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FORTY-ONE

MADELINE

Hudson is never bossy, and his tone tells me I should listen. My gaze meets his before I glance down, and the tenderness behind his eyes almost takes my breath away.

“Better?” I ask.

“Perfect,” he says, and that makes me giddy. “If I hurt you, I want you to tell me. We’ll stop and readjust so this is good for you. I don’t care if it takes ten minutes or an hour.”

I’ve had sex—I have a kid for god’s sake—but I’ve never experienced intimacy like this.

It’s not just going to be fucking. We’re going to connect on a soul level, and that almost terrifies me to pieces.

“I want it to be good for you, too.”

“Maddie.” Hudson smiles. Brushes his thumbs along my ribs and drums his fingers against my skin. “This right here—being with you? Touching you? Breathing the same air as you?—is good enough for me. Everything else is a bonus.”

Goddamn him for being the most perfect man.

I brace my hand on the wall behind the bed. I sink down, the head of his cock pushing inside me.

I wince at the first feelings of uncomfortableness. I hiss at the sting of pain, and I shift my position so I can bury my face in his neck.

“It’s okay. Don’t rush. If it doesn’t start to feel good, we’ll try something else,” he says softly in my ear before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

Soon, the pain subsides. Pleasure builds at the base of my spine. I adjust to the new stretch, to the new sensation, and I take him another inch deeper.

“ Fuck , Maddie. Does that?—”

“So good.” I sit upright, relaxing when I circle my hips. “Best I’ve ever had.”

He laughs. Reaches up and squeezes my breasts. “I’m not all the way in you yet. Don’t make a snap decision.”

“I don’t care. The award has already been handed out. I present to you the honor of being the best dick of my life.”

Hudson laughs again, and the sound is like coming home. A Sunday morning in bed and warm coffee when it’s cold outside. He drops his head against the pillows, exhaling when I grind against his length. “You’re going to give me a complex, sweetheart. I’m going to walk around like some egotistical bastard.”

“You’d be deserving of it.” I move my hands to his chest, leaning forward to find a new angle. “ God . I’m already so full, Hudson.”

“I don’t know if I want to cover your mouth with my hand because what you’re saying is going to make me come faster than I want”—he plucks my nipple between his fingers and twists—“or if I want you to tell me everything you’re feeling.”

“You can cover my mouth. I’d like to try that.”

“ Christ . Okay. We’ll add that in next time. But tonight, I want to hear you.”

Next time.

I hope there are hundred more times.

His hands drift back to my waist. Carefully, with the most exhaustive restraint I’ve ever seen, he guides me down his length. He helps me take the first half of his cock then three quarters, stopping before he fully buries himself inside me.

“More,” I whine, aching for him. I’m already breathing heavy, already so close, and we’ve barely started.

“Almost there, Mads. Are you doing okay?”

That’s a difficult question to answer.

I’m stuck somewhere between absolute elation and dreading how empty I’m going to feel when we’re finished. Hudson is everywhere : in the scrape of his teeth down my neck and the thumb he presses to my clit. In his other hand on my lower back, holding onto me while I start to ride him.

My breasts bounce. I settle into a rhythm, and the ache between my legs starts to grow. “Can I go a little faster?” I ask. “Can you make it a little rougher?”

“Is that what you like?” Hudson lifts his hips. I gasp when he pulls me off him before slamming back into me. “Hard? Rough?”

“Sometimes. It makes me feel wanted.” I tilt my head back. “Like you’re desperate for me.”

Hudson thrusts into me, and his fingers dig into my skin. A bead of sweat rolls down his cheek, and I lick it away in a lust-filled haze. He groans when I roll my hips, and I mimic the sound when he holds me in place.

“I’m so desperate for you, Madeline.” His voice cracks, and when I look down at him, I find a man on the edge of possessed. “Can we switch positions so I can show you how badly I want you?”

All I can do is nod, because this still doesn’t seem like real life.

Hudson slips out of me, and I miss the connection between us. He guides me onto my back and draws my knees to my chest. I’m exposed in this position. I’m vulnerable and on display, but I’ve never felt so beautiful.

“I can get deeper this way.” He puts a hand on my leg and teases me for a minute. He drags his cock through my entrance then taps it against my clit. I arch my back, asking for more of him. “And I get to watch.”

“Do you like to watch?”

“I fucking love to watch.”

The sting isn’t as noticeable when he pushes back into me, and he was right about the position. The angle is totally different, something new and exquisite that makes my eyes roll to the back of my head. When he bottoms out inside me with his chest against my shins, I realize no one has had me in this particular way—so thoroughly and so deep—and he’s the first to ever reach these parts of me.

I lift my right hand and use it to hold onto the headboard. “I’m not going to break. I can take a little more, Hudson.”

I don’t know if he’ll give me anymore. I’m afraid I’m already pushing him past his limits, but then he squeezes my knee. It’s a warning for what he’s about to do, and the smile he’s wearing is one of absolute assuredness.

“Like this?” He pistons his hips into mine, and my mind goes blank. My limbs get heavy, and I know I’m minutes—maybe seconds—away from another orgasm. “Look how well you take my cock. Look at how well we fit together.”

It’s a perfect match.

Filthy but sweet, and he holds me there while he fucks me to the brink of ecstasy.

“Are you close?” I pant. “Because I am.”

“I’ve been doing math in my head so I don’t finish too early.” He reaches between my legs and touches my clit at the same time he slams into me with his full force. “I’m waiting on you, Mads. You’re always going to be first.”

It’s so disorienting. So is the circle he’s teasing me with and the consideration of an orgasm order. The next time we’re together, I’m going to make sure I get him off first. I don’t have time to daydream about it, though, because he’s rocking his hips. Hitting the perfect spot my fingers and toys can’t reach, and I don’t bother to put up a fight anymore.

I cry out. His name falls from my mouth like a prayer, and when his groans echo in my ears, a sign he’s reached the peak of the mountain too, I touch him everywhere I can reach.

“So good, Hudson,” I whisper as he collapses forward. I keep a hand on the back of his thigh and stroke along the curve of his muscles when his legs lock up. “I’ve got you.”

“ Fuck .” Hudson kisses me through it, and I can feel his release filling the condom. I vaguely wonder what it would be like if we didn’t use any protection, but that’s a far-off thought. “I think you killed me.”

I put my hand on his neck, smiling when I feel his pulse racing. “We’ve got a heartbeat. You’re going to live to see another day, Hayes.”

“I haven’t—that was—” He drops his head back and stares at the ceiling. “You haven’t lost your touch. I’m incapacitated.”

“Neither have you. That was…” Shyness threatens to overtake me. I’ve never done this with someone who isn’t my boyfriend or husband before, and I don’t know what comes next. “Perfect.”

“I can tell the wheels are spinning.” Hudson cracks an eye open and glances down at me. “Do you want to go back to throwing a banana at me?”

“No.” I laugh and stretch my arms above my head. Hudson tracks my movements, and his eyes latch onto my chest. “It really was perfect.”

He pulls out of me, and I squeeze my thighs together. There’s a spot of blood on the condom, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He walks to my bathroom, and when he returns, he’s holding a washcloth.

“Let me clean you up,” he says.

I drop my feet to the sheets, and he climbs back onto the bed. “I’m sorry about the mess.”

“Don’t be.” He drags the rag down the inside of my legs and up my thighs. It’s painstakingly slow, incredibly sweet, and this is a new level of care I’m experiencing. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“I would’ve said something if you did. I like orgasms, but I like my organs to stay in their proper places more.”

“You’re funny.” He sets the clean side of the warm cloth on my stomach, and I sigh. “And beautiful.”

“What do we do now?” I prop up on an elbow, and he lies on his back next to me. “What does Hudson Hayes do after he fucks a woman?”

“I do a lot of things.”

“Oh?” I lift an eyebrow, curious. “I’m new to the dating scene. Fill me in on your moves and what I should look for. I’m a recovering cynic when it comes to relationships and feelings. Teach me how to be a romantic.”

“I’d ask if I could hold you.” Hudson moves up to the pillows and opens up his arms. I smile and curl up next to him with my head on his chest. His heart is still beating fast, and I wonder if it’s because of me. “We’d stay like this for a while, and then I’d let you use the bathroom before we showered. Privacy, you know? Or a chance to escape out the window if you wanted to run.”

“I don’t want to run anywhere.” I lace our fingers together and hold his hand against my breastbone. “Is it hard to be a romantic? To trust people and give over your heart so easily?”

“It’s the worst thing in the world.” Hudson kisses the top of my head. “But it’s worth it when you find someone you enjoy spending time with. Who treats you with respect and loves you like you love them.”

“Have you done that a lot? Loved other people?”

“A few, yeah.”

“Have you ever thought about proposing to anyone you’ve dated?”

“Hm. No. I’ve envisioned a long-term future with some of the women I’ve been with, but something always came up that showed us we weren’t compatible. I hope I will one day, though. A wedding would be nice. What about you?” He tips my chin so I can look at him. He doesn’t seem bothered by my string of post-sex questioning. “Would you ever get married again?”

“No. But that’s not to say I wouldn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with the same person for the rest of my life. Being married doesn’t prevent you from heartbreak. If anything, it makes it so much messier when something goes wrong.”

“That’s fair.” His eyes close, and he’s quiet for a minute. I trace over the lines of his face, and he smiles when I cup his cheek. “And you don’t want any more children, right?”

“Right. And it’s not because Lucy is deaf. It’s because being a parent is so hard. Doing it alone is nearly impossible. I’m happy with my life. I’m fulfilled, and what I have is more than enough. Do you want children?”

“I don’t think I do. I have the dogs. They make me happy. My friends have kids. I’m fine with being an uncle.”

Silence settles between us. I kiss the back of his hand, and nerves settle on my shoulders when I take a deep breath. “Hudson?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on between us isn’t just physical for me. But it’s going take me some time to… to feel safe enough to let my guard down again. I’m not sure I’ll ever let it down after what happened in my past, but I want to try. You believe in soulmates, and soulmates should be sure about each other, right? You should know right away that they’re your other half, and I’m not sure about anything right now. If you don’t want to wait around, I understand.”

“Hey.” He adjusts our positions so our chests touch. “There’s no label here. There’s no need to rush. We like spending time together, so we’ll keep spending time together. We can figure out the rest as we go. And if we don’t, that’s okay, too. We’re friends first and foremost.”

“Okay,” I whisper. “Thank you for understanding. You really are the nicest man I’ve ever met.”

Hudson rolls away from me. He positions himself above me and kisses my cheek, then my throat and my mouth. “And I really am going to have to fuck that word out of you,” he says.

“Well? What are you waiting for?” I challenge, and his smile is the most magnificent thing.

It gives me hope.