Page 46 of So This is Christmas

SOPHIE

Sophie had spent the morning at a Pilates class, something she hadn’t done in a very long time.

Self-care had been low on her priority list for years when Hayden was small, then when she was caring for her mother, and then with her work demanding different shifts, somehow she’d let good habits slip.

She drove home and turned into her road, the windscreen wipers working as hard as they could.

Was there any end to this rain? Since she’d got back to the country three days ago it had done nothing but pour down, apart from a brief respite this morning that had seen her not bother to bring an umbrella. She should’ve known.

She pulled up outside her house and turned off the engine. She was about to get out and make a run for it when she noticed a figure standing by her front door beneath a large green and white spotted umbrella.

She caught her breath.

Jennie?

She picked up her bag, got out quickly and ran with the bag over her head.

It was Jennie, all right, and without either of them exchanging a word, Sophie welcomed the umbrella Jennie sheltered her with as she clumsily pushed her key into the lock and opened the front door.

She slipped off her trainers, still wary of why Jennie had come here. Was it to have an almighty go at her?

She held a hand out for the umbrella. ‘Let me take that.’ She took it along the hallway, into the utility room, coming back with a towel under her feet, shuffling to get the drips that had peppered her route.

‘I hope you don’t mind me turning up without warning,’ said Jennie.

She didn’t sound combative but still Sophie wasn’t sure. ‘It’s fine.’ She couldn’t make eye contact; instead she offered to take Jennie’s coat and hung it on the free end peg on the wall.

Jennie reached into her bag and took out a phone. ‘Here.’

‘You came all this way to give me this?’

‘Yes. And no.’

Sophie returned her smile tentatively.

‘You left so suddenly. Nick and I came after you.’

They had?

‘Amber left not long after you did. I’m sorry we didn’t see through her straight away, Sophie.’

Sophie nodded. ‘I don’t blame you. She’s good at pretending.

And I couldn’t even begin to try to explain when she was standing there, saying things that weren’t true, or bending the truth.

I hate the way she blurted everything out.

’ She tilted her head in the direction of the lounge and as she passed the thermostat she turned it up a little now she was home.

‘When did you fly in?’ she asked as she put the gas fire on to make it cosier, easier somehow for this unexpected confrontation.

Jennie sat down in the armchair. ‘This morning. I’m staying at a hotel not far from here, but I can’t check in yet.’

Sophie bit the inside of her lip, unsure what to say next. ‘Is Walter okay?’

‘Walter is fine.’

‘And Nick?’ She hung her head. ‘I hate to think what Nick is making of all of this.’

‘He was shocked, but the only person any of us are furious at is Amber.’

‘Did you get rid of her easily?’

Jennie smiled and told her about making Amber help with the cleaning up before she revealed that Nick actually wasn’t the heir to an absolute fortune. ‘Needless to say, when I asked her to take out the rubbish she did a runner.’

Sophie put a hand across her mouth. ‘I don’t believe it.’

‘You should’ve seen her face.’ They shared a bit of satisfaction.

Sophie watched the artificial flames flicker and felt the heat radiate from behind the glass panel in front of the fire. ‘How do you feel about Walter and Greta knowing that we were connected all that time?’

‘And about them conspiring to push us together?’

‘That too,’ said Sophie.

‘I’m not angry with them. I was angry you didn’t tell me, but I’m not now,’ she said, when Sophie felt herself on the verge of tears all over again. ‘When that awful woman blurted everything out, I felt betrayed.’

‘I’m sorry, I never meant for that to happen. I promise I wasn’t being nice to you to trick you. Walter and I talked about it and decided that we’d have Christmas first, before we told you everything.’

‘I’m glad you did; it’s what Greta would’ve done too.’ Her smile slipped. ‘The shock at the time didn’t let me give any thought to the facts and how you might feel until well after you’d run out of the apartment.’

‘Amber and I have a history,’ said Sophie. She told her all about the complaint at work that she’d raised and the subsequent misery Amber put her through with accusations, holding secrets over her, threats. ‘I could never act on what I knew – I needed the job, I needed the reference.’

Jennie’s fingers fussed with the sleeve of her jumper. ‘Walter said you were hurrying to get to your son the day of the accident.’

Sophie explained the lunch she’d attended, the phone call about Hayden, being offered a lift by someone who was a friend.

‘I had to get to my son. Since he lost his dad, I was paranoid that something would happen to me and he wouldn’t have either of us.

I might have used the word hurry, I was upset and can’t remember, but if I said it, I didn’t mean hurry and break the law.

I just wanted to get to Hayden, that was all.

I’d give anything to wind back the clock and not get in that car.

I wish I’d got a taxi instead, I wish?—’

‘I’d give anything to wind back the clock and tell Donovan I wasn’t allowed to give him a lift to see his friends.’

Sophie chose her words carefully. ‘I blamed myself for wanting to get to my son quickly. I questioned whether my worry was what made Caleb drive so fast. I’ve carried the guilt around with me like a lead weight.

I knew what it was like to lose Martin, I hated that I was a part of doing that to another family.

For years I didn’t think I deserved to be happy. ’

‘Same here.’ A look of understanding passed between them.

‘I was behind the wheel. The things Mum said haunted me and I missed Donovan so much it physically hurt. It was easier to blame myself than try to deal with my emotions. Greta and Walter and Nick to an extent counselled me the best they could, but I never really managed to let it go.’

‘I can’t believe they were conspiring to help us. It’s been a long while since I’ve had anyone care that much for me, apart from Hayden.’

‘The Wynters do caring very well.’ Jennie smiled, a warm expression devoid of the bitterness she’d cast in Sophie’s direction on Christmas Day.

‘I meant what I said. You have to forgive yourself, Jennie.’

‘I don’t think I’ll ever fully erase the guilt, to be honest, but I’m hoping I start to think about things differently and accept that the person most at fault went to jail for what he did.

’ She took a tissue from the box Sophie passed her way.

She wiped beneath her eyes. ‘I’m not a movie star crier, I look terrible when the tears come, and I’m not wearing waterproof mascara today. ’

‘Why do tears never run straight?’ Sophie asked. ‘When I cry, my tears go off course and end up dripping off my chin or running down the side of my neck.’

Jennie began to laugh and it scared away any more tears. ‘So true.’ She balled the tissue up in her hand. ‘You say I need to forgive myself. Does that mean you’ve forgiven yourself for being in the car that day?’

‘I’m getting there, I think. Things would’ve been so different if I’d managed to forgive myself a lot sooner too.

I let Amber hold my secret over me. Perhaps if I’d let her tell people, others might have made me see that I wasn’t in control of what happened that day.

’ She shrugged because they’d never know, would they?

‘You might be right. Sometimes getting the truth out there makes it a whole lot easier.’ She smiled at Sophie. ‘I’m glad I came here to see you.’

‘I’m glad you did too. I’m sorry I ran away,’ Sophie said softly. ‘I loved my time in Vienna.’

‘We all loved having you there.’

Sophie smiled. ‘You know, karma has caught up with Amber.’

‘Tell me more.’

She reiterated what Jessica had told her before Jennie’s arrival.

‘Well, that’s quite a development. I’ll let Walter know. He was fretting that she would try to trick elderly residents out of their life savings. Honestly, his imagination has been running wild with it all, so he’ll be glad to know she probably won’t get the chance.’

‘Let’s hope not.’

‘Will you go back to work at the lodge, with Amber out of the picture?’

‘Not yet, and maybe not ever. I’m going to look at agency work for a while and see how I feel.’

‘Good for you. You’ve been through a lot.’

‘And so have you. Tell me, as you’re here in England, does that mean you’ve made contact with your mother?’

She nodded. ‘I sent her a message. I thought about calling, but I think face to face is the only way I’m going to know whether I can get past what happened. Elliot thinks you’re right that me and Mum both need to talk.’

‘You spoke to him?’

She smiled. ‘Yes, and I told him everything.’

‘And it went well?’

‘He’s been great. Really great.’

Sophie was so pleased for her. ‘Did your mum reply to the message?’

‘She did. We’re meeting at a café tomorrow morning, 10a.m. I didn’t want to go to the house. I couldn’t deal with that yet.’

They talked about both their mothers, the nicer parts, the bad and the ugly.

They cried, they laughed, they bonded over their shared experiences and their utter sadness at losing family, of not having a family to call your own.

They talked about Nick too – Jennie teased her about him, assured her that he was very interested.

‘I don’t think a long-distance relationship is what I need right now,’ said Sophie as the skies outside grew dark.

‘It might work.’ Jennie clutched a hand to her tummy when it gave an almighty growl. ‘Sorry, I guess that means I’m hungry. I should go, I need to check in to the hotel.’

‘You could go now, or you could stay a while? We could get takeaway?’

Jennie’s smile suggested an openness, a path to friendship that Sophie relished. ‘I’d really love that. And it’ll give me more time to talk to you about Nick.’

‘Oh no, I’m going to regret asking you to stay, aren’t I?’ Sophie went into the kitchen area and from the drawer pulled out a selection of takeaway menus.

‘I hope not. I really hope we’re still friends.’

She went over to hug Jennie. ‘We are, but only if you choose pizza.’

Jennie took the pile of menus, found one for pizza and with a smile discarded the others on the coffee table.

And as they pored over the menu and Jennie’s stomach growled again, Sophie felt so lucky this woman had come here.

She felt lucky that the Wynters had come into her life in whatever form that took from this moment on.