Page 18 of The Casualty of Us (Philosophies of the Heart Duet #1)

Chapter Nine

The sun is barely up the next morning when I wake up in a cocoon of limbs.

Deliciously warm from the waves of heat coming off the body wrapped around mine and my first breath bringing the scent of cedar with it.

I blink my eyes open to watery sunlight streaming through the window, and the sight of Hayes’s room has the memory of last night rushing back.

Leaving me craning my neck around to see him lying behind me with his hair even more of a mess than usual and lips moving with each puff of air that leaves them.

I take a moment to simply stare in a way that I never would when we’re both awake.

Eyes trailing over the little nick in his right eyebrow where the hair never seems to grow back and the arch of his cheekbones that probably comes from his supermodel mother.

Trying to memorize each of the dark lashes fanning out over his deep olive skin and letting myself stare longer than I should, really.

Part of me hoping he wakes up and somehow convinces me to stay longer. Teases me into throwing caution to the wind.

But the other half knows I should get the hell out of here before Ollie wakes up because I don’t want to explain something that I can’t even categorize yet.

It would make things awkward at the very least, probably for everyone, and I don’t want to risk the relationships of what’s quickly becoming our school family or the stability we’ve found here.

So I give myself another ten seconds. Silently counting them down in my head and letting myself soak up every bit of this moment.

The way his arm is tucked tightly around my waist with the other propped under his own head.

The way our legs are tangled together until his own are practically trapping mine. All of it.

Then I slowly slide myself out from under him, moving away in minute increments until I’ve scooted right to the edge of the bed.

Carefully pressing my feet to the floor and tiptoeing over to grab my boots.

Allowing myself one last look back when I finally make it to his door and catching the way he’s starting to move around before slipping out of it.

I hold the doorknob to keep it still while pulling it closed, finally blowing out a deep breath when it shuts soundlessly and turning around—

“Holy shit.”

Holden’s hushed voice has me almost dropping my shoes, and I barely catch them in time, clutching them to my chest and staring at him with what’s probably an equally horrified expression to the one he’s looking at me with.

I quickly take in the way he’s sitting up on the couch with his glasses half hanging off his face while his own gaze moves over my outfit.

No doubt catching that I’m still wearing my witch costume from last night.

“Nothing happened.”

“Right.” He blinks rapidly. “Right, of course.”

“Seriously.” I flick my eyes nervously to Ollie’s door before coming back to clarify. “We just slept.”

“Okay.” He nods weakly. “And I’m not dreaming, right?”

“No, uh.” I catch noises starting up from elsewhere in the dorm and rush out, “But don’t tell Ollie, okay?”

“Don’t worry.” He shakes his head seriously. “I know what they say about the messenger.”

I pull a face and whisper back at him, “Dramatic,” right before practically sprinting to the door myself and walking as inconspicuously as possible all the way back to my dorm. Thanking my lucky stars that it’s still early and there’s no one around to see the guilty look on my face.

My day from there consists of a full debrief with Marley over breakfast, where she soaks up every detail like a freaking detective while I scowl back seriously.

Not wanting her to get any big ideas since she seems consistently more invested in my love life than her own.

From there I head to the library to catch up on some reading for class next week and don’t end up seeing the guys until dinner.

There are a couple of pizzas spread out on the table that someone must have ordered for our group by the time I get there and I quickly slide into my usual seat, pointedly ignoring the way everyone’s acting slightly off.

Holden by staring studiously down at his plate and Marley by the shit-eating grin on her face.

But what really takes the cake is the dimples cutting deep in front of me and the mischievous hazel eyes that are totally contradicting the way he tosses out casually, “Have a good rest of your night, O?”

Which makes Holden promptly choke on his food and me glare. “Fine.”

He tips his head to the side playfully. “Just fine?”

“Yeah,” I try not to hiss, narrowing my eyes at him in warning. “Just fine .”

Flaying myself for the lack of wit in my retort as he grins even more widely, and Ollie drops his head onto my shoulder with a groan. “Don’t ever let me drink that much again.”

“No way.” I snort, reaching up to pat his brown waves a bit harder than necessary. “You were way too amusing.”

“I barely remember getting back to the dorm,” he grumbles. “I puked as soon as I woke up this morning.”

Marley’s face pinches up with disgust. “Gross.”

“Okay, okay, understood.” I roll my eyes, reaching out for a slice of pizza. “Just limit your drinks next time. Jeez.”

Everyone starts talking after that, falling back into more normal behavior and letting me zone out a bit, only partly keeping track of the conversation until Thanksgiving break comes up. Or more specifically, until Marley asks Hayes what his plans are for it and he says he’s staying here.

“What?”

I blink at him, tracking how he barely meets my gaze before ducking his head. “Yeah, my mom is going to be out of the country, and my dad…I just figured I’d stay here.”

“Oh.” A beat passes that carries his stupid, sad, little rock star baby self deeper into my heart before I announce, “Cool. Me and Ollie are staying too.”

Ollie jolts where he’s still resting on my shoulder, and I quickly reach over to pinch his side under the table before Hayes looks back up. “Really?”

I meet the dubious look in his eyes head-on. “Really, our parents have some work things going on.”

He turns to Ollie with clear suspicion in his voice. “You never mentioned that.”

Ollie sucks in a breath as my fingers dig deep into his side and croaks, “Yeah, yeah, totally staying.”

Earning him the reward of no longer being my personal pin cushion.

“It’s practically a party.” I grin unrepentantly before someone over his shoulder catches my eye.

Thomas from last night stares angrily at our table as he strolls through the mess hall with a bruise around one of his eyes that definitely wasn’t there the night before.

What surprises me the most, though, is that where I expect his anger to be directed at me, it’s not.

Instead, his eyes seem to be drilling holes in the back of Hayes’s head.

I look back down to Hayes curiously before double-checking that I’m tracking right, but he catches on.

He quickly turns to look at what’s caught my attention, and I watch the two make eye contact before Hayes scoffs a laugh and winks at him.

Fucking winks at him.

Making the pieces slot together in my head as he turns back around with a happy grin.

“You know…” I drag out, purposefully stopping to take a bite of pizza and hold him in suspense before chiding. “I don’t condone physical violence.”

He lifts a brow at me. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“Eat your pizza, Freckles.” His dimples twitch before he can hide it. “It’s going to get cold.”

I follow my instincts then and go for the gold, sighing back, “Yes, sir.”

His eyes flare wide, lips parting in surprise even as Ollie gags.

“Goddammit, I’m going to be sick again.”

Thanksgiving passes in the blink of a couple of phone calls with lame excuses to our parents and a day of stuffing ourselves in the guys’ dorm before passing out in between Ollie and Hayes on the couch.

Elf on in the background, and me the most comfortable I can ever remember being until waking up to Ollie smacking the back of Hayes’s head for daring to cuddle me.

From there it’s a rush of exams.

The last two weeks before winter break consist of nothing but cramming and testing and barely getting time to breathe.

Marley’s and my French final gets rescheduled to the last possible slot on the morning we’re supposed to leave after our teacher comes down with the flu, and I try to make it to the guys’ dorm in time to catch them all afterward…

or that’s what I tell myself at least. But I must not manage to hide the disappointment from showing on my face when only Ollie and Holden are there to greet me.

“You just missed him, O.” Ollie sighs, worried lines etching their way onto his face as he holds out a box to me. “He wanted me to give you this.”

He holds out a small, prettily wrapped box that’s all black wrapping paper with a shiny white bow, and I take it from him carefully. Immediately reading the little tag hanging off it with clear instructions in a messy scrawl to not open until December twenty-fifth. Signed to me from Hayes.

“All I got was a hug,” Holden mutters.

“Same,” Ollie grumbles back.

I try to hide the grin on my lips when looking back up at them, but Ollie only rolls his eyes before throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“Ready to head home?”

“Yeah.” I nod quickly, holding the box in my hands like it’s something precious. “Yeah, let’s head home.”

Not knowing then that everything will be different when we finally make it back.

The bottom falling out from underneath me and making me doubt myself all over again.