Page 19

Chapter nineteen

As soon as I woke up yesterday morning, my thoughts drifted to Steel and everything he was going to be facing with Bozo’s funeral. I wanted nothing more than to be there with him, and I’d begged him to let me. At this point, I didn’t even give a crap if Killer came at me, I just needed to be there for the man I was hopelessly falling in love with. It was useless to argue with Steel, though. He wasn’t going to allow my safety to come into question just to be at his side for his club brother’s funeral. It hurt and kind of made me mad, but it also made me respect him and love him just a little bit more for it. It showed me that he does care for me and how seriously he’s taking the threat to me.

Our relationship continues to grow, and I’m liking where it’s going. It’s different from what we had in the past. He’s been a lot more open and honest with me. He doesn’t try to keep things from getting personal like he did back then. The only subject we really don’t talk much about is Lyric. It bothers me because I want to know everything about her. She’s a part of him, which means she already has a place in my heart. I just know that if she’s anything like her dad, she’s going to steal the rest of it too.

At least, I liked where it was going.

Past tense.

Everything I thought I knew about what we were, where our relationship was heading, it all withered to dust with a single phone call.

My mind drifts back to the phone call I made to him yesterday on my lunch break when I knew the funeral was over.

I shove a fry in my mouth as I listen to the ringing in my ear. I’ve been worried about Steel since he left my place last night. Today is going to be hard for him, and I’ve been so damn tempted all morning to leave here and go to him, but his warnings about Killer finding me and how he couldn’t handle losing me too have been the only thing stopping me. I settled with sending him a text to let him know I was thinking about him and that I was there with him in spirit, but I need to hear his voice so I know where his head is at.

The ringing stops, and I sit up straight, wiping my fingers on a napkin as I wait for him to greet me.

“Hello?”

My brows furrow, and the lunch I just finished eating threatens to come back up at the voice that definitely doesn’t belong to Steel.

“Um . . . hi. Is Steel there?”

“No, he’s not. He ran into the store to get our daughter something to drink. Who is this?”

I lift my palm to my chest, feeling my heart racing underneath it. “Is this Heather? Did you go with him to the funeral?”

“You obviously know who I am, but I have no clue who you are or how you know my Old Man. Of course, I went with him. He needed me, and that’s what a proper Old Lady does. You’re listed in his phone as Hummingbird. How cute. However, this stops now. He doesn’t need you because he has me. I’m the mother of his child, and we’ve been trying to work it out for a while now. I don’t know how long you’ve been around, but darling, you’re not special. If you were, you would be the one at his side today instead of me. If you continue to see my Old Man, you’re nothing more than a homewrecker. We have a child. Think about it. Is that who you really want to be?”

Heather hung up before I could even open my mouth to say anything, but it didn’t matter because it’s not like I had any words after all that. They got stolen somewhere during her cold and taunting speech. I don’t think I’d have been able to speak past the pain that had lodged in my stomach and the ache that took up residence in the back of my throat. The only thing that would have come out would have been a few croaks. I had enough shame curling up inside me, I didn’t need to add that to my embarrassment too.

The agony that has created its new headquarters in my heart is still working diligently to bring me to my knees. It holds me captive as much as my anger at Steel does.

I want to run away. I want to go back home, to the familiarity and comfort of my brother’s arms. He was always my safe haven growing up, my protector, though I don’t think he realizes that I was actually his too. It’s why he didn’t know about some of the nights I spent curled up in pain after Dad decided to use me as his punching bag. But as much as I yearn to seek solace in what’s familiar to me, it’s not safe and will only bring danger to those I love.

My phone rings, and before I even look at the screen, I know who it is. The intensity of his calls and texts has continued since I ignored them yesterday and today.

Too bad for him, I plan on continuing to do so. As soon as I’m able to, I’m going to make the call to Reed and see if he can find me somewhere that’s safe to stay that’s not home. He’ll have the resources to make sure I have enough protection to keep from being killed until I can get the pictures I took of Swirly’s murder to the police. Or maybe I’ll have Reed give them to Emmy Lou so they can figure out the best person to get them to. They have that friend in the FBI who I’m sure would love to get their hands on those images.

Steel calls again, but I send him to voicemail, shoving the phone in my pocket and grabbing the tray of drinks to carry over to a table full of a bachelor party in action. The groom-to-be looks so uncomfortable that I almost feel sorry for him, but he’s a grown ass man who had the ability to say no if he wanted to. I just hope his fiancée knows where he’s at and that his buddies are in the process of buying him a damn lap dance.

I drop the drinks off with a tight smile before heading back to the bar to grab another order.

For the next few hours, I field roaming hands, offers to hook up, and familiar faces.

“Here you go, sugar,” I say, setting a customer’s drink down in front of him.

I’m usually put off by the leering looks I get from the men who come in here, but the attention I’m receiving from this one feels nice after the bullshit Steel has once again put me through. It’s not like it’s a hardship to let him give it to me. The man is damn good looking. I mean, he doesn’t hold a candle to Steel—he’s way too pretty—but he’s enough that I’d spend a few hours between the sheets with him and not regret it. That’s what makes it so easy to flirt back with him.

Which is what Steel finds when he rolls into the building, a violent electrical storm of lividity that sucks the oxygen from the air around him.

When he stops beside us, he stares down at where the pretty boy is touching my arm. In his mind, he’s already ripped it off me. Hell, he’s probably already ripped it off the poor guy too.

Fucking hypocrite.

The guy jerks his hand away and scrambles from his seat, putting as much space between us and him as possible. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d pissed himself along the way.

I sigh. He may have had a pretty face, but he’d have been useless in other areas, it seems. All it took was one look from a pissed-off biker and he was running scared.

I peer up at Steel.

Okay, granted, that pissed-off biker looks to be on the verge of murder right now, but that’s beside the point.

“Not really sure why you’re looking at me like that,” I mutter, grabbing the pretty boy’s glass and taking it to the sink to be cleaned and sanitized.

Before I realize what’s happening, Steel places his palms on the center of the bar and freaking leaps over it, landing on the side that I’m on, and then marches over to where I’m at. I’m still stunned speechless that I don’t even put up a protest when he anchors his fingers around my wrist and starts to pull me behind him.

Reva is waiting at the end of the bar with a raised brow. “She’s working.”

“Not right now. She’s on break.”

She obviously hears the dark tone in his voice too because instead of sassing back like she normally would, she just nods and scoots over to let us pass by.

My brain slowly begins to function again, but I know we’ve already drawn enough attention to ourselves, so I follow behind him reluctantly when all I want to do is pull away from his touch.

The skin beneath his fingers is on fire, branding me an adulteress, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

He lets me go when he realizes I’m not going to run from him and continues to lead us to my apartment. As soon as we’re inside and I have the door shut behind me, he twirls my way.

“Why the fuck have you been declinin’ my calls and leavin’ me on fuckin’ read? Did it not occur to you that I’d be fuckin’ worried about you when you did that? What the hell is going on, Hummingbird?”

I flinch at the pet name, and I know he doesn’t miss it because he tries to wrap me in his arms. I jerk away with a scowl, scooting around him and putting distance between us.

Surprise flashes across his face and then anger. “The fuck, Bailee? You better open your goddamn mouth right now and tell me what the fuck is goin’ on before I lose my motherfuckin’ mind.”

His image goes hazy as tears fill my eyes. “You want to know what’s going on? How about the fact that I called you yesterday because I was so freaking worried about your state of mind, but you didn’t answer.”

Steel’s brows furrow. “The fuck? I didn’t have no missed calls, baby girl.”

I snort. “No fucking shit. You know why? Because your Old Lady ,” I spit the words out, “answered the phone. Heather was more than happy to tell me how she was the one with you at the funeral and how I was insignificant.” I dash away the tears that drip down my face. “You’re a freaking asshole for making me the other woman, Steel.”

His hands clench, and he takes a step in my direction, but the moment I back up, he stops. “Heather is full of goddamn shit,” he spits out, his face flushed in his anger, his pretty green eyes spitting fire. “Just tryin’ to start fuckin’ drama.”

“Have you been with her since I’ve been back in your life?” I ask.

The way his face completely blanks and his body stills tells me everything I need to know and a sob tears from my chest. I wrap my arms around myself.

“She gave me head and she kissed me yesterday,” he replies in a voice that is void of life.

Nausea swirls in my stomach as my body trembles, but I fight to hold it together. I need the answers. I need to know it all.

“Are you two together or trying to work it out?”

“No.”

“Did you ever tell her you all could?”

There’s hesitation again before he answers just as robotically as before. “I did at first. It was lie so I could try to get her to get fuckin’ clean for our daughter. Was hopin’ it would give her enough incentive to want to.”

“Was that the only time you told her?”

“No. I lied to her and told her again so I could get her to leave when she showed up at my house and I’ve never corrected the lie. There was too much shit goin’ on that she was the last thing on my mind.”

His words repeat over and over as my body quakes from the chill that has invaded my bones.

Warmth. I need to find something to warm me up.

Turning away from him, I let my feet carry me to my room. One. Two. Three. Four. I count the steps to keep my mind occupied and to avoid drifting to a space that’s unwanted.

Closet. The closet will have my sweatshirts.

“Bailee, would you fuckin’ stop and talk to me?”

Grabbing my favorite black hoodie, I pull it over my head, burying into the warmth as I silently beg for it to heat me up.

“Hummingbird, listen to me,” he pleads.

My head snaps up on that, some of the numbness clearing. Just not enough for me to not feel this empty chasm inside me.

“You need to leave. Go home to your family, Steel. I won’t come between you and your family. I refuse to be hurt like that again. I am meant for more than playing the other woman role.”

“You’re not goin’ to listen?”

There’s something there, in his tone, something that tells me maybe I should listen, that maybe things aren’t exactly as they seem, but my brain isn’t processing anything new right now, so it shoves it to the side.

“What’s there to listen to, Steel? You admitted to getting a blowjob from her since I’ve been back in your life, and you two kissed yesterday. You’ve been leading her on, so it’s no wonder she thinks she has the right to tell me what she did. I don’t have it in me to do toxic with you again this go-around.”

With a roar, he slams his fist into the wall, and it’s a sign of how far into numbness I am that I don’t even flinch from the sound of it.

“Fuck this shit. This right here is exactly why I don’t do goddamn relationships,” he spits. “You’re still under my fuckin’ protection, so I need fuckin’ check-in calls. If you don’t, I’ll be back, and it won’t be pretty.”

The door slams behind him, and as soon as it snicks into place, I fall to my knees as I finally break.

I had so many warnings. I told myself so many times that I wasn’t going there again. But I stupidly fell in love with him all over again, and just like last time, I’m a shattered, broken mess on the floor of my apartment while he goes home to his kid’s mother.