Page 51 of The Casualty of Us (Philosophies of the Heart Duet #1)

Chapter Twenty-Six

My eyes flutter open to something lightly feathering over my brow, and I immediately groan. Squinting at the bright light coming in from windows that look out on the water. The room’s all-white scheme magnifying the sunlight and instantly filling my head with a dull ache.

“You rang, Freckles?”

His soft rasp has me flying up and sending the hand that was tracing my features smacking against my forehead. Leaving me blinking dazedly and turning my head to find—

“Holy shit,” I croak, my gaze landing on where Hayes is sitting next to me on the bed and staring at him dumbly. “You’re here.”

My blurted-out words have a quick grin flashing across his face before he leans in. “You hung up on me.” His hazel eyes are practically twinkling, even as they narrow a bit. “So I decided to clear things up personally.”

I blink at him, trying to make my groggy mind work through the pain, when Mia pipes up inquisitively, “Your other two friends downstairs said you’d be okay with this, but I’m just confirming.”

My head whips around to where she’s standing just inside the door, curiosity plain as day as she looks between us.

“Y—yeah.” I give her a quick nod before looking back at Hayes, catching how he’s eyeing her with obvious suspicion and thanking my lucky stars Talan isn’t working this morning. He’d make way too big a deal of this, but still… “Holy shit.”

A soft sound escapes me with the curse this time, and he looks back as Mia finally shuts the door, just about a split second before something snaps in me and I launch myself at him.

Throwing my arms around shoulders that somehow seem a little wider than the last time I saw him and letting my eyes fall closed.

Squeezing him hard and just letting myself breathe.

Something in me unravels at the contact, practically sighing in relief as the cedar works its way up my nose and his hands immediately go to my waist. Fingers pressing in for a moment before I bury my head in his shoulder and he slides them around to wrap me up fully.

“Missed you too, Freckles.”

The hushed words have a little hiccup escaping even as I mutter into his shirt, “I didn’t say that.”

“Okay.” A puff of laughter tickles the hair against my ear. “Whatever you want to go with.”

“Holy shit,” I breathe for a third time, the ache in my throat making me let go and push him back by the shoulders.

Running my eyes over every inch of him and taking in the shift.

The hair that’s a bit longer all around than last year and swept back off his head.

The grungy black jeans and distressed gray Age of Aquarius shirt that are practically screaming rock star spawn .

How his skin is tanner than mine could ever hope to be and how I’m pretty sure he hit that last growth spurt because he just seems bigger .

More sure of himself, maybe…but there’s a shift.

I can see it plain as day, just like I can see the nick that’s still there through his right eyebrow and the dimples that are cutting deep for me. How the hazel has been tracking the path of the blue and waiting for me to come back to him.

“You’re here.”

He lifts a brow, one hand letting go of my waist to reach off the bed slightly.

“Happy early birthday, Ophelia Sage,” he whispers, hand reappearing with his fingers wrapped around the handle of an oversized forest green gift bag that’s bursting with white tissue paper as I stare a little blankly again.

“You never mentioned the Christmas one, so I figured I’d go big this time. ”

“I never opened it.”

The words pass from my mind to my lips without thought, and he pauses for a split second before clearing his throat. “Should’ve expected that one.”

That’s not what has my attention, though.

It’s the left hand that’s wrapped around the gift.

“What the fuck is that?”

I snatch up his hand, staring down at the black ink covering his middle finger there and wondering if something in the night made me go off the deep end. Because there’s no way—

“Breathe, Ophelia.”

I purse my lips, inhaling sharply through my nose and glancing up at him. “Please tell me this isn’t permanent.”

His eyes flare for a beat before narrowing, and the next thing I know, he’s tackling me down into the covers.

The gift bag topples over next to us, spilling its contents across the bed as he lays his upper half completely on top of mine.

Giving me just enough room to turn my head and get a peek of a variety of tea boxes in different languages strewn everywhere.

He props himself up on an elbow, and I turn my head back to find him staring down at me.

His gaze filled with something like… contentment, maybe, but it’s something that I’m not sure I want to look at too long.

“There’s one from every city I went to this summer.” He jerks his head toward where the tea boxes are scattered. “Black, of course, but I wanted you to be able to try them all.”

“Oh.”

“This though.” Something nervous flickers across his face before his now-tattooed hand reappears with a delicate gold necklace hanging from it.

“Is apparently made by three sisters who only work under the full moon.” My eyes follow the path of the chain that has pearls dotting it down to where a circular pendant sits, the entirety of it inlaid with a green mosaic and surrounded by more pearls.

“It could be total bullshit, but the jeweler made it sound all mystical, and it made me think of you.”

I look back up to where the ink is lying against his skin, struck by the sense of playing catch-up, and staring at the cross running the length of his middle finger.

The word faith is over the top half of the cross, and using the cross for the letter t, with the bottom having religion there, just using the cross as the l instead.

The things we whispered in the dark right there on his skin, permanently.

He’s really limiting his options here.

“Why’d you get it?” I lift my gaze back up to find him looking me over carefully. “The tattoo.”

Because even hungover and playing catch-up, my brain latches on to that first.

He looks up, lifting his other hand to brush a piece of hair back off my face with a low rasp. “I wanted a reminder to keep my faith pure.” His eyes come back to mine with his fingers moving to smooth out the scowl that’s trying to appear. “To never let the world taint it again.”

“Yes.” I frown, snuggling down a little more with a chill as the hangover sets in and trying to fully accept that he’s actually here. “It’s something I said, though, roughly.”

“Do you not like it?”

His dimples try to twitch back to life, and I squint at him with my mind jerkily making a comeback. “That’s not what I said.”

“What about the necklace?” His fingers pause their path on my face, and he cups my cheek with some of that intensity seeping back into his eyes. “The truth, O.”

The truth….

“I love it,” I croak, that knot in me unraveling a bit more with the truth and leaving too much there. “Really.”

“Then why do you look sad, baby?”

And I don’t know whether it’s the baby or the way he’s wrapped around me or the fact that for the first time all summer…

I don’t feel like something is strangling me, but it leaves me hiding the sob that’s trying to escape.

“N–nothing.” I hiccup, dropping my gaze and attempting to pass it off. “Just hungover, obviously.”

“O.”

“Wait—” My panicked brain latches onto a memory of last night, or more specifically, the thing that had sent me over the edge. “Where did you get this? Why are you here?”

“Rome.” He answers easily. “I was coming back for your birthday any—”

“Nope.” I push at his shoulders, stomach churning as reality sinks in. “You don’t get to come here with—”

“Ophelia.” He lifts off me immediately, face falling as I sit up. “What—”

“And pretend I don’t know exactly what you’ve been up to—”

“Hold on—”

“Like I said, no hard feelings—”

“Ophelia.” He lifts a finger to my lips, cutting me off and making my neurons misfire in one fell swoop.

“The next words out of that mouth better be the reason you’re mad at me, or else I won’t show you the second tattoo.

” My lips part against his finger at that, and the spark in his gaze lets me know he caught it.

“Now tell me what I did to make you sad.”

Fuck.

“Nothing.” I lift my chin stubbornly as he drops his hand, practically daring him. “I’m not mad because I told you that it didn’t mean anything.”

“Wait.” His eyes narrow on me. “Do you think I messed around with someone?”

I shrug, pulling a face at him and hardening myself for the blow. “I didn’t say it.”

“You didn’t have to,” he shoots back, some of the tension leaving his face in the pause that follows before his voice drops low. “I didn’t touch anyone, O, not one girl all summer.”

I freeze at the statement, blinking at him as that sense of catching up hits me all over again and my heart starts to trip over itself with it.

“Wait…” He trails off. “You said something about Cheyenne.” His face starts to fill with something like amusement. “Tell me something, Freckles.”

I purse my lips when he pauses, refusing to play along.

“In all the research I’m guessing you did, did you happen to pick up on that she’s a lesbian?”

My mouth pops open, horror setting in because…no, I definitely did not. Didn’t have time to properly deep dive on her individually when I’ve got so many other balls in the fucking air that—

“So does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“No.” I scowl. “You could just be saying that.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Want me to call her?” He tilts his head at me, challenge clear. “She’s always been like a big sister, so she actually can’t wait to meet you.”

“Goddammit.”

Oh fuck…it’s worse than the blow, I think.

“Freckles.” His shoulders shake with a low laugh. “Why are you mad?”

“That’s not what I told you—”

“Would you rather me have done something?”

“I—” My mouth snaps shut before the lie escapes, like my damn body is hesitating in it, and eventually…I just push the covers back. “I’m going to shower.”

Or escape, take your pick.

Because that knot in my chest is just unraveling more with him here, letting me breathe again, and it’s all starting to crash through with it.

Because he didn’t do anything. I can see it quite literally written into every part of him.

Because this time, he’s perfect and I’m the mess, and now…

now there are no excuses left but mine, are there?

The trust issues. The problems. The drama. The meltdowns.

Me. Me. Me. Me.

“Ophelia.” His fingers wrap around my wrist just as I make it to the side of the bed. “What happened?”

“I…” My face pinches up with the truth on the tip of my tongue, part of me battling for it to escape and wanting nothing more than to wrap myself up in him until I’m hidden away there, while the other is reminding me that even him being here is a risk.

That he’s no safer with me than Ollie. That the right person would be able to take one look at us and see that he matters whether I like it or not. “I just…”

Fuck. Even Talan called it, and that’s when I was only texting him.

I should send him away.

I know—

“Ophelia, you’re scaring me.” The low rasp has me clenching the covers as his fingers tense around my wrist. “What the fuck happened this summer?”

I turn my head just enough to glance up at him through my lashes, and that’s what seals it right there.

Heart tripping and panicking and unable to find any kind of rhythm as he stares at me like he’s about two seconds from crawling right out of his skin and into mine.

Hazel eyes moving all over my face as he tries to find the answers he’s looking for under brows that are so low they’re almost touching that dark ring of lashes.

Something selfish rises in me, demanding that it needs him and leaving me a mess of things but knowing that I can’t do it either. I can’t send him away right now.

“I just need…” You. “Someone to be there,” I choke out quietly. “Just for a little bit, okay?”

Hoping that it doesn’t sound as much like begging as it does to my own ears.

“Hey.” He soothes tensely. “I’m not going anywhere, Freckles, you hear me?” I jerk a quick nod, and he leans in until we’re practically eye-to-eye as his thumb brushes across my wrist. “I’ve got you, okay? I’m here.”

“Okay.” The word leaves me in a rush of air, and some of the concern in his gaze eases, his thumb making another pass over my pulse point before he continues quietly.

“But we’re not done here, yeah?”

And it’s careful, but it’s there, the warning that he’s not going to just drop this.

It’s in the tap on my pulse point and the worry I can still see hiding in the backs of his eyes.

“I know that,” I whisper, trying to reel myself back in enough to process and plan. What said plan is going to entail exactly…no idea after this, but still… “I know that.”

Because how do you plan for someone that’s the cause and the cure all in one?

“And I missed you too, all right?” His voice drops to a hushed note, thumb giving me another light tap as my eyes try to start burning. “It’s okay to miss each other, baby, that’s kind of the point.”

Oh fuck.

“Okay.” I jerk another quick nod and drop my eyes to where the necklace is still clasped in his other hand.

My stomach flips at the sight of the absolutely stunning piece, and I hesitate for a split second before reaching for it.

“And thank you,” I add, closing my fingers around the top of the chain with my voice cracking as he lets go. “I love it.”

I lift my gaze back up to find his waiting there, everything about the way he’s looking at me unraveling another bit of that knot and making me stand up suddenly. “I’m going to go shower.”

“You good if I wait here?”

“Yeah,” I call back absently, heading straight for the bathroom doors at the foot of the bed. “Fine.”

Knowing that if I don’t get some space for a few minutes, I might give in to that temptation to lose myself in him. Let someone else take control for a while. Let myself soften until I break down and cry about how fucking scared I really am.

I don’t know if I can afford to lose it right now, that edge.

I’ve been fighting battles on every front all summer and need a moment to reconcile everything.

To figure out just how badly I’m going to need each of these things and how they stack up in my head.

Knowing that I’m fucked no matter which way the scales tip, because he’s already here and I can’t do what I should now.

Ready or not—here comes round two.

No take-backs.

I’ve been patient so far, but don’t think I haven’t missed you.

Locking myself in the bathroom so that I don’t go running right back out to him.