Page 28 of Sweet Vengeance (Sins of the Father #2)

Ollie

There have been a lot of hushed conversations over the last couple of days, a lot of everyone getting silent when I enter a room or Cillian disappearing with Tiernan.

Cillian pretends everything is normal. He’ll make a joke or pull me toward him, wrapping his arms around me.

He does that in front of them a lot now, tugs me to his lap or hugs me, and I love it but dread it at the same time.

All it’s doing is making this feel more real, and that’s dangerous thinking.

Still, the heaviness in the air tells me something’s wrong, something dangerous, and that makes me want to cling to him every second of every day. I don’t ever want him out of my sight or grip. Why can’t I just hold on to Cillian O’Shea every moment of forever?

He meets up with me on Thursday after class.

He didn’t bring his car, so we’re walking back to the house, our arms brushing with every step, making my fingers itch to reach out and hold his hand.

What would he do if I tried it? I can’t see him as the type to walk around holding someone’s hand, but then, Cillian surprises me every day.

“I’m gonna be out tonight…me, Rory, Tiernan, and Dean. I’m not sure how late we’ll be…maybe all night.”

The hairs on the back of my neck rise. What is he going to do? Something I won’t want to know about, I’m sure. “Should I stay at my dorm?” I ask, surprised to find that the thought makes my stomach cramp. I want to be there when he gets home.

“No. You’re staying at home.”

“Um, pretty sure there’s a better way you could word that.”

“You’re the one who asked.”

“True, but you could say you’d rather me stay at home—well, your home.”

He groans. “I don’t want to fight with you. I want you at my house. I would appreciate it if you stayed there.”

His voice sounds off. Something major is going on. “Okay.” We don’t talk for the rest of the walk, which feels like it takes a hundred years. We’re almost to the end of their long gravel driveway when I stop.

What if he doesn’t come home? What if he gets hurt?

My eyes feel like they’re about to well up, and I do everything in my power to stop it.

I’m not going to cry. What would he think if I stood here crying?

This is who Cillian is, who he’ll always be.

Plus, I don’t even know what he’s doing.

For all I know, whatever is going on tonight has happened numerous times since we started… doing this together.

Still, I can’t stop myself from saying, “Promise me you’ll be safe…and that you won’t go to jail. And that…well, I can’t say nothing bad will happen because I’m pretty sure it will, but you have to be okay.”

He groans, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I thought we didn’t talk about this.”

“We don’t.”

Cillian gives me a small smile. “Okay…so we won’t talk about how I’ll be okay. Nothing will happen to me. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that. If we were talking about it.”

“Pretty sure I did. I won’t get hurt. I promise. And I’m definitely not getting arrested. Hypothetically.”

Ridiculously, his words soothe some of my worry. I trust him. “I’m holding you to that…your promise.”

He winks. “I expect nothing less.” And then…then Cillian takes my hand, holding it the rest of the walk up the driveway.

*

Cillian is locked away in Tiernan’s office for most of the day. I try to distract myself with some assignments I need to do, but even that doesn’t work. School is always a good distraction for me, but now there’s Cillian, and he’s doing something dangerous, and I don’t know how to handle that.

“You good?” I hear from behind me and turn around to see Dean leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Yeah. I’m just…” How do I even finish that sentence?

“I get it. In the beginning, I was the one left at home. It’s…” He looks away, trying to find his words and maybe still adjusting to this whole opening-up thing. “Difficult. He’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it. Tiernan and Rory will too.”

“I want you all to be okay.”

He gives a small smirk. “We will be.” He pushes off the wall. “You’re doing good with all this. Better than I would have thought, but then I remember how brave you were when you thought Tiernan was hurting me, and I realize none of us should ever doubt you.”

I’m struck speechless for a moment, pulse pounding. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

Dean shrugs, then simply walks away, down the hall and toward Tiernan’s office.

I jump when I hear the front door open, but then relax when Aislin walks around the corner with two bags in her hands. “Do I smell hibachi?”

“And cupcakes.” She nods toward the kitchen. “Come on.”

I leave my schoolbooks and laptop on the couch and go with her. Aislin is already unpacking food and moving around the kitchen as if she lives here.

“Did he call you? Cillian?”

“Would it be bad if he did?” she asks, her back to me as she grabs plates from the cabinet.

It wouldn’t be bad at all. It would be…kind and a really Cillian thing to do. It’s hard to put together the two sides of him—like puzzle pieces that at first don’t look like they will fit together, but then somehow do. “No.”

She turns around and leans against the counter. “Then yes, he did. He didn’t want you to be alone tonight—and not because he doesn’t think you can take care of yourself, but because he knows this is new for you.”

“How do you get used to it?” I ask, not that we’ll be together long enough for that. It’s different for her, of course. Tiernan is her brother, Cillian her cousin, Dean her best friend, and Rory’s like a brother to her too.

“It’s all I’ve ever known.” She makes two plates filled with fried rice, chicken, and veggies and sets them on the table.

I take a seat, and Aislin settles in the one beside me.

“I’m sorry,” I find myself telling her.

“Because it’s all I’ve ever known?” she asks, and I nod.

“I mean, yes, it’s hard in a lot of ways, but you’ll never find a truer family than the people in this house.

You’ll never find love like you get from the people in this house either.

Bad always comes with good, and what you have to ask yourself is if the good outweighs the bad.

They may not be perfect, they’re flawed and…

well, not what most people would consider good men, but they’re good men to me.

They’re honorable, even if it’s in their own way.

Now that he’s claimed you, there’s nothing Cillian wouldn’t do for you, which means there’s nothing the rest of them wouldn’t do for you.

It was the same with Dean, once everyone knew he was Tiernan’s. ”

“I’m not Cillian’s forever.” Not for good, at least.

“Maybe not in your book, but you are in his, and that’s what matters to them.”

“I don’t want him to have to do stuff like that for me.”

She reaches over and places her hand on top of mine. “If you stay with him, this will always be part of it. There will always be risks, there will always be danger. Something will always test your conscience, but just remember, you know who he is in the ways that matter.”

I do know who he is. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. The good and the bad. I’m not sure what that says about me, and honestly, I don’t think I have it in me to continue to wrestle with it. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Aislin smiles. “We’ll have fun tonight. I promise.”

I nod, stuck in this place between belief and disbelief.

Aislin and I grab our forks and dig into our food. I’m surprised I have an appetite. We’re just finishing rinsing our plates and putting them in the dishwasher when I hear footsteps coming down the hallway.

Dean is first, carrying a duffel bag I’d rather not know the contents of. “We’ll be back,” he says simply, in his very Dean way.

“You big jerk.” Aislin walks over and gives him a hug.

I don’t move from my spot beside the sink.

Tiernan is next. He looks at me. “Be good.”

It doesn’t take a genius to know what that means. Don’t leave. Don’t tell anyone. I know what will happen if I do.

I give him a nod, trying to keep myself from shaking, but it doesn’t work.

“Bunny!” Rory practically beams, bouncing on his toes, clearly unable to keep still. “We get to go have fun tonight! Sorry you can’t go.”

I…don’t even know how to respond to that. “I don’t want to go.”

“Why not?” he asks.

Is he serious? I like Rory…a lot, but he’s for sure the wild card in the group, the opposite of Cillian in a lot of ways, and yet they fit. “Because I don’t…?”

“Your loss.” He grins, playing with his fidget spinner, before giving me a wink.

And then…Cillian appears in the doorway, and my breath catches. He’s wearing all black—they all are, but really, it’s like there’s no one in the room right now but us.

He looks almost…shy, like he’s not sure how to act around me…like he’s not sure how I feel about him.

And in this moment, all the things Aislin said click into place. I push off the counter and walk over to him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, burying my face in his neck. Cillian’s grip is tight around my waist, nearly squeezing the life out of me, but somehow, it’s still not enough.

“I promised, remember?” he says, and I nod, not ashamed of the wetness in my eyes. I was earlier, but screw that. Whatever he’s doing tonight is scary and dangerous, and I’m allowed to feel what I feel. It doesn’t make me weak. It means I care. That I’m human.

When I pull back, Cillian wipes the tears. “None of that. I’m a fucking badass,” he says, and I chuckle. “I’ll see you soon, Kitten.” He cups my cheek, presses his lips to mine…and then he’s gone.

I don’t move from the spot, watching the empty space until I feel Aislin beside me.

“I think I’m in love with him,” I admit.

I’m in love with Cillian O’Shea despite all the things he does, despite the fact that I just felt a gun against his body when I hugged him…

and I want to be in love with him. That doesn’t mean I don’t know what he does is wrong…

it just means I love him more than I care about that.

The future lawyer and the criminal. How will this ever work?

“Good. That just means he’s not in it alone, and you gave him even more of a reason to come home safe. That’s important, ya know? If you hadn’t hugged him like that, he would have been worried about you all night, wondering if it would change things, and he needs his head in the game.”

I nod, understanding what she’s saying.

“Oh look. Zuri sent a photo.” She holds her cell out, probably just trying to distract me, and I see a beautiful woman with gorgeous brown skin, glitter on her eyes, and braids.

“Have you made any progress yet?”

She sighs. “I like her so much, but I still can’t figure out if she feels the same. You’re waiting for your boyfriend to come back, and I’m trying to get a girlfriend… I think that calls for cupcakes.”

I grin, feeling an unexpected closeness with Aislin. “I think so too.”