Page 5

Chapter five

The musty scent of leather and smoked wood, an earthy tone I’ve always associated with Steel, teases my nostrils each time I take a breath, coaxing me to wake from my sleep.

Seeing his normally hard face soft in sleep is something I could wake up to for the rest of my life. But since I’ll never get that opportunity, I soak it all up now before shoving it to the back of my mind where I keep all my memories of him. A lot of times, they’re too painful to face, but just like everyone else, I have moments of weakness where I pull them out and relive them.

I’m a glutton for punishment because all that ever ends up doing is giving me a heavy heart.

As my eyes roam over his face, I catalog the differences from the last time I saw him. A few more crinkles sit in the corners of his eyes, and there’s a tiny silver scar that runs through his right eyebrow, but it’s the way his lips kind of curl downward that is the biggest change. All the times I would wake up before him just so I could spend a few minutes storing memories, his lips never looked like he was fighting something. They were always soft and parted slightly.

I lift my hand, needing to touch him, but drop it instead.

Are they like that because of me? Did I make a mistake by calling him?

“Thinkin’ that hard will hurt your brain,” he mutters.

When my eyes flick up to his, they’re met with a warmth that hasn’t been there in a while. “Morning.”

Steel’s fingers brush pieces of hair from my eyes. “Mornin’, Hummingbird.”

He must still be half asleep because he leans over and brushes his mouth against mine. A couple more times he does it, heat flashing through my body with each one. Then he pulls back, and his eyes drop to my lips. The longer he stares at them, the hotter his eyes flare.

“Fuck it,” he growls, grabbing my chin and pulling my face to his.

He shoves his way past my parted lips, tangling his tongue with mine.

Fervent tension builds between us as our mouths attack each other greedily. A groan vibrates up his chest and pours into me as he glides his hand under my shirt and cups my tit in his palm. His thumb teases my nipple until it’s a stiff point, and then he pinches it with his fingers and tugs, teasing me until I’m moaning into his mouth and slick with arousal between my thighs.

More . . . I need more.

It feels like it’s been so long since this man has had his hands on me that I’m drowning in hunger, even though it was really just last night.

Since he doesn’t seem to be giving me what I want, I reach under my shirt and grab his hand, guiding it down my body until we’re sliding them between my legs.

There’s no underwear to fight out of the way since I’m not wearing any.

This isn’t the smartest time to be doing this since I’ve been shot and have a club chasing after me, but like always, I’m not able to control myself when I’m around him.

Something teases my mind, another reason I shouldn’t be doing this, but his fingers brush against my clit and whatever it was flies away. His tongue caresses mine boldly as he toys with me, bringing me closer to that edge but pulling back before I can fall.

I bite down gently on his tongue in warning, and he chuckles into my mouth before drifting his fingers down to my entrance and shoving two inside. Steel rests his thumb against that tiny bundle of nerves that is guaranteed to give me fireworks as he thrusts his fingers in and out of me. The combination of pressure from his thumb and him adding a third finger inside makes me lose my senses as I chase my release. He fucks me, those wicked digits of his plunging in and out of my pussy until I’m right at the precipice.

Steel yanks his mouth away from mine and buries his face in my neck, his mouth attaching itself to my skin. He bites and nibbles, each tiny sting of pain from his teeth zapping my core. The pleasure is so intense that I plead with him for my release.

As soon as his mouth latches onto my neck and sucks on my flesh, my body locks up painfully and my release rolls over me.

It’s only seconds later that the coolness from the air conditioner brushes across my trembling body as Steel leaves me bereft.

“Fuck,” he growls, climbing from the bed. “That was a mistake.”

His words wipe out the orgasmic bliss buzzing through my system.

Right. No emotions. No relationships. How could I forget?

“Relax, Steel. I’m not going to suddenly fall in love with you just because you got me off.” I carefully work my way to the edge of the bed and sit up with a wince of pain. “You’re good, bossman, but you ain’t that good.”

Liar .

“Stupid brain,” I breathe out.

“What are you doin’?”

I shoot him a sharp look. “What’s it look like?”

Steel lifts a brow. “Rein in the brat, Hummingbird.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do. You got me off, and that’s where it starts and ends with us.”

It’s a struggle, but I make it to my feet. I do my best to keep my weight off my injured leg, but it’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be.

Freaking psychotic bikers just had to go and murder someone on the same day I decided to take pictures.

With a growl, he stomps over to me and lifts me gently into his arms. “Where are you goin’?”

“To the bathroom. I need to pee, and then I’d like something to put on before the doctor gets here.”

I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to be close to him again, so I rest my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It’s one of my most favorite melodies.

Not that I’ll make myself vulnerable enough to tell him that.

Not again.

Lesson learned. Got the t-shirt. Yada, yada, yada.

My mind drifts back to last night and everything that happened. I was shocked when he told me he was with two club girls when I called. More than that, I was hurt. I don’t even know why because we’ve not had anything to do with each other the last three years except for an occasional text here and there. It shouldn’t have hurt much, if at all.

Unfortunately, it did, and that doesn’t bode well for my heart. I’m stronger this time, though. My days of being a doormat for him are over. I’ve been with other men in the three years we’ve been apart, and I’ve learned the joy of casual sex. It’s fun, orgasmic, and the best part is no emotions have to be involved other than lust. After the crap I went through with this man, there was no way I was getting emotionally invested in another person so soon.

I think the part that shocked and hurt me the most, though, is that it’s over for good between him and Heather. I waited so long and gave him so much of myself just waiting and hoping he would see how toxic their on-and-off-again relationship was. He knew how I felt about him because it wasn’t something I hid, and I thought he cared at least a little about me, so knowing he would rather bang club girls and other women instead of coming to me after they were over for good proves that he really didn’t feel anything. I truly was nothing more than a side piece he used whenever he and Heather split up.

Knowing that will make it so much easier to keep my heart out of it this time. We’ll get this mess taken care of with the Night Skulls, and then I’ll be out of his life. This time for good. No reaching out by text, no calling when I’m in trouble, nothing. A clean slate where I delete his number, block him, and forget he exists. It shouldn’t be too hard since I haven’t reached out to him in a year anyway.

Until I was in a bind, and he was the only option I could think of to help me out of it.

Steel steps out the bathroom door after passing me the panties he hand-washed for me last night. When I’m finished using the restroom and sliding the panties up my legs, I hop over to the sink as softly as I can. Thankfully, it’s close enough that I can do it in two small hops. I lean against the wall to take the weight off my leg while I lather my hands and stare at myself in the mirror.

I’m a mess, but why does it matter when I’m basically going to be a new person today anyway. It might be refreshing to put on another life. The hue of my blue eyes has darkened from the pain I’m in, and sweat beads on my lip from the struggle of something as simple as putting on my panties.

Freaking murdering assholes.

The door pops open and Steel’s eyes meet mine. Seeing that I’m ready, he pushes the door wide and lifts me into his arms.

He’s about to place me on the bed when the echo of a fist banging against the metal door of our room reaches us. Steel freezes as his gaze bounces from me to the door.

“Go,” I murmur low enough that it only reaches his ears.

He sets me on the mattress and grabs his gun from the nightstand, padding barefoot to the door, the carpet under his feet muffling his steps. There’s a tiny slit between the window and the curtain that he uses to find out who is on the other side.

“Doc,” he says quietly, the tension releasing from his shoulders.

Steel continues to stay alert with his gun at the ready as he moves the chair and unlocks the door, opening it to reveal the stern-faced doctor.

“I don’t have long. Let’s get these X-rays and go over your labs, then we can all be on our way, barring everything looks okay.”

The doctor’s visit is only about thirty minutes before he’s standing and going over the wound care instructions one last time.

“I’d prefer not to get another call from you, Steel, but if it’s a life-threatening emergency, give me one.” He looks back at me. “Take care of your leg and make sure you rest it as much as you can.”

Steel walks the doctor out, probably for stern warnings not to open his mouth about last night and this morning. I don’t know why he needs to. Anyone can look at that doctor and see the fear in his eyes. He won’t say anything because he knows exactly what will happen to him if he does.

Steel’s face and eyes are blank when he comes back in, and my throat tightens because I’m not used to this side of him. The small amount of time I got with him, he never closed himself off, though he didn’t exactly keep himself open either.

He walks around the room, collecting our things and setting them on the table by the door. “Goin’ to have to go in what you got on. I’ll stop on the way to where we’re goin’ and grab you some leggings or something.” His eyes drop to the wound on my thigh. “Shorts would probably be better.”

I sigh. “We’re going to have to go to my place sometime to get me some clothes if I’m staying a while. All I have is what I had on yesterday and your shirt that I’m wearing now.”

Steel shakes his head. “Not happenin’, Hummingbird. Killer will be watchin’ your house. If they found your car, then they’ve found everything you’ve left behind, including your name and address. Know you wanted to leave your brother out of this, but we need to let him know. They need to be on alert because Killer won’t fuckin’ hesitate to use anyone you love to get to you.”

“My phone is in your Bronco,” I tell him in a thickened voice.

The people I love have already been through enough hell, and here I am about to add more to it.

Why did I have to go into the woods that day? There are so many other places I want to get on film that I could have gone to instead.

“I’ll fill Em in then, and she can let him know while we’re gettin’ your hair done.”

“No,” I say sharply.

Shit. Not the reaction I wanted to have at hearing her name come from his mouth.

“Just let me tell them, please,” I plead when all he does is stare at me.

I hate that I don’t know what’s running through his mind as he keeps his eyes on me. Can he tell how uncomfortable I am when he talks about her? How jealous I am of her? How much I hate being jealous of her? She’s a friend, nearly family with how close Reed is with the guys.

“Better. Otherwise, I’m fillin’ her in.”

“Understood.”

“Stay here. Goin’ to take our stuff out and check to make sure we don’t have any surprises waitin’ for us.” He places his extra gun beside me on the bed. “If I don’t announce myself, shoot first and worry about fuckin’ questions later.”

I nod, sliding the gun into my hand and resting it on my uninjured thigh. “Be careful.”

In an unconscious move, he runs his finger softly down my nose like he used to before turning on his booted heels. He does security checks before opening the door carefully, his gun at the ready, and then he takes all the oxygen with him as he steps out the door.

It’s not long before he’s back, and then he slides me back into his arms to carry me out to the Bronco.

There may not be any danger to my body right now, but there sure as hell is to my heart. I’m just not sure how to keep my walls secure and high enough so he can’t scale over them.

“What do you think?” the stylist, Luanne, asks, standing behind me as she turns me toward the mirror.

My long blonde tresses are gone, and I’m left with a bright, fire engine red pixie undercut with black shaved sides. The cut has somehow accentuated my cheekbones, making them appear sharper, and it highlights the dark beauty mark on my cheek.

It’s strange how a simple haircut and color change can alter your appearance.

I turn my head left and then right, examining myself from all sides. This is the first time I’ve had all my hair cut off. Usually, it’s just a trim to keep the dead ends off. Shoot, I’ve never even dared to go any color other than my natural shade let alone one that’s so . . . bold.

Meeting Luanne’s eyes in the mirror, I grin. “I freaking love it.”

She tosses her purple head back and laughs. “Something told me you would. Your man said you wanted something that made you feel like a whole different person. You’ve got this soft core inside you, but you’re bold as hell, ain’t you?”

I don’t bother correcting her about Steel. Instead, I smirk. “You could be on to something.”

Luanne pulls off the apron, shaking it out over the floor then laying it over the back of the chair. She helps me climb to my feet and over to the counter just as Steel meets us there.

I lift my gaze to his and nearly stumble back at the heat that’s emanating from them. Good goddess, he’s going to burn me alive if he keeps looking at me like that.

“What do you think, bossman?”

His reply is a quiet grunt, but I don’t miss the unconscious lip bite as he glances away to pay Luanne.

Oh, looks like someone may like it a little more than anticipated.

She hands me her business card with a wink, and then Steel is helping me out the door and to the Bronco.

“Got some fake piercings. You’ll wear them when you’re around other people. Someplace that’s just us, you can keep them off. Also bought some colored contacts. There’s a box with each color so you can decide which one you want to wear. Just need to change yours because they’re distinctive. Appearance has to change as much as we can because you’re goin’ to be around people who might recognize you otherwise,” he informs me, passing over a small shopping bag.

I dig through the bag as he pulls out of the parking lot. Pawing through the piercings, I see he also got them in different colors. The black hooped nose ring sits tightly against my nostril, giving my nose an even daintier look, and a simple black lip ring gives me an edgy look that I’m not used to seeing. It feels strange having these on my face, but as I admire them in the mirror, I really fall in love with them. My entire life, I’ve been the good girl, the soft-hearted hopeless romantic who looks like the girl next door. If I were to walk into my house with a look this bold, my dad would have busted my mouth and then disowned me.

Not that anyone knows that my dad was abusive. It was something I got really good at hiding from Reed and Jedreck. Dad was an angel in their eyes, and I didn’t have it in me to disabuse them of that notion and break their hearts. What’s done is done. It’s in the past and there isn’t any reason to tell them now.

I fish through the contact lenses until I find a pair that isn’t going to clash with the red hair. After wiping my hands with the small package of antibacterial wipes, I insert them, blinking rapidly to settle the honey-colored lenses into place.

“What do you think about these?” I ask, turning to face him.

“Looks good, but nothing beats your natural eye color, Hummingbird,” Steel says softly.

“Has my appearance changed enough?”

He grunts and glances over at me. Heat flashes in his eyes quickly before he banks it. “Yeah. Doubt you’ll run into anyone as familiar with you as me or your family and friends, so it should hold.”

We’ve only been on the road for about fifteen minutes when the rumbling of my stomach fills the cab. He doesn’t say anything, just flips on his blinker at the next place we come to and pulls through the drive-thru.

I let the quiet stew between us while I eat my burger, but by the time I’m finished, the silence has my skin crawling. I’m not used to it, and I don’t like it.

“Will you tell me more about Lyric? Is she anything like you?”

His jaw clenches, and he works it back and forth. Lyric is a touchy subject for him, at least with me. If he gives me pieces of his daughter, then he’s making me real, and sometimes, I think Steel is scared of real.

“Yeah,” he replies gruffly. “My attitude is all over that girl.”

“I bet that’s fun. A miniature version of you is bound to keep anyone’s hands full. Is she in school?”

“First grade. Smart. Real smart. Loves to read. Last meeting with her teacher, she was readin’ at seventh grade level. Tested in math at fifth grade level.”

My lips curl softly at the pride in his voice. “Have they given her that gifted test to see if she needs to move to a higher grade?”

“Not yet, but it’s something her teacher is talkin’ to others about.”

Snagging a fry from the bag, I pop it in my mouth while I decide whether I want to touch on the subject of his custody arrangement. He’s not shutting me out yet, but that might have him do it.

“Does she live with you?”

“No,” he snaps, and I know it’s the end of our conversation.

With a heavy sigh, I finish my fries and change the subject. “How’s the club?”

“Good. Wraith is married now. Crow is still fightin’ what he feels for Sage, with her but not. We all know his big ass is already wrapped around her finger. Like hell he’ll admit it, though. The rest of them are doin’ good. Fightin’, fuckin’, and ridin’, same as always.”

We spend a few more minutes chatting casually about the club. He fills me in on some of the new members, mainly prospects, and the club girls, which I grit my teeth about because of what he told me last night.

“Deacon and Willow, they got, what, three kids now?”

“Yeah. They’re all good. You remember his son, Xander?” He nods. “That boy is freaking twenty already and graduated high school two years ago. It seems like yesterday they were pulling him out of that crap life of his. Roselyn is six, and she’s so much of a handful, you’d think she’s sixteen already. Storm . . .” My voice softens when I think of her. “Storm is quiet and kind, but, man, if you piss that little four-and-a-half-year-old off, she definitely lives up to her name.”

We talk about the rest of the crew, and when he mentions Emmy Lou’s name, my heart squeezes in my chest. Not because he says it but how he says it. Does he even realize how reverently he speaks her name? How the hell is anyone supposed to compete with that? Especially when she’s in his life. It’s not that I worry about anything happening with her. That woman is so in love with her husband, I’d be surprised if she even sees any other guy. But you can’t have a person’s heart if it’s already taken.

Not that I want Steel’s. It’s wrapped in barbed wire, and I’ve been cut too many times by it.

The vault surrounding my heart tightens as I reinforce the walls. I’m not going to let him break me again over another woman.

After the mention of her, my mind detaches, and I just check out of the conversation. It’s not a healthy way to cope, but it’s one I learned when I was younger. Right now, I’m thankful for it.

He obviously doesn’t care because the rest of the ride into Brighton is filled with tension-filled silence.

I don’t know where we go from here, but I’m putting my trust in him. Though given the way he’s broken my heart before, it’s probably a stupid idea.

The good thing is, I don’t have to trust him with my heart . . .

Just my life.