Page 47 of The Casualty of Us (Philosophies of the Heart Duet #1)

He stares at me like he’s having trouble computing that, and I’m about to ask what exactly his problem is when Talan pipes up from the peanut gallery.

“We have to move things up to the cabin by the school anyway, so it’s not a bad idea,” he reasons, drawing my surprised gaze but completely ignoring me. “Two of us could stay to do that, and two of us could go.”

I frown instantly. “What about Ollie?”

“The additional security presence here should be good.” His gaze moves to me, and I frown harder, wondering what his angle is here. “Glad to know you care about him, though.”

That fucking asshole.

“I wouldn’t mind working on a tan with the pipsqueak.” Mia shrugs next to him, brown curls bouncing around her as she does. “It’s a good plan, Jack.”

I’m going to get fucking whiplash from these people.

“You want your brother to stay?”

The quiet question from my mother has me spinning my head back around and immediately seeing the concern in her eyes. For me. For him. For what hasn’t stopped happening between us since I got in the car that morning.

All of it leaves me speechless, lips parted around the answer I’m hesitating with giving for the first time in my life. He’s safer this way, though.

And I just…can’t.

Can’t keep fighting him while trying to sort myself out. Sort all of it out.

“Yeah.” I swallow down the sick feeling again with my answer. “Ollie should stay.”

She waits a second, probably in case I change my mind, but I hold firm and eventually she nods. “Okay, darling, you can go now. I’ll sort out the rest.”

I pause at the dismissal, looking around the room and realizing that it’s actually happening by the acceptance on everyone’s faces.

Some in varying degrees of agreement, but it’s there on all of them.

It has that knot in my chest loosening just enough that my eyes start to burn and leaves me blinking fast.

Shit.

I nod quickly and toss out, “Thanks, Mama.”

Promising myself that I’ll thank her properly later and hauling ass out of there before any of them can change their minds or I embarrass myself by actually crying.

Texting Graham that I’m all set while practically skipping to where the stairs are by the front door.

Completely swept up in the way the air already seems easier to breathe while making my way to my room and not noticing that Ollie is sitting on my bed until I’ve already taken that first step in.

My eyes drift to the scar along his hairline out of habit, and I swallow, guilt suddenly eating me up from the inside, but—

“So did you get your way?”

No take-backs.

“Yeah.” I nod, not wanting to leave on a bad note and trying to get him to understand. “I just need to take a beat.”

Knowing I sound lame but not knowing what else to say either.

We’ve never been like this before. Never had this kind of chasm open up.

But then again…I guess neither of us has ever drawn a line in the sand over someone else either, have we?

“Fine.” His brows crash down with the unhappy sound, and he stands up. “When do we leave?”

Fuck.

He goes still, eyes holding mine and letting me see the shock there. “You’re going alone?”

He guesses correctly and leaves me completely adrift because I don’t know how to say it—

“Will you be back for our birthday?”

August fourteenth. Right before we go back to school.

I swallow, the knot in my chest twisting right back up, but I don’t have any kind of answer here either. My mind is too caught up in it all to give him one with any kind of assurance.

Still tripping over what happened while trying to figure out what will happen next.

“It’s our birthday, O,” he scoffs, the sound caught somewhere between disbelief and fear. “We’ve never been apart on our birthday.”

“I know that.”

“So,” he pushes, pulling me back to see his face hardening just like my dad’s. “Will you be back?”

But it’s the way there’s no give there that has me snapping back. “I don’t know. I’ll be back in time to grab my stuff. That’s all I know.”

Also, to make one very important pit stop that will hopefully help keep everyone safe.

“What—” The word explodes from him on a harsh breath, and he scowls at me. “When the fuck do you plan on stopping this shit?”

I blink at him, truly caught off guard for a moment before it clicks. Hitting me that while I’ve been drowning, he’s been…what? Assuming I’m just throwing a fit?

“This isn’t a ploy,” I spit out slowly, making sure he can understand. “This isn’t some temper tantrum I’m throwing until you come around to my side of things.” Narrowing my eyes at him, I take a step closer while hissing, “You fucking promised, Ollie.”

His face falls with panic entering his eyes, but it’s too late now.

“You promised me that you would never let anyone lock me up again, and then you held my hands while they did just that,” I gasp, fingers clenching around the phone I’m holding and having to remind myself that I actually need this object. “You stopped being on my side right when I needed you—”

“O—”

“Because all you could think about was what you wanted.” I shake my head, so past wanting to hear it at this point. “Again. Just like with Hayes.”

“That’s not fair,” he croaks.

“I don’t know.” I shrug, looking down while admitting, “Maybe.” An empty scoff leaves me with the word before I add, “But I tried to tell you that I can’t figure anything out here.”

A beat passes between us before he seals the awful goodbye with a quick, “Fine.” Not waiting for me to look back up and marching out of my room while tossing back, “See you at school then,” like he doesn’t care.

Leaving me standing there trying to figure out whether I won or lost in the end and still coming up empty hours later in my bed.