Page 14 of Sunrise (Monarch Club #3)

Vault

Knox and I traded midnight runs for midnight rides shortly after the Monarch Club opened for business and I subsequently made a mint with the K!

nkLink app I’d developed. To celebrate, I bought us each a bike, but Dmitri and I have since traded ours in for newer models.

Ry started a whole ass collection. Knox still has his original.

I wish he had joined us at the Monarch Club.

The four of us have always done everything together—survived childhood, stitched each other up, rebuilt our lives, and even committed a few crimes.

For the three of us to work at the Monarch without Knox has always annoyed me.

It was his choice, though, and I respect his decision.

Maybe it’s a blessing.

I don’t know if I could have gotten this far with him always around me in a sex club. I needed to save myself before I could let him back into my heart… and body. If I had to watch him be a Dom or submissive for a Monarch member, I might have gone ballistic.

Sophie doesn’t count.

She told me about the first time she fucked him. Shared why.

Knox came to her and said he wanted to fuck her so he could be close to me again.

I never found out how he knew I was with her in the first place, but I think Ry or D had something to do with it.

We’ve all been holding out for the day Knox and I found our way back to each other.

Ryker suggested I go to Sophie and learn how to handle certain sexual situations again. She’s been a huge help.

A sunrise for me.

And she’s gotten us this far.

“Let’s goooo!” Knox’s peppiness doesn’t come from caffeine, it’s pure him.

I don’t know how he never runs out of energy.

Straddling his bike, he secures his helmet and takes off.

I follow him out of the back alley and onto the main road.

We zip through traffic, cutting between cars like complete assholes and get out of the city.

The exit to the highway is directly ahead of us, just through this last red light.

Knox revs his engine.

Fucker wants to race? I waggle my finger at him.

He makes a crying gesture.

I flip him the bird.

When the light turns green, he takes off.

Damnit! I kick it into high gear and catch up quickly. We zig-zag down the highway in the middle of the night with barely any traffic. He goes faster than me.

Oh hell no.

I speed up and blaze past him, determined not to let him win.

He slows down and I have to as well if I want him to catch up with me. I topped out at one-forty on the dash. Not too bad. My heart’s racing from adrenaline and my smile hurts my fucking face. He never beats me but always tries .

Wait…

Does he try?

Of the two of us, he’s way more reckless than I am, but he always slows down just as it’s getting good. When he does, so do I, because I don’t want to lose him.

Fucking hell. Ryker’s words about Knox catching me when I fall come back and smack me upside the head. Knox always slows down and falls behind on purpose because he doesn’t want me racing and wrecking, even though he knows I love the thrill. If he slows down, so will I. He does it to keep me safe.

The asshole’s been doing it for years and I never caught on until tonight.

An hour into the ride, we pull off on an exit so I can fuel up. Knox waits on his bike with his helmet off. Sweat saturates his hair. It’s a balmy eighty-two degrees out, thanks to this heatwave. He tips his head back and closes his eyes.

Fuck, he’s so perfect.

And he’s right, that jawline of his could cut glass.

I gravitate over and hand him a bottle of water from the gas station. He takes a sip and then dumps the rest over his head and shakes off like a dog.

Midnight rides always calm our nerves. As if whatever is chasing us can’t catch up when we’re flying together. Whether on foot or bike, it’s never changed.

“You’re thinking loudly again,” he says while wiping some water off the front of his seat. “Care to share?”

He’s the smartest man I’ve ever known. Too bad he never sees it that way .

“I was just admiring the view.”

His smile makes him devastatingly handsome.

My hand cups his face of its own accord. I turn him to look at me. “You’ll always be my Sunrise.”

The slightest flinch of his brow makes me wish I hadn’t blurted that out.

“But not your current one,” he says quietly, gently knocking my hand away. “Sophie is now.”

“Do I have to choose between you?”

I’m fucking up a good night again. Not on purpose, but I have to close a bunch of tabs in my brain so I can focus on what matters. I know he was hurt that I called Sophie Sunrise earlier. Guilt’s been nipping at me ever since.

“No, you don’t have to choose,” he finally says. “But I…” Knox shakes his head and looks down at his seat again. “Forget it.”

“What? Say it.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Everything about you matters to me, Knox. Say it.”

“What if she doesn’t want me? What if she doesn’t want us ? I wedged my way into her body for you. I stayed… because once I gave her a piece of me, there was no getting it back.”

I know exactly what he means.

“But if she doesn’t want us both…” Knox slumps forward on his bike. “I’m getting a headache.”

Sophie has never once said she loves me. Not in a romantic way. Guess she’s never said those words to Knox, either. “Have you ever told her how you really feel?”

“Have you?”

Guess we both suck at sharing our feelings .

“I’m not ready to say them yet,” he admits, looking up at the stars. “I’ve only said them to one other person, and it damned near killed me a million and a half times.”

That would be me he’s talking about.

“Knox.” I hold his face again and make him look at me. “I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

“But you did once. You left.”

“For a blink.”

“Felt like forever.”

“I came back, didn’t I?”

I never made it through college. Knox thinks it’s because my scholarship fell through when my grades slipped around the time Ryker’s mom died.

That isn’t true. I couldn’t stand being so far from him.

Starting a new life, in a new state, at a new school, was never going to work for me.

What I needed was here. It was him . But if I ever confessed to Knox that I dropped out to be with him, even when we were on shaky ground and only just friends by then, he’d blame himself.

According to Knox, I was smart and deserved the best things in life.

He never realized he is the best thing in my life.

My parents never forgave me for dropping out.

We haven’t talked in years because fuck them.

I’m still mad they couldn’t see how broken I was back then.

If I ever have a kid, I’ll be so up in their goddamn business it’s not even funny.

Instead of supporting my decision to stay here with my friends, they shamed me and called me a failure and a disgrace. I honestly didn’t see that coming.

Whatever.

Found family is way better than blood family, anyway. Just ask any one of us .

“I’m not going anywhere, Sunrise,” I say again, running my thumb along his cheek. “I promise.”

He closes his eyes and sighs. “Tonight feels like a very trippy dream.”

“May I kiss you?”

His green eyes pop open, and he holds my wrist. “You don’t ever have to ask me for permission, Alex.”

My breath quivers when I exhale before leaning in and pressing my mouth to his.

We’re slow with it. Steady. Strong yet soft.

I barely pull away so I can adjust my stance and then I go back for another.

Snaking my hand around the back of his neck, I kiss him again, adding a little tongue.

I build it between us—the lust, the tension, the sensuality.

Finally, I pull away and smile. Jesus, I’m shaking. “How was that?”

Knox looks drugged. “Better than popping a molly.”

“Well, you would know.” I definitely don’t. He got into drugs once I broke up with him. Ryker and Dmitri were furious about it and did everything they could think of to make him stop. I was too fucked in the head at the time to help.

“I just wanted that high again,” he once told Ryker. “I need that feeling back.”

I was his drug of choice. His first high. His first kiss. His first everything.

And I still am.

“This is the best birthday ever,” he says, shoving his helmet back on.

We ride until the sun rises.

?? ?

The club is closed by the time we get back.

Housekeeping is vacuuming and disinfecting.

The kitchen’s closed. No music, no writhing bodies, no passion or mysteriousness.

The Monarch Club feels completely different in the daytime.

Like a hoity toity hotel instead of a sex dungeon.

It’s weird to be on this side of the surveillance camera for once.

I’m usually holed up in my office, chugging caffeine, keeping track of Sophie until this time of day when she usually leaves for her day job, or goes home.

One might call it an obsession. I’d diagnose it as over-protective.

In the past year, she’s had two occasions where someone has tried to overstep her boundaries. Tried being the key word. They’re no longer members of the club, and I’m pretty sure they have permanent physical damage, thanks to Dmitri.

If anyone loved her first, it was him. Not romantically, but definitely on another level beyond coworkers. They bonded quickly after she started working here, and the way she just fits in with all of us is sometimes too perfect.

I almost want to believe it’s fake.

But there’s nothing fake about Sophie. The woman’s smart as a whip, patient as a clam, and sexy as hell. What a trifecta. I was drawn to her almost immediately and took my time to work up the courage to ask her to help me.

We’ve never discussed what would happen after. After Knox and I worked through our shit. After I could handle being fucked by a man again. After I’m healed and ready to move towards my future instead of clawing through my past.

My arrangement with Soph started platonic.

We were two machines working towards a result.

When did I fall in love with her? Was it when she laughed in a bubble bath and blew suds in my face?

Was it when she held me after a long session, cradling me until I fell asleep?

Was it when she brought me breakfast one morning instead of going to her day job?

Was it that time we broke a Saint Andrews Cross?

Our first Shibari session? Our first meal together?

Maybe it was none of those times.

Maybe it was when I watched her from the camera when she and Ryker argued over what toys to buy for inventory.

Or when I caught her juggling three bottles of lube while restocking one of the rooms. Perhaps it was when she pranked Dmitri by tossing a pie in his face.

Or… God, there’s too many good times, too many reasons, too many opportunities to fall for that woman.

All I know is she makes me feel good and safe and happy. And when she stares into the camera, it’s like she’s looking straight into my soul.

I’m in love with her.

It’s different from what I feel for Knox, but also very much the same. Love should not be this fucking complicated. If I step back, it all makes sense. If I dissect it, it’s a mess.

But Knox’s concern is valid. She might not love us back. This arrangement between the three of us could be just that. An arrangement and nothing more. It fits her M.O.

Guess we’ll have to make her fall in love with us somehow.

I just need to make sure Knox doesn’t get jealous, because he was never that great at sharing. It makes what we did tonight that much more mind blowing.

Maybe he’s changed. I certainly have.

The morning sunlight streams into the Butterfly suite when we sneak in. Knox kicks his boots off at the door while I quietly creep over to the other side of the room to draw the curtains.

Sophie shoots up, gasping. Then she screams in terror.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! It’s us.” I yank the curtains wide open, letting all the sunlight pour in. “It’s just us, Soph.”

She’s wild eyed and panting, clutching the sheet to her chest. “Oh my god, all I saw was someone creeping into the fucking room.”

“Sorry.” I sit on the edge of the bed. “We were trying to not wake you.”

She’s trembling. I climb into bed and hold her against me. I’ve never seen her so jumpy. What the fuck?

“I’m sorry, I just...” She does her breathing exercises and seems to reboot. “Guess I woke up too fast and was disoriented.”

Knox and I look at each other, his brows furrows like mine.

“Sorry, guys.” Bristling, she scoots away from me. “I’m good now.”

“You sure?”

“Mm hmm.” She gets out of bed and puts on her robe.

“Where are you going?” Knox asks, concern lacing his soft tone.

“Nowhere.” She leaves us in the room and shuts the door. I pull out my cell and open the app that shows me all the security cameras in the building .

“She’s been off lately.” Knox sits next to me and watches her on my screen. “Something’s up.”

Strange, I haven’t noticed her acting off at all. The idea that she’s struggling with something I haven’t noticed makes me feel horrible. If Knox’s instincts are right, I’m going to listen to them. “We need to find out what’s going on.”