Page 25 of Sweet Vengeance (Sins of the Father #2)
He doesn’t answer right away, and for a moment, I worry I broke him—or that I misread the situation and he didn’t want to do what we just did. Maybe he changed his mind and I didn’t realize? Christ, I would kill myself if I hurt him that way.
Just as I’m about to ask him what’s wrong, Ollie says, “You’re sweeter than you realize.”
A loud laugh bursts from my mouth. I don’t want him to feel like I’m making fun of him, but I can’t help it. There’s absolutely nothing sweet about me.
“I’m being serious. Don’t laugh at me.” He tries to pull away, but I wrap my arms around him, holding him in a way that should feel completely unfamiliar to me but somehow doesn’t.
“It’s cute you think I’m sweet. I don’t typically have people say things like that about me.” I sober. “I’m not who you think I am if that’s what you see.”
“You don’t get to tell me how to feel, Cillian. Maybe you’re in control of a lot in your life, but not that. My feelings are mine.”
I can almost believe him when he says things like that to me, when he looks at me all intense and passionate, confident in who he is and how he thinks, though I don’t believe he sees how confident he is, and…
if there are parts I see in Ollie that he doesn’t see in himself, maybe that means there really can be pieces of me he knows are there that I can’t find.
No. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t start thinking like that.
I’m the guy who is going to kill for him, despite knowing he doesn’t want me to.
While I see honor in that—except for the lying—he doesn’t.
“Fine, Kitten. Your feelings are yours. I just don’t want you to get hurt when you realize I’m not who you want. ”
“I learn more about who you are every day, and there’s more than you see,” he insists.
I roll my eyes. “Can we not do this? I don’t want to argue, and I’m not going to agree with you about this.”
Something in his demeanor changes, an additional softness to how he peers down at me with those big brown eyes of his. “What happened with your dad today?”
I stiffen beneath him. I’m not used to talking about my dad to anyone other than Tiernan and Rory—I don’t even open up to Aislin about him. Not really. “What did Rory tell you?”
“Nothing. Just that you were all up in your head about your father.”
Fucking Rory. He doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. “It was nothing.”
“I’m sure it was something. You can talk to me. I won’t judge you. I’ll just listen.”
I groan, turning my head to the side, but I can’t go far with him on top of me. How do I tell him that I got upset because my father called me son? That he pretends to care, but it’s nothing except going through the motions. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“So? It’s not always about understanding. It’s about being there for someone. Excuse me for trying. You do all this stuff for me, and I just thought… I’m an idiot. I don’t know what I thought.”
Guilt descends over me like ants on a piece of food dropped on the sidewalk.
He tries to get up again, but I don’t let go of him, don’t want to let go of him.
I like the feel of Ollie on top of me. “He just…doesn’t care about me.
Never did. He completely disengaged, stopped even pretending, the moment my mom died.
I was fucking devastated, and he was nowhere to be found.
Is that what you want to hear? That I was a lost kid who thought my world had ended when my mom died, and he didn’t even care enough about me to be there?
I would have been completely alone if it wasn’t for Rory, Tiernan, and his family. ”
It’s like I can’t stop the words now. As much as I want to bite them back, hold them in where I can forget they exist, they’re now begging to burst free.
“All these years later, and he still doesn’t fucking care.
He talks to Tiernan more than me. I’m nothing but another man in his organization to him, even when he tries to pretend I’m not. ”
For the first time, it’s Ollie who takes hold of my chin, turning my head so I’m facing him. “I’m sorry he isn’t there for you, but that says more about him than you.”
“I don’t fucking care. I hate him.”
“I think…I think this would all be a lot easier for you if you did. It’s okay to feel things, Cillian.
Maybe it’s different in your world, maybe you’re not supposed to, but I’m telling you it’s okay.
That’s what makes you you. And I…like that person.
More than I should. Even if I am mad at you for sending Rory to follow me today. ”
I crack a grin, something that just a second ago I couldn’t imagine doing. “That was me being sweet and worrying about you.”
“I know, and I told you you’re sweet. But you have to respect my wishes too.”
“I won’t apologize for keeping you safe.” I want to do more for him than that. I just…want him. Want him more than I’ve wanted anyone in my life. Want everyone to know he’s mine, but that scares the shit out of me.
“I know that too…and I like it. I don’t want to talk about that right now, though. You deserve better than what your dad has given you. I’m sorry he’s not who you deserve. Maybe that will change.”
No, I don’t think it will. Still, I find myself saying, “Maybe,” just because it’s clear he believes it, and I want to live in the same world Ollie lives in. One where I’m sweet and maybe we could really be something. “You’re mine. Do you know that?” Even when this ends, he’ll still be mine.
Ollie swallows, a visible knot sliding down his throat. I wait for him to argue, for him to tell me I’m wrong, that he’s better than me and could never accept me as I am.
But he doesn’t.
Instead, he nods, and it makes me feel like the luckiest son of a bitch alive.
He doesn’t look at me as he kisses his way down my chest, my stomach. He kisses and licks away the dry cum there but doesn’t stop. I know exactly what he’s going to do, and the moment from earlier is made even better, like I’m on top of the fucking world and no one can touch me.
Ollie rests between my legs again, the way he’d done last night, kissing my soft cock, nuzzling my pubes…and then he takes me into his mouth, sucking me, holding me there like he needs the connection as bad as I do.
I don’t want to ever let him go…even if he’ll eventually shatter my heart and leave me alone.