Page 80 of Room to Breathe

“You mean yes.”

He didn’t respond, but that said everything.

My eyes were burning now. I was going to cry. I didn’t want to cry in the light of day, when he could see just how hurt I was. But it was going to happen. I had no control over it. I pushed off the wall, then shut and locked myself into the back stall, stifling a sob.

“Indy, I was wrong. That’s my point. I was so wrong.” He’d followed me to the stall door. I could see him pressed up against thecrack, one of his blue eyes framed in the wide gap along with the corner of his mouth. The toes of his striped socks poked beneath the stall.

“Maybe I’m exactly like my dad.”

“I hope you are,” he said. “Your dad is great.”

Big, warm tears rolled down my cheeks.

His fingers appeared at the top of the door, looping over it, hanging on. “Remember that time he took us to that huge bookfair? He must’ve been researching ‘things book lovers would like,’ because it was over two hours away.”

I leaned my head against the stall wall closest to the crack, my bare toes nearly touching his socked ones.

“And what about that time he took us to three different ice cream places because they didn’t have the flavor you wanted.”

“I don’t know why every place doesn’t carry Birthday Cake.”

“Valid,” he said.

How had I not thought of these memories over the past several weeks to include in the letter? I’d been frozen in judgment. I wiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I’m scared,” I admitted. “That he’s going to be charged.”

“I know. I’d be scared too.”

“Remember that time he took all four of us roller-skating and none of us could stay upright and we all kept dragging him down, but he just laughed and kept getting right back up?”

“That was a good day,” Beau said. “He taught me to skate.”

“Me too.” I sniffled and inched my toes forward until they touched his. “Your mom hates me now?”

“You know my mom,” he said. “Must stay away from even the appearance of evil.”

“Iampretty evil now,” I said.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” But it was what his mom meant, and I couldn’t remember a time Beau had stood up to his mom. Didn’t do exactly what she expected of him. Maybe never. Here in this bathroom, it was easy to pretend like the world outside didn’t exist, but I knew how many obstacles were still out there. We may have had a strong enough relationship at one point to face them, but we definitely didn’t now.

“It’s normal to be scared. I would be too,” he said.

“And I’m all alone,” I said.

“I didn’t know.” His voice was quiet.

I wiped at my eyes again. They wouldn’t stop leaking.

“I didn’t know it was only six questions,” he said. “I didn’t know they would make you take all the tests again.”

“I know,” I said, because Ididknow that. I’d seen the surprise on his face that day when I told him.

“And I didn’t tell the principal that was you in the video. He showed it to me, but I told him I didn’t know who it was.”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“Indy, I—” He stopped short and turned. It took me a moment to realize he was reacting to a sound. It took me another moment to realize that sound was the bathroom door handle jiggling. Then there was a loud creak as it opened. He rushed away from the crack.