Page 88 of Something Like Hail

Felix smiled sheepishly and nodded once.

“That’s not enough,” Noahsaid. “Let me hear you say something positive about yourself.Anything good. Go on.”

Felix looked around the room forinspiration. “I guess I have a good memory. Not just for gaminghistory. I never need to study much. When I want to learnsomething, most of it sticks on the first try.”

“Which means you’resmart.”

“I wasn’t tryingto—”

“Say it.”

Felix laughed. “Fine. I’m smart.”

“I agree. Confidence issexy. Remember that. So what’s up with this guy who didn’tappreciate you?”

“Marcus,” Felix said withan exasperated sigh. “My first… myonlyboyfriend. That was senior year.I had just come out. Kind of. My mom and sister have known since Iwas twelve—”

“Twelve?” Noah said disbelievingly.

“Yup! Not because I wasbrave. I was so naïve. I figured I needed more vitamins orsomething because I was more interested in boy bands while most ofmy friends had become obsessed with girls. So I asked my mom whatwas going on and she told me.”

“I kind of did the samething,” Noah admitted. “I knew something was going on and asked myparents for help after they caught me with another guy. I was onlyfourteen. We weren’t having sex, but like you, I wasn’t into girlsat all. I thought my parents could fix me. They thought sotoo.”

“Uh oh,” Felix said, hisexpression sympathetic. “That’s never good. Being gay isn’t achoice.”

“That’s right, it’s not. Ifigured that out. They didn’t. We don’t talk much these days.” Orat all.

“How terrible!” Felix’shand moved across the table toward him.

“It’s fine,” Noah said,playfully putting a tortilla chip on top of Felix’s hand instead oftaking it. “The upside is that my sad story gets me lots ofsympathy from cute boys.”

The compliment wasn’t lost on Felix, whosecheeks flushed as he absentmindedly played with the chip. “Have youhad a lot of boyfriends?”

“Just one,” Noah answeredhonestly. “And I’m not sure he liked me either. So how did your momtake it?”

“She was incredible! Wetalked about sexual orientation, but she didn’t know a lot about iteither, so we did research together to figure out therest.”

“And your dad? You haven’tmentioned him yet.”

Felix’s expression became more somber, buthe didn’t seem upset. “He’s around. My parents are divorced, and mydad lives outside of Austin. I still see him. We just never reallyclicked. My sister has a better relationship with him. She was mybiggest defender. My dad wasn’t thrilled about the news, but he gotover it. I didn’t come out at school until close to graduation. Ialready got picked on enough as it was.”

“And that’s when you metyour first boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” Felix made a face.“That whole thing was weird. Marcus always seemed irritated by me,like I couldn’t do anything right. He told me once that if I wasn’tthe only other openly gay guy at school, that he wouldn’t even havebeen with me. Was your first boyfriend that bad?”

A pit opened in his stomach. “Ryan? Notreally. The problem was that he had already fallen in love withsomeone before he met me. I couldn’t compete.”

“That can’t be right.”Felix broke the chip in half while doing his best to appear stern.“Nowyou’retalking down about yourself. There’s no way he wasn’t intoyou!”

“Stop.”

“I mean it! You’rehandsome, you’re nice, and you’re a good person.”

“You don’t even knowme.”

Felix wouldn’t be discouraged. “So what? I’malready sure you would be a great boyfriend.”

Noah thought of his past, and the lesscomfortable details of his present. “I really wouldn’t.”