Page 119 of Something Like Hail

“Loved,” Tim said.

“You love me,” Ryanrepeated. “Some part of you must or you wouldn’t be heretoday.”

Tim stood. “Nice seeing you again.”

Ryan was on his feet too. “You’re notperfect either! Don’t act like you were a saint in ourrelationship. The bruises might have healed, but I still feel theminside!”

Tim spared Noah a glance, his jaw clenching.He was ashamed, that much was obvious. A guard had noticed thecommotion and was approaching, so Noah suggested they sit. Hedidn’t think Tim would agree, but he did, having more he needed tosay.

“I messed up,” Tim began.“I’ll never deny that, but you did too, and when we broke up, wewere equally guilty. That should have been the end ofit.”

Ryan shook his head. “I don’t agree.”

“Of course you don’t!Somehow it was always my fault.”

“That’s not what I mean,”Ryan said, “I don’t agree that it should have been theend.”

Tim spluttered laughter. “Are you kiddingme? We’re toxic together! It never would have worked!”

“Because you never gave usa fair chance.”

“I gave youeverything!”

“Not emotionally, youdidn’t. You were always holding back. I just didn’t realizewhy.”

Tim grinded his teeth. “I’ll tell you why.It’s because you were a spoiled little shit! I took you in, I fedyou, I clothed you, and yeah, I loved you, and all you gave me inreturn was— What?”

Ryan was shaking his head, expressionamused. “You think dating you is easy? You have no idea.”

“Fine,” Tim said, glaringopenly. “Explain it to me. That’s what we’re here for,right?”

“Youwerecheating on me,” Ryan said.“Maybe you didn’t realize it, but your head was always somewhereelse. You were dead emotionally. Do you realize that? That’s why Iused to push you, just to get a reaction. It was the only time Icould tell you feltanythingfor me. When that stopped working, I pulled awayinstead. Yes, I ran around on you and hurt myself just to see ifyou would care, but you would have done the same thing in my shoes.Ben got to your heart first. Eric took whatever was left. I gotnothing.”

“I gave youeverything.”

“Scraps,” Ryan saiddismissively. “Leftovers.”

“I fucking loved you!” Timsnarled.

“Calm down,” Noahinterjected. “Both of you. Please. Ryan, you didn’t ask Tim here soyou could argue. Right?”

Ryan rested his elbows on the table andpinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re right. Maybe I was wrong. Iprobably was. You really did love me, and I was too messed up tosee it. That’s what I need you to understand. I was screwed up, andit only got worse. And I really am sorry. The one good thing aboutbeing in here is that I’m finally clean. I’ve had time to workthrough my issues. I’ve even found God.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Tim muttered. “People do horriblethings, go to prison, and act like reading the Bible makes up forit all. Well guess what? It doesn’t change a thing. You still shotsomeone.”

Ryan sighed and shook his head. “I hate thatyou’ve grown so bitter. I realize I’m partly to blame forthat.”

“I’m not bitter,” Tim said,sounding drained. “Usually I’m annoyingly happy these days. I lovemy life. I just don’t like my past.”

“Then we still havesomething in common,” Ryan said. “A past that we both regret, andan upbringing that neither of us can change. It could have been youin here. Do you realize that? If things had played out differently,if you hadn’t inherited that money from Eric—”

“I wouldn’t have shotanyone,” Tim said. “Ever.”

Ryan sniffed. “No. You’re right. You alwayswere the better half. That’s why I looked up to you. That’s why I’mturning to you now.”

“I’m exhausted,” Tim said.“Just tell me what it is that you want.”

“For you to understand,because maybe then you’ll find it in your heart to forgiveme.”