Page 13 of So This is Christmas

JENNIE

The morning after she’d received the voicemail from her mother, Jennie woke up at Nick’s apartment.

She’d tossed and turned all night thinking about Gwendoline not only calling her but announcing that she was here in Vienna.

To add to Jennie’s turmoil, Elliot had called her last night right before she climbed into bed to check she was still on for their dinner reservation this evening.

She’d had to muster up all the lightness to her voice and say that of course she was, she couldn’t wait.

And then she’d lain there in Nick’s spare room knowing that her mother was in the vicinity and if she showed up, all of her lies would suddenly be exposed.

How was Elliot going to feel when he knew the truth about her?

Because she was going to have to tell him.

As far as Elliot knew, her mother as well as her father were dead and she had no siblings.

Those lies had stopped any questions coming her way about family, but he was going to be so hurt when he knew she’d covered up so much.

She should’ve told him as soon as she felt them getting more serious but she’d wanted to hold on to the happiness she felt for just a while longer.

And look where that had got her. She’d done right to avoid relationships for years; they brought trouble and people only ended up getting hurt.

Last night, Jennie had been standing outside the Wynters’ apartment trying to decide what to do next given the new knowledge that her mother was in Vienna when Nick emerged.

‘You changed your mind?’ he’d asked closing the main door to the building behind him. He’d already offered her a lift home but she’d wanted to walk, to have time to think, which was always easier when she wasn’t staring at the inside walls of her apartment.

‘Something like that,’ she said. After listening to the voicemail she’d briefly considered going to the hotel instead of her apartment but she’d had no idea whether it would be safe.

Did her mother know where she lived? Was she at the apartment now?

Did she know Jennie worked at the hotel?

Given she had her phone number, anything was possible.

He could read her like a book. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Can I crash at your place tonight?’

‘Jennie…’

‘I don’t want to talk, not yet. I will, I promise, when I’m ready. Would that be okay?’

He clamped his mouth closed and flicked his keys in the direction of his car to disable the alarm.

They’d driven to his place in silence where he made up the spare bed in record time and she fell into it without another word between them.

Now it was morning and time to face Nick and the day ahead.

‘Coffee.’ It wasn’t a question from Nick as she padded from the bedroom into the kitchen.

He’d lent her a T-shirt and a fleece, both big enough that it was like wearing a rather unflattering dress.

But she didn’t care. With woolly socks on her feet and the heating in his apartment she at least felt cosy, safe.

She picked up the mug of coffee he set on one side of the kitchen bench and shuffled her bottom onto a stool. He took the one opposite.

‘I didn’t think I’d see you this early,’ he said. ‘I was going to bring the coffee and leave it by your bed before I left for work.’

Work. She looked at the clock. She wasn’t due in until mid-morning, which was a relief. It would give her time to go back to her place, take off the make-up she’d slept in and make herself presentable.

He didn’t budge from his seat. ‘I’ve got twenty minutes before I have to leave. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but?—’

‘I want to.’

Because he understood. Elliot couldn’t because she’d never told him her history but Nick knew it all, he always had.

When Walter and Greta took her in, Nick had asked so many questions.

He was worried about his parents and didn’t want some stranger taking advantage, so right from the start Jennie had been upfront with him about everything.

He’d taken a while to trust her but over the years they’d become closer and she could talk to him openly and honestly.

She had no need to tell him that she’d been driving in the accident that caused her brother’s death, she didn’t have to repeat what her mother had said to her, or that she’d left home and lived on the streets when things fell apart.

He knew all of it. And he had grown to love her anyway.

Now it meant that she could skip over those details and share how she really felt about her mother showing up, about the fact she’d never told Elliot the whole truth.

She looked up from the depths of her coffee. ‘My mother is in Vienna.’

He set his mug down, a look of shock written across his face. ‘Wow.’

‘Well, that’s one word for it.’ She put her face in her hands. What a mess. She looked across at him again. ‘I still haven’t told Elliot any of it.’

‘I wondered whether you had. You’ve been talking about doing so for a while.’

‘And yet I’m so pathetic I haven’t.’

He stretched his hand across the benchtop to reach hers. ‘It’s not pathetic. It’s not an easy history to recount, especially when you aren’t sure about a person.’

‘That’s the problem, I’m more sure about him than any other man.’

‘Then I can see how hard it must be.’

‘I should’ve done it before. How would you feel if a woman kept something so major from you?’

He took his time to find the right words. ‘Hurt maybe, like she didn’t trust me.’

‘I’m scared he’ll think differently of me. I’ve never felt as if I’m good enough for him.’

‘What? Of course you are.’

‘But I’m not the person he thinks I am.’

‘You are. You just have a bit more of a story behind you, that’s all, and if he’s a good man then he’ll understand. It might take him a while to work through any of his own hurt, but if he’s right for you he’ll get there.’

She smiled. ‘You seem to know how to say the right thing.’

‘Funny, my ex-wife didn’t think so.’

Nick’s ex-wife had criticised him all the time. Nothing was ever right – he worked too much, he was never home. She made those sorts of complaints never thinking that perhaps she could get a job and take some of the weight to give him more time with their son.

‘I know I have to do it. I need to talk to Elliot and tell him everything,’ she said as if saying it out loud would propel her into action. ‘He might walk away from me when I do, though.’

‘Then it’s his loss.’

They finished their coffees and once she was ready, she hitched a lift with Nick back to her apartment.

At least she had one person on her side.

* * *

Jennie sent a message to Elliot before she got to the hotel, letting him know what time she’d be at his apartment. She knew the restaurant he’d booked them into was a nice one so she’d grabbed an outfit from home that would be suitable.

When she stepped into the foyer of the hotel her nerves felt as if they were being ripped to shreds.

She’d felt the same way when Nick had dropped her at her place on his way to work this morning, and she wasn’t sure at what point she’d ever be able to relax again, wondering whether her mother was going to pop up at any moment.

A busy day brought some relief from her personal problems, at least. They were short-staffed with a few workers off due to seasonal bugs doing the rounds, so it was all hands on deck.

Jennie got stuck into the deep clean of their largest suite – she dragged out furniture, cleaned behind it, wiped the insides of the windows, replenished the elaborate mini bar.

Being busy stopped her thinking about the obvious.

What it didn’t do, however, was stop her being cautious whenever she was in the body of the Wynter Hotel.

The rooms and suites and her office were safe spaces but each time she went into the foyer it was done slowly, pausing and taking in the clientele, trying to spot a face that might have aged but one that would be wholly familiar.

When Hans asked her what was going on she realised that if she didn’t pull herself together then other people were going to start noticing, and she wasn’t going to let her job suffer.

She’d worked too hard over the years to fail in that area.

The hour before she was due to leave the hotel dragged. Her paranoia didn’t help. But come end of day, she got changed into her outfit for the restaurant, bundled up in her winter gear, her favourite woolly hat pulled down to stop the wind getting at her ears, and walked to Elliot’s place.

Elliot lived in a two-bedroom top-floor apartment with an abundance of natural light in the day and a smattering of stars at night, and as she walked she imagined what it would be like to tell him everything at last, get it all out in the open.

She’d do it tonight, get it over with, but the thought utterly terrified her.

And when he answered the door while he was still on a phone call, slowly her resolve began to fall away. She was fast losing her nerve.

When he was finally finished on the phone, he wrapped her in a hug and kissed her. ‘I left the office early but the work followed me unfortunately.’

It was so warm inside the apartment she had to undo her coat, and he smiled at her straight away when he saw her wearing her best black velour dress and heeled boots. Elliot always dressed so impeccably, so she followed suit whenever they were going out somewhere special.

‘You look beautiful.’ His smile and his love broke her heart just a little and the impetus to tell him everything was fading so fast.

He picked up his coat. ‘Shall we go? I thought we might walk to the restaurant if you’re happy to do so.’

She looked at her boots. ‘I’ve had practice with these, don’t worry.’