Page 22

Chapter twenty-two

If someone unfamiliar with our lives was observing us now, I’m sure they’d assume we’ve always been a family. There’s just that comfort, that bond that you normally only see between people who have known each other longer than a day or a couple who’s been together longer than a few weeks.

Not that Bailee and I are together.

Not in any official capacity or anything.

Not yet, anyway.

I was gonna grill out for supper, but on the way to the house, Lyric and Bailee tag-teamed me for pizza and cheese bread. Not even ashamed to admit that I only held strong for a few minutes before I was aiming the Bronco toward the nearest pizza shop.

I’m in so much goddamn trouble with these two together, but I’m strangely looking forward to it. Hell, I can’t believe I’ve missed out on all this for so long. Probably not the smartest fucking move to have my daughter around Bailee while someone is after her because it could put Lyric straight in the line of fire, but it also means I have the ability to protect her better because she’ll be with me instead of somewhere I can’t reach her in time. Plus, what no one knows and I’ve demanded to be kept secret is that Emmy Lou has a couple people watching over my girls when I’m not able to be with them. The only thing she’s told me is that I’ll never know they’re there unless they’re needed. Said something else about Killer Kitty Inc. being the best female assassins you’ll ever find. How the fuck she came across them, I’ll never know because she doesn’t talk a lot about her cases.

“Horror trivia?” Bailee repeats back to Lyric, not sure if she heard her correctly.

I scrub a hand across my mouth to hide my smirk, knowing my girl is about to throw some hustle.

Lyric nods. “Uh-huh. Horror movie trivia.”

Bailee sets her slice of pizza on her plate and stares Lyric down. “Horror is my favorite. How many questions?”

My daughter taps her index finger against her lip as she pretends to think. “Five. No, wait . . . ten!”

“Ten, huh? That’s easy. What do I get when I win?” Bailee boasts.

Lyric glances at me with a mock worried expression. “I think I made it too easy or something. Maybe there should be more questions.”

I nod, playing along. “Might be a good idea.”

Bailee glances between us, biting her lip. “No. No. You know what? Why don’t we just do the original five? If I get them all . . .” She trails off, then smiles, lifts her foot, and wiggles her sock-covered toes. “You give me a pedicure.”

Oh, man. The way my little girl’s smile lights up at that is fucking beautiful. Does Heather not do any of that girly shit with her that now she’s starved for it?

“What if I win?”

Bailee smiles back at her and leans forward to tweak her nose, causing Lyric to blush and drop her head for a few seconds before peering back up at her with twinkling eyes.

“You won’t, but if you do, what would you like? The world is your oyster, my little heart song.”

I watch my daughter melt, causing worry to settle in my gut, but there’s no fucking way I’m going to be able to pull these two apart now. Their bond was instantaneous. And as I glance over at Bailee, I realize my daughter isn’t the only one melting. My Hummingbird has fucking heart eyes too. Seeing it lessens the worry, but it doesn’t completely diminish it. If anything happens, it’s not just going to be one female’s heart that’s going to break, it’ll be two.

“I think you just will have to paint my nails and my toes.”

“Dea—”

“ And you have to listen to Daddy and come back for more horror movie trivia nights.”

Suspicion shines bright in Bailee’s eyes as she gazes between the two of us. “Why do I feel like I’m being played?”

Lyric leans forward as if she’s going to tell Bailee a secret. “I’m just a kid, Bee. I don’t know what that means.”

She’s so full of shit, and from the expression in Lee’s eyes, she knows it too.

A huff of laughter passes Bailee’s lips. “You’re much more than that, girlie, but fine, you have a deal. Five trivia questions each. The winner is whoever gets all of them right. In the event of a tie, there’ll be a tie-breaker question. Who goes first and who asks the questions?”

“Daddy, you want to be the questioner person?”

I sigh heavily and settle more comfortably in my seat. “If I must. What do you say? Should our guest go first?”

My heart flips when she giggles at my wink. “Yup.”

I try to think of one that I’m sure she’ll know. Horror movie trivia is Lyric’s favorite thing to do when we’re hanging around the house. So, even if I’m not as obsessed with the genre as Lyric is, she’s definitely made sure I’m knowledgeable enough to play along with her and win if we’re teamed up against other people. Bailee loves horror movies too, just not at the level that my girl does, so she shouldn’t have any problem answering these.

“Carrie was played by which actress in the 1967 version of the movie?”

“Oh,” Bailee exclaims, “Sissy Spacek!”

“Good girl,” I praise, shooting her a wink and being rewarded with heat sparking in her eyes for a few short seconds before I turn to my daughter. “Lyra, what’s the name of Michael Myers’s teenage sister who he killed as a child in Halloween ?”

She scrunches her nose. “Really, Daddy? Her name is Judith.”

“Just testin’ you both out. Gotta check those reflexes. Ready for the real ones, ladies?” They nod, and my lips twitch at the seriousness on their cute faces. “Lee, you have how many days to live after watchin’ the videotape in The Ring ?”

“Seven days.”

“Easy,” Lyric sings out, falling back to the couch in laughter when Bailee sticks her tongue out at her.

“Okay, Lyra. Johnny Depp made his film debut in what horror film?”

“ A Nightmare on Elm Street . Duh. Doesn’t everyone know that?”

Bailee and I look at each other, our expressions holding a hell of a lot of warmth and love for this little girl being sassy as fuck next to me. In that short moment, I try to let my eyes tell her I’m sorry and that she’s the only woman I want. The fight to not believe me is in hers and, hell, it’s not like I can blame her. I’ve let her down time and again because of Heather.

She looks away, grabbing her slice of pizza and taking a bite, her way of ending an uncomfortable situation.

I clear my throat. “Right. Bailee, which college does the group of friends in 1981’s The Evil Dead go to?”

Her brows furrow, and her forehead crinkles a little as she thinks. “Florida State University?”

Lyric makes a loud buzzer noise, and Bailee laughs. “It’s Michigan State University.”

“Are you sure you’re only about to be seven?” Bailee teases. “You’re way too smart, little heart song.”

“That makes it Bailee, one, and Lyric, one. You’re still tied because you missed that one. Lyric, in The Exorcist , Regan gets possessed by a demon named what?”

“Pazuzu,” she yells, jumping up and doing some kind of silly little dance.

For the next five minutes, we go back and forth with questions, with Lyric keeping us entertained with silly little antics each time she answers right, but it’s nothing compared to the way she lights up when she wins.

“Do you have nail polish?” Bailee asks her.

“Yeppers. Auntie Em brought me some the last time her and Uncle Atlas visited.”

Bailee’s body tightens slightly at the mention of Emmy Lou, and I sigh internally, knowing it’s just another thing that needs to be addressed between us. Otherwise, anytime she’s brought up or she’s around, shit’s going to get awkward, and I’d really hate to have to give up one of my best friends over something that was over the moment Bailee walked into my life.

“Run and get them, Princess. Bailee and I will clean this up so you all have a spot to do that girly shit. When your fingers and toes are dry, it’s shower and bed.”

I help Bailee gather our plates, empty bottles, and cans and take them to the kitchen. As much as I want to grab her and talk to her right now, it’s not the time. The conversations we need to have are too important to be interrupted by a little girl who’s been starved for female companionship for too long.

When I get back to the living room, Lyric has the table already set up and waiting patiently as Bailee gets herself situated.

Seconds pass, or maybe it’s minutes—hell, it could be fucking hours, I don’t know—as I stand here watching them. Their heads are close together, bent over Lyric’s hand as Bailee runs the brush over a finger then brings it toward her mouth to blow on it before setting it back down and moving to the next one. They whisper about things I’m not privy to, and I find that I’m okay with that. I have enough trust in Bailee to tell me if it’s something that I truly need to know. Otherwise, I’d prefer her to have my daughter’s confidence. Somehow, I believe there’s a lot that my daughter is keeping from me about what her relationship with her mom is really like.

Does she not trust me enough to come and tell me? She knows I’ll do anything in this world to protect her.

I straighten when it hits me.

That’s the problem. She knows there’s a chance that I won’t like whatever she has to tell me and I’ll end up doing something to Heather in a bid to protect her. So, she’s protecting her mom from me because she loves her. It’s not that she loves me any less.

“All right. Shower time, my little heart song,” Bailee says quietly, pulling me from my thoughts.

Fuck.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I missed the rest of the session, and it’s fucking disappointing because I was finally feeling it.

That same feeling I get when I’m on my bike, flying down the asphalt, watching the white and yellow lines blur so quickly that they eventually seem to fade away.

The feeling of peace.

The feeling of contentment.

The feeling of finally coming home.

I let Bailee run off to the shower after she told Lyric goodnight and tucked her in because I knew she couldn’t hide out forever. The water would eventually get cold, and she’d have to get out to seek some warmth, whether it’s from clothes, the bed, or me.

Alcohol is going to be required in a few places in our conversation, so I head over to the cabinet above the refrigerator and grab the bottle of Devil’s Mark along with two of their special edition glasses.

I’d be a shitty friend if I didn’t support my friend’s husband in the running of his distillery.

Bailee makes her way into the living room as I’m pouring bourbon into the glasses for us, pushing hers toward her once it’s full.

She lifts it to her mouth and downs the fucking thing in one swallow, handing it back to me and lifting a brow to ask for a refill.

Her eyes are a little clearer now, but it’s also given her the courage to shore up her walls, which is what I didn’t fucking want. It’s harder for me to get to her when she’s got those damn things up.

“I have a debt to pay to your daughter,” she says tonelessly, taking a seat on the couch.

Lyric isn’t around, so she doesn’t have to put on the act anymore.

“Take what I’ll get,” I reply, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. “Where do you want to start?”

“This is your show. Start wherever you want.”

Fuck. Okay, then.

I lift the glass to my mouth and swallow it down just like she did then pour myself another one. Placing my elbows on my thighs, I let my hands clasp the glass like a lifeline between my legs as I stare at her.

“Emmy Lou.” My lips firm into a straight line when her body tightens at the mention of her name. “That. That right there is why we need to talk about her. She’s my best friend. That’s all she is, all she’s ever been. Never had a chance, and once I met you, never wanted to.” Bailee lets out a sound of disbelief. “Scoff all you want, baby girl. It’s the truth. She ceased to be someone I viewed like that when we became whatever we became.”

“Nothing,” she says coldly. “That’s what we became.”

I take a sip from the glass and shoot her a look over the rim of it. “Weren’t what you wanted us to be, Hummingbird, but we were far from nothin’, and if I hear that shit from your mouth again, I’ll tan your ass red.”

“Only in your dreams will you touch me again.”

“Keep pushin’ me instead of lettin’ me speak and you’ll see how far I’m willin’ to go to fix this shit to keep you in my life,” I growl.

She pushes her lips together and glares at me, the defiance a better sight than that emptiness she had the night she found out about everything and the careful blankness she put on as soon as Lyric was out of the room.

“Never got anything to worry about with Emmy Lou. Nothin’, Lee. She’s Atlas’s, and I’m yours. You get that? You get what no one else ever has. Never allowed anyone else to say that. Don’t want her to become a problem with us. Got enough of those on my own without that. If it does, I’ll fix it. Yeah?” She nods and takes a drink. “Now, about the shit from the other day.”

Bailee goes to open her mouth, but I aim a sharp look at her. “You had your say. It’s my turn, baby girl. Didn’t get to say it then, so I’m goin’ to now. We ain’t ever had exclusivity, Lee, but I’m still sorry you got hurt by what she told you. Last thing I ever want to do is cause you pain. Done enough of that shit in the past.”

I know she probably doesn’t want the details, but I need her to know that I didn’t exactly want the blowjob and that it was actually her that I was thinking about when I woke up. The last thing I want to do is think about that morning, but my Hummingbird deserves to know it all, so I let the sting from the bourbon burn away the sourness from the back of my throat as I prepare to lay myself open.

“The morning of the blowjob—”

“No. Stop. I don’t want to listen to this.”

“Please,” I plead quietly, “just listen.”

Tears fall from her eyes. The bourbon sloshes in her glass from the trembling in her hand as she brings it to her mouth. After a hefty drink, she nods at me to continue.

“That morning, didn’t even know Heather was in my house. Had a key that I didn’t remember her havin’. I was dreamin’ of you. Fuckin’ filthy like always.” I try to crack a smile, but it falls flat. “Woke up to the wet heat of a mouth on my dick. I was still half asleep and it felt fuckin’ good because I thought it was you. Then I opened my eyes and saw her.” I drop my gaze down to my glass as I swirl the liquid around, trying to work through what I’m feeling. “Don’t know why, but it fuckin’ made me sick. Took all I had not to lose my stomach all over my bed. Before I knew what I was doin’, I had my blade at her neck, tellin’ her to never touch me without my permission again or I’d end her. Think it’s the first time she’s ever had to see the monster I hide pretty well. Made her leave the key she had before I kicked her ass out.”

I finish off the bourbon and fill the glass back up before continuing. “The kiss is another thing that came out of nowhere. I admit when her lips first touched mine, I didn’t pull away. Didn’t engage. Didn’t want to, but shit, my head was fucked-up. Just got back from the funeral and wasn’t expectin’ it, so I wasn’t prepared for it. It was familiar for about ten seconds until her tongue touched my closed lips and then I felt nothing but fuckin’ disgust. Shoved her away hard enough that she almost fell, which at the time would have been the least the bitch deserved considerin’ she touched me without my permission after I’d told her not to.”

I glance up at Bailee, surprised to see her face so open and heartbroken as tears pour down her face. “That’s it. That’s what happened with those two things you asked me about.”

“Jericho,” she whispers, sliding off the couch and dropping to the floor between my knees.

What the fuck is happening here?

“Not that I don’t love to see you on your knees between my legs, but what the fuck is goin’ on, baby girl?” I ask, lifting my hand to her face and wiping the tears that won’t stop falling from her eyes.

“Jericho,” she whispers again.

“Baby girl, you’re really startin’ to freak me the fuck out. What the hell are you goin’ on about?”

“You don’t see it, do you? God, I’m sorry.”

My muscles start to tighten under the caresses of her hands against my thighs. “Bailee?”

“Bossman,” she starts softly, and I already know I’m going to fucking not want to hear what she’s about to say. “She didn’t have permission to touch you.”

“Know that.”

“You didn’t give her consent to give you the blowjob.”

“Know that too. We just talked about it,” I say sharply.

Bailee lifts to her feet so she’s standing between my thighs, and I set the glass down on the table so I can place my hands at her waist. “Can I sit on your lap?”

Instead of answering her, I lift and help settle her so she’s straddling me. Her arms go around my neck, and she crosses her legs behind my back, resting them on the coffee table. Then she lays her forehead against mine.

“Jericho, if I told you some man who I didn’t like woke me up with his face between my legs, without my consent, what would you tell me?” she asks softly.

My body trembles under hers at the imagery her words conjure. “I’d tell you he’s a fuckin’ dead man for sexually assaultin’ you.”

She just stares into my eyes as she waits for me to realize what I just said. When I do, my fingers dig into the flesh at her hips. Her nails pierce the skin at the nape of my neck, anchoring me when I want to shed the flesh from my body and have it replaced with the untainted.

But that’s pointless, ain’t it?

I’m a Dirty Maverick. I’m dirty ‘til I die.

I came into this world filthy, and I’m going out the same way.

“She thought we were workin’ on our relationship,” I rumble quietly.

Bailee’s head jerks back, and she peers down at me, her eyes searching mine, trying to see if she actually heard what she thought she did. Her hands lift to cup my cheeks.

“What she did isn’t your fault, Jericho. It doesn’t matter what she thought. Without your explicit consent beforehand, what she did is wrong on so many levels. I know it’s hard for you to accept, and I’m not going to push it because I know it’s something you’ll have to come to terms with on your own, but I’ll be here if you need me.”

Her words drill into me, cementing my feet to the ground, when I only want to run from what she’s trying to make me face.

“Too good for my world, baby girl.” I place my lips against her forehead before tucking her under my chin and holding her to me. “Don’t know if I’m ready to accept what you’re wantin’ me to. That shit makes me a victim, and I ain’t ever been one of those. Not ready to be one at the hands of a woman who gave birth to my kid. ‘Cause then that makes me want to slit her fuckin’ throat, and I can’t take my kid’s mom from her.”

Bailee’s breath heats my skin as she exhales heavily, and I shiver. “Steel, if it’s only the word victim that’s stopping you from accepting what happened to you, then you can switch it out with survivor. But the rest of it? I get it. That’s a big burden on your shoulders, and I hate that you have to carry it. So, even though I’m hurt that I was blindsided by everything, I’m here to share that burden with you. Let my shoulders hold some of it so it’s not so heavy. You have enough to deal with. When you’re with me, drop the mask, drop the need to control it all, and let me take some of it on for you.”

“Sorry she was able to blindside you, baby girl. Should’ve told you about the shit goin’ on with her, but not really sure what’s goin’ on between me and you, so it might’ve been a stupid move, but didn’t think it was important.”

“I don’t think either of us is really sure what’s going on between us, Steel. There was so much toxicity in the past that it makes me leery to trust anything in the present. Especially with all this stuff with Heather. Back then, I was always coming third in your life. First was Lyric, who I was absolutely okay with coming before me and I always will be, but then Heather came before me too. And I know she’s Lyric’s mom, so she’s got to matter some, but I thought what we had was more than what it was. Honestly, it’s on me for that. So, I’ve just got to be careful this time around, you know. I can’t forget to make sure I matter, which is something I didn’t do in the past. It was always about you.”

It’s easier talking about shit like this when we’re not staring each other in the face. There’s more vulnerability when I have to look into her eyes while laying myself open. Something I’ve never done before.

“Not goin’ to make you promises, Bailee. Too easy to break. I get it. Our past was shit, and what I did was fucked-up. Just wanted what was right for my little girl, and I thought it was her mom and dad together. By then, you were already under my skin, so anytime Heather wanted to get fucked-up and stepped out on me to get it, I went to get the drug of my choice. Wasn’t right, me usin’ you like that, but, fuck, Lee, you were there anytime I tried to be with someone else. Might not want to hear it, and I apologize if it hurts to hear, but, baby girl, anytime I was fuckin’ someone else, it wasn’t them I was with. It was you. Always has been. I was loyal to Heather physically, but in my head and my heart, I was the least loyal motherfucker there was.”

“So, why didn’t you come to me when you two split up for good?” she asks in a watery voice, and the way she sniffles alerts me to the tears silently falling from her eyes against my chest.

“Men like me, baby girl, we like to run from things we don’t want to admit. Things like a woman ownin’ so much of us that we can’t fuck someone else without it being her we think of. Things like wantin’ to own that woman back but knowin’ it won’t matter because she doesn’t belong in my world. Got my road name for a reason, Lee. I’m good at lockin’ shit down when I don’t want to feel it. Got a steel vault in my head that holds everything I don’t want to face. That’s where you stayed ‘til your ass called my number needin’ help.” I chuckle. “Knew the moment your name flashed up that we were both fucked. Knew a long time ago that if you ever came back into my life, there’d be no way in hell I’d ever be able to let you the fuck go.”

“I’m scared, Jericho,” she whispers.

“About what, baby girl?”

“All of it. Killer. Your club. Heather. Lyric. You. But mostly, this. This scares me more than any of it,” Bailee admits.

“We’ll figure it out, Hummingbird.” I lift her head from my chest and cup her chin in my hand, rubbing my thumb across her bottom lip. “Thanks for comin’ with us tonight and for listenin’ to me. Know you didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, well, you played dirty and brought your daughter. You knew I would have given in to anything with her.”

“Not sorry about it. Knew it was the only way I was goin’ to get you to give me the time I needed. Know shit isn’t fixed, but I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“Steel, if everything you say is the truth, then there’s not really much that needs to be fixed. You and Heather weren’t together and neither were we. Is it fucked-up that you played her like that? Yeah, and I don’t like it, but I understand why you did it. But that’s something between you and her. Just don’t ever pull that shit with me. I would appreciate you telling me if she pulls any more kind of stuff like that, though, only so she can’t catch me by surprise again.”

“Got it. Hope she pulls no more bullshit. Damn tired of it. Been dealin’ with it way too long. Fuckin’ exhausted.”

Pulling her face to mine, I place my lips over hers, wasting no time in shoving my tongue into her mouth and tangling ours together. My cock lengthens at the eroticism of our kiss, pulling a moan from her when her pussy rubs against the bulge beneath her.

I remove my hand from her face and place them both on her ass as I climb to my feet. When she pulls away, her eyes are dazed, and her breathing is elevated. “Got two seconds, baby girl, to make a decision. You in my bed or you alone tonight?”

Her lashes flutter as she tries to clear the fuzz from her head. “You’re giving me a choice?”

“‘Course. Just had a talk about consent. Make it quick because I either need inside this pretty sweet cunt or need a cold shower.”

She grabs hold of my beard and yanks my face toward her. Her teeth grab hold of my bottom lip and bite down, making my cock weep in need before she runs her tongue across the mark. “Your bed, bossman.”

“Thank fuck,” I mutter before slamming my mouth back against hers as I walk us to my room.

Don’t know where shit’s going from here and don’t expect it’s going to be easy. I’m probably going to fuck up more than I won’t. Right now, I got my Hummingbird in my arms and my little girl under my roof. That’s enough. Bailee and I will figure the rest of the shit out as we go. We’ll fight and fuck, and we’ll probably want to strangle each other, but I didn’t lie to her when I said we were both fucked the moment she came back into my life because there’s no way in hell I’m gonna be able to let her go again.