Page 36 of Something Like Hail

“I tried my best,” Noahsaid, “but you’ve already convinced me that there’s no competingwith Raymond.”

“If anyone could,” Chestersaid, taking his arm, “I think it would be you. Let’s keepwalking.”

They didn’t need a taxi, as it turned out.Progress was slow on the way to Chester’s apartment. Along the way,more stories from his relationship with Raymond helped pass thetime. A brief reprieve came when Chester politely asked aboutNoah’s personal life.

“Do you have anyonespecial?”

“No,” he admitted. “butthere is someone I really like.”

“And does he likeyou?”

“I’m not sure,” Noahadmitted.

“You haven’t told him howyou feel?”

“What?” Noah was aghast.Then he laughed nervously. “No way! I couldn’t!”

“You could,” Chester said,patting his hand. “I can’t stand people who insist that life isonly worth living if you have a spouse, or children, or whatevermotivates them to get out of bed in the morning. Still, it doesseem that everyone needssomething. That might be a career orhobby for some. For many it’s a family. I tried a little ofeverything, to be honest. I had children, but wasn’t much of afather. I threw myself into my work for many decades and found thatmore fulfilling. I don’t have many regrets. Looking back, the onlything I still want more of is love. If that’s also what you want,you should pursue it.”

Easier said than done! He felt relieved whenthe subject changed and wasn’t brought up again during theremainder of the walk. Chester’s home provided further distraction.The apartment wasn’t in a complex, like where Doug lived or Noahhad pretended to. Instead it was a tall building downtown with apolished lobby. An elevator took them to a private floor, the roomsspacious and tastefully decorated. Chester’s tweed suit might beoutdated, but his furnishings were contemporary andwell-maintained.

“A man’s home is hiskingdom,” he said when noticing Noah’s awed expression. “Would youcare for more wine?”

“Please,” Noahsaid.

The kitchen and living room, while bothlarge, blended into each other. He decided to wait by the twinsofas rather than get in the way, eventually wandering over to oneof the bookshelves. On it was a framed photo of two guys with theirarms around each other. He barely recognized Chester. If not forthe same blue eyes, he might have been unrecognizable. He wasyoung! And handsome! The guy next to him must have been Raymond,but he wasn’t anything near what Noah was expecting. Chester hadput the man on such a high pedestal that he had envisioned ClarkGable or some other sex icon from decades ago. Instead he lookedmore like the chubby guy from the Honeymooners. Raymond wasaverage-looking and a little overweight, but his smile wasendearing, and he really did seem like the sort of person you couldconfide in.

“I don’t know who thepeople in that photo are,” Chester said, returning with twoglasses, “but they ran off with my body a long time ago and left mewith this old one.”

“This is really you?” Noahasked. “You look so—”

“Ugly? I know. Thankgoodness I aged well.” Chester laughed, handing him a drink andclinking glasses. “Don’t worry too much about your own future. Yourbest years are still ahead, you’ll see. Eventually you’ll turn intoan old mummy like me, but not for a while yet.”

Noah took a sip. “It’s nice to put a face tothe legend.”

“You mean Raymond? I havemore photos, if you’d like to see.”

“Sure!”

They sat side by side on the couch, workingtheir way through another glass of wine as Chester flipped throughthe pages of a photo album. Noah supposed that some people mightfind the fixation on a previous relationship tedious, but he wasfascinated. Scarcely had he allowed himself to dream of findingsomething similar. He had experienced some romance with Ryan, butso many other concerns had demanded their attention. Finding moneyfor gas or food, or entertaining themselves, which at first meantsneaking into movies but later turned into finding more drugs.Mostly for Ryan. Sometimes for Noah too, but not the heavy stuff.He’d held back the first time it was offered, and after seeing whatit did to Ryan, had wanted no part of it.

“We had our troubles too,”Chester said, as if reading his mind. “I don’t want to give theimpression that everything was perfection, because that’s never thecase. We argued, I had doubts, and there were plenty of hurtfeelings and shed tears. That’s just part of love. I knew in myheart that I wanted to stay. A night away from him was all it wouldtake to remind me.” Chester shut the photo album. “If there’s onething I haven’t grown accustomed to over the years, it’s how coldan empty bed still feels. I hate it. I don’t use that word lightly,but I do.”

“I’m sorry,” Noah said.“Um. How did…”

“I know. I’ve told you thebeginning and much that followed, but not the end. Raymond diedquite some time ago. One heart attack is all it took. I alwaysfound that unjust. If Raymond had one strength, it was his heart.How could it give out so easily? Did he use it too often? Did helove me and everyone else a little too much?” Chester lookedaway.

Noah took his hand. “I’m sorry. I can’t evenimagine. I think I would—” A flash of memories. The first time Ryanhad been so high that he became unresponsive. Noah had thought Ryanoverdosed and was about to die. Just the idea of losing the man heloved, of being powerless to stop it—

“Don’t cry,” Chester said.“Oh, look what I’ve done! I’ve been rambling on about my losseswithout thinking of your own feelings.”

“I’m fine,” Noah saidquickly. “Really! It’s just so beautiful what you had together. Iwish I could give him back to you!”

Chester patted his hand. “You really are asweet boy. Some pretend to be, but you’re genuine. Hold on to that.You don’t realize how precious it is.”

Noah wiped at his eyes, then took a swig ofhis wine, emptying the glass. “Sorry,” he said. “I’ll calm down.Just give me a second.”

“I’d like to give you allnight!” Chester said. “That is, if you’re willing to stay withme.”