Page 49 of The Christmas Express

Cali

‘We will shortly be arriving in Pacific Central Station, Vancouver. This is the final destination for this service. Please take all your belongings, family, friends and memories with you.’

The announcement was expected, of course, but I can’t help but feel a weird little flake of sadness that it’s over. This train has been my home for the past five days, the place where – yes, Bryn – we’ve come back together and are stronger and better for it. I think.

Be it due to hangovers, sleepiness or stubbornness, I’ve not seen much of the others today.

We’ve all kept mostly quiet, to ourselves, watching the Canadian landscape drift by.

We’ve rolled without drama – outside or inside the train – through the district of British Columbia, alongside rippling rivers, cutting through canyons, and, eventually, into the suburbs of the city.

My friends and I have greeted each other with minor-hangover friendliness. I’ve told them about Ember leaving and nobody scoffed or whooped or anything. Alex is picking up a hire car at the train station and making her own way over to Vancouver Island.

I’ve told Luke I need a little time. It’s cowardly to care what the others think, but I do.

And, of course, I know they all know. Joe came back to his room last night when (thankfully) we were fast asleep, but there was no missing the fact we were snuggled together like a couple of Arctic foxes in Luke’s bunk.

And Joss is being a little softer today.

But I can’t help it... there’s still this horrid feeling deep in my stomach, like the ice our group friendship is on is so thin that he and I becoming a duo might just cause it to crack. Again.

I stand, and gather up all my crap – my bag, my coat, my tinsel bracelet, and go to meet the others at the exit nearest our cabins.

The station appears outside the window, benches and signs and waiting passengers coming into view.

‘Is anyone else nervous to see Bryn?’ Joss asks, chewing on her fingernails.

‘No more so than I was seeing the rest of you,’ Sara admits.

‘You never seemed nervous,’ I say, surprised.

‘I was bricking it,’ she says, laughing. ‘I thought you all hated me.’

‘Me too,’ says Luke.

‘Me too,’ chorus Joe and Joss.

‘Me too.’ I laugh.

The train grinds to a slow stop, drowning out our nervous laughter, and Luke reaches through the window to open the door. We bundle outside, weary, relieved, happy, and not too late for the wedding in the morning.

I look up and down the platform for that final, familiar face that’s been missing up until now. ‘There she is!’

Bryn is standing on the platform, holding up a sign that says ‘I’M SORRY!

’ and looking for us. Her hair is shorter, it looks freshly coloured, her skin is more tanned than she ever achieved living in London.

She still dresses like one of those rich people who aim to look casual but end up looking like they’ve just come from buying a country club, and still sports an impressive fuchsia lipstick.

‘Bryn!’ I call, my voice loud and high-pitched and drawing the attention of several people who aren’t even Bryn, and I wave until I’m the first one to catch her eye. She lowers her sign, puts her hand on her heart, smiles, and then starts running towards us. It’s very movie-like. Well done, Bryn.

She stops short though, and studies us, and for a moment we’re back at that place of awkwardness and silence, and nobody quite knowing if we can call each other friends again or not.

But then it’s Joss, Joss , who steps out of the crowd and hugs Bryn first, and that’s all it takes.

We envelop ourselves into the group hug I’ve needed for a long time, all arms and hot breath and talking over each other and rushed compliments.

Afterwards Bryn steps back and takes us all in. ‘You came.’

‘Of course we did,’ I reply.

‘And you didn’t kill each other on the train. Are you all very angry about the train?’

‘No.’ I wave her away, and can’t help but sneak a subtle glance at Luke.

Bryn sees and gasps, pointing at me and then him and then back at me. ‘Did you two hook up again?’

I stutter a non-reply, looking from the others to her, and, thank God she’s smiling. ‘We had sex on the train!’ I blurt out, and slap my hand across my mouth. ‘It was awesome!’ Shut up, Cali! ‘Are you mad?’

‘Why the hell would I be mad? I feel like a matchmaker!’ She laughs in delight and slings an arm around my shoulders.

‘Listen, we have some catching up to do, but it’s also the night before my wedding so I don’t want to catch a cold from hanging around a freezing train platform for too long. Who wants something to eat?’

In the warmth of a large pub with mahogany tables and gigantic burgers, Bryn chats about her wedding the next day, and even as she’s stuffing cheese-topped chips into her mouth she’s grinning with infectious happiness.

‘You are going to love Ruby. She’s so creative and funny and we’re into the same things and she’s Canadian so has the hottest accent. And she’s so organised, which you know I love; she’s almost single-handedly planned this whole wedding.’

‘She has? In what way?’ I ask, Ember and her social media stalking coming to mind.

‘Well, the venue is her family’s cabin, and she wanted red bridesmaids’ dresses because it’s her mum’s favourite colour, hence the name Ruby, and.

.. oh God, everything really. But we have similar taste, so it’s all good with me.

’ Bryn is glowing, giddy, totally and utterly in love with the right person, and it’s the loveliest thing to witness. Thank God we’re all here.

I nod along, listening, and I sink back into the seat with secret relief.

I wish Ember all the happiness in the world, and later I’ll check in with her, make sure she’s made it back to Jasper and is doing okay.

But I don’t think Bryn’s had any thought to luring her out here or rekindling what they once had, I think Ember just saw what she wanted, maybe needed, to see.

And Bryn is just a happy bride, completely in love.

‘Listen,’ Bryn says, growing serious for a moment.

‘My big plan was that we would have had the whole day today to talk everything out, wipe the slate clean, as it were, but I’m sure you’re all tired now.

I wanted to show you Vancouver Island, all the things I love about it, introduce you to my second family.

But that’ll all have to wait. So, none of you need to say anything, but can I just tell you all how sorry I am for how everything went down on that holiday?

I never wanted to lose you all. And if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, please let me know. Maybe after the wedding, though.’

‘Yeah, I’m annoyed you aren’t putting us first since we’ve come all this way, but it sounds like you have a pretty full day tomorrow,’ Joss says, and she flashes a grin at Bryn. ‘But just to add, I’m sorry too.’

We all parrot each other, apologising, expressing regret, vowing to take back everything we said, and I’m definitely not crying, it’s just that my burger has chillies in it or something.

By the last bite, I know I’m not the only one stifling a yawn.

‘Come on, sleepyheads,’ Bryn says, standing and gesturing for us all to bundle back into our big winter coats. ‘Ready for one last leg of the journey out to that beautiful cabin I promised you?’

Luke stretches on the way out of the pub. ‘I don’t know; do you have a bunk bed Joe and I could sleep in?’

Chuckling, Bryn leads us to a chauffeur-driven minivan she’s rented to take us to the cabin (she’s such a good host).

Vancouver Island is a little drive out of the city of Vancouver, including a ferry crossing which I’d love to say we were wide awake for and enjoying but actually I’m just sleepily watching the city lights melt away into the dark.

Bryn is beside me, and the others have all drifted asleep by the time we reach the island, so I say to her quietly, ‘Can I talk to you quickly, about...’ I nod my head towards Luke.

‘Of course,’ she says, leaning into me, her arm against mine, and it’s just how we used to sit on her sofa on a weekend morning, half gossiping, half watching whatever random cooking show we could find on TV.

‘Is it... am I...’ I glance at him.

His head is flopped against the window, his eyes closed, his eyelashes soft-looking, his arms flopped out to the side like he’s fallen asleep giving blood.

His breathing is deep and steady. Sleepy boy.

‘I want your opinion; what would you think if he and I gave it another try?’

‘I’d think it’s awesome, of course,’ she whispers.

I can’t help the smile that sweeps over my face. I lean closer into her, a rush of love for my friend. ‘You don’t think it could cause problems, you know, for the group?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m talking about how last time, everything was amazing between the six of us, and then he and I got together and everything changed, and people got mad at us, and then each other, and then, well, you remember the rest.’

‘I don’t think history is going to repeat itself in that way.’

‘You don’t think it would... alter the dynamic? Irreparably?’

Bryn sits up and pulls me into a hug. ‘Is this what you’ve been thinking the whole time we’ve not been friends? That you and Luke finally boning each other caused the whole fallout?’

I pull back and look at her. ‘Didn’t it?’

‘No!’

Joss snorts in her sleep in the seat behind me, waking herself up. ‘Are we there yet? What are we talking about?’

Bryn turns in her seat. ‘Did you know Cali thinks she’s the reason we all got the hump with each other for five years?’

‘Vain, much?’ Joss says, then winks a sleepy eye at me.

‘Alright, we need to clear this up.’ Bryn reaches over and shoves Luke awake, then back, lightly smacking the knees of both Joe and Sara. When everyone’s alert and caught up, Bryn faces me, taking my hands in hers.

‘You think everything was daisies and roses right up until the holiday, specifically, when you told us you and Luke had become a couple.’

‘Right.’

‘That is not the case.’

I glance at the others in turn, and they nod. ‘It isn’t?’

‘I’m not saying we were arguing, but my God, we were a co-dependent little cohort in that house.

Our lives were that friendship bubble, and only that friendship bubble.

And it was lovely, for a long time, but I think I speak for all of us when I say we’d come to a standstill in our lives, so keen were we not to change a thing.

But actually, we were ready to grow and move forward, and that’s not a bad thing. Even you.’

‘I didn’t want to grow,’ I grumble.

‘Then why did you finally make your move on Luke? Doesn’t that tell you something?’

‘Now hold on,’ I say. ‘He made a move on me... no... actually I did make the first move. Keep talking.’

‘Hey, I initiated the first kiss,’ Luke says, holding my gaze.

I smile at him, sweet thing. ‘That’s what you think.’

‘Why do you think Joe and I started that business?’ Joss interrupts.

‘Which Sara and Bryn invested in,’ chips in her brother.

‘... And which then failed,’ adds Joss. ‘You don’t think that caused some of the tension?’

‘And I was applying for jobs outside of London,’ Sara pipes up, rolling her shoulders. ‘I would have moved out soon after the holiday anyway, even if what happened hadn’t happened.’

Bryn nods. ‘Same. I wanted more space. I might have stayed another year, perhaps, but no more. Of course, I wish we could have stayed friends, but I truly think we needed a bit of space from each other. Unfortunately, we let the tension rise too much, too fast, and that bit of space turned into a ridiculously long and petty silence. But,’ – she claps her hands together – ‘we’re here now, all together, and also, at your humble abode. ”

The car crunches to a stop, the headlights beaming through the dark at a structure I can only describe as the type of place Airbnb advertises on their main page.

It’s a gigantic cabin made of thick, gleaming wood, with billowing snow cascading over the lips of the roof and along the window ledges.

Porch lights, surrounded by thousands of white Christmas lights, illuminate the front door, which has frosted glass panels and the biggest wreath I’ve ever seen.

White ribbons tied onto the porch railings flutter in the soft night breeze.

‘We’re actually staying here?’ I can’t quite lift my jaw off the ground. The photos Bryn sent before we arrived didn’t even begin to do this place justice.

‘Yes please,’ Bryn says.

I take a moment before following the others in, reaching for Luke’s hand and holding him back. I’m dressed in the hugest of coats, the heaviest of boots, but I feel lighter than I have for many Christmases.