Page 45 of Someone to Call My Own

“Don’t be sad for me, Emory. I’ve lived a long, happy life.” I pulled back and smiled into his eyes. I wasn’t about to correct his notion that it could behislast Christmas. “Have you talked to your mother lately?”

“No,” I admitted. “I attempted a few months back,” more like eight, not that I was counting, “but Audrey couldn’t be bothered with returning my call. You and Memphis’s family have always been enough for me though.”

“Now that you’re here, I’ll have Juanita make all your favorite foods for the holiday meal. How does that sound?” His excitement was contagious, and I stopped worrying about my upcoming surgery and the phone call I still had to make. I sent an expensive bottle of Whelan Whiskey to Jon for Christmas, but he didn’t call or text to acknowledge that he received it. I knew it would take more than a bottle of fine liquor to apologize for my behavior, but I thought it was a good start.

The five days I spent at my granddad’s house was the most peaceful I’d had since River died. We spent most of our time in the cozy library reading books by a crackling fire or watching his favorite black-and-white movies. Alcohol was prohibited with the medications I started taking, so I enjoyed hot teas, coffee, and hot chocolates. When it was time for me to leave, Granddad took my hand and looked up at me through watery, green eyes.

“I can tell that you’re going through a difficult time, Emory. You’re a very strong man, and I’d like to think you get that from me. Even the strongest men need to unburden their souls and lean on someone from time to time.” Granddad squeezed my hands and added, “You’re not alone.”

“I’m in a good place, Granddad.”

He quirked a brow like he didn’t believe me, but didn’t call me on it. “Don’t wait another year to visit, okay?”

“Okay,” I said around the lump in my throat. “I love you.”

I needed to say those three little words to a few people over my remaining days before surgery. Memphis was next on my list. I expected him to take one look at me and demand answers. Instead, he hugged me tightly. He probably assumed my mood was more of the same he’d witnessed in the five years after losing River. I had hoped to wait until the last minute to come clean and ask him to stay with me and act as my medical power of attorney. Unfortunately, I’d left my prescription bottles on the bathroom sink for him to see.

Memphis walked into the living room with my pill bottles in one hand and his cell phone in the other. Tears streaked down his face, and he struggled to speak. I knew that he’d looked up information about my drugs online and had jumped to the worst conclusions.

“It’s not as bad as you think.” At least I hoped that was the case. I sat Memphis down and told him everything I knew up to that point.

“Were you even going to tell me?” Memphis asked once he calmed down.

“Of course,” I said casually. “I also planned on asking you to be my medical power of attorney in case I’m not able to make decisions regarding my care.” He was also the executor of my estate, but I didn’t tell him that after I saw the fear on his face when I mentioned the medical POA.

“Of course, I’ll do it.” Memphis took a shaky breath and released it slowly.

Neither of us was up to a wild time to ring in the new year, so we settled for delicious pizza and some rousing board games. I kicked Memphis’s ass at Clue, and he whipped me good at Monopoly. “You have a knack for business, Memphis. Maybe it’s time you did something with it.”

“The only thing I love is comic books and memorabilia. I can’t see myself making a living off of either of those things.”

I let the subject drop because the last thing I wanted to do was make Memphis feel bad about himself. I just wanted him to be happy, and I also wanted to live long enough to see it happen. I pushed the maudlin thoughts aside and looked back at the television where they ball was starting to drop in the Big Apple. I picked up my cell phone just as the hosts started the countdown to the new year.

I pulled up Jon’s contact info and sent a quick message to him before I could change my mind.Happy New Year, Jon.I didn’t expect him to fire back a message right away, but I expected him to respond within a day or two. When that didn’t happen, I realized that I had hurt him far worse than I imagined.Well, it looks like I can cross that conversation off my list.

Three days before my surgery, Josh and Gabe came home with their babies, Dylan and Destiny. I went to their home for a celebration with our friends and was shocked when Jon showed up. I had hoped that his lack of response was from him not getting my message, but I could tell by the distant look in his eyes that he got it and chose to ignore it. I told myself not to be sad, but my heart didn’t listen.

I fussed over the babies and breathed in the happiness, love, and joy I felt in the room. I laughed along with everyone else when Josh had a little meltdown when he learned that Kyle and Chaz got married in Vegas. I was truly happy for the newlyweds and hoped that I would be around to celebrate the reception that they planned for their friends and family.

I was too nervous to eat the pizza we’d ordered before Josh and Gabe arrived. The tension was making my low-grade headache worse. I decided to say goodbye to the happy new dads and head on home for a hot bath and a quiet evening. Memphis was due to arrive in two days, and I just needed to stay busy until then. I caught Josh and Gabe outside the kitchen as they headed in to get a bite to eat.

“Can I talk to you guys for a minute?”

“Is something wrong?” Gabe asked me. Both he and Josh wore matching looks of concern on their faces. I guessed my voice wasn’t as calm as I had hoped.

“No,” I said, hoping that I sounded convincing. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving town for a little bit to take care of some personal things. I don’t like to just drop out of sight without telling you.” My voice cracked, and I broke eye contact to look down at my shoes.Damn, this is harder than I thought.I knew I was going to lose it and decided to say what I needed to and leave.

Josh stepped up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Emory, there’s something obviously wrong. Won’t you tell us?”

I only shook my head. I wouldn’t burden them with my troubles. I just couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

“Is this like the last time when you left before our wedding?” Josh asked. “You’re coming back, right?”

“I hope so,” I replied softly. “But if not, I want you to know that your friendship has come to mean the world to me. The two of you have restored my faith in humanity.”

“Emory, is there anything we can do to help you?” Gabe asked.

“I appreciate that so much, Gabe, but, unfortunately, this is something that I’ll have to do alone.” I hugged Josh first then Gabe. “I love you both. I’m sorry that I ruined your first night home with the babies. I’ll be leaving soon, and I couldn’t go without saying goodbye.”