Page 17 of Sweet Vengeance (Sins of the Father #2)

Ollie

The past few days with Cillian have been interesting, to say the least. He’s this strange mix of mother hen and bossy jerk.

Half the time, I don’t know whether to think he’s sweet, an asshole, or totally hot.

I mean, the hot thing is always there because it’s impossible to look at Cillian and not be attracted to him—at least for me—but there are times it’s easier to ignore than others, and I’m angry with him while at the same time being confusingly turned on.

It doesn’t help that he’s spent every night in my bed either.

I’ve never actually slept in the same bed with a guy before.

My sexual experience boils down to messy handjobs and blowjobs with guys I didn’t have any kind of friendship or relationship with.

Like, in high school I used to blow the captain of the lacrosse team, but we never talked outside of our hookups.

Cillian and I aren’t hooking up, and it would be the stupidest decision I’ve ever made to do that, but again, I’ve felt his nearly naked body in bed with me, he makes no secret of the fact that he wants to have sex with me, and… he’s nice to me.

This man who does terrible things is nice to me and protecting me. It’s hard to make sense of those two conflicting things.

So mostly, I try not to think about it at all, try not to let myself acknowledge that when Cillian slips out of the room, he’s often going to sell drugs, that he has a lot of secrets, hushed phone calls, which I know are about illegal things, and that if I let him, he would literally murder the men who hurt me.

And that’s the biggest thing I try not to remember at all—that I have been hurt, that they beat me and reveled in it. That I could have died, and they could be coming back for more.

Sometimes I’m able to fool myself into forgetting it happened, but others I’m scared…and I don’t want to be scared. I don’t want to let them win. I want to go on living my life.

Which is hard to reconcile with the fact that tonight is the last night Cillian will be staying with me, and I don’t want him to go. I’m not ready to be alone, and that makes me feel weak.

A loud bang right next to me has me jumping out of my seat in class. My heart nearly breaks through my chest, beating much faster than would be considered healthy. I whip my head toward the noise, just as a woman bends over to pick up a book that fell off her desk.

Relax. They have no reason to hurt you again. You don’t know who they are.

Then why did they take my IDs?

As I do my best to pay attention the rest of my lecture, I get a welcome distraction when Dean texts to check on me.

Which…is weird too. I’ve gotten a message from Dean every day this past week, making sure I’m okay.

He’s really trying, and it’s sweet but also scary.

Does he think someone is going to kill me?

When my professor releases us, I put my things into my bag, then head out. It’s my last class of the day.

I squint against the bright sun when I leave the building—and see Rory sitting on the steps, his red hair glinting in the light.

My gaze shoots around for Cillian, who’s been walking me to and from each class as if someone is going to jump out of the bushes at any moment to kill me.

He even went with me when I got a new student ID and driver’s license.

“Oh…hey,” I say to Rory, who looks up at me with a nod, then stands.

Don’t ask where Cillian is, don’t ask where Cillian is, don’t ask where Cillian is.

“Cillian had some shit to do,” Rory answers my silent question, at least to a degree. I don’t want to know exactly what Cillian is doing. Ignorance is bliss.

“I don’t need you guys to escort me between classes.” It’s confusing how I can be both annoyed and thankful…only it feels weird when it’s not Cillian. I’m already comfortable with him.

“I know. You’re our brave little bunny. But Cil wants someone with you, and when one of us needs something, the others make sure it happens. It’s who we are.”

That’s something I’m learning quickly about them. “I’m not Cillian’s responsibility.”

“He seems to think you are, and to me, that’s all that matters.” He offers me his vape. “Want a hit?”

“No. Those things are terrible for you, and we don’t even know all the side effects yet. You’re young enough, so if you quit now, maybe you won’t have any lasting issues.”

We take the stairs down together. “Aww, aren’t you fucking sweet. You care about me, Bunny?”

“Why is it both of you insist on calling me some kind of animal?”

“Wait, Cil has a different name for you? What is it?”

I shake my head, unwilling to answer that. Instead, I ask, “Don’t any of you ever have to go to class?”

“No. Benefit of who we are. You shouldn’t be here yet either. I’m surprised Cillian is letting you come before you’re completely healed.”

Those words stop me in my tracks, making my feet stick to the grass like glue. “Let me? Let me? Cillian isn’t my…anything. He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.”

“I’m serious! What the fuck, Rory!”

“Wow. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you use that word. I’m good at pissing people off, though. It’s a talent.” He winks. “Your face looks better—the bruising, I mean. Though I think the bruises are kinda sexy.”

“Are you mentally well?” falls out of my mouth, and I immediately feel bad. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s very ableist.”

We start walking again. “It’s okay. I accept your apology, Bunny, and to answer your question, no, I’m probably not.

If it makes you feel better, Cillian is the most levelheaded of us.

Your boy Dean, he flies off the handle at practically nothing.

Tiernan is the cockiest motherfucker alive, and while he’s good at being in control, his love of power makes him dangerous.

Cil, though…he’s a little more put together. ”

I turn to see Rory take another hit off his vape. “Why would I care how levelheaded Cillian is?”

He shrugs. “Because you’re all normal and shit. You’re a good guy, while we…aren’t.”

I’m shocked into a moment of silence when I almost say that Cillian is a good guy.

That probably shouldn’t be my instinct when it comes to him.

Being nice to someone sometimes doesn’t make you good, but then, maybe there are levels of good.

Maybe no one is completely one thing. “That still doesn’t explain why you think I’m supposed to care.

Who Cillian is or what he does has nothing to do with me. ”

“Doesn’t it, though? At least for now, Cil has decided you’re his. Don’t fuck that up. I don’t want to have to kill you. Should we get food on the way back to your dorm? I’m starving.”

Rory keeps moving, but I’m rooted on the spot.

Did he just threaten to murder me? This is probably one of those moments I should be scared because he does, in fact, kill people, but it doesn’t feel the same as knowing those guys who attacked me have my information.

This just pisses me off. “Hey, screw you. People don’t just walk around saying stuff like that to others. ”

Rory stops. “That you’re Cillian’s?” His brows draw together.

What? This man is the most confusing person I’ve ever met.

I’d think he was joking, but I’m fairly certain he has no clue what I mean.

“No. You threatened to…” I look around, making sure no one’s close.

“You know…” I make a slitting motion across my throat.

The second I do it, I realize how ridiculous it is.

Apparently, Rory agrees because he bursts out laughing.

“I don’t like you.” I cross my arms and start walking again.

“Aw, come on. We’re bonding!” He catches up and surprises me by throwing an arm around my shoulders.

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t want to kill you.

And if I do, it’ll piss Cillian off, which I also don’t like, but he’s never claimed anyone before, and while he hasn’t said the words with you, I know him.

Isn’t that a normal thing to do? Warn a person not to hurt someone they love? ”

My brain is spinning with all the information he’s throwing at me. Murder threat aside, he’s making it sound like Cillian likes me. “He hasn’t claimed me.” People can’t be claimed. That’s not how it works.

“Whatever you say.” His arm’s still around me.

“I’m serious. He hasn’t. We don’t even know each other—not really.

” But I do know he loves his mom, that he lost her and misses her.

That he has a shitty relationship with his father, and that Rory is his person.

That there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Tiernan, and by extension Dean, simply because Tiernan loves Dean.

I know he’s a caretaker by nature, even if he doesn’t see it. That he’s bossy but also sweet and…

“Why do you look all dazed? I didn’t break you, did I?”

“What? No. I’m not broken. I’m just…processing.” Rory can’t be right. Why would Cillian want me? “He wants to have sex with me.” That’s all this is.

“Well, no shit. Who wouldn’t want to have sex with you?”

“Wait. What?”

“I’d fuck you too. I’d fuck you with Cillian. It would be fun.”

I stumble over a stick or, I don’t know, the air. Rory chuckles again.

“I think you and Cillian are secretly in love with each other.”

Rory frowns. “It’s not like that. Not between any of us.

I love him. I probably love him more than anyone in this world and that will never change, but I’m not in love with him.

He’s like…another part of myself, if that makes sense.

I would never be just with Cillian, but I enjoy being with him when someone is between us.

And I would take out the whole fucking world for him if he needed me to. ”

How does one reply to that? It’s intense, but I’m learning everything about the mini mob is intense. And there’s no denying their love for each other, their bond. I’ve never seen anything like it, and people who care about others this much, no matter who they are, can’t be all bad.

There’s something about the way Rory and Cillian speak about each other, about the connection they have, that is…intriguing to me. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have someone love me that much.

“I’m glad you have each other,” I find myself saying.

“Me too. Now can we get some fucking food? I’m dying here. Seriously, I might be small, but I can eat like a fucking horse. Also, Cil will probably be mad if I don’t feed you. He said when you’re better, we’re going to teach you how to fight.”

He just spitfired what feels like a hundred different topics at me at once. I’m not sure what to tackle first.

“Yes, we can get food.”

“Good. I like you, Bunny. I think you’re going to fit in better than you believe.”

I don’t know about that, don’t know if I should want to, but…I must admit the thought is kind of nice.