Page 144 of Something Like Hail
“Yeah, but it’s from you,and that makes it perfect.”
Felix looked like he would be in need ofoxygen soon if he didn’t hurry, so Noah focused on the present. Itwas indeed a book, but without title or cover art. He knew what itwas, because he had often flipped through something similar as achild. “A photo album?” he asked.
Felix shook his head. “A memory book. Openit.”
Noah did so, a yearning filling his chest.In the center of the first page was a photo of him and Felix,standing in front of Bottoms 1UP. It was the first photo they hadtaken together. Felix had insisted after leaving the barcade,wanting to prove that he had been there. In the photo he waspointing upward at the bar’s sign behind them. Noah was next tohim, grinning in amusement. A simple image, but it had specialsignificance now, because that had been their first date. Othersouvenirs surrounded this photo. An arcade token was glued to thepage, as was a cocktail napkin with the bar’s logo on it, aring-shaped stain revealing where one of them had set their drink.The popped-off tab from a can of soda confused him until heremembered drinking one that same night, when Felix had invited himhome. Noah always popped off the tabs, out of habit mostly, achildhood friend having collected them for luck. What reallysurprised him was the receipt from the seafood place where Felixworked, complete with the cartoon drawing of a cat with a fish inits mouth.
“Hey!” Noah said, lookingup at him. “That was in my wallet!”
“I stole it,” Felix saidshamelessly. “I was happy that you kept it.”
“It looks like you kepteverything else,” Noah said, turning the pages to find more photosof them together, notes they had written each other, and moresubtle reminders like an empty packet of the instant oatmeal Noahhad bought him, or a dried flower from when they had driven outsidethe city, spotted a hill, and pulled over to race each other to thetop. “Is there anything you don’t collect?”
“Don’t you like it?” Felixasked, worried eyes fixated on the book.
“I adore it!” Noah said.“This is my favorite part.” He flipped through the empty pages,which was most of the album. “These are for us to fill, aren’tthey?”
Felix smiled. “I knew you would get it.”
“You get me,” Noah said,leaning close for a kiss, “and I love you for it.” The words felttruer than ever before, but one giant obstacle remained, and heknew they would never reach their full potential together until itwas removed. “I don’t suppose we can leave already? There’ssomething I need to talk to you about.”
“Mom wants us all to playScrabble together,” Felix said. “Be warned, she always wins. If youwant to stay on her good side…”
Noah laughed. “I’ll make sure to throw thefight.”
“What did you want to talkabout?”
He looked over, Felix’s face illuminated bythe orange light of a setting sun, the deepening shadows hinting athow handsome he would be when older. Noah hoped he was still aroundto witness that for himself. “It can wait. For now, just rememberthis moment, okay? If you ever have any doubts about us, think backto now, because this is real. What we feel for each other is pure.The world can’t touch it, and nothing that happens will ever changeit.”
Felix studied him, a number of questionspoised on his lips before he pressed them against Noah’s own. Hetasted like birthday cake, and when they had privacy again, Felixwould be the best present he’d ever unwrapped. For now, Noah leanedback and pulled Felix with him, their embrace tightening as theykissed. They would keep holding on to each other. They had to. IfGod hadn’t abandoned him completely, Noah prayed for understanding,because the person wrapped in his arms was quickly becoming hiseverything.
* * * * *
Noah needed hisbirthday wish back. He shouldn’t have dismissed it so easily,especially now. Getting what you want didn’t guarantee it willremain there. Noah was very much aware of all he might lose. Hestood in the space between kitchen and living room, watching asFelix put away leftovers and raved about how successful the eveninghad been.
“I know she likes you! Youshould have seen her with Marcus. It was baaaad! They couldn’tstand each other. His fault really, since he didn’t even try. Ever.In retrospect, he was a terrible boyfriend.” Felix shut therefrigerator door and spun around. “Hey, would you mind if we‘accidentally’ run into him sometime? He works at Best Buy, and Iwant him to see how much hotter and cooler my new boyfriend is.”His cheeks flushed. “Sorry, I know I shouldn't call youthat.”
Noah cocked his head. “Why not?”
Felix busied himself with refolding thedishtowel hanging on the oven handle, even though it ended up morewrinkled than before. “Because we’re not committed.”
“That’s what I wanted totalk to you about.”
Felix’s head shot up like a dog called todinner. He must have known they weren’t about to break up. Asinsecure as he could be, their relationship was too good right nowfor any dark turns. That only left room for one possibility, theidea alone causing Felix to prance from the kitchen and crashstraight into his arms. “I’m ready!” he cried. “Let’s talk.”
“Easy now,” Noah said witha chuckle. He wished the conversation could be that simple. Noahwould say he was ready to settle down, Felix would kiss him, andthey would celebrate by cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie,or better yet, by leaving the television off and stretching out tomake entertainment of their own. He was tempted to give in to thisurge. After all, it was his birthday, but an even bigger gift wouldbe banishing the specter hanging over their relationship. “Thereare things you don’t know about me.”
The words were ominous enough to make Felixpull back, but then he shook his head. “I don’t care. I want this.I love you!”
“I love you too.” Noahhoped it wouldn’t be the last opportunity to say so. “Come sit downwith me.”
He led them to the couch, placing Felix onone end and leaving a cushion empty between them so they could faceeach other. He noticed the socked feet, patterned with some sort ofsuperhero symbol he didn’t recognize, but it looked like a W. Fromthere his eyes moved up the skinny black jeans and hip-huggingdress shirt almost the same hue as the blue tufted hair. Then hesettled on the face. Felix was biting his bottom lip, the only signof nervousness on an otherwise eager expression, like he wasalready determined to accept whatever Noah had to say.
“I’ve told you a lot aboutmy life on the streets,” he began. “Keep in mind that I was sixteenat the time. I should have been in school. Instead I was sleepingin my car and—” Noah shook his head. “WhatwasI doing? Partying? That’sprobably how it looked from the outside, but I suppose I was alsotrying to find myself. I’d grown up thinking my life would play outa certain way, and when that didn’t happen… Well, it was a bigadjustment.”
“You found yourselfthough.”
“Yes,” Noah saidgrudgingly, “but at a price, and that’s what you need to hearabout.”