Page 93 of Room to Breathe

“Exactly. Try it.”

“Try it?” I asked, turning it over several times in my hands. I was sitting cross-legged, facing him. He was facing the backyard, his legs stretched out in front of him, his hands on the roof behind him, propping himself up.

“Try it,” he said softly.

“Okay.” I closed my eyes, trying to think of what question I wanted to ask. What was most important to me right now?Can everything in my life go back to normal?I said the words in my head and was surprised at the lump that rose in my throat. How important the answer to that question was to me.

I opened my eyes and stared at the paper in my hand for a moment.

He reached over and shook my shoulder. “Do it.”

I gave a breathy laugh, then went through the motions—picking a color out loud, then a number and another one, and finally I flipped open the triangle. Beneath the flap, the wordyeshad been crossed out and the wordsI’m sorrywere written in Beau’s handwriting above it. My eyes darted to his.

“How did you know I was going to pick number three?” I asked.

“The fortune teller knows all.”

I flipped open the flap next to the three—it also saidI’m sorryabove a crossed-outmaybe. I smirked and opened all the numbers. They all saidI’m sorry.

“I am,” he said. “So sorry. I handled everything wrong. Ishouldn’t have turned you in to Mrs. Dulaney. I should’ve been there for you. I want to be here for you.”

I wiped at my cheek with the back of my hand. “You didn’t know.”

“I should’ve known something was wrong. You weren’t acting like yourself. I was too busy getting my feelings hurt to realize what that meant.”

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” I asked. “We can be friends again. Like before?”

“I don’t want to be your friend,” he said.

I blinked. “What?”

“At least not like before.”

“What do you mean?”

He turned to face me completely, crossing his legs. Our knees touched. “I’m in love with you, Indy. And if you don’t love me back, that’s okay, we can just be friends. I’ll try not to make it awkward. But if you felt the same way I did when we kissed in the bathroom, then I hope we can be more than friends.”

I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. Competing emotions battled inside of me. Ihadfelt the same way when we kissed—like my world had burst into vibrant color. Like my body had been launched into the air and I was free-falling back to earth. And I felt that again now at his words, at the fact that he’d just admitted he loved me. I loved him too. But the other emotion that was fighting for its life in my chest was fear. Fear that if we didn’t work out I’d lose my best friend all over again. Fear that if we did this, my other friends would never forgive me. I wasn’t sure if I trusted myself with his heart. I wasn’t my best self right now. I wanted to work on it, but I wasn’t there.

“Tell me how you’re feeling,” he said. “Do I need to take it back?”

“Do Ava and Caroline know?”

“How I feel about you?” he asked.

I nodded into my knees.

“I’m sure they’ve guessed.”

I put my chin on my knees to look at him. He had leaned forward, his elbows on his crossed legs. We were very close. My heart jumped in my chest.

“Do you think they’ll forgive me for how I acted?” I said. “I’ve been trying to think of a way to make it up to them.”

“You just need to talk to them. They miss you.”

I hoped he was right.

“We went out for In Between last month, and it turned into a giant conversation about past years and you.”