to breathe. I was dead and I was going to use that to my advantage.

“Oh, shoot.” Stone’s mother rattled the doorknob and tried to shake it open. “Hello? Elias? Emile?”

“Mom, gods above, did you not actually get his name? What were you thinking? Accurate gossip or no gossip at all, remember?”

They had the weirdest family.

“I’ll introduce myself once he comes out to say hello. Then I’ll figure it out.” Stone’s mother had the most insane philosophy on life.

“Stone’s going to kill you. The aunts are going to kill you. Hell, Dad is going to go bananas over this once he gets back from his trip.” Steffy sounded like she could’ve just kept listing off relatives, but she paused, which didn’t sound good to me. “What are you doing?”

Yes. What was she doing?

I couldn’t move without being seen from a window, so I was trapped unless I figured out how to zap myself back upstairs.

“I’m just going to pop around the back. No one locks the back door, so I’ll just go introduce myself.” Stone’s mother sounded like she was stomping down the stairs but it might’ve been her running. “I’ll be right back.”

I had a reprieve.

The back door didn’t open.

Shit. I’d forgotten to tell Stone the back door didn’t open.

“For fuck’s sake.” Steffy groaned and I heard a thud that I quickly realized was her sitting down on the porch. “This was not my fault. Stone’s never going to believe I thought we were driving to Target.”

That was a drive, so I could see how she’d be frustrated.

Ugh.

I stood motionless until I saw the top of Stone’s mother’s head go past one of the windows on the side of the house, and I counted my blessings that she was short and the house was built up higher than normal. “Now what?”

Fuck it.

Lowering myself to the floor, I ignored the fact I took a deep breath I didn’t need and focused on looking calm. Once I realized I was never going to get to that point, I gave up and stuck my head through the bottom of the door. “Hello.”

Oops.

She managed not to scream but it was close.

“I’m sorry.” For a variety of things really…including ignoring her mother as she rattled the back door like the worst burglar ever. “I’m not going to come out. Your mother sounds overwhelming and I’m newly dead. I’m also in a new relationship. So…yeah…I’m not ready for this and I’m not going to do it without Stone being here.”

I’d found a limit.

He was going to be proud of me.

Blinking a few times, Steffy gave me Stone vibes when she quickly got herself together. “Hi. That’s a perfectly reasonable limit. I won’t tell her I saw you, though. That would just…yeah…neither of us needs that kind of drama.”

I really was going to like her.

“My name is Ezra, but you can keep that to yourself if you need to.” I wasn’t sure the best way to handle that part. “Stone isn’t hiding me.”

I was just…dead and nervous and in a new relationship…and not ready for anything else weird.

And dead.

That part was more important than people realized.

“I know.” She smiled, probably trying to look reassuring. “He was just trying to keep this insanity from happening. Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Oh shit. Her mother had given up rattling the back door. “She’s coming back. So I’m going to head inside again.”

Head.

Ha.

Steffy couldn’t seem to decide if she could laugh at that or not, so she did her best to hide her smile. “I think that’s a good idea. Is it…is it okay if I stop by and introduce myself sometime this week? Alone. Promise.”

Oh.

“Um, yes?” Ugh. “I’m trying to be polite, so just ignore the awkward. I’m either awkward or an asshole, and I’m trying for normal.”

Her eyes sparkled as she stood up. “I can see why Stone likes you.”

And our conversation was over.

As Stone’s mother charged around the building like an angry elephant, I fell back into the house and scrambled into the hallway closet under the stairs. I wasn’t normally into sitting in dark closets. Coming out the first time had been hard enough, but it was my safe space at the moment and I wasn’t going to feel weird about it.

Their words were more muffled but I could hear his sister’s frustrated tone and his mother’s cajoling one before they faded and the car doors shut. It took another few minutes before the car came on and I heard them drive away, but I figured they were probably fighting about actually going to Target.

I hoped Steffy won but not enough to try to eavesdrop.

“God. Being pathetic is exhausting.” I knew I’d been stupid but I was in no way ready to meet his mother. “She’s…”

Nothing polite was coming to mind, so I pushed it out of my head…and immediately found myself back upstairs. “That. We’re working on the zappy thing next. If I can lock the door, I can zap myself on command.”

But first I was going to turn the radio off again.

If I could lock the door, then I could turn off the radio. Hopefully without jerking off, but one step at a time. “You can do it and then you’re going to show your boyfriend. Partner?”

Walking back over to the bed, I sat down and focused on the radio that Stone had put next to it. “I’m not going to worry about how anyone describes us. They can’t make me have a relationship conversation for three and a half more weeks.”

I had limits and that was one of them.

“That means I don’t have to meet his mother until after that conversation.” She was definitely the type to tell me exactly what they were…because human, they were not. “She’s the type to charge right in and tell me everything. She’ll start planning our engagement and wedding, and somehow I’ll end up with two adopted kids and a yappy dog.”

Did it.

One button down and the rest of the house to go.

“Stone won’t have to do everything forever. Eventually, I’ll be able to do boring shit like sweep. I just have to want it bad enough.” Maybe I could find something about the broom that reminded me of Stone? “It could be phallic? Just like a really long dick?”

No. He wasn’t hung like some kind of giraffe or duck. They supposedly had crazy dicks, but Stone’s was just a nice size. “Eight inches. He’d said eight inches and he didn’t lie.”

So did that mean he’d measured it recently?

How long ago had he measured it?

“Eight hard inches? Soft?” Maybe nonhumans had longer cocks? “Is that a reasonable question to ask or would it be rude?”

If the grocery guy was willing to fight over what he was called, then maybe I needed to figure out what Stone would consider rude?

“A pencil. The next thing I’m going to learn to pick up is a fucking pencil so I can write down my questions.” They were starting to pile up. “One step at a time, though.”

I had plenty of them, so there was no need to rush and frustrate myself…Stone wasn’t there to get turned on by it, so it would be a waste of what was left of my sanity.

And I was going to need all I had left to deal with his mother.