Page 70 of Something Like Hail
Pastor Stevens held up a hand to ward himoff, eyes never leaving Noah’s. “It feels good to be home again, tobe surrounded by the love of your parents. Doesn’t it? Were youhappy in Austin? You can’t tell me it was better. You belong herewith us.”
“And then what?” Noahsnapped. “I’m supposed to marry your daughter? Start passing outhymn books on Sunday and spend the rest of my days collecting deershit while denying who I really am?”
“There’s nothing wrong withgood hard work,” Clarence growled.
“I didn’t mean it thatway,” Noah said, already feeling terrible. The sensation wasfamiliar. For years it had accompanied him through every singleday, a pervasive shame that colored every minute and made his lifemiserable.
“Don’t you want to giveyour parents grandchildren?” Pastor Stevens pressed. “Don’t youwant to live as God intended?”
“No!” Noah snarled. “Not ifthat’s how he really feels, which I don’t think it can be, or hewouldn’t have made me this way. And frankly, it strikes me asreally freaking arrogant that you think you know what God wants.Did he tell you all this personally?”
“God left his intentions tous—”
“In the Bible, whichdefinitely hasn’t lost anything in translation or been altered bythose in power who, guess what, want to keep people scared anddoing what they are told. Just like you!”
“Noah!” his mother saidagain.
He didn’t ignore her this time. Instead heturned a pleading expression on her. “I love men. That’s it! I’mstill me. Nothing has changed. I’m just going to marry a maninstead of—”
“That sacrament is betweena man and a woman only.”
Noah ignored the pastor, looking between hisparents. “It’s not a big deal. It’s not a sin. I’m still your son.Please let me be that! Don’t listen to him instead of me. I’m yourfamily. He’s not!”
His mother was tearing up now, but it wasn’ta breakthrough. She looked at her husband and said, “Clarence.Please.”
“You need to apologize,”his father said instantly. “To your motherandthe pastor.”
“Do apologize to yourmother,” Pastor Stevens said, “but if you need to work this out,I’m more than willing to talk it through. You’re confused, Noah.You might well have feelings for a male friend, but that’s not thesame as love. Such a thing—love in the romantic sense—is onlypossible between a man and a woman.”
“You don’t know what you’retalking about,” Noah said, his temper rising, and as much as hetried, he couldn’t keep it under control. He stood, his handshaking as he pointed across the table at Harold. “You really haveno clue, because I love him! I feel it deeper in my heart than Iever have with anyone else, so you’re wrong!” His voice cracked,his anger giving way and making his chin tremble. “I lovehim.”
Harold was wide-eyed. Clarence crossed hisarms over his chest and turned his head. Noah’s mother was shakinghers, as if desperate to deny what she’d just heard.
As for Pastor Stevens, he remainedinfuriatingly calm. “You’re confused, Noah,” he said. “Let mehelp.”
“Fuck you,” Noah snarled.“You don’t know what love is! You’re a monster!”
“That’s enough!” a voiceshouted. It wasn’t the pastor or even Noah’s father. It was hismother. She was on her feet now, pointing at him and shaking justas much. They were so much alike. Couldn’t she see that? Noah washer son, so they should be closer than anyone else, and yet he knewwhat was coming.
“If that’s how you feel,”she said, “if that’s how you’re going tobehave, then you aren’t welcomehere.”
Noah looked to his father. The man’s headremained turned away from him. Nobody else at the table mattered.Only one person, and he had gone pale. Harold shouldn’t be here.Noah never should have let this happen. What a terrible place toconfess his feelings! Everything was ruined now. Fort Stockton wasa cursed place, so devoid of love that it had the power to destroyit.
“Thank you for a wonderfulmeal,” Harold said, taking the napkin off his lap and setting itaside. Then he stood. He seemed to have composed himself, maybedrawing on years’ worth of occupational practice. “It’s a longdrive back to Austin, so I’m afraid we have to get going, but thankyou so much for your hospitality, Mr. and Mrs. Westwood. I’m notsurprised by it though. You have a wonderful son. I hear that fromall the people who get to know him. Noah is a good person. Only afool would think otherwise.” He nodded to the pastor as if sayinggoodbye, a glint of disdain in his eyes. Then he looked to Noah andsmiled. “Ready?”
“Yes,” Noah saidgratefully. He thought about trying to say goodbye, or making surethey knew where to reach him, but it was pointless. Instead hestood and left the room, fighting back tears, because he had doneenough crying over his family. At least now he knew. He no longerhad to wonder if he had overreacted six years ago or been toohot-headed. All that anger felt justified. And it had helped keephim going.
He was out the front door and waiting by thecar when Harold finally caught up. He didn’t ask for an explanationor try to make him see the situation from a more enlightened angle.He simply unlocked the car doors so they both could get inside. Theengine had just revved to life when someone ran from the house.
Bethany. She went to the passenger-sidewindow. Noah rolled it down, certain she would have a message fromthe pastor. Another offer to save his immortal soul, perhaps. Hewas wrong.
“I’m sorry about my dad,”she said, casting a worried glance behind her. When she saw thecoast was clear, she added, “Is it really better? In Austin, Imean. It’s not as bad as here?”
“It’s a million timesbetter,” Noah said.
Bethany nodded, as if her suspicions wereconfirmed. “If I ever escape, I’m never coming back. Not ever!”
“Do it,” Noah said firmly.“You won’t regret it.”