Page 49 of Someone to Call My Own
Emory propped himself on his elbow and looked down at me. “I do.” He sounded so certain and resolute, but how? Before I could ask, he answered my unspoken question. “It was fated to happen. I could cut my hair and fight it all I wanted, but it was going to happen.”
“So, you just settled for a future you didn’t want?”
“Oh, I wanted you, Jon. The strength of my connection to you is what I resisted. Loving someone as much as I love you is a huge risk. I know how it feels when…” Emory’s voice broke off and he shook his head. “At first, I felt disloyal to River’s memory for wanting you, then I resented you when I couldn’t banish you from my mind. Once I finally realized that you were the key to my happiness, I worried that I had pushed you too far and lost my chance at something amazing.”
“What would you have done had I not shown up at Josh and Gabe’s the other night?”
Emory ran his hand over my chest and smiled. “I would’ve shown up at your fancy iron gate.”
“Nate’s fancy iron gate,” I corrected. I thought the home was beautiful, but it never felt like mine.
“I know this seems like a sudden reversal of feelings, and I get it, but in time you’ll accept that my love is real. We’re real, and we belong together. Loving you doesn’t take anything away from the way I loved River. I know that now.”
I tugged Emory down for a long, lingering kiss that turned into another round of lovemaking. I’d never connected to someone the way I did him and the thought of losing him terrified me. I couldn’t be angry anymore about his previous determination to remain loyal to his deceased husband. I finally understood how he felt the night before his surgery as I tamped down terrifying thoughts of what if.
What if Emory doesn’t survive the surgery? What if he wakes up a different person and the new guy doesn’t want me? What if I gave my heart to a man who only thinks he wants it?
I closed my eyes and willed happier thoughts to replace the worrisome ones.Emory is going to come out of surgery with flying colors, and I will be by his side every step of his recovery. Trust that Emory knows his heart and quit looking for excuses to build walls around yours.I was the tough-ass man who had faced down many enemies and survived. There was no room for doubt in war nor was there room in the battle for happiness. Winning Emory had been an epic battle, and I would celebrate my spoils instead of worrying about how long they would last.
We had finally drifted asleep a few hours before his alarm went off. The mood could’ve been somber, but I refused to allow it. Emory wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything, so I didn’t either. “When you feel up to it, I’ll make you my famous Spanish omelet.”
“Do you cook often?”
“Nothing like Josh so don’t get excited, but I do the basics pretty damn well,” I replied proudly.
“I can’t wait to sample your cooking. There are so many things I’m looking forward to doing with you, Jon.” I thought Emory’s voice was thick with sleep, but I realized it was something more when he said, “I want to go into that hospital smelling like you.”
Who was I to refuse him? Besides, the scent of him on my skin could comfort me when I was ready to lose my mind during the long procedure. Em was right about Memphis; he was a lovable guy who kept the drive to the hospital interesting. I admired the way he openly showed love to Emory inside his pre-op suite without worrying that it made him look less manly or some shit. He patted me on my shoulder and left the two of us alone so we could have some privacy in the last minutes before surgery. I took a page from Memphis’s book and ran my hand over Emory’s smooth, bald head. He had decided at the last minute to have Josh shave off his hair instead of a stranger.
“It’s not surprising that your head is a perfect shape,” I whispered against his lips. “It matches the rest of you.”
Emory’s smile warmed the cold, sterile hospital room. “I’m going to grow it back out. I miss the long hair, and you never had the chance to run your fingers through it.”
“I’ll take you any way I can have you.” I pressed my mouth to his ear because my words were only for him. “There are so many ways that I’m going to have you, baby.” It might not have been the best time to whisper dirty words to my man, but then again, one should never waste an opportunity to tell someone how they feel. What I wouldn’t give to tell my brother that I loved him. Even though I’m pretty sure Nate knew what our time together meant to me, I wished I had been less concerned about my masculinity and said the words out loud to him. I cleared my throat because I wanted my voice to sound confident and sure. “I love you, Emory. I’ll be right there waiting for you when you open your eyes.”
“I’m counting on it. I love you too, Jon.”
I gave him one more kiss before I left his pre-op room. I headed out into the waiting room area with the little buzzer thing that would go off when I was permitted to see him again. There was a large television in the waiting room that alerted me to Emory’s progress as he went through the various phases of surgery. It reminded me of how the airports display flight information. Each patient was assigned a personal number rather than putting their names up there for people to see.
I expected to find Memphis there but was surprised to see Josh and Gabe had arrived already. They didn’t come alone either. Mere, Harley, Chaz, Kyle, the Dorchesters, and the Goodes were sitting in the waiting room with Memphis when I walked in. Their smiles were confident and compassionate as I settled in for the long haul.
The mood in the room was upbeat and positive, which I appreciated. I also liked the fact that they didn’t try to talk me out of staring at the monitor. They included me in their conversation while giving me space at the same time. I wasn’t sure how a person accomplished that balance, let alone eleven people, but they did. Deanna brought me a piping hot coffee and a warm blueberry muffin after an hour passed.
“I know you don’t want to leave the waiting area in case there’s news, but you need to keep your strength up,” she said softly.
“Did you make this yourself?” I teased. Josh was known for his homemade goodies while Deanna had a reputation for buying things in the freezer section and passing them off as homemade to her husband.
“Picked the berries before we arrived,” she replied sassily before returning to her husband’s side.
I bit into the warm muffin and was grateful for her thoughtfulness. I liked it even more that it irritated her husband. John Dorchester was a wisecracking smartass. I liked him a lot.
“You didn’t bring me one?” John asked in a pouty voice.
“You should’ve been the one to get up and treat me to a blueberry muffin after this morning.”
“What?” Gabe asked in a shocked voice. “Did John finally get lucky after a three-year dry spell?”
I nearly choked on my bite of muffin due to the oversharing going on, but then I recalled John tormenting Gabe and Josh about the lack of sex parents have when they brought the twins home earlier in the week.