Page 7 of Sunrise (Monarch Club #3)

Sophie

A long, hot shower washes away the residual negativity from last night.

I think I was just in my head too much. It happens.

When I’m overloaded, small things set me off and with the plans I’ve got for Knox and Vault, coupled with the overwhelming surge of new members last night, and all the stress I’ve had at my day job lately, I guess I just snapped.

Just in case, my doors are locked and bolted. All my curtains and blinds are closed, too.

I think this is the worst part of my trauma. Going back to this level of fear and caution. Living in quiet darkness because I’m scared someone’s at my window, peeking in. Breaking in …

“You’re fine.”

Slapping on some mascara makes me feel better. Fanning my dark hair over my shoulders to frame my face, I step back and get a good look at myself.

It’s taken several years to grow out my hair again. And only in the past three have I returned to my natural color.

My life has a before and after moment.

I’m never discussing it.

Last night might have rattled me, but I’ve had moments like that before and they were nothing.

So is this. It’s nothing . A simple configuration of strains and events that piled too high, too fast, when I was already stressed the fuck out.

Shibari usually helps me find solid ground, but even that was messed up last night.

It wasn’t just Knox’s fear, or Vault’s nervousness, but my own hiccups because the crowd felt… off.

It feels off in my house now, too.

“You’re being paranoid.”

Probably because I’m coming up on the anniversary of my before and after moment.

I always get a little frazzled this time of year. Jeez, you’d think after all this time, I’d be over it. I moved, changed, and carried on with no word from my past, as it should be. I left it all behind and ran.

You didn’t leave it all behind , I remind myself. I still have the BDSM lifestyle and my profession. The two things that landed me in danger before , are the two things I wasn’t willing to give up after . But I refuse to be stripped of everything I love and that makes me who I am.

No one’s taking that away from me.

Several notifications stack up my on cell screen when I check the time. Two texts from Ryker, one from Dmitri, and a missed call from my partner at the lab.

Ryker and D are both just checking on me, which is easy to respond to.

I don’t want to call James, my partner, because he’s probably going to ask me to meet him at the lab and I don’t have the energy to work on a Saturday again.

He’s been spending more time at work than at home with his wife and kids lately. I wonder if something is up?

Maybe I should check in, just in case. He should be back from the conference he and our boss flew to, so maybe it’s good news?

James picks up on the first ring. “Hey,” he sounds exhausted.

“What’s up? I saw you called.”

“Did you get the email?”

A frown pulls my mouth. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but his tone makes my already chaotic nervous system even worse. “Let me check.”

Scrolling through the onslaught of work emails, my eyes nearly cross while I try to catch the one he’s likely talking about. Oh no. I disconnect from my emotions to prepare for bad news.

Dr. Ross,

I’m sorry to inform you the committee has rejected your findings. Funding for this project will be redistributed to another, which you will be reassigned to in the coming weeks. Your research and dedication are invaluable, and I’m sorry it did not work out this time.

Regards,

Bill

“Damn,” I sigh on speaker phone.

“Yeah. This is absolute bullshit.”

All my work. All my time… wasted. “I’m not going to let this go. No way.” My findings are correct, and this discovery is huge. I can’t believe they’d reject it. That’s not possible. “Did something happen at the summit?”

“No,” he quickly says. “It was fantastic. So coming back to this email is a fucking kick in the balls. Pardon my words. I’m crushed, Soph.”

“You and me both.” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I lean against my breakfast bar and sigh again. “I’m so sick of all the gatekeeping and roadblocks. I’m so close to having something great, and I’m not going to let it slip through my fingers now. This rejection makes zero sense.”

His silence doesn’t boost my confidence.

“I’m going to take the weekend to figure out my next move. Don’t respond or say anything to anyone until we talk on Monday.”

“You got it.” He hangs up first, and I bury my head in my hands.

I’m exhausted. Being a rocket scientist is not all it’s cracked up to be some days, especially as a woman in a man’s world.

I bust my ass, but don’t get credit for half of what I accomplish.

I used to roll over and take it. Then I got to the point where I pushed and fought back.

It landed me in a spot that has me now fighting for every dime of the grants I apply for and I’m pushed aside at every yearly summit meeting.

All the effort I put into climbing the ladder of success, and the rungs are being pulled out from under me, one by fucking one.

My cell dings with another text. I almost don’t want to read it.

Thankfully, it’s a selfie of Knox on his bike with his helmet covering his face. It instantly puts me in a better mood, so I send him one back of me sticking my tongue out.

Knox : Is that my landing pad for later, Mistress?

Sophie : Only if you’re a good boy.

He sends me another selfie. This one has his face shield up so I can see his pretty eyes.

Knox : I’m always a good boy.

That makes me laugh. This man can’t behave even if his life depended on it. It’s one of the many things I love about him.

Sophie : Did you talk to V ?

Knox : Yeah

He doesn’t elaborate, which is fine. We decided to carry on with our plan this morning, bumping up the timeline a bit. Funny, considering Vault’s plan backfired last night, pushing his timeline down.

They’re both shooting for the same goal—to mend the rift between them. And I’m in the middle, carefully weaving a plan of my own.

They may be best friends who would die for each other, but they were once first loves and neither of them have gotten over the shit that went so wrong back in the day.

One might wonder why I’m helping them instead of staying out of it all together. It’s because I’m in love with them both. Crazy, right? I know. It just happened. I didn’t pick this life, this life picked me. There’s nothing I won’t do to help heal them.

Vault and Knox love me, too. Not that either of them has ever said those words out loud to me.

Their actions speak louder than their whispers of adoration.

Still, I wish I could hear them say it. The fact that they never have makes me second-guess my purpose in their lives.

I mean… I know they love me, but are they in love with me?

Does it matter? I should be grateful for what I have and end it at that.

They’re my found family. Ryker came first, followed by Dmitri.

Then Vault hopped on board and Knox closed the circle.

These men would do anything for each other without hesitation.

I can’t imagine what growing up with them would have been like.

Probably very fun and terrifying. They have zero respect for authority, and I’ve always been a rule follower.

They say people come into your life when they’re meant to, and these guys had perfect timing when they came into mine. The Monarch Club has been my saving grace ever since the after . But not even Ryker knows about my before , and he knows practically everything about me.

Down to my love affairs with Vault and Knox.

Dmitri does too, but he keeps his opinions to himself.

Ry, however, has a close eye on us all the time.

I feel it when we’re out to dinner at Midnight Run, or when I’m locked up in a room with Vault at the club, either with a client…

or without. Everything we do sexually happens at the Monarch, which was a condition of Vault’s.

Knox never meets me at the club, which means I’m extra excited for tonight because it’s the first time he’ll be watched by Vault.

It’s always been the other way around. Knox, with permission from both Ryker and Vault, has taken up security on special occasions at the Monarch, and we all know he’s only looking at one thing.

It’s been that way for years. Long before Vault and I started fucking.

Hell, even I’ve snuck into one of the guy’s offices to watch Vault fuck. As a Dom, he’s a stone top for the Butterflies, who are usually pillow princesses. He pleasures them constantly and they don’t have to reciprocate—win-win.

I’m often the same way with my subs, because I’m a giver too.

Just like Vault, I prefer control. A sub sharing their body and trust is generous enough.

There have been times when I see my sub explode in pleasure and get a release of my own from it.

Vault doesn’t. It’s like he’s a robot with very little emotion behind his movements .

The only time Vault isn’t a stone top is when he’s with me.

We had to work hard to get to this point, but the results are so fucking worth it.

To be in any kind of submissive role, even on bottom, was difficult, but he persisted and now he’s able to do a lot of things he couldn’t before.

He’s never fully relinquished control—yet—but we’re both extremely giving and the balance is perfect, especially when I top from the bottom for him.

The man is a god in bed. There’s no denying it. And I’ve seen his emotional side. It’s… intense. Slow to build and hot burning.

Knox is different. Where Vault is calculating and controlled, Knox is fun and freaky. He says yes to everything and trusts me wholly to see him through to the end of a scene and then cuddles hard afterwards. He’s such a good boy.

Vault is a tango.

Knox is a rave.

Both have my heart, and I hate that I’ve had to tear it in half to give them their fair share.

Excited for tonight, I’ve decided to play a game of my own.

Vault and I have a secret communication thing going.

A couple months ago, he gave me an encrypted phone that only goes to his matching one.

My persona at the Monarch is protected by NDA’s, fortified by the threat of blackmail and backed by four men who would tear the world apart if I was ever in trouble.

I love putting myself on display at the Monarch, but with my day job, I’m too scared to send photos through unprotected avenues.

Vault gave me this phone so I can scratch this particular itch without worry.

I whip that sucker out of my nightstand and snap a pic of my pussy with a text that says, “Hungry.”

He quickly responds with, “I’ll feed it later.”

No photo attached.

My belly squirms. Is he already pulling away from us? Knox said he talked to him about tonight, so… is he mad? Closing up? Just holding out until then?

Don’t read into it so much.

I’m overreacting.

It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Pulling my normal cell out again, I send him a text through there just in case I’m not reading into too much.

Sophie : I miss you already.

God, that makes me sound like a fucking pick-me girl.

Vault : I miss you already, too. I didn’t get nearly enough time with you last night.

Aw! That makes me smile.

Sophie : You had me all night long.

Sleeping between the two of them was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in my life.

Vault : I was completely clothed.

Sophie : I was in sweatpants and a T-shirt. What’s your point?

Vault : You smelled like him.

Because I was wearing Knox’s clothes. My belly twists again. Biting my bottom lip, I type a response.

Sophie : Next time, make me smell like you, too.

Vault doesn’t reply.

Alrighty then.

My day continues with running errands and never returning to my house. I go from store to store and halfway through eating my spicy chicken and rice bowl, Vault finally texts me back.

Vault : Do I get to play tonight or just watch?

My fork falls into my lap.

Sophie : Do you want to play with us?

Vault : I don’t know.

Sophie : You never have to do anything you don’t want to do. You know that.

I hold my breath, waiting for his response. Little bubbles pop up and disappear. Pop up and disappear. Pop up…

Vault : I’m scared.

My heart weeps for this man. I’m so proud of him for not only being honest, but for being brave. This is a massive step in the right direction, even if that doesn’t make it any less terrifying. So, I take the reins…

Sophie : You are only to watch tonight. If I find out you’ve left your office for any reason, there will be consequences.

Vault : Yes, Mistress.

Fucking hell. Tossing the rest of my lunch in the trash, I drive around the city for an hour to get my head right.

Vault participating was not in the plan for tonight, but the fact that he asked is a big step and I’m proud of him.

I know Knox was hoping he’d see us and cave.

Me taking that option away is the right thing to do, for both their sakes.

As their Domme, their safety and well-being are my responsibility.

No matter how hard it is to deny them… and myself.