Page 149 of Something Like Hail
Noah nodded again. “Thanks.”
Nathaniel drummed agitated fingers againstthe desk’s surface. “We can talk about anything you need to.”
Noah finally understood. “That letter fromMarcello…”
Nathaniel leaned forward, grabbed theenvelope, and tossed it toward him. Noah managed to catch it andpulled out the letter to read the content.
I believe that Noah could use a sympatheticear for a matter outside my realm of expertise. A rare occurrence,I know, but one of the many reasons I appreciate you so. Please dowhat you can for him. And don’t let him see this letter! Heavenknows his pride will get the better of him and he’ll go stompingoff rather than listen to anything you have to say.
Noah clenched his jaw and stood. “Sorry towaste your time.” He was turning toward the door when he hesitated,because leaving now would prove Marcello right. Instead he facedNathaniel again. “Goddamn it!”
“I’m guessing he knew Iwould show you the letter,” Nathaniel said with a sigh. “I gave uptrying to outthink him years ago. It’s easier just to give in. Sitdown.”
Noah did so. “You don’t want to hear aboutmy relationship problems.”
Nathaniel shrugged. “Beats invoicing.”
He clearly wasn’t going to get any moreencouragement than that, so he started talking, trying to keep itbrief for Nathaniel’s sake. “So basically that’s it,” he finished.“Felix is hurt, and I don’t blame him, but I also don’t know whatto do.”
Nathaniel scowled,hopefully in concentration. Then he did something much rarer andlaughed. “Now I see why he sent you to me. Iamthe jealous type!”
“Really?” Noah said,feeling slightly more optimistic. “Any advice?”
Nathaniel leaned back, eyes moving to theframed photo on his desk. Then he reached out and spun it around soNoah could see. In it, Nathaniel and a handsome guy were bothsitting on their knees, most likely to accommodate the SiberianHusky in front of them. The dog’s head was cocked, attention onwhere the camera must have been, but what really stood out is howone of Nathaniel’s large hands was splayed across the furry body.His other arm was wrapped tightly around the man at his side. Theimage was simple, and not out of the ordinary, and yet it stillcommunicated a surprising amount of love and happiness that Noahwanted to find his way back to.
“Kelly took that photo,”Nathaniel said. “He had to drape lunch meat over an expensivecamera to hold the dog’s attention, but he didn’t complain once.Not until after the photo was taken and Zero launched himself atthe tripod like it was an attack dummy.”
Noah laughed and tore his eyes away from thehappy scene. “You’re very lucky.”
“Yeah,” Nathaniel said, buthe didn’t sound boastful. “I came really close to messing it upthough. A few times. Once was because some guy tried to kiss Kelly.That was the worst, and it took being without him for a long timefor me to get over my jealousy.”
“I don’t want that,” Noahsaid.
“I don’t recommend it,”Nathaniel said. “The other occasion might be closer to what you’regoing through. Kelly and I had finally gotten back together andwere doing great. Then he mentions some guy he dated while we wereapart and it felt terrible. I honestly thought I was past feelingthat way and tried to keep quiet, but it ate at me until I couldn’tstand it anymore, so I asked him how many guys there had been whilewe were apart. I didn’t like the answer.”
“That many?”
Nathaniel shook his head.“No, but a handful was more than enough. Like I said, I’m thejealous type. I kept obsessing over these nameless men, like whenwe were out in public and someone would catch Kelly’s eye. I’mnotthatjealous.I understand there’s a biological imperative that drives suchbehavior, but I started imagining him with those guys, which didn’thelp.”
“So what did youdo?”
“Held it all in, startedmaking veiled comments, and behaved like an ass until Kelly calledme out on it. Then we talked, and that made everythingbetter.”
Noah resisted the urge to grab paper and pento take notes. “What did you talk about?”
“The guys he was with.Kelly went into detail, which sounds like the last thing he shouldhave done, but it helped. In my head, these guys were like pornstars. All I imagined was muscled bodies, handsome faces, andoversized…”
“Egos?” Noah suppliedhelpfully.
Nathaniel nodded in gratitude. “The realitywas different. Kelly gave them names, showed me photos, and talkedabout who they were as people. One guy was still in the closet whenhe met Kelly and came out because of their time together. Anotherwas really political and was always dragging him out to protests,which Kelly hated. He told me the good along with the bad, notpulling any punches. In the end, I had a better understanding ofwho he’d been with, and why he wasn’t with them anymore.”
“I’ve been with a lot ofpeople,” Noah said carefully. “Even if it wouldn’t take forever totell Felix about them all, I’m not sure I remember the details. Andanyway, if Kelly told you he’d had sex for money instead, wouldn’tthat have been harder for you to get over?”
Nathaniel held up a hand. “I try not tojudge. I did when I first started here, but I’ve seen over theyears that the GAC isn’t as sleazy as I imagined it to be. I’ve meta lot of your clients through the fundraisers Marcello hosts, andthey aren’t so bad. That’s what I think you should do—the samething Kelly did for me. Felix needs to see these people as thehuman beings they are. If you can do that, then maybe he’ll have aneasier time coming to terms.”
“That’s not a bad idea,”Noah said.
He still worried the sheer number of clientsbothered Felix most, but that was something he’d never be able tochange. Not unless he got his hands on a time machine. He stayed alittle longer to ask Nathaniel more about his personal life, out ofinterest rather than a need for further advice. When Noah didleave, he felt more hopeful than when he arrived because at leastnow he had a plan. He just wasn’t sure how to execute it. Notalone, anyway.