Page 53

Chapter fifty-three

There’s a heavy sadness that lingers in the air around the clubhouse now. The loss of five Dirty Mavericks the night they rescued me has opened a deep hole in the club. According to Steel, this is the first time they’ve lost so many brothers at once. Having that on my conscience is another thing my therapist has had to help me work through. Steel didn’t tell me maliciously. He was merely stating facts, but it didn’t stop me from taking it on my shoulders anyway.

I swear, my therapist is getting her money’s worth with all the shit I’ve piled on her, from my past with Steel to all the stuff that happened a month ago.

What surprised me the most, I think, is that no one in the club blamed me for the deaths of their members.

Crow was actually the one who explained it to me in his gruff way.

“Brothers in this lifestyle know the risk of a short lifespan. That’s why we live as wild and as hard as we do. Every single brother who gave their life did so with fucking honor, dignity, and in the way they chose. Try not to take that on yourself ‘cause they wouldn’t want you to. They wouldn’t have done a damn thing differently.”

Smiles and laughter are slowly coming back to life. Time passes and life goes on, unfortunately.

I follow Lyric and Steel inside after our visit to the clubhouse, dropping onto the couch with a sigh. “Come here, my little heart song. Snuggle with me.”

Lyric climbs onto the couch with me, burrowing into my arms, while Steel sits at my feet. He lifts them to his lap, pulling off my shoes and digging his thumbs into the arches.

Our little girl has been quiet lately, and my gut warns me it has to do with her mom. We haven’t talked to her about what happened to Heather yet. She’s not asked about her either. It’s like we’ve been in a holding pattern because Steel and I are afraid of the fallout.

It’s time, though.

“Talk to me, little bit.”

Her fingers lift and flutter over the burn scar on my face, something she’s taken to doing since I got out of the hospital, as if she knows how close it came to me not coming home to her. “Mom hasn’t called me in a long time.”

Steel gently moves my feet and rolls to his knees beside the couch. He grabs Lyric’s hand in his big one. “Need to talk to you about her, Princess.”

Lyric’s eyes bounce between us. They water as she bites her bottom lip. “She’s dead, huh?” she whispers.

A heaviness fills my chest as my vision blurs. I grab her other hand, holding it tightly in mine.

Our girl, so intuitive.

“Yeah, Princess,” he murmurs.

Tears slide from her eyes, and I swear someone rips my heart from my chest. She looks at me again, her eyes roaming over the scars on my face and neck, and her lower lip trembles. “Did Mom hurt you?”

I meet Steel’s eyes, wondering how he wants me to handle this. He gives me a nod, telling me to go ahead with the truth as always.

“These aren’t from her, but she did hurt me.”

Closing my eyes to gather my courage, I open them and stare at her. I still don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell her the truth. I don’t know if she’s ready, but Steel says she is. He said he’d rather not let her grow up with a lie, and I understand that.

“Your mom wasn’t a good person. Not anymore.” I swallow hard. “I’m the one responsible for her, Lyric. I’m the reason she’s no longer here. I’m so sorry, little bit.”

Lyric cries, scrambling into her daddy’s arms, and my heart shatters within my chest. A sense of numbness overtakes me as I realize the one thing I feared is quickly becoming my reality.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and quietly sit up and scoot to the edge of the couch so I can climb to my feet. “I’m sorry, Lyric. I love you so much,” I whisper, running my hand over her head as I walk past.

I’m nearing the hallway when I hear scrambling behind me. Lyric calls my name in a panic, and I turn around.

She barrels into me, her arms wrapping around my legs tightly. “Please don’t leave me, Bee.”

I slide my butt to the floor, pulling her into my lap once I’m seated. I secure my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. “There’s no way in this world I’m leaving you, little bit. I love you too stinking much.”

Steel slides in behind me, enclosing us in his thick arms. I rest back against his chest as we let our girl grieve for a mother who didn’t give a single fuck about this beautiful soul.

I hum one of her favorite songs, running my hand up and down her back. Her sniffles quiet, and her body melts farther against mine.

“She fell asleep,” I whisper.

“Let me put her to bed.” He kisses the back of my head and climbs to his feet. “Meet you in the bedroom.”

He waits around after lifting Lyric from my lap to ensure I get to my feet steadily. Once I’m up, I step close and brush a kiss on Lyric’s forehead. “Love you, my little heart song.”

“Love you, Bee,” she whispers, snuggling into her daddy’s chest.

When I get to our room, I pull off my clothes, remove my bra, and grab one of Steel’s t-shirts from the drawer. I hold it in my grasp as I force myself to take the time to stare at my reflection in the mirror. Each time, it gets easier to look at my scars as I learn to love and accept them.

Bringing a finger to my face, I run it over the light silvery line on my right cheek from where Rachel got me with the knife. It starts at the outer corner of my eye and follows the zygomatic bone around to the corner of the maxilla bone, where my nose and eye nearly connect.

The bitch was aiming to take my eye out. If it wasn’t for Killer wanting to kill me himself, she probably would have.

I trail my finger to the other side of my face, where most of the damage is. The significant difference in texture of my skin causes me to swallow tightly. I move my finger over the small ridges of leathery flesh on my jawline and neck. If I focus too intently, I recall the way the flame from the torch ate up my skin.

Shuddering, I move along, down to the discolored skin on the side of my breast and over all the tiny silver scars that litter my abdomen and around the discolored patch of skin on it.

When I reach the hand-size burn on my thigh, I close my eyes and splay my palm over it. Surprisingly, it’s not the heat of the flames I feel but the warmth of Steel’s mouth as he proves to me how much he loves me.

A huge wall of heat hits my back, and I open my eyes to meet Steel’s in the mirror. He embraces me from behind, tucking me tightly into his chest, and stares at me through the reflective glass.

“So fuckin’ beautiful, Hummingbird,” Steel murmurs, dropping his mouth to my neck.

He places a kiss against my skin before resting his chin on my shoulder. “Goin’ to say it again. Sorry about what happened that day at the club and every fucked-up thing that happened because of it.”

I shake my head, placing my hands over top of his. “It’s not all on you. I could’ve made you stop and listen to me instead of running away.”

“Stop takin’ the blame,” he growls.

“I’m not. I know I can’t control your actions or emotions. But I can admit my first instinct was to run away when I felt like you were choosing her over me by the way you came across so accusingly.”

Steel lets out a heavy breath, sending my hair fluttering against my scalp. “Could’ve asked the question differently so you didn’t think that.”

“We both could’ve done things differently. But, Steel, even then, I can’t say it’d change the outcome. I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else getting hurt, especially not you and Lyric.”

“Fuckin’ love you, Hummingbird,” Steel groans, grabbing my chin and turning my head to the side to steal my mouth in a heated kiss.

He pulls away, grabbing the shirt out of my hand and tossing it aside. Then he positions my hands to the wall beside the mirror.

“Goin’ to show you how fuckin’ much now,” he growls as he drops to his knees behind me.

“Oh, god,” I whimper when he spreads my ass cheeks apart and buries his face between them.

Steel keeps me on edge for hours, loving me with his hands, mouth, and dick. It’s carnal, sensual, and so beautiful that if I wasn’t already so in love with him, I would have fallen then. Because watching my hardened biker let out that soft inner core for me . . . there’s something so magical, so heartwarming about it.