Page 28 of Sunrise (Monarch Club #3)

Sophie

My head is pounding. Holy shit, it hurts to blink. Rolling over, I catch the faint scent of Vault’s cologne on my pillow. Why do I smell him?

Wait.

Wading through my foggy, fragmented, hungover memories, I slowly piece together the last twenty-four hours. Yesterday feels like it was a month long with everything that’s happened.

“Oh no.” I grip my head and let my actions sink in.

I got fired. Drunk. Vault and Knox came over. My aching gaze sails to the end table that’s hosting a busted lampshade. I sort of remember throwing it at someone last night.

Shame and regret sink into me.

Scrubbing my face, my fucking eyeballs are like bruised balls of jelly.

My mouth is dry. Tongue is sandpaper. I’ve never been drunk before, and I never want to be drunk again.

I don’t like that I can’t remember things clearly.

Not to mention a hangover is what I imagine getting hit by a truck feels like. This is awful.

Noise downstairs rips me into action. Logically, I know it’s the guys, but what if it isn’t ?

No. It is. I can hear Vault’s smokey voice talking low.

Rolling out of bed, I pull on an old hoodie and tie my hair back, brush my teeth, wash my face, and get a good look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes are swollen from crying so hard.

Lovely. The guys are going to have a million questions, and I need to be ready to come up with answers or a deflection scheme.

Only I don’t want to skate around the truth with them.

Our dynamic is built on trust and I’m keeping too many secrets. Before, it didn’t matter. But after last night, it might.

My dreams were a mess, too. Vivid and violent. I’m regressing and they can see it, even if they don’t realize that’s what’s going on. With my head down, I quietly descend the stairs in a walk of shame.

Vault sees me first. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” I slide onto a breakfast bar stool and rub my temples.

Knox glances at me from the stove. “How do you feel?”

“My head is banging. Everything hurts.”

Two aspirins appear, along with a glass of water. Guess they were anticipating this.

As I wait for the pills and caffeine to kick in, the rest of the night pieces together. “Max Born,” I think out loud. “Did we have a conversation about wave function last night, or did I dream that?”

Knox grins, flipping an egg. “You went from talking about quantum harmonic oscillators to how you want to go to the beach.”

“Wow. What else did I talk about?”

“You really don’t remember?” Vault leans on the counter with his arms crossed.

I sort of remember, but don’t want to say more than I should.

Oh god, what if I told them I was madly in love with them last night?

A drunk confession like that would be horrible.

They either wouldn’t believe me, or worse…

they would believe me and don’t feel the same way.

It’s better to interrogate them instead of ratting myself out.

“You discussed alien dick,” Knox says, plating our breakfasts.

“Oh yeah.” Relief hits my bloodstream. “I listened to one of the audiobooks you gave me.” I’d done that as a last-ditch attempt to escape my horrible day, and when it didn’t work, I moved onto a second glass of wine, then another…

then the rest. More pieces of the night come together.

I feel like I’m solving a calculus equation.

“I was just finishing it up when you guys showed up. I don’t think I heard you for a while since you… ”

The backdoor. The knife.

Oh no.

They’re both staring at me, waiting for me to say more.

“I umm…” If I tell them everything, I’m putting myself in jeopardy.

But if I don’t say something to someone, I’m going to drive myself insane.

My paranoia has been off the charts over the past few months, and it’s bound to get worse.

If that happens, I won’t be any good to them in our dynamic. I’ll likely run and never look back.

Again.

“I’ve um…” Staring at my coffee, I hold it with both hands, letting it warm my fingers. I’m suddenly freezing. “I guess you probably think I’m a little ov erboard with all the locks and stuff around here.”

They don’t respond and I don’t have the confidence to look at them.

“I had a bad experience once. It’s made me extra diligent.”

“Diligent is good,” Vault says with ease. “We like diligent.”

Knox sets my eggs benedict in front of me. “We love diligent,” he presses, making me inwardly cringe at the L word. Is that a clue of some kind? Did I drunkenly confess my love to them last night, and he’s testing out my boundaries today?

Am I overthinking this too much?

Goddamnit, this aspirin needs to kick in faster. I’m at the end of my fucking rope.

“This neighborhood is safe. It’s why I chose it. But…” I look up at them. “There have been times lately when I feel like I’m being watched.”

They both stiffen.

“I know it’s probably in my head. Not even my doorbell camera picks up anything out of the ordinary.

I keep my curtains and blinds closed just in case, though.

It’s something I’ve done for years...” I must sound like a lunatic.

“Except the more I close myself in lately, the more paranoid I’m becoming.

It’s like I’m being haunted by a ghost.” The more I talk, the more I can’t fucking stop.

It feels good to get this part out. “It’s crazy, I know, but I’m telling you something isn’t right. ”

I’m worried I’m finally at my breaking point and need help.

Since I can’t shut up, I also add, “Sometimes I find things by the front door.”

Vault’s brow furrows. “Like what? ”

“That’s the thing,” I look up at him. “It’ll be something trivial, like a gum wrapper. And my common sense will say it’s probably from a delivery guy or something, but…” I don’t know how to explain without outing myself, so I shut my mouth.

“You’re safe here, Sophie.” Knox leans across the breakfast bar. “And if you want, we can totally bump up your security.”

Vault nods, almost looking eager to get that going.

“How much more security can I need in order to finally feel safe?” I realize what I’ve asked a second too late.

“What happened to you?”

I stare at Knox, my brain scrambling to come up with a vague answer that will appease him. There’s no such thing.

“If you don’t want to say, we get it,” Vault defends me. “Our dynamic is about trust, but we’re not owed your secrets.”

He gets my moral problem.

Knox, however, doesn’t look happy about Vault giving me an out. “If she’s in danger, we need to fucking know so we can take care of it.”

The man sounds ready to kill.

If only that was an option. If the person haunting me would die, I’d be free from my torment.

But there is no way on this green earth I’d ever let Knox or anyone else commit murder for me.

It was all I could do to stop Dmitri from pulling answers out of me when I came to him for defense lessons shortly after joining the Monarch Club.

The coffee mug clatters against my teeth when I take a sip. My brain glitches and I can’t swallow the liquid in my mouth. I’m malfunctioning. This isn’t okay. I need help.

Swallow, swallow, swallow!

Finally, I gulp it down.

Silence fills the space. I don’t like it. I don’t want it. I need ordinary life and business. Noise and communication. I have to push through.

“Yesterday was my final straw with a lot of things.” Blowing out a long breath, I mentally retreat. “I’m very sorry for anything I said or did last night that might have made you uncomfortable. It was the merlot.”

“It wasn’t the merlot,” Knox argues. “It was reality. You’ve hit a wall, Soph. And trying to climb over it by yourself isn’t the way.”

Yes, it is. I slam the doors to my feelings shut.

“I’m fine.” Cutting into the perfectly cooked eggs benedict, I shove a forkful in my mouth. Suddenly my cell rings, and I see it’s charging on the counter. Wow, they take care of everything, don’t they? “Can you hand me that, please?”

Frowning, Knox gives me my phone.

It’s not a number I recognize, but the first three digits are the same as my lab’s main number.

They’re probably calling to tell me that I have a lawsuit against me for harassment in the workplace.

I’m sure James reported my little outburst to HR.

It would certainly seal my fate of never returning. Cocksucker .

“I’m not in the headspace for this bullshit today,” I announce, letting it go to voicemail.

“Then let us help you.”

My gaze drags itself to Vault. “What?”

“Let us help you get into a better headspace to deal with the shit going on in your life. ”

What is he offering? “How?”

“How do you think, Mistress?” Knox pops a tater tot in his mouth. “By giving you control during a time when you feel like you have none.”

They smile at the same time, and my fork clanks when it falls from my grip. I’m keeping secrets from them. They know it. And they are still willing to give me the honor of being their Domme for my benefit instead of theirs.

I don’t deserve this. I should decline the offer. I should tell the truth. I should run.

I need to get a grip. I need to… “I would like that very much.”

Vault rolls his shoulders back. “Then let’s get started.”