Page 30 of Sunrise (Monarch Club #3)

Sophie

The instant I step into the Monarch Club, the switch in my brain flips from Dr. Sophie Ross to Mistress. The relief is short-lived once I see who’s waiting for me.

Ryker’s at the entrance, looking none too happy as he glowers at me. “We need to talk.”

Rolling my shoulders back, I head into his office and it’s like having a warped version of déjà vu. If he’s dragging me into a secluded room to fire me, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind. I can’t lose both my happy places in the same week. It’ll kill me.

The door shuts with an affirmative click . Too nervous, I don’t bother sitting.

“You’re playing with fire, Sophie.”

“I know perfectly well what I’m doing, Mr. Hudson.” Professionalism keeps me in the zone. “They’re my subs and I always treat them with care.”

Vault warned me on the way here that he let Dmitri and Ryker know we were coming.

I never expected Ryker to react this way, though.

He’s being protective of them, which I understand, but I thought he’d also be protective of me .

The fact that I’ve never asked for a favor like this should show him I’m desperate and going through something I’m struggling to handle on my own.

“I’m drowning.” My confession holds no emotion. I think I cried all that out of me last night. “This place offers me some semblance of control.”

“And you choose them to use?”

I meet his furious gaze. “I will always choose them.”

Can he hear what I’m not saying? Does he understand me at all?

For the first time in a long while, imposter syndrome sinks in.

Maybe I don’t belong here like I thought.

I may be a good Domme, but that doesn’t mean I’m perfect in every dynamic.

Ryker’s right to be worried. I’m not just playing a role.

I’m pushing boundaries and ultimately have the power to destroy what little progress Vault and Knox have made together.

However, it’s because of me that they’ve gotten this far. I play a big role in their healing, damnit, and I think they play an equally big role in mine.

“I need this,” I whisper. “ Please , Ryker.”

He crosses his arms. “You need control, or you need them?”

“Both.” My voice is a mere, defeated whisper. “And I don’t use them, Ry. If anything, they’ve used me, and I’m fine with that.”

Now he looks like he’s been punched in the gut. Ry comes closer, concern pinching his brows. “What’s happened, Sophie?”

More walls go up in my mind while I put on a stone expression. Is telling the truth the price I have to pay to get what I want? Fine. I can tell him a little bit. “I was fired yesterday after my partner went behind my back and stole my work out from under me… with my boss’s approval and help.”

His hands ball into fists at his side. At least he loves me enough to feel anger on my behalf. It makes me continue to over share my dilemma.

“I’m also having a hard time dealing with some past trauma that’s decided to rear its ugly head out of the blue.”

I realize he’s right to be concerned. Ryker’s number one priority is our safety and knowing all the factors in play is necessary.

Kinks are experimental, as are scenes. There are variables to consider, outcomes you wish to reach, and it’s done in a controlled environment.

The science behind it is what first lured me into this lifestyle.

To skip any step may bring an undesirable outcome.

But all because I’m working through something at the same time my guys are, doesn’t mean we’re in danger.

I’ll do anything for Vault and Knox. And if I want a chance to make them fall in love with me, I have to work through my demons, too.

They won’t want a broken girl. Not when they’re healed and whole together.

Where do you belong? Ryker’s question the other day strangles me as I stand in his office, raw and exposed. I don’t know where I belong anymore. I only know where I want to belong.

Is that enough for now?

“I just want to have some control, in a safe space, with someone I trust.” Blowing out an exasperated breath, I wait for him to shoot me down. The silence stretches for exactly seventeen seconds. It feels like a fucking lifetime.

“Tread carefully, Soph.”

“I’d never hurt them. You have to know that. ”

“I know you would never mean to hurt them. But those two? All they know is pain between each other. It’s not pretty.”

“I understand.”

“Do you? Because Knox doesn’t hide his pain. He lives in it. His agony is as natural as breathing to him.”

My heart clatters to the floor. “I would never hurt him. Neither would Vault.”

I must say the wrong thing because he doesn’t look happy.

It makes me feel sick. Just when I’m about to back out of this whole thing, he blows out a frustrated breath.

“You have the entire club until opening time,” he says cautiously.

“After the members enter, you must proceed like it’s a normal night at the Monarch. ”

That’s code for: I’m a performer and will be on duty during working hours. “Okay.”

“You will be monitored.”

“Of course.”

The tightness in my chest slightly eases. All rooms, halls, and even the elevators are under constant surveillance. It’s why I love it so much here. I’m safe. Always. And I’m glad D and Ry will be watching us. I want them to see. I want them to understand how much Knox and Vault mean to me.

“Thank you.” I’m practically floating off the floor, heading to the door so I can get back to my guys.

“Soph.”

I turn around. “Yeah?”

“You know you can come to any of us with a problem, right?”

“Yes, of course.” I flash a smile that feels as fake as it probably looks. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a rough patch.”

“If you’re in danger, we need to know.”

“It’s just old memories haunting me, Mr. Hudson. I’ll be fine once my head is cleared.”

Yanking the door open, I run smack into Dmitri. The big man looks ready to fuck someone up. “Who did this to you?”

Great. “No one’s done anything to me, D.”

“You’ve never asked for this kind of favor before. If you seek subspace for yourself, there are other ways.”

“It’s not just about me. It’s for Vault and Knox, too.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

Anger flares in my heart, making it ache. I stop walking so I can face off Dmitri. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I trust that you’ll do the right thing on a normal night. But if you’re suddenly this desperate to need the club to yourself with them, that’s a red flag, Soph.”

I want to slap him. The only reason I don’t is because he’s right. Requesting full access to the Monarch, so I can have my way with two best friends, who are also madly in love and carrying a lot of fucking baggage, is a pandora’s box most people wouldn’t dare open.

“Again, I’m going to ask… who did this to you?”

“No one’s done anything to me.” They didn’t have the chance . “I’m just in a funk, Dmitri.”

And now I feel defeated and ganged up on. I’ve got four men who I love dearly. Two don’t want me doing this. The other two are waiting for me to get started.

If I have to choose, there’s no question what side I’ll land on. “This is as much for them as it is for me.”

“One night at the club with them kissing doesn’t warrant a fuck fest a week later.”

True. But Dmitri doesn’t know the progress they’ve made, and I do. “Knox is in charge.”

He jerks back like I just sprouted six heads. “Excuse me?”

“I said Knox is the one in charge. If we go too far, at any point, he’s the one who will end the scene.”

Dmitri’s laugh is cold as ice when he shakes his head. “Sophie, he’d let you turn sex into a blood sport if he thought it would make you or Vault happy. He’s not the one who should be in charge.”

“Yes, he is.” D doesn’t know Knox like I do. “That man’s only priority is to get back to Vault.” My heart thuds against my bones. “He will never let me, himself, or Vault jeopardize that.”

My point shuts him up. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this man speechless before.

“We all need this push. We’ll be careful.” I start walking away again, feeling more at peace with this power move and looking forward to seeing where it leads.

“Do you love them?” he calls out.

It’s like he just shouted it through the built-in speakers for fuck’s sake. Damn him! As much as I want to deny it, I don’t want to lie either. Walking backwards so I don’t lose momentum, I toss my hands up like it’s a hopeless cause. “With every fiber of my being.”

D’s head falls back. Maybe he’s sending up a prayer.

Or maybe he’s counting to ten, so he doesn’t lose his shit.

I don’t know and I don’t care. I turn around and go left, stopping when I see Vault and Knox leaning against the wall by the main room the Butterfly Ceremony will be held in tomorrow night.

Shit, did they hear what I just told Dmitri?

Knox pushes away from the wall first, looking annoyed. “Why the hell is Ryker being a dick?”

Okay, they didn’t hear what I said if he’s leading the convo with that starter.

“He’s just being extra careful, pup.” I walk towards the employee only doors. “You gentlemen can meet me in room twelve. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Vault?”

“Yes, Mistress?”

“Put on playlist number three.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

We fall into character effortlessly. It feels amazing. Right. Natural.

“Pup, be in position when I arrive.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

I push through the double doors and head to my dressing room. By the time I’m pulling a latex outfit out of the closet, one of my favorite songs pumps through the built-in speakers, putting me in the perfect headspace.

I’ve curated all the playlists for the Monarch Club over the years.

Music is vital for optimal pleasure in a sex club.

Sound waves affect mood by stimulating the limbic system in your brain, which helps process emotions and can also help release neurotransmitters like dopamine.

We like dopamine hits around here. Low frequencies and vibes, such as bass notes, can decrease blood pressure and muscle tension.

My playlists are a careful combination of sex-drive increasing, low-vibe dick riding, pleasure stimulating songs that cannot be beat .

Making a high ponytail, I smooth my hair back until every follicle is in place. My makeup is basic, but the winged eyeliner sets the tone, along with the vibrant red lipstick. Lastly, I slide on my heels.

Anger tries to bite me as James’s dig about my shoes at the lab echoes in my head. I shake it off. That man wouldn’t know what a set of fuck-me pumps looks like if I kicked him in the throat with a pair.

I had to take a class to learn how to walk in these bitches.

In them, I’m over six feet tall and ready to rock someone’s world.

Stepping back, I take a good look at myself in the floor-length mirror. Everything is right where it fucking belongs.

Including me.

The mini dress has long sleeves with a heavy metal zipper that stretches from thighs to tits.

There’s a built-in collar attached to the neckline.

My thigh-high boots leave about five inches of skin between where they end, and my mini dress begins.

This is Vault’s favorite outfit. Mine, too.

Easy to get in and out of, but definitely screams confidence and control.

For extra flair, I add a second, thicker collar over the top of the dress’s built-in one. It won’t stay on for long.

Opening the door, I take one last glance at my reflection and turn the lights out.

It’s time to play.