Page 77 of Room to Breathe

“I can write you a referral for any other job you might be applying for.”

“Thank you, I might take you up on that.”

I have to work today after all, I typed into my phone as I settled at my desk.Can we meet up tomorrow?I pressed send and waited to see if Cody would respond right away. He never did.

It wasn’t until after my first client that my phone buzzed.

Where do you work again?Cody asked.

The tutoring center on Main.

Do all the kids have a crush on you, hot tutor?

I sure hope not, they’re in elementary school.

You can be my hot tutor?

I held in a laugh.No thank you.

See you tomorrow.

I tucked my phone away just as the front door opened and Beau walked in. The way my mood went from happy to immediately angry let me know I’d made the right decision in quitting. Beau’s expression proved he was feeling the same way. Instead of coming to my desk and chatting with me for a few minutes, like he always had in the past, he marched straight to Lana’s office. He pulled the door shut behind him after going inside.

Maybe he’d quit and I wouldn’t have to. But no, that wouldn’t happen. She’d tell him I quit and then he wouldn’t have to give up something he loved. He would, once again, not have to give upanything. All because I was scheduled to work first today.

My next student, Sadie, arrived when he was inside, so I didn’t notice him coming out of the office. That meant I had no idea how long he’d talked to Lana or how he felt when she told him I’d quit. He was probably happy.

I was working with Sadie, who was in the second grade, when I caught Beau’s eye across the room midway through my session. I couldn’t make out his expression. It wasn’t joy, but it wasn’t anger either. Something in the middle. I immediately averted my gaze and pointed to a word on the page,grape. There was a picture of grapes as well. I encouraged Sadie to sound out the word, pointing to each letter.

“Berries,” she said. Kids did that sometimes, looked at the picture instead of the letters. Tried to guess.

“Good try, but what sound does the lettergmake?”

When our hour was through and she got up to leave she said, “Oh! Miss Indy, I made you a picture.” She dug a wrinkled piece of paper out of her backpack. On it were two poorly drawn people holding hands. The sun was shining; there were flowers in the grass almost as tall as the people. “This is you and this is me,” she said, pointing. “Because you’re my best friend.” Then she threw her skinny arms around my neck before she ran for the door.

I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so nobody could see me lose it.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Cody when I stepped outside. I was surprised to see him. We’d just texted that we’d see each other the next day. But here he was outside the tutoring center. “How long have you been here?” I hadn’t told him what time I gotoff. He was holding his skateboard, and his hairline was wet with sweat. He must’ve skated here. It wasn’t that close to his house. At least not his grandma’s house. Maybe he’d been at his dad’s, which was only slightly closer.

“Not too long,” he said. “How was work?”

“It was fine.” I rarely shared anything super-personal with Cody. My time with him was like an escape from everyday life, something different. I wasn’t trying to work through things with him. I wasn’t sure he was the best candidate to help me with that. And besides, I still wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what was going on.

“I’m supposed to meet my parents for dinner,” I said. I was dreading it. Dinner with my parents these days was rare but torturous. Ever since they’d found out about my cheating and after-hours school visit, they treated me like a delinquent. Took every opportunity to give me a lecture or talk about how that wasn’t the person I was. I always pointed out that obviously it was, because I was beginning to feel like if that’s who I became in my desperation—a person who cheated, who climbed through open windows of a locked building, who threw her friends under the bus—then maybe that’s who I’d always been. And maybe that gave me some insight into how my dad could’ve sunk to the point he did as well.

“Can you get out of it and go to the skate park with me? I’ll teach you how to do an ollie.” Cody demonstrated the move, jumping his skateboard a little.

“You think I can do that without cracking my head open?”

“I guess we’ll see,” he said, stepping off his skateboard, marching up to me, and kissing me on the lips in front of the glass door.

I kissed him back, wrapping my arms up around his neck—even though, like I had already observed, he was a little sweaty. After a quick kiss, he stepped back.

“I’ll let you drive today.” He walked to my car without waiting for my answer.

My parents wouldn’t miss me. They were so wrapped up in their own drama lately that they would probably be relieved when I didn’t show up.

Cody had not, in fact, been able to teach me an ollie. But I had fun, and I was still smiling as he walked me up to my front door.