Page 33 of So This is Christmas

SOPHIE

Everything felt different now. Now she knew who Jennie was.

Following the trip to collect Walter’s new glasses from the optician’s yesterday, Walter and Sophie had got to work on the comfort teddies.

As they worked their conversation had turned to the big wheel, and rather than sorting out a flight home Sophie had sympathised with him, tried to ease his guilt that he hadn’t ridden the wheel one last time with Greta.

Before she knew it she’d suggested they do it together.

She’d thought it would be the two of them but Walter had arranged for Jennie and Nick to show up and Sophie hadn’t been able to say why that might not be a good idea.

Seeing Jennie at the night market and getting on the big wheel with her had been a monumental effort, when all Sophie wanted to do was run away from the Wynters.

In some ways, it would’ve been far easier if she’d never come to Vienna in the first place.

She stepped out of her own apartment building.

The outing with Jennie and Nick was over with but today she’d promised to go to Walter’s place to finish the new comfort teddy she’d knitted faster than expected.

They were going take a taxi to the hospital too and drop the teddies off.

Plus she’d made another decision – today she was going to tell him that she knew there was a link between her and Jennie.

Had Bea made the connection somehow after Sophie confided in her that day? Or had Greta put two and two together? There was no way this was a mere coincidence and she wondered why they’d wanted to do this. Why would Bea, Greta and Walter want to punish either of them like that?

She shuddered, thinking back to how Jennie had thrown her arms around her and thanked her for listening to her woes. She’d called her a friend.

Well, she was no friend. She was a fake. And Jennie was going to think so too when she found out the truth.

As she walked through the streets, the festive cheer did little to lift her mood that was as dismal as the weather. The huge grey clouds suspended in the sky didn’t look as though they had any intention of clearing. It was cold, the sort of cold that sent a chill deep down to your bones.

‘Sophie, come on up.’ Walter’s high-spirited greeting over the intercom threatened to undo her. He was so lovely, but he was a part of the deception too. She wondered what had made him think that interfering was the right thing to do.

Her hand caressed the smooth banister as she took each step towards the apartment on the third floor wondering why, if Walter knew her history, he wanted her anywhere near Jennie who was like a daughter to him.

When she reached the top of the stairs she saw Walter’s apartment door wide open. The aroma of something fruity wafted out and along the corridor.

Inside, Sophie hung up her coat and found Walter in the kitchen.

‘What’s cooking?’ She picked up the oven gloves when he opened the oven door. ‘Please, let me. Whatever it is, it smells wonderful.’

‘It’s strudel. Apple and blackberry.’

She felt terrible. He knew, he knew who she was, and still he was one of the kindest people she’d ever met. How could she be angry at him when he kept doing things like this?

She set the piping-hot strudel dish onto the skillet beside the cooker.

‘I thought you would appreciate something to eat while we work on the bears,’ he said.

‘Good idea.’ He’d gone to all this trouble. She couldn’t say what she needed to, not yet.

They left the strudel to cool and went into the little bedroom to get everything they needed for the bears.

They took it all into the living room and with the fire crackling they set to work.

They mainly talked about Bea and Greta. Walter told Sophie stories that Greta must have told him, about the girls’ friendship, about their years growing up here.

‘Of course, my childhood was spent in England,’ he said. ‘I have my own stories which Greta loved to hear too.’

She hadn’t had long enough with Martin to be able to reflect on the decades that had gone before; they’d been too young, too enthused about the future. And then he was gone, just like that.

They worked hard and it took Sophie’s mind away from where it had been on the walk over here, where it had been ever since she’d talked to Jennie.

‘You’re awfully quiet today,’ said Walter, but he didn’t have a chance to grill her further because Jennie’s voice rang out from the hallway.

And Sophie’s mind came right back to Donovan Clarke.

‘In here, Jennie,’ Walter called out, rather than stopping what he was doing to go and meet her. ‘And why aren’t you at work?’

Jennie came in to the lounge room, all smiles. ‘Thought I’d pop in, that’s all. Is that allowed?’

‘I’m always glad to see you,’ he said, his focus shifting for a moment.

Sophie was grateful for the needle and wool as a distraction. It meant she could keep her eyes on the teddy she had stuffed and was in the process of sewing up.

‘I’m only here for an hour or so.’ Jennie knelt next to Sophie and her proximity made Sophie almost unable to concentrate. ‘He’s cute.’

‘Thanks. We thought bright colours for this one.’

‘I wish I’d been able to help more.’

‘You have a busy job,’ Walter told her before putting down his work in progress. ‘Now, strudel for you, Jennie?’

‘You made strudel?’

‘I did. Would you like some?’

‘Not going to say no to that.’ When he left the room, Jennie lowered her voice. ‘You must be special, he hasn’t made that in ages.’

Sophie smiled and kept her focus on her work.

‘I’m avoiding Elliot,’ said Jennie. ‘That’s why I’m here.’

Sophie looked at her. ‘Why are you avoiding him?’

Her chest rose as she took a breath. ‘Because he wanted me to meet his brother Alasdair today and I couldn’t do it.’

‘You don’t want to meet his family?’

‘I do.’ She fiddled with a stray piece of wool on the carpet. ‘But he doesn’t know. About me. About my history.’

Sophie would rather talk about anything else.

‘I never told him because I think he’s too good for me,’ said Jennie.

Sophie put down her teddy and reached for her glass of water. ‘He’s not too good for you. Try talking to him, he might take it better than you think.’

‘Or maybe he’ll change his mind altogether. He won’t want me to meet his family, he won’t want me at all.’

‘I doubt that’ll happen.’

‘Did you change your mind about me when I told you what happened?’ she asked in all innocence.

Sophie felt sick. She couldn’t have this conversation.

But she was saved by Jennie’s phone ringing and by the sounds of it, it was Elliot.

Jennie didn’t look happy, didn’t say much in return to whatever he was saying and she’d hung up the call by the time Walter brought through plates of strudel, one for Jennie, more for each of them.

When Walter went to use the bathroom Sophie had to ask, ‘Are you all right?’ She wished she hadn’t been the girl in the car that day, she wished they could just be friends in the moment.

‘Elliot says he’s going to go back to Scotland for Christmas.’

‘I take it that wasn’t the plan.’

‘He was supposed to come here, to be with me. He said his brother suggested he go last minute to Scotland; he has the time off work. He hasn’t been home since Easter and he just said that he needs to.

’ She pushed her fork into her strudel, eyes filled with tears.

‘It’s all my fault. He knows I’m avoiding him – I could hear his doubt and irritation in his voice. ’

‘So make it right when he comes back. Stop thinking he’s too good for you and talk to him. In my experience, the truth always comes out and it’s better he hears it from you.’

Talking to Jennie in this way felt right, and the advice sounded good to her ears even though she’d never been able to take similar advice herself.

Bea had told her that the accident was not her fault, her mother – who showed very little emotion or affection – had told her it wasn’t her fault, but Sophie had carried the guilt and blame about all of it for years and had never really let it go.

‘Don’t let it get cold,’ Walter urged when he came back into the living room and saw them both sitting there, the portions of strudel still pretty much intact on each of their plates.

As they tucked in Jennie smiled across at Sophie and whispered, ‘Thank you for being someone I can talk to.’

And Sophie’s guilt washed over her like a bucket of freezing-cold water.

* * *

The nurses at the hospital were beyond grateful for the contribution when Sophie and Walter delivered the comfort teddies.

‘I told you they’d appreciate whatever you could give,’ said Sophie as they made their way outside and onto the street.

‘I think they’ll find wonderful homes.’ Walter pulled on his gloves as they waited for their taxi. ‘I’d better start work in the new year, ready for next Christmas.’

The smiling nurses had taken several of the teddies out of the box while they were there and admired their colours, their little faces, and assured Walter they would bring a whole heap of joy to some of their younger visitors.

When the taxi pulled up he was talking about the teddies and wool colours as he climbed into the back of the vehicle.

Sophie hovered on the pavement, one hand on the car door. ‘I think I might have to call it a day, I’m pretty tired.’

Puzzled, he asked, ‘You’re going to let me go in a taxi on my own?’

He had a good sense of humour. ‘You will be fine.’

‘I’m not sure Jennie would approve.’

She was about to close the door when he peered up at her once more. ‘Please come back with me. I really enjoy the company and I want to make the most of it while I can. Unless you have more pressing tourist things to do.’

She wanted to get away, process her emotions before she had to tell him that she knew how she and Jennie were connected.

The strange thing was, she wasn’t angry at any of them.

How could she be? Two of them were dead, and Walter was so lovely she wasn’t sure she could ever be furious. All she wanted to know was why.