Page 31

Chapter thirty-one

Shock washes through me when I receive the text from Steel asking me if I’d go sit with Lyric until he gets home sometime tonight.

I have no clue what’s going on, and I know it matters , but right now, it doesn’t. All that I care about is that he’s trusting me with the most important person in the world to him.

By myself.

That’s huge, and it means absolutely everything to me.

Farryn’s walking past after I send him a reply saying I will. She just finished her last set for the night, and I need to find a ride to Steel’s quickly.

There’s no way I’m letting him down.

“Hey, Ryn! Wait up,” I call, hurrying to catch her.

She stops, glancing over her shoulder with a smile. “Hey, girl.”

“Hey. I have a favor to ask.”

Farryn’s eyes warm with surprise. “Of course.”

“Steel needs me at his place to sit with Lyric until he gets home. I don’t have a way there. Do you mind giving me a ride? I’ll put some gas in for you.”

“Sure thing, sugar. You got time for me to toss on some clothes really quick and get this goop off my face?”

“Absolutely. I’ve got to go grab my bag anyway.” I reach out and take her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. “Thank you, Ryn. Seriously.”

She waves it off. “No thanks needed. He’s trusting you with his kid, Bails. That’s pretty significant.”

I beam, happiness bursting through me at her words. “I know.”

Farryn blinks at me as if she’s stunned by something.

Tilting my head, I study her, trying to understand why she’s staring at me like that. “Farryn?”

She blinks again, shaking her head and giving me a sheepish smile. “Sorry. That thing is pretty potent. Be careful where you aim it, will you?”

“Sorry,” I grumble, dropping my smile. “I was just happy.”

Farryn reaches out, grasping my chin between her fingers. “Don’t do that, girl. I didn’t say that to kill your smile. I said it because I don’t think you know how powerful it is. It’s damn beautiful. You don’t smile nowhere near enough, Bails.”

“Not a lot to smile about. Lyric and Steel are the only things keeping me sane right now. I’m worried they’re going to disappear any minute, and I’m so damn terrified Steel’s club is going to find out about me and this mess before we get the chance to tell them.”

“Stop worrying, babe. Steel wouldn’t have put it all on the line if you weren’t worth it.”

“Yeah,” I say quietly, trying to process her words, yet still struggling to believe them.

Farryn taps her thumb against my chin before letting me go. “I know that darkness in your eyes. I’ve seen it in my own too many times to count. You are worthy. Those monsters in your head will try to make you feel differently. Just don’t let them win, Bails.”

Her words resonate with me, and I soak them in, trying hard to get them to stick. My past and my father try to claw their way into my brain. Aches pop up over my body as I remember all the times his fists found home against my skin as his words took up residence in my soul.

Worthless.

Wasteful space of air.

You shouldn’t have been born.

All you’re good for is the thing between your legs.

Each word was usually accompanied by his fist, foot, or whatever object he thought would inflict the most agony.

A rough tug on my hair pulls me from my thoughts, and I fall back into Farryn’s knowing gaze.

“Those demons I was talking about?” she asks.

Nodding, I blow out a breath. “Yeah. They like to creep up when I’m least expecting them. I’m gonna go grab my bag. Meet back here?”

“Yep. We don’t go out alone. Not anymore.”

It takes me less time than her, but soon we’re both standing back in the same spot. She’s got on a pair of black sweatpants, a gray hoodie, and a set of black flip-flops. Her hair is shoved to the top of her head in a messy knot, and her face is clear of all makeup. This is the normal version of my friend, and while the exotic dancer version of her is hot as hell, this version is straight-up breathtaking.

“Let’s kick this joint, pretty girl,” Farryn says, hefting her duffel onto her shoulder.

With a light laugh, I do the same and follow her out to her low-slung sports car.

Thankfully, we beat whoever is bringing Lyric. It gives me time to prepare for being on my own with my girl.

I’d be lying to myself if I said I’m not terrified of being with her on my own.

What if something happens to her while she’s under my care? Will I ever be allowed around her again? Will she hate me? Will he?

I open the car door, but Farryn’s hand on my arm stops me before I climb out.

She peers at me through the dome light, her eyes concerned. “You’re going to be fine with her, Bails. He trusted you with her because he knows you’d never let anything harm her. Not if you can help it. Now, you just have to believe it. Get out of your head, woman.”

Farryn is right. Steel wouldn’t leave anyone with his little girl if he didn’t trust them. Hell, look at how hard of a time he’s having handing her over to her own mother. Him not hesitating to ask me is freaking huge, and I need to take it for the compliment it is.

“Thank you,” I tell her, exhaling heavily and letting the tension roll off my shoulders.

“I got you, girl. I know those nasty demons that like to lurk. The doubts they bring can be a right bitch.” She winks at me, letting go of my arm. “Now, go in there and prepare to kick ass at this stepmom thing.”

“Whoa,” I say, laughing awkwardly. “We’re not going that far. Steel would have a fit.”

Farryn gets this knowing smirk on her face that freaks me the hell out. “Better get on out of here, girl.”

Great. The panic is back, but I do my best to shove it down as I climb out.

“Thanks for the ride and the pep talk, Ryn. Be careful going home.”

I keep an eye on her vehicle until it’s safely out of here and then go in search of his house key. Steel told me where he keeps the spare, and I’d never have found it if he didn’t explain its exact location.

I find the rock, hefting it in my hand and turning it over.

Steel doesn’t use a plastic rock to blend. Oh, no. This man has carved a niche into the bottom of a heavy ass real rock to stick the key hider in.

Frankly, I find it genius.

While most would be looking for the fake rock, not many would think to search for a real one. I’d never have thought of it if he didn’t tell me.

After grabbing the key and placing the rock back exactly as I found it, I unlock the door, wincing as the alarm blares.

I quickly put in the code he sent me, letting out a sigh at the silence.

Glancing around, I take in the well-lived home, peace and contentment filling my soul.

Steel and Lyric’s shoes blend together on the shoe rack in the hall. Jackets hang on the hook. Pictures of Lyric throughout the years line the wall. Some are with Steel, some with Emmy Lou and Atlas, and there are even some with his club brothers.

A small smile twists my lips as I stare at those.

Lyric is definitely a club princess, and she seems to have every one of those men wrapped around her tiny fingers.

My chest squeezes and my smile fades. We’ve really got to tell them because it’s not just Steel’s relationship with them that’s being put in jeopardy. The longer I stare at the bond she has with these guys, the more my resolve hardens. No way will I let her lose them. Not when her relationship with her mom is so rocky all the time.

I brush a finger over the group picture before turning toward the rest of the house. Warmth fills me as I take in the minor touches I’ve added along the way without realizing it.

The pictures Lyric and I drew together hang on the fridge. The photos I’ve taken of her and the candid shots of her and Steel line the mantle between the kitchen and dining room. My favorite is the one Lyric had me take of her, me, and Steel. We were making goofy faces at the camera, and it still brings a soft smile to my face when I gaze at it. I bet not many people get to see this side of him, and that’s what I love most about it.

It hits me that this is home.

Not just theirs, but mine too.

I don’t know when I started considering their home my own, but it happened somewhere along the way.

The thought of how easily this can all be yanked from me if Steel decides he can’t do this any longer terrifies the crap out of me.

Shoving all those damn insecurities deep, I go about preparing for my night with my favorite girl.

The pantry is stocked up pretty good, so I dig through the contents, trying to find something I can whip up for Lyric. The girl is ridiculously obsessed with macaroni and cheese, which is why there is about thirty boxes of the stuff. But I don’t really care much for the taste of the boxed crap, so I snatch the elbow noodles and head to the fridge.

As much as Lyric is obsessed with mac and cheese, her father is obsessed with cheese in general. He’s usually got blocks of just about every kind you can find sitting in his fridge.

By the time I’m pulling the macaroni and cheese from the oven, the headlights of a car come up the drive.

I almost burn myself and drop the pan in my excitement to get it on the stove and the mitts off so I can meet them outside. Thankfully, I extract myself from them without damage and hurry to the porch.

Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I twist my hands together.

It wouldn’t look good to take off running to her when she’s with people I haven’t met before.

But telling myself that doesn’t stop my feet from itching to do it anyway.

Lyric glances my way after she climbs from the back of the car, and from the way her body fidgets, she’s fighting the same urge as I am. She lifts her hand and waves excitedly, bouncing under the man’s hold on her shoulder.

We both smile widely at each other.

The man and woman who are with her gaze in my direction. They’re too far away for me to see what they’re feeling, but their stares burn my skin, and not in a pleasant way.

When they get close enough that I can make out their features, I suck in a quiet breath and beg my body to go still. The man looks so much like Steel, he can’t be anyone other than his father.

They stop at the bottom of the stairs and stare at me.

I grind my jaw back and forth as their eyes scald my skin with their judgment. I don’t want to let it bother me because I can understand where their wariness comes from. Heather is Lyric’s mom, and Steel was with her for a while, so I’m sure they got a lot of experience with her that was probably not the best.

I’m being judged because of her, and it sucks, but it is what it is.

“Bee,” Lyric cries happily, trying to pull away from her grandfather.

Clenching my jaw when I notice he won’t let her come, I realize it’s going to be up to me to put them at ease. To show them I’m not Heather.

With that thought in mind, I slap a smile on my face and step forward with my hand extended to his mom. “Hi! You must be Jericho’s mom. I’m Bailee.”

Her eyes fill with surprise when I use his birth name instead of the road name he goes by with everyone else. I knew Heather wasn’t allowed to refer to him by it, so I’m hoping it’ll be one way to show I’m different.

“Grams, Bee is Daddy’s girlfriend and she’s amazing . She’s so nice. She did my nails, Grammy.” Lyric finishes that last part on a whisper, as if what I did was such an important thing.

And from the way his mom’s eyes soften when she gazes down at her granddaughter, I realize it is.

She peers over at me after brushing a gentle hand over Lyric’s head. “Hi, Bailee. I’m Margot, and this is my husband, Burke.”

“It’s nice meeting you,” I tell them as I shake their hands.

I squat down in front of Lyric. “My heart song, I don’t know if you’ve eaten yet, but I made you some macaroni and cheese.” I wiggle my brows. “Homemade. With ooey gooey cheese.”

Lyric’s mouth drops open to form an o. “For real?”

I boop her on the nose. “For real. Go on inside and wash your hands. We’ll be right behind you.”

Lyric throws her arms around me and presses her lips to my cheek. “Love you, Busy Bee.”

My eyes fill at the nickname. “Love you too, my little heart song.”

I watch as she skips inside the house, my heart so full from how she makes herself at home in it. When she’s out of my view, I climb to my feet and give my attention back to Margot and Burke.

Reaching out, I grab both their hands in mine. “I know you all are worried about me. I don’t blame you. Not after learning how her mom is. My name is Bailee Sterling, and I’ve known your son since before Lyric was born. Emmy Lou is married to my brother’s best friend.”

“Sterling? As in . . .” Burke starts, his and Margot’s eyes wide with shock.

“As in those Sterling's,” I finish with a tight smile.

Their shoulders lose the tension that was pulling them taught, but the wariness still remains.

Well, it’s a start.

“That little girl in there and your son are two of the most important people in my life. I know it’s probably hard for you to trust another woman in theirs, but I can guarantee I’d rather step in front of a bullet than hurt them in any way.”

Their eyes warm a little more, and I finally catch a soft smile on Margot’s face.

“Well, Bailee, that’s all we can ask for then,” Burke says.

“It’s not that hard,” I reply with a shrug, giving them a smile and watching their eyes as they do that stunned thing that Ryn’s did.

I really need to call Lena and find out what in the world that’s all about. I know I have a pretty smile, but geez, people act like it’s not something I put out to the world. I haven’t talked to her in what feels like ages anyway. The great thing about our friendship is that we can go days or weeks without talking to each other and it doesn’t damage us. When we do speak or see each other again, it’s like no time has passed at all. We catch up on anything we’ve missed, and we’re there for each other at the drop of a hat if we need to be.

I’ve been keeping her updated as much as I can with our code words—eggplant for okay, two melons for not. She’s gotten all eggplants so far, and I hope that’s all I ever have to send her. In reply, she sends me a peach if she feels I’m truthful and a rooster if she feels I’m lying.

Man, I miss her.

Margot and Burke go to walk past me, but she pauses when she’s in front of me and taps my chin with her index finger. “You should do that more often,” she says softly.

“You’re the second person who has said that tonight.”

When she raises her brow at me, she reminds me so much of Steel that my heart warms toward her some more. What is it about this freaking family that makes it so easy to love them?

“Then that should tell you something.”

For the next hour, we all sit around the table doing what we can to keep Lyric distracted. It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, she’s just so damn sad, and my heart breaks.

I brush the dark hair from her face. “Want me to braid your hair? You love when I do that.”

Lyric perks up. “And paint my nails?”

I feather my finger down her cute button nose. “Is that what you want, heart song?”

“Yes,” she stresses.

“What color this time?” I ask with a smile.

A little wrinkle appears between her eyes as she thinks hard on her decision. One thing I’ve learned doing this with her is that my girl matches her polish to her moods. I wonder if her dad has picked up on that yet.

“Black,” she says in a low tone, staring down at the table.

Her dejected posture tears at my already hurting heart.

Reaching out, I gently tuck my knuckle under her chin and lift her face. “Hey. You know it’s okay to have negative feelings, Lyric. The thing you have to remember is to not let them eat you up inside. So, we’ll paint your nails black, and you feel what you need to feel.”

“I feel . . . I feel really, really mad, Bee.”

“What do you need?” I ask her. “To scream?”

Her eyes widen, and I can spot it in them. The little girl needs an outlet, but she’s scared and doesn’t know how.

“Come on,” I tell her, standing up and holding out my hand.

When she hesitates, I wiggle my fingers and smile. “I’ve always got you, my heart song. Trust me.”

Lyric’s eyes turn glassy as she reaches out to grasp my hand tightly, allowing me to pull her to her feet. “What are we doing?”

“Letting the black out, little bit,” I tell her, pulling her toward the back door.

The cooler air brushes against us as we step out on the back porch, causing us both to shiver.

I drag her in front of me and wrap my arms around her to lend her my warmth. “Scream.”

She leans her head back to peer up at me. “What?”

“I want you to scream, little bit, as loud as you can.”

Lyric shakes her head. “I can’t.”

“Do you need me to do it first?”

She bites her lip and nods.

I gently set her away from me and shake my whole body in a goofy way, causing her to giggle. It’s a sound I want to hear all the time.

“Stand back, girl. Hear me roar.”

Her giggles light up the night and my heart.

Tilting my head up to the sky, I open my mouth and let out every bit of anger at my situation and at the crap Lyric has had to deal with because of her mom. Everything collides inside me, and I rage into the night sky for the injustices happening in the world.

It’s only a few minutes later when a little scream combines with mine, and we shoot our tempers and our pain to the stars sparkling above us.

Lyric slides her hand into mine, and I hold it as tight as she’ll let me without hurting her.

What this special little girl doesn’t know is that she owns me as much as her daddy does now. They’ve become my world, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be right again if I lose them.

Lyric’s shoulders begin to shake as her voice turns watery from the tears pouring out of her.

But she doesn’t stop screaming.

So, I lower us to the porch and guide her to my lap so I can wrap her in my embrace.

“That’s it, my heart song. Let it out,” I croon, rocking us back and forth.

Lyric releases all the pain and anger that’s been consuming her for what I’m assuming is a long time now. She’s held so much of it in that I don’t know how her shoulders haven’t collapsed. No child should ever have that much agony inside them. I want to be mad at Steel, I truly do, but I’ve seen him with her and know he’s doing the best he can. He’s told me he wants to give her the one thing she’s never really had—a mother who loves her. But surely, he sees that it’s only hurting her so much more by forcing Heather’s presence in her life.

Lyric’s screams finally peter out, leaving sniffles behind. Her torment was so heavy, and while there’s still sadness that remains inside, I can feel a little peace mixed with it.

Never let it be said that screaming doesn’t do any good.

I place a kiss on the top of her head. “All better?”

“A little.” She’s quiet but picks at the hem of my sweats. “Bee, Mom’s really bad sick, huh? That’s why she took that medicine in front of me?”

It’s there in her tone, the knowledge that she’s not talking about physical sickness.

God, I want to strangle Heather for the damage she’s doing to this poor girl.

“Lyric, I don’t know your mom well enough to speak on anything. I wish I could give you an answer because I know your heart needs it right now, but I won’t because I can’t. I will tell you to talk to your dad, baby, because he’s never going to lie to you about anything. Just remember, he’s your parent, so there might be things he wants to protect you from too. Try not to hold it against him if he does, though, okay?”

“He won’t. Daddy’s always been honest with me because he knows Mom isn’t.” Lyric turns in my arms so she can look me in the eyes. “Mom took medicine tonight. It was bad, Bee, and I was scared. Really, really scared.”

Bringing my hands to her face, I wipe away her tears with my thumbs. “Why didn’t you call your daddy, little bit?”

“Because I knew he’d be mad at Mom.”

“Next time, make sure to call your dad, okay? We don’t want anything happening to you, and if she’s not able to protect you because she’s taking medicine, then something could. That’d hurt your daddy really bad, little bit. It’d hurt me too.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t feel you need to apologize.” I feather my fingers under her chin, causing her to giggle as they tickle her skin. “Do you feel better now? You want to go in and paint your nails? Then you can bathe, and I’ll braid your hair before you go to bed.”

“I feel better,” she says, climbing from my lap.

She sits on her knees and stares at me with heartbroken eyes. “I love you, Bee. You always make it better for me.”

I pinch the side of my thigh, using the pain to keep myself from crying like I want to. My girl needs me to be strong for her right now, and I can’t do that if I’m focused on my emotions. I have time to deal with those later.

Once I’m under control, I cup her cheeks between my palms and bring her face to mine so I can gently kiss her forehead. “Love you too, my heart song. You make my life better, and I’m so thankful your daddy chose to share you with me.”

Lyric’s body starts to shiver, so I climb to my feet and pull her to hers, keeping her hand wrapped in mine as I lead us back inside.

Margot and Burke are sitting back at the table, but from the warm expressions on their faces, they’d witnessed everything that just happened outside. I’m not embarrassed. Not even close. I enjoy them knowing I love their granddaughter as much as I do. As if she was mine.

I sit Lyric in the chair next to her grandmother so I can go in search of her polish. The warmth of a gentle touch against my hand stops me, and I turn my eyes toward Margot. She smiles at me, this one not hesitating or slightly unsure anymore, and squeezes my hand. Her eyes are glossy and soft, filled with a glow of gratitude. I only respond with a soft hand squeeze and a gentle smile, letting her know she was welcome.

They don’t understand that this was the least I would do for this little girl.

For the next hour, I spend time with my girl and Steel’s parents. His dad is pretty funny, always telling goofy dad jokes that make Lyric laugh. His mom is quiet and watchful but no less loving toward Lyric. It’s easy to figure out that’s where Steel gets that part of him at.

Lyric’s mom may do a shit job at showing this girl love, but between her father and her grandparents, they don’t make her feel any less loved. I would imagine it’s the same with the members of the Dirty Mavericks. She’s a club princess, so it’s guaranteed that she gets spoiled rotten whenever she’s around.

Margot helps me get her bath ready, keeping up the mundane chatter and asking an endless amount of questions. She doesn’t do it in an intrusive way that puts me on edge, more of a ‘getting to know you’ kind of thing, which is the only reason I let her get away with it. That, and the fact that I actually want them to get to know me because I’m hoping their son keeps me in their lives.

After making sure Lyric is good to go in the tub, which she happily informed me that I didn’t need to do because she’s old enough to do it on her own now, I make my way back to where Margot and Burke are waiting in the kitchen.

She’s standing in front of him, and he has his fingers anchored at her waist. They’re talking quietly, and I almost turn around because I don’t want to intrude on a moment that’s theirs. Before I can step away, however, Burke glances over at me and gives me a smile that is pure Steel as he waves me into the room.

Margot’s eyes are half-closed, and her body conforms to Burke’s as she rests in his hold.

“Hey,” I say quietly, stepping in and over to them. “Why don’t you all head home? You look beat. I’ve got it from here. Our girl and I will be good until Jericho gets home.”

They glance at each other, holding a silent conversation, before Margot turns back to me with a tired smile. “That’d be nice. We’re not as young as we used to be, and I get tired more often than not.”

I reach out for her hand, gripping it in mine and giving a small twitch of my fingers. “Are you okay? Would you rather stay in the guest room here? We all know your son won’t mind.”

They both crinkle their noses at the thought of being in the same house as their son and his . . .

What the hell am I to him?

We’ve never labeled it, as far as I know. He says he’s going to claim me as Old Lady and that I’m his, but we’ve never really set boundaries on what exactly that means.

“We’re good, sweetheart. I’d rather sleep in our bed,” Margot replies, thankfully pulling me from thoughts I’d rather not be having right now.

I nod. “If you’re sure.”

Margot pulls out of Burke’s embrace after giving him a sweet kiss and crosses to where I’m standing. She places her palms against my cheeks and stares into my eyes.

Even though it makes me super uncomfortable, I hold still and let her find whatever she’s searching for.

A few seconds later, she nods infinitesimally and then leans forward to place a kiss on my forehead, just as I did Lyric a bit ago.

“Thank you,” she whispers when she pulls away. “Thank you for loving them.”

My vision blurs until I blink rapidly to clear it and shrug. “It’s not a hardship.” Then I think about all the shit I went through with Steel and grimace. “Well, mostly, it’s not.”

She and Burke laugh. “Of that, we have no doubt,” Burke says. “Looks like you’re handling it pretty well, though.”

They both head up to say goodbye to Lyric then stop to give me hugs before heading out.

It’s not long after that Steel calls to check in. He goes over things with me because he doesn’t know how long he’s going to be, showing me how to make sure the alarm is set and has me grabbing the gun from his safe. We hit a snag when he had me type in the code because it was the date of Emmy Lou’s wedding. He’s quick to notice I get lost in my head about it, though, because he makes sure I know that it’s not because of her that he has that code. It was also our first night together.

I want to believe him so much, and I think I do, but it’s truly hard to squelch that small seed of doubt that pops up when it comes to their friendship. Mostly because I know that if she’d never gotten back with Atlas, she and Steel would probably be together. Or maybe they wouldn’t. I’ve never noticed a single bit of attraction between them, but I’ve been blind to so many things when it comes to Steel because of my feelings for him. What if that’s just another thing I was oblivious to?

He informs me that he’s going to have Em come sit with us for some added protection, and it has me grinding my jaw. I don’t want that, but it’s more protection for Lyric, and I know that my issue with this is on me, not any of them. It’s the care in his voice when he tells me that he needs me and Lyric protected that has me closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to banish the intrusive thoughts.

Steel has me take the phone to Lyric so he can say goodnight and then he says the same to me, letting me know he’ll be home as quickly as he can.

Once I’m off the phone, I get Lyric out of the tub and dressed. Then I sit her in front of me on the floor while I braid her hair as we watch an episode of Rugrats .

To say I was absolutely thrilled when I found out that not only is she obsessed with horror movies, but she loves watching most of the shows I watched when I was younger, is an understatement. Anytime I stay over now and she’s with her dad, I make sure we watch a few episodes before she goes to bed.

I finish her hair long before the episode is over, so I just continue to play with the braids, knowing how much she enjoys her hair being played with. By the time the credits roll, her head is leaning against my leg, showing off how drowsy she is.

Gently, I tug on one of her braids. “Come on, little bit. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Dad will be here when I wake up?”

“Yeah, baby. He’ll be home before long. But I don’t think you’ll make it trying to wait for him.”

Holding her blanket up, I watch as she climbs sleepily into bed, and then I wrap her up like a burrito, making sure she’s nice and snug.

“Love you, Bee.”

“Love you too, my heart song,” I whisper, brushing my finger along her nose before reaching over and flipping on her nightlight.

Tranquil nature sounds alternate with soothing sounds of thunderstorms and the sharp growls of motorcycles as it filters through the room from her speaker. My tough girl doesn’t sleep with most of the original nighttime lullabies. Nope. She’s settling on what’s familiar to her in her waking hours.

Lyric hasn’t been asleep long when Emmy Lou shows up at the house.

“Hey,” she says quietly, stepping inside.

I smile. “Hey. Steel said you’d be stopping by to sit with us until he gets back.”

Emmy Lou tilts her head, studying me. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, I actually don’t. You’re another set of eyes on that girl down the hall. I’d never say no to that, Em. Plus, I don’t have a reason to mind. Truthfully.”

Em reaches over and grasps my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She holds eye contact as if she’s trying to get me to understand something. “You really don’t, Bails.”

“I know.” I blow out a breath, opting for honesty. “I’ve known you too long to lie to you now. I struggle sometimes with your friendship. My heart is telling me I’m acting foolish, but it’s my head that keeps messing with me.”

“Dammit, Bailee. I don’t want to come—”

“No,” I interrupt her. “Don’t. This isn’t on you. It’s not even on Steel. I’ve got a lot of messed-up stuff going on in my head from my past.”

Emmy Lou snorts. “It doesn’t help that Steel put you through hell with his hot and cold bullshit.”

“That too.” I smile wanly. “That’s on me also. I let him get away with it.”

“It’s not like he doesn’t have a responsibility not to be a dick,” she says, shrugging.

“You’re right, but that’s not how Steel is. You know he wouldn’t be himself if he wasn’t at least a bit of a dick.”

I put something on television to watch as we wait for Steel. We laugh and talk about my brother and his arrogant friends, about Steel and Lyric, and even a little about what’s going on with Killer.

She fills me in on some things that could make telling the Dirty Mavericks go smoother when pipes scream outside the house. It’s probably Steel, but we’re cautious anyway and grab our guns.

Emmy Lou walks over to the window and moves the curtain minusculely to peer out. Her shoulders drop and she lowers the gun to her side, switching the safety back on. It’s her posture that has me dropping my guard. I put the safety on but continue to hold it loosely in my hand as we wait on him to make it inside.

When he comes through the door, his eyes scope the room quickly as he presses the code for the alarm. His eyes find mine, and whatever he sees must satisfy him because he turns his head to check on Emmy Lou too, giving her a nod before turning back to me and closing the distance between us.

As soon as he’s in front of me, Steel’s hand snaps out to cuff around my throat and then he brings my face to his. He shoves his tongue into my mouth, stealing my breath with the way he nearly inhales my face. A savage bite to my bottom lip ends the carnal kiss between us, and I’m left staring up at him with parted lips.

“Missed you, baby girl,” he mutters.

The bulge beneath his jeans rests heavy against my thigh that somehow ended up wedged between his legs.

“I can see that,” I remark with a snicker.

His lips twitch. “That too.”

“Look, I like porn as much as the next person, but I really don’t want to watch my best friend and his woman going at it hot and heavy,” Emmy Lou says, breaking the spell between us.

We laugh, and I pull away to start cleaning up the mess we made while those two talk about whatever they need to.

I’m coming back from tossing away a popcorn bag when I stop just inside the living room entrance and watch Steel and Emmy Lou together. My feet shuffle back and forth under me as I watch the way he reaches out to tenderly tug a piece of her hair that’s come loose. She smiles widely at him, and he flicks her nose.

There’s something about the gentle moment between them that has my chest burning.

I turn away from them, doing my best to shove my stupid jealousy away, but my brain latches on to the scene and begins to analyze it from a million different angles. And every theory it comes up with doesn’t feel right. It’s wrong, but my freaking heart doesn’t know that, even though my brain does.

Emmy Lou says goodbye to us, and Steel heads up to check on Lyric.

Let it go, Bailee. They’re just friends. You’re the one he wants, the one he’s falling in love with.

But is he? Or am I just convenient for him because he’s got so many things up in the air and he can’t be with the one person he’s wanted from the start?

When he walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge, he twists off the cap and tosses it in the trash before glancing at me. He pauses in the middle of taking a drink as his eyes roam my face.

Steel closes his eyes and slams his drink down on the counter, gripping the edge of it and hanging his head. “Go ahead.”

His barked words startle me. “What?”

“Face is expressive as fuck. Don’t even have to open your fuckin’ mouth to know the ridiculous shit running through your head.”

“Steel,” I start, but he straightens and shakes his head.

“Nope. Done dealt with the bullshit with Heather that could’ve caused some serious shit with my kid. Can’t deal with this shit too. Don’t know how many times I gotta tell you we’re friends and that’s it. Don’t want to let anyone come between that, but I give too much shit about you. If it hurts you, then it hurts me and I need to fix it. Just don’t know what that is right now and ain’t got it in me to figure it out tonight.” He blows out a breath. “Just wanted to come home to you and my kid, not to fight something else.”

He doesn’t say anything else, just swipes his beer from the counter. The snick of the bedroom door closing draws a flinch from me. It’s loud in the silent house, and it speaks more to me than some of his words do.

Especially when he doesn’t come back out for the rest of the night.