Page 147 of Something Like Hail
He didn’t know. Despite repeatedly pacingthe length of the park, he didn’t have any ideas, short of beggingFelix to forgive him. Noah would try that, but somehow he didn’tthink it would be enough. Eventually his body and mind felt just asexhausted as his heart. No closer to finding a solution, he longedfor sleep and decided if he couldn’t share a bed with Felix, hedidn’t want a bed at all. He located a cluster of bushes that hehad used to hide in long ago. Not as nice or secluded as the reedshe had once shown Harold, nor was there an angel to watch over him,but it would have to do. A sleeping bag would have been nice, oreven just a coat.
Noah crawled into the brush and twisted andturned, trying to find a position that didn’t involve being pokedby branches or bruised by hard stones. He found one eventually.Curled up on his side, he listened to sirens in the distance andheard drunk revelers shouting to each other. Noah felt strangely athome. Here he could pretend that the previous year had been afeverish hallucination, a self-induced fantasy of the life helonged for. When he woke up and returned to the reality of hishomeless life, Noah wouldn’t feel sad. He would feel relieved thatnone of it had happened. Not for his own sake. Winding back theclock was the only way he could avoid breaking the heart of aninnocent person, one that he would do anything to protect, even athis own expense.
Chapter Twenty
Noah’s first thought upon waking is that hehad a hangover. His entire body ached, and he still felt remnantsof the stress headache that had begun last night. Then heremembered his promise: He would be back in the morning so he andFelix could talk. Noah scurried to his feet and shoved his way outof the bushes. His timing wasn’t great, since a woman with ashocked expression stood not far away. The little boy whose handshe held found it amusing, pointing at Noah and giggling.
“I lost my Frisbee,” Noahsaid lamely before hurrying away.
More like he’d lost his marbles! Noah couldhave gotten a hotel room last night. He supposed he had a flair forthe dramatic. Or maybe he had wanted to punish himself. If so, ithadn’t worked, because sleeping rough had reinforced his opinionthat getting off the streets by any means necessary had been theright thing to do. Now he needed to convince Felix of that.
Noah hurried back to where he had parked histruck the night before. No ticket or wheel clamp. He accepted thatas a belated birthday present from the universe and hoped a fewmore were in store as he drove back to his apartment. He calledFelix’s name the second the door was open and listened for aresponse. None. It was only eight in the morning, so Noah checkedthe bed. Empty, but he could tell it had been slept in and madeagain, since Felix never got as many wrinkles smoothed out as hedid. The kitchen was his last hope, but Noah had already acceptedthat it would be unoccupied. A note was on the counter.
I have work and school today. I’ll besleeping at a friend’s house tonight, so the apartment is yours.I’m sorry I can’t get over this. I’m lame, I know. Sorry.
I love you,
Felix
No cute cartoon drawings this time. Justhandwriting that grew increasingly shaky as the note went on. Noahreread it and groaned, hating how Felix had turned this around onhimself. At least he had tried to set the issue behind him andstill purported to love Noah. And yet, he hadn’t been able to findthe solution either. Time? Did they need to spend a year apart likehe and Harold had done? Or did Felix need to be set free so hecould have more sexual exploits of his own, evening the playingfield? Noah didn’t like either idea, but it was better than sayinggoodbye permanently.
The phone in his pocket vibrated, Noahpractically clawing through his jeans to get at it. He wasdisappointed. The text message was from Marcello, not Felix, andmentioned yet another paper that Noah needed to sign at the studio.He wasn’t in the mood. He set aside the phone and went to take ashower, missing how Felix usually shared that activity with him.Noah had even bought special tubes of soap that acted as bodypaints, but they hadn’t had a chance to try them yet. Now theymight not ever. He left the shower and dressed. Then he hadbreakfast, eating two packets of the cinnamon and spice oatmealthat Felix liked so much. Yeah, Noah definitely had a flair for thedramatic, but he didn’t find it very amusing at the moment. Insteadhe was starting to despair.
He didn’t have the answer. Felix didn’t seemto either. Who did? Marcello might be worth a shot after all. Noahhad to go there anyway. First he washed his dishes and left a notefor Felix, just in case he stopped by, saying that he hoped theycould talk soon. A text message would have been more efficient, butFelix hadn’t chosen to send one, and if he needed his space, thiswas the best way of respecting that.
The drive to the studio passed in a blur,Noah lost in thought, but he wasn’t so distracted that he couldn’tdrive. Not like last night. He worried that Felix might be in asimilar state. Hopefully he didn’t have the car today and had torely on his sister, a bus, or any type of transportation thatdidn’t have him behind the wheel. This concern was still on hismind when he entered Marcello’s office, a place where it wasimpossible to remain distracted. The occupant made sure ofthat.
“Mr. Westwood!” Marcellodeclared. “What an impressively prompt reply. Few men come soquickly when I call, although I can think of one who could do so oncommand. Really! Be it ten seconds or ten hours, all I needed wasto give the word. An amazing feat of self-control, although Ieventually found myself missing spontaneity.”
This was the person he hoped could providerelationship advice? Noah dismissed the idea and approached thedesk to sit, turning his attention to the paperwork Marcello pushedtoward him. The letterhead was that of a bank.
“Nathaniel feels it’s toomuch of a paper trail to transfer the account to you, so we’veclosed it and opened another in your name. A joint account betweenyou and Harold, of course.” Marcello was pointing to where he wassupposed to sign, but his eyes remained on him. “There isn’t muchof a balance, but I did manage to secure an account with a decentinterest rate. If you’d care to look over the details first, or ifyou’re having second thoughts…”
“It’s fine,” Noah said,scribbling his name. “Thanks.”
“I’m the one indebted toyou,” Marcello responded. “Speaking of which, is there any way Ican be of service? Yesterday you were a ray of sunshine! Today youhave me reaching for my umbrella. What troubles you?”
Noah exhaled. “Relationship problems.”
“The two words aresynonymous. I take it Felix isn’t pleased with your choice ofcareer?”
“Exactly. He just found outlast night and took it pretty hard. Don’t you dare make that into ajoke!”
Marcello fixed him with a steady gaze. “Am Iso without credit in your eyes?”
“No. Sorry. I’m just a messright now. I feel terrible for putting him throughthis.”
“Nonsense,” Marcello said.“I know you to be a man of integrity. You’ve demonstrated thatrepeatedly. I don’t believe for a second that you’ve deceived himin any way. Am I mistaken? Did you promise Felix a monogamousrelationship despite the demands of your work?”
“No,” Noah said. “Ididn’t.”
“And do you now questionthe morality of a mutually beneficial exchange betweenadults?”
“Not at all,” Noahsaid.
“Good. In that case, theflawed viewpoint isn’t your own.”
“Then why is he so hurt?It’s not like he got angry and called me a slut. He wasn’t meanabout it. But when he found out how many guys I’ve been with…” Noahshook his head, too emotional to continue.