Page 20 of Someone to Call My Own
“Man, I don’t know. Big Timber was his last known whereabouts. The rancher who hired him admitted that there had been a big fight amongst his ranch hands and this guy quit. He demanded his last paycheck and another ranch hand drove him to the bus station north of Big Timber. The rancher said he could’ve gone anywhere.”
“Well, he had to cash his check,” I replied. “Did the rancher provide a copy of the canceled check? I mean, it’s been ten years, but he could still get a copy.”
“He doesn’t use checks for payroll; he hands them cash each week,” Beau replied.
“Well, that right there sounds suspicious.”
Beau let out a frustrated sigh. “Yeah, I thought so too. The family hasn’t given up after all this time, and I’d love to be able to give them some closure.”
“I know how they feel and my brother has only been dead a few months. Nate’s murder was a horrible shock, but not knowing what happened to someone you love has to be the worst kind of torture.” I knew all too well that emotional torture was far more harmful and painful than the physical kind.
“Man, I’m sorry,” Beau said. “I didn’t mean to be so damn thoughtless.”
“Nah, I don’t want you tiptoeing around me or treating me like fragile glass. Neither applies to this battle-hardened bastard.”
“I know what a badass you are, Jon, but that doesn’t mean I just run roughshod all over your feelings,” Beau replied.
“I don’t have feelings.”
“I remember you singing about them in a bar in Albuquerque.”
“I lost a bet and was forced to sing karaoke,” I fired back.
“Mmmm hmmm. That’s what I’d say too.” Then he started humming the tune to Barbara Streisand’s “Feelings.”
“Shut up, man.”
Beau’s laughter cheered me up, and I felt better than I had in months. “You seemed to know the words pretty well, buddy. You didn’t stumble and stutter while you read the words on the screen like everyone else. In fact, I seemed to recall you not needing to read the words at all.”
“You were too drunk and fixated on that little blond bit of a waiter to even notice what I was doing up on stage.”
“I’m a multitasker, and I wasn’t even close to drunk. You knew the words and sang from the heart.”
“It was one of my mom’s favorite songs, okay?” I groused.
“Finally, the truth comes out.”
“Five minutes ago I would’ve said that I missed you, but now I’m hoping a coyote eats your sorry ass,” I said. Beau heard the laughter in my voice, and he only chuckled more.
“Not a chance, my man. You take care of yourself and don’t be a stranger. Seriously, come see me in Montana if you need a break or some fresh air. There’s nothing more beautiful in the world than drinking a cup of coffee while watching the eagles soar over the mountain ridge.”
Emory’s image rose up swift in my mind, and I knew that Beau was wrong. I could think of something—or someone—more beautiful, but I kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge the emotions Emory stirred inside me, let alone speak them out loud to my friend. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said instead.
I felt marginally more settled after I got off the phone with Beau, but I still thought about going into the club. No sooner had the thought left my mind, Michelle called me. “Everything okay?” I asked her.
“I don’t think so,” she replied nervously. “I hate to bother you at home, but we’re having a staffing issue.”
“Don’t apologize, Michelle. I’ll be right there.” She was a very capable woman so it must’ve been a pretty big deal. It looked like I was destined to go to the club after all. At least I wouldn’t be sitting around my house thinking about a guy that wasn’t meant to be mine.
If I were writing an autobiography about my early days in my new town, I would title it Blissless in Blissville. Yeah, there were some high points like meeting Josh, Gabe, Chaz, Kyle, and Meredith, but the rest wasn’t nearly as pleasant. Restless on Elm St or maybe Crushing Heartache in Carter County would also be suitable titles. I hadn’t eaten or slept much in the days that followed, and I was in a downward spiral ever since the first night I dreamed about Jon… Jonathon Silver. Shortening his name to Jon was a familiarity that I didn’t want or need.
Your vision indicated you get pretty damn familiar with all of Jon Silver.I wanted to deny what I saw was a snapshot of a future event. I needed it to be nothing more than my deprived sex drive conjuring up dreams of faceless men followed by my tricked-out psyche filling in the blanks. I knew for a fact that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with Jonathon Silver and there was zero chance of us developing the kind of relationship where he would whisper love words in my ear. No fucking way. My heart rejected the idea outright even though the rest of my body, especially my brain, said he was the key to… something.
I tried not to sleep, but the body could only be deprived for so long before it started making the decision for you. One minute I was watching television and the next I was sound asleep experiencing a new dream with my unwanted lover. In reality, he was unwanted, but in my dream world, I was all over him like a bear on honey. The more dreams I had, the sicker I got inside until I worried that I would fall into a pit of depression so deep I wouldn’t be able to climb out of again.
I lost track of time and even the day of the week while I wallowed around in self-pity. Life—like it always did—reminded me that I wasn’t the one steering the boat. I sat at my kitchen table staring into my cup of coffee trying not to recall my most recent dream of piercing blue eyes that seemed to look into my soul and touch me in ways that I didn’t know I wanted when someone knocked sharply on my back door.Oh my God! It’s him! So much for not thinking about it.I froze in place, afraid to move or even breathe. He’d leave if I didn’t answer the door. Instead of leaving, the knocking became more persistent.
“I know damn well you’re inside, Emory,” Josh said angrily. “I see your black Mini in the driveway with its showy, look-at-me stripes. Answer this damn door before I call the cops and tell them I smell an odd odor coming from your house. They’ll think you’re dead because that’s our new normal and come busting through the door.” He banged some more and added, “You better have clothes on unless you want them to see you in your skivvies or buck-ass naked.”