Page 26 of Sweet Vengeance (Sins of the Father #2)

Ollie

I’ve been staying with Cillian for a week now, and it’s both exactly as I expected and not.

They’re like their own little family, albeit a dysfunctional one.

They constantly argue and give each other shit.

Tiernan really is as bossy as he seems, and everyone defers to him.

The hierarchy within the mini mob took me a couple of days to figure out, but from what I’ve witnessed, Cillian is “second in command,” followed by Rory, then Dean—which makes sense as Dean is the newest.

When Tiernan wants something done, it’s usually Cillian he goes to first. While all four of them disappear into Tiernan’s locked office together frequently, oftentimes it’s just Cillian and Tiernan.

In those moments, Dean or Rory will often come and find me.

Dean, especially, has been trying more when it comes to our friendship.

He brought me lunch the other day, and we ate together in the backyard.

There’s also a secret freaking door, and I’m scared to even consider what it leads to.

We’ve come to an understanding. Cillian doesn’t tell me anything he does.

When he leaves, he doesn’t tell me where he’s going, and I don’t ask.

When he comes back, I pretend he was off doing random things like maybe making food deliveries for extra money, studying at the library on campus, or going out to lunch with his father.

Cillian pretends he doesn’t want a relationship with him, but that’s not true.

I hear it in his voice when he speaks about him, feel it in the way his body tenses when his father calls Tiernan while Cillian’s phone remains silent.

As much as I don’t want to like Tiernan, even I see the sorrow he feels when he gets those calls, though he tries to play it off as if he doesn’t.

The whole group is like an advertisement for toxic masculinity.

They don’t talk about the important stuff—at least not in front of me—but if you take the time to look, you’ll see they show their love for each other in the things they do, the way they look out for each other, and honestly, even the fact that I’m sleeping in this house.

I’m a liability. I get that. The only reason I’m here is because Cillian wants me here.

Dean wants me here as well, but as obvious as Tiernan’s love is for him, I don’t think Dean’s the reason Tiernan allows me to stay.

If I wasn’t here, Cillian wouldn’t be either, and yes, Tiernan needs him, but I think…

God, I think he also just likes those he loves to be under the same roof.

Wants to know they’re all safe. He even argues with Aislin sometimes about moving in, but she won’t do it.

They’re all co-dependent, and there’s something unexpectedly beautiful in that.

I smile at the thought, with Cillian’s soft dick in my mouth, while I kneel between his legs. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, running his fingers through my hair.

I finished blowing him some thirty minutes ago, but like always, I didn’t pull off him afterward. I nuzzle in closer, inhale his scent, taste his arousal on his skin, the remnants of the load I worked out of his balls still on my tongue.

I love doing this so much, and I don’t get why.

Typically, I’m an answers guy. I want to understand all the moving parts, want to get why something is the way it is, even if it’s internal and emotional.

I can’t make sense of anything with Cillian.

Not why he wants me, or why I want him. Not why I can feel so safe with him, knowing the things he does.

How I can be here with him despite all the things I know? Yet I don’t want to be anywhere else.

And I love this, sucking him, holding him in my mouth, feeling closer to him than I ever have to another human in my life, and for once, I don’t need a reason. It simply is.

“Two smiles in a row. What are you thinking about, Kitten?”

“Nothing,” I lie, pulling off him.

“So…tonight…we could do some homework together and then get naked.” He pumps his brows, and I roll my eyes.

“First of all, the only time you ever do homework is when I make you.” It really is a thing. I don’t know how he or Rory have managed to pass their classes last year, how they’re still enrolled. I’ve taken responsibility for keeping them both on track.

“Yes, but I will tonight.”

“Only because you don’t want me to go to work, and that’s not gonna happen—and which was number two on my list, by the way. I’m going.” I have to. I’m already upset that Cillian paid my hospital bill. I don’t want to live off him too.

“Why? You don’t need it. I have money for anything you need.”

“I need a job! And I’m not your kept boy.”

“No, you’re my dirty boy.” He snickers, trying to make it so I’m not angry, but it doesn’t work.

I still have to be careful with my ribs, but I do my best to shove to my feet angrily. “It’s important to me to get back to my life. If I don’t do it now, I never will. I can’t live my life in fear, Cillian.”

He sighs, pulls me toward him until I straddle his lap, then presses his forehead to my chest. “I hate it when you say my name. It makes me give you anything you want.”

I grin. “Cillian, Cillian, Cillian.” It’s absolutely the most ridiculous thing in the world. How can hearing me say his name make him feel that way? Still, it shoots me to the sky, makes me float on the clouds and feel like more than I ever have before.

“Brat.”

I wrap my arms around him. “This is important to me. I don’t want to lose who I am.”

Cillian’s fingers dance up and down my back. “I know. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

“Plus…when this is over, I still need to be able to take care of myself.”

“I know.” He gives me a quick kiss, rolls me off him, and dumps me onto the messy bed, his gray-and-white bedding tangled from our sexual escapades.

He hasn’t tried to fuck me yet. I’m dying for it, want to know what it’s like to have Cillian inside me, but I’m also scared there will be no turning back after that.

He walks naked to the bathroom in his room, and a second later, I hear him taking a leak. My cell phone rings, and I grab it off the black nightstand to see Dad on the screen.

Guilt swarms me like bees on honey. Part of me feels bad having a good relationship with my father because Cillian doesn’t with his, and the rest of my guilt is all because of me.

Because I’m lying to my dad.

Because he doesn’t know I’ve been hurt.

Because he doesn’t know about Cillian, and he’s the closest thing to a boyfriend I’ve ever had, even if it’s temporary, and I want to share that with him. I want to tell him I like someone, that they like me, but how would he feel if he knew the things Cillian does?

There is so much to feel, I’m not sure which emotion to focus on first.

“You can answer it, Kitten.”

“I will,” I grumble. How can I enjoy talking to my father so much, yet lately, it always leaves me feeling like crap? “Hello?” I answer, cheeks warm because I’m talking to my dad while watching a naked Cillian pull on a pair of underwear.

“Hey, you. How was class today?”

I love how interested he is in my life, love that he wants to know how school, work, and anything else is going, and it makes my gut twist and my throat feel like it’s closing up each time I lie to him, each time I talk about work when I haven’t been there in two weeks, each time I don’t mention Cillian.

School is a safer topic, though. “Good. I just got an A on an exam.”

“I’m not surprised at all,” he says as Cillian playfully rolls his eyes at me, and I chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Dad asks.

“Oh, nothing. Sorry. How are things going there?”

I listen while he tells me about the neighbor’s dog who keeps getting out and showing up on our porch, and about some of the kids in his classes.

Cillian sits in a chair on the other side of the room, bringing his bong to his mouth and inhaling deeply.

He’s asked me before if I mind when he smokes and has even tried to go into the other room, but I’m not going to kick him out of his own bedroom.

My dad and I only talk for about fifteen minutes, which is short for us, before we end the call.

Cillian finishes smoking and puts his bong away. “Come on. If you insist on going to work, you need to get dressed. No one is allowed to see you naked except me.” He gives me a mischievous grin. “And maybe Rory.”

My stomach immediately gets fluttery and my skin tingles.

This is something else Cillian does sometimes—teases me about Rory seeing me naked, or Rory watching us together.

I don’t want Rory…well, at least not the same way I want Cillian.

He’s strangely sweet and funny and attractive, but I wouldn’t want to have with him what I have with Cillian.

The sex talk, though, and even thinking about sex with both of them, does get me going.

It makes me feel desired, but even more than that, I wonder what it would be like to share that moment with them, to see the closeness they feel for each other in that way that is so deep, layered, and nuanced.

Maybe I should feel jealous, but I don’t.

Cillian walks over to me, grabs my wrist, and pulls me to my feet. “Dirty, dirty boy.”

I burrow my face into his neck, letting myself speak in a way I could only feel comfortable with him. “Your dirty boy.”

“That’s right. You’re mine.”

Not forever, though—that’s never far from my mind—and even though only minutes ago I was telling myself that’s what I want. Deep down, I want Cillian forever.

*

Cillian drops me off at work and lets me know he’ll come back to pick me up.

“Do not leave this building. Seriously. I know you can take care of yourself. That’s not what this is about. But I will set this whole fucking town on fire if something happens to you again. And I suspect, sweet as you are, that you would do the same for me.”

I’m struck dumb for a moment, like I can’t figure out how to use my voice.

It’s not the first time Cillian has said something like that to me, but I don’t think it’s something one really gets used to—at least not in only a few weeks.

There’s no way everything with him should feel so big, so intense and…

vital in such a short amount of time, but it does.

I nod, and he leans over and kisses me. “Now go be a good boy while I go be a very bad boy. I’ll see you soon.”

My stomach is in knots as I open the car door and get out. I stop, turn to look at him, and say, “Be careful.”

Cillian winks. “I’m always careful. Now go inside. I’m not pulling away until you’re in there.”

I roll my eyes but bite back a smile. It’s…much nicer than I thought it would be to have someone be so protective of me. I’m already getting to where I have to remind myself I’m not supposed to like it.

I close the car door and walk inside. True to his word, Cillian doesn’t leave until I’m there.

The second I walk behind the counter, everyone starts to clap for me. There’s a bundle of balloons, a big one in the middle that says welcome back.

“Wow…I don’t know what to say.”

“You’re a hero, Ollie,” my manager says.

“We’re all so proud of you,” Lacy, one of my coworkers, adds.

“It’s good to have you back,” another adds.

I thank them and offer up hugs to those I know would be comfortable with it. This is why I came back. This is what I’m fighting for. I want a normal life, not to stay locked in my house all the time because I’m afraid.

I find I’m less nervous than I thought I would be once I start making pizzas.

It’s easy to lose myself in the monotony of this work I know by heart.

At some point, though, Lacy drops a pan, the loud bang nearly making my heart jump out of my chest. I must have made a sound because when I look her way, her eyes are wide.

“I’m so sorry, Ollie.”

“No, no. I’m fine. I’m just…jumpy.” It’s normal to be jumpy after something like this. It’s normal and doesn’t mean I’m weak, I remind myself.

But the closer I get to the end of the night, the more nervous I become. It’s not like I expect them to come in guns blazing. Plus, Cillian will be here to pick me up. He’s not going to let anything happen to me.

The kitchen is right behind the front counter, open for customers to see us and for us to see the people coming in. It’s about half an hour before we close when the door opens…Cillian and Rory walking in.

All my nerves and worries dissipate, the relief flooding my body and leaving me weak in the knees.

Our eyes meet, and when Cillian grins, I know everything will be okay.