Page 35 of So This is Christmas

JENNIE

‘Happy Christmas Eve!’ Jennie greeted one of the waiters from the brasserie as she passed through reception at the start of her shift. She was upbeat. She often worked over Christmas, but this year – for the first time in a long while – after today, she would be taking time off.

The fact that Sophie was going to be at the Wynters’ this year had bothered her at first, but not so much any more. In fact, since their talk in the brasserie, Jennie was convinced that Sophie was far nicer and more genuine than she had so far given her credit for.

Jennie had even missed Sophie at dinner last night.

By the time Jennie got to the apartment, Sophie had left.

She and Walter had taken the comfort teddies to the hospital but then Sophie had left the apartment with a terrible headache.

Jennie had texted Sophie as she left Walter’s to make sure she was okay but she hadn’t replied. She was probably sleeping.

She thought about texting her again now.

She’d been able to open up to Sophie about her mother, her brother, and what had happened to her over the years.

She hadn’t expected to be so honest, but Sophie was good at listening, and in return Sophie had ended up telling her what her own home life had been like.

It sounded as though she’d been through it as well, in a different way, and there was something about talking to another woman, having sympathy and empathy for each other that united them.

Talking with Sophie had also enabled Jennie to get her head around talking to Elliot when he returned to Vienna.

And as Sophie said, it was better that Elliot hear the truth from her before it came out some other way.

She was about to give Sophie a call when the next person to enter the foyer caught her eye.

Her heart almost stopped.

The lady was wearing a red coat, and for a minute she’d thought it was her mother.

‘You okay there?’ Hans had come out of the brasserie and she must’ve looked out of sorts.

‘Of course.’ She pointed outside. The woman – not her mother – had gone on her way. ‘It’s snowing.’

He stepped closer to the Christmas tree for a better view as the concierge brought a trolley laden with luggage inside. ‘Are you a lover or a hater?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Of snow.’ Hans smiled, unable to look away from the wintry scene unfolding on the streets of Vienna. ‘Are you a person who says it looks pretty but it makes everything hard? Or do you genuinely love it?’

‘A bit of both.’ She let herself relax again. ‘Is that allowed?’

He tilted his head this way and that. ‘Depends. How are you both?’

‘Well, right now, I know that after today I don’t have to work for ten whole days.

And it’s Christmas, so bring on the snow.

I can park myself at Walter’s with a roaring fire, we’ve got enough food in to last us the whole of those ten days, Sophie is joining us and she’s great company.

And I can go for a walk and enjoy the snow without having to think about changing my attire when I get here. ’

‘I’m not seeing a negative side here.’

‘Well… when my holiday is over and I come back to work, if it snows it makes my job harder… This foyer will need a lot more attention when people bring the snow in on their shoes and it melts in little puddles over the shiny floors, which will be an accident waiting to happen unless I see to it straight away. If I want to nip out at lunchtime it takes too long to get geared up for the streets as the last thing I want to do is slip over.’ It reminded her of their reasons to want to get a home help in place for Walter.

Over the wintertime it was even more worrying that he might venture out and have an accident.

She knew she was probably being too sensitive about it but she wanted to be doubly sure he would be okay, the way he’d always seen to it that she was.

When Hans went back inside the brasserie Jennie stayed close to the front entrance and watched what was a tiny bit of snowfall turn to big, fat flakes making the outside into a GIF-like winter wonderland someone might use on their social media. It truly did look magical.

Jennie’s initial reaction to the woman in the red coat not being her mother was one of relief.

But already she felt something else that seemed a little like disappointment.

Her mother had given up on her, again. All right, so Jennie hadn’t returned her calls, she’d hidden from sight when she showed up at the hotel that day, but the ball was far from being in Jennie’s court.

To Jennie, the ball had been lobbed at her when she wasn’t even playing the game.

She’d needed time to come to terms with her mother getting in touch, and with telling Elliot the truth looming over her, it made her wonder whether she should’ve taken her mother’s calls and dealt with things head-on rather than avoiding them.

She welcomed a family to the hotel – a mother and father with two young girls who were beyond excited. The parents looked shattered.

‘We’re over from Ireland. This was the first time the girls have been on a plane,’ the mother told Jennie as she led them over to reception.

She’d do the check-in herself given the receptionist was busy. ‘There are some board games in the lounge just past the brasserie – from memory there’s a Connect 4, maybe a Jenga.’

‘And is there wine?’ the mother asked, resting her elbows on the reception desk. ‘For me, not for them.’

Jennie smiled. ‘You’ll find a full bar service, yes.’

She dealt with the check-in and handed over the card keys.

The dad seemed to have the daughters occupied, pointing at things on the tree, but as they went on their way the girls seemed more concerned about seeing the snow and going on a big wheel than they were with board games.

Jennie didn’t fancy the woman’s chances persuading them otherwise.

Jennie and Donovan had played a lot of board games growing up.

Despite the eight-year age gap, they’d found plenty to occupy them – he loved Cluedo, which she hated and he always won, she preferred backgammon, which she managed to win 99per cent of the time.

They’d played badminton together for a time too – their dad had got them started on that, mostly in the summer on their driveway, taking turns to drag the stepladder from the garage whenever the shuttlecock landed on top of the hedge out of reach.

Christmas had been great with the four of them.

Their dad always made a cooked breakfast on Christmas morning.

The smell of it often woke Jennie from her slumber, having been out the night before.

Donovan had been too young to go out on the town with his mates, but Jennie always used to share her stories with him after breakfast when both of them moved on to the chocolate treats from their stockings.

They’d done the family Christmas walk every year, which Donovan enthused about until he turned fourteen and wanted to be on his PlayStation instead, and on Boxing Day Donovan and Jennie had always been in charge of making lunch while their parents had time to themselves.

Their family had been pretty perfect, once upon a time.

Her phone ringing in her suit trouser pocket grabbed her attention away from the snow and she answered straight away when she saw it was Elliot.

‘I miss you,’ she said before he could get a word in.

‘You do?’

‘Of course I do. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately.’ She really meant it. Him not being here drove home just how much she’d pushed him away.

‘How’s Walter doing? I know it’s the first Christmas without Greta. It’ll be hard.’

He was so kind to ask, always thinking of others – it was part of what she loved about him. ‘He’s doing better than Nick and I thought. I think having Sophie here has really helped.’

A pause. ‘That’s good.’

‘And how’s your Christmas going in Scotland? I can’t believe you’re there.’

‘I’m glad Alasdair talked me into it.’ Alasdair who she’d avoided meeting.

‘I thought it was about time.’ He paused again before adding, ‘You’ve been really distant.

I wasn’t going to bring it up, I didn’t want to be dumped so close to Christmas, but being so far away makes me think of you and I couldn’t not call you and tell you how I feel.

’ It all spilled out in one long sentence and she wondered how long he’d been gearing up to say it, whether he’d practised his speech in his head to get it right.

‘Give me a second, I’m just heading into my office.’ She walked along the corridor. She wouldn’t usually take a lengthy private call when she was at work but this one she needed to have.

‘Elliot, I’m really sorry. You’re right. I have been distant. I?—’

‘You’re breaking up with me.’

‘No! I promise you I’m not.’

‘Did I scare you off when I suggested you move in with me?’

‘A bit, but really it isn’t that. I need to talk about some things with you, that’s all. And I hate to use such a cliché, but it isn’t you, it’s me. It’s only me that’s the problem. And I absolutely do not want to break up.’

‘That’s good to know.’

She wished he were with her right now. ‘Look, I’d rather not talk over the phone about any of it. We’ll talk when you’re back.’ A cacophony in the background made her smile. ‘Is that Remi I can hear?’

Elliot laughed. ‘It is, and she’s being a handful.’

Jennie heard the little girl protest and tell her uncle that she wasn’t a handful, she was a person.

‘You’ll have a proper family Christmas,’ said Jennie, suddenly missing Elliot more than she thought possible.

She’d been holding a part of herself back, trying not to let herself get too close or too dependent, but her feelings had crept up on her and now it meant all the more that she might lose him when the truth came out.

‘You’ll have a good family Christmas too, Jennie.’ The affection in his voice only enhanced her feelings of guilt for having kept her past and her mother a secret. ‘We’ll talk when I’m back but right now I have to go. Remi is nagging me to get ready – we’re going to an afternoon carol concert.’

‘That sounds wonderful.’

But he still hadn’t gone. ‘Jennie, I was wondering… Yes, in a minute, Remi… I know you said no before when I asked you, but would you reconsider coming skiing with me at the end of January?’

He had asked her and she’d immediately dismissed the idea because he was going with a group of friends and – just like with his family – she didn’t feel it fair to nudge her way into the other parts of his life.

And now she didn’t want to say yes until he knew all about her past. ‘You’d have a better time without having to babysit me on the nursery slope,’ she said, going for a jokey tone rather than a serious one.

‘I’ve never skied before, not sure I’d be able to. ’

‘You could try. Just say you’ll think about it, okay?’

When they ended their call it was a knee-jerk reaction to text Sophie, which in itself felt special. She wrote about the phone call, saying she’d explained to Elliot that there were some things to discuss.

She got a thumbs up symbol in reply which was disappointing.

She called Sophie’s number and when she answered, the first thing Jennie asked was whether she was okay.

‘I’m a bit better. The headache has gone, at least.’

Jennie told her all about the legendary Christmas Day breakfast that Walter and Greta had put on every year since she’d known them – bacon, eggs, the works, pancakes to follow.

‘Walter says it sets us up for the day before the winter walk and then the main meal,’ she said as she emerged into the corridor outside her office.

‘I do hope you’ll be well enough to come. ’

‘I’ll be there, I promise,’ said Sophie.

Jennie got back to work with a renewed energy. It was almost Christmas. It was going to be a wonderful day, despite how much they would all miss Greta. It would be a day to appreciate one another, to be a family, and perhaps Sophie was slowly starting to become a part of that framework.

She wondered about her mother – whether she was still here, what she was doing for the day, or whether she would ignore the celebrations completely.

Most years, Sophie thought about her family present and past. But this year she felt the pain so much more because her mother had come and gone without seeing her only daughter.

And maybe that was it, for good this time.